confusion

[BabyGrace]

sympathizing sympathy
so easy to tease into life
yet as I look I know
my eyes are yet clouded
looking for the same answers
you're seeking
my light illuminates me no more
to stumble and to fall
on my knees
where I should be
guilty sick sweet tooth
allow me no pardon spare me no pain
let me go let me go let me go
you can hold me here
erase me in bomb scare
torture me in nightmare
choke me in despair
too tired to apologize anymore
I go falling with the leaves...
never to pick up the peaces

i'm so confused i feel so scared and tired and guilty. how is it that i'm so lucky while kids I know have don't have a mom or a dad anymore
I feel like dying but then i think that and I'm angry, so horrible disgustingly angry that I'd do anything to fight the people who did this. and to pick up the pieces. God, look at my typo in the last line. it wasn't even deliberate
and I can't handle people telling me that the US is wrong to want to fight back, not against the innocent people in Middle Eastern countries but against the terrorists who did this. because "an eye for an eye" is wrong. I hate war, it's just more death. I hate revenge. but if we were going after them in that fashion, wouldn't we just eliminate their countries, their innocent people instead of singling out the monsters who conceived this? as far as I know, we're not planning on doing that. am I taking liberties with the Bible? am I wrong? am I supposed to "turn the other cheek" and let them walk over us? am I just spoiled rotten because I live in a generation in a country that hasn't known war?

also, I'd just like to say as a positive note, I don't think I've ever seen anything as beautiful as the way fellow Americans and people from other countries alike have united in this tragedy. if any of you read this, my sincere thank you.

maybe it's just this board that's getting to me. thanks to you all for letting me talk.

God bless

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but for the grace of love I'd will the meaning of heaven from above...

[This message has been edited by BabyGrace (edited 09-15-2001).]

 

[zooropamanda]

Nikki darlin, I told this to a very dear friend of mine, there is a time for sadness and a time for remorse, but the weight of this should not be born on your shoulders.

Feelings of guilt are normal, and I would say that many Americans and visiting people from other countries would be feeling that exact same guilt that you now feel.
Just don't let it eat you up inside, this was not some act deciphering one person is better than the other, this was not dealt from the hands of God, this was pure evil.

You have every right to be angry. You have every right to want the non human scum that did this to pay for their actions.
You have every right to see justice done for your home and countrymen.

You hit the nail on the head.
We are the generation that has never known war.
For this is the most frightening and terrible thing that has happened to the free world in our lifetime and America needs to fight to keep themselves the free country that they are.
I think people who say the US should not fight back are being totally naive. This isn't just some random act of terrorism that some idiots tried to do one day. It had been planned for years, and they obviously are planning on more attacks.I watched 60 minutes tonight as Bin Laden's right hand man told American reporters how easy it would be to attack the White House, only a few months ago.

America does need to fight, for this is what our world is, like it or not. Not some peaceful place where talk and reason will stop the fighting. Those tactics will not work with terrorists.These people are angry and have been angry probably since the Gulf War.
This is why countries like Russia are supporting America in this.This is why Pakistan's leader is supporting America, even though their country recognises the Taliban and is so close to Afghanistan. Pakistani people must be terrified right now.

I don't have the answers.
I do not want war.
I do however think that America needs to take back their freedom.
And Americans themselves should not feel guilty for wanting their freedom kept.

Be kind to yourself, dear Nikki.
Try not to take this on your shoulders, and remember to have faith and hope in your home.
You come from a wonderful place and it shall stay that way.

I would give you a hug if I could.
Australia thinks of you today as it was a National Day of mourning.

Love and hugs,
Amanda

p.s. Sorry about the rant in your thread

 

[BabyGrace]

No need to apologize, Amanda. Your words made a lot of sense to me and it's good to hear from someone who understands and doesn't criticize. There's so many people who condemn us for needing to fight back, saying we should attempt to keep peace at all costs (while I feel the need to say that at the same time, a great deal of the world is uniting over this). I suppose those critics don't realize that these monsters don't think that way, "peace" means nothing to them, and it is a highly held religious goal to kill Americans, no matter who they are.

I know reasoning won't work, and I guess because I wish so badly that it would, it's easy to let people's words make you think you're as uncaring and evil as the people who did this to want to fight back.

and just to point out, while these are my feelings I'm speaking of, I also realize that these are the feelings of millions right now. It's very difficult to want to be a forgiving people and stand up for yourself at the same time.

anyway, I value your opinion highly, a lot more so than some people I've been listening to lately, so thank you very much. and thank you to Australia and the rest of the World. this is not just about America grieving, it's about humanity mourning an unimaginable loss, and perhaps a bit of a loss of innocence in a way.

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone, and in the end, I still believe love will win. God bless and be with you
Nikki


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but for the grace of love I'd will the meaning of heaven from above...

 

[The Wanderer]

i wish i could write what I'm feeling as well as you have with this poem Nikki; it's a tormenting thing -- this death and fear... and regardless of what was done 5 or 10 or 3,000 years ago, this is the reality of today, people want to kill Americans, and if we fight back or do nothing, they still want to kill Americans

it's coming from the same people who terrorize their own if they don't support them; and force their women to live under extreme repression

these people are not after some sort of justice, they only wish to glorify their perverse interpretaion of the Koran and Islam, they are not filled with love, only hate and self-glorification; the Koran teaches love and peace and that human life is a precious gift -- that's one thing we can't make the mistake of forgettting, true Muslims are just as horrified by what has happened as we are, we can't blame all Muslims or Arabs -- here or abroad

I don't want to see innocent people in the Middle East die, but I don't want to see innocent people in my own country die either... and these attacks against Americans aren't going to stop if we remain diplomatic and peaceful; certainly the US Government shouldn't do anything irrational, but last time I checked, it hasn't. The Government is carefully plotting a response (whatever that maybe be) to best cope with the situation at hand. And I fully support the United States Government, which has a difficult task in choosing which path is the correct one to take in preserving this great land I live in.

And I would also like to add that I am so very blessed and grateful to be given this gift of a life in the United States of America. And I am not and will not be ashamed of wanting to preserve that way of life for myself and those of future generations.

take care Nikki,
God Bless

peace/love/freedom
-craig


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For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart---
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

-Sylvia Plath

I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

-T.S. Eliot, "The Waste Land"

[This message has been edited by The Wanderer (edited 09-16-2001).]

 

[jewelofharlem]

Those people down at the WTC sites were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. I saw a picture of someone I used to work with, and couldn't believe that he's among the missing. My sister narrowly escaped death. She saw the planes fly past her office windows.

There is much debate aboutU2 returning. We mourn the orphans, widows and widowers in Washington, DC and NY. However, we must not let terrorism keep us inside. Ironically, this might be one of the safest times to travel - only due to tight security.

 

[BabyGrace]

Craig, I fully agree, if there's one thing nobody needs now, it's unfair racial or religious prejudice. What really gets me is that those people who flew those planes honestly believed, brainwashed as they were by a cowardly, word-twisting mastermind, that they were doing something holy and would be rewarded. it's too difficult for me to really think about as angry as I am right now.
I trust in this government too and it infuriates me when people, within this country too, try to say they're being unfair and cold-hearted. I'd hate to be making decisions right now and I just hope these people realize that peace will not work with someone so evil.
Evil has no name. It is cowardly and it hides behind anything, in this case a religion but what people need to understand is that the US is not out to attack innocent people, but to defend the free world, a world where that religion and pretty much all other freedoms are welcomed.
In fact, I heard that (and I take the media with a grain of salt right now) that some people in Afghanistan voiced the opinion that they would rather die by US bombs than live in fear of their own terrorists any longer.
I don't think this thing is fully understood by anyone right now, it's too grey, there is no black and white. But whatever it is, we can help if only by spreading love because there's so many people that need it right now.
jewel, I'm praying for your coworker and I'm thankful about your sister. small miracles did happen, thank God.
take care everyone, and love to you all,
Nikki

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but for the grace of love I'd will the meaning of heaven from above...

 

[scatteroflight]

Nikki, I just wanted to say this, please try not to feel despairing. I know all too well that it's easy for me to say this, I live far away from where it happened (though on the same continent--feels close enough right now). I am so sorry that people you know lost loved ones. It's beyond awful. But in something like this everyone affected directly or indirectly by the attack is a victim in a way and no one should be feeling guilty that someone died or didn't die or that you lost someone or didn't lose someone. I also know that as Amanda said such feelings are normal, but so hard to deal with. But I guess if you can push back those feelings of despair as much as possible then the evil behind such actions doesn't win, in a way. Take care.

I may be saying more on my feelings about this whole thing elsewhere, but if I do it's going to be long, so not right now.

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Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned


-W.B. Yeats

[This message has been edited by scatteroflight (edited 09-18-2001).]

 

[frogbat]

Verbalising such strong feelings is (needless to say) very hard .Thank you wanderer for the redcross threads, thank you babs for this. Be strong.