brutal honesty please...

[McPhisto's Advocate]

(I've had this for so long I've lost all objectivity... I think it's trite cliche'd crap, but what do I know?)

An Infinite Moment

Somewhere, a bird sings
heralding the dawn
Someone watches the sunrise.

Elsewhere, colour fades from the sky
and night creatures stir
Someone looks away from the sunset.

Somewhere, now, it is noon
the same sun beats down
Upon people working barren fields.

Elsewhere, the black sky is spangled with stars
and midnight looks over the land
A couple sigh and embrace in their sheets.

Somewhere, a shot rings out
echoing over suburban rubble
A sniper smiles.

Somewhere, a man preaches
the word of God on his tongue,
Black hipocrisy in his soul.

Somewhere, a man hits his wife
she hits their children
They learn to hate.

Somewhere, a child cries
but has forgotten why
A family starves
A lion springs
An albatross floats on the air
A dolphin plays
The tide turns

Somewhere, now...
A loved one dies
A family mourns
Someone is hurt
Someone forgives
Someone kills
Someone falls in love
Someone is betrayed
Somewhere, now...
A blossom blooms, a flower fades
Someone hopes, someone despairs
Someone looks in a mirror and sees nothing
Right now...
Somewhere, the earth shakes
A storm rages, a tree falls
A mountain bleeds, ocean boils
Someone learns something they never knew
Someone has an idea
Gabriel may be taking a breath...
Right now, somewhere
a child is born
(Elsewhere, a dozen die)
A million miracles occur
in the cells of every living thing
Music is forming in someone's head
Someone is dreaming, right now.



------------------
I feel Numb...

 

[bonovista]

Beautiful...That's pretty much the best word to describe it.

 

[tchlowlife]

honestly it begins rather cliched like, but before you know it while reading it, I got into the groove of it(I was also listening to Massive Attack while reading it)and once it began to flow it couldnt stop, it is cliched, it is just realistic and simple, becaues it is about the things in are life that are common very good overall..
darker, deeper, darker than deeper, your poem goes very very thick into darkness then there is that crack of light at the very end, maybe it is the making of U2's next album./?

 

[foray]

Gabriel may be taking a breath...

That, to me, is the best line.
I agree with tchlowlife that it starts off cliched, but after a while, one realises it's all about the rhythm. All that happens in one moment, it looks like you're trying to capture a moment, taking a snapshot of the world at a glance. It's not easy, but you succeeded.

foray

 

[BabyGrace]

the brutal truth is that I loved it

I love how it encompasses everything so different, yet so alike and so eternal

A blossom blooms, a flower fades
Someone hopes, someone despairs
Someone looks in a mirror and says nothing
Right now...

------------------
Win together today and we walk together forever.
-Fred Shero

 

[Alisaura]

*has just discovered she can't delete her own replies*
Didn't actually mean to post here, but I agree with everyone!

[This message has been edited by Alisaura (edited 04-22-2001).]

 

[McPhisto's Advocate]

Thank you, everyone...

foray has pretty much pegged my intentions exactly.
and I think U2 already made that album, tchlowlife...

I guess maybe it's a bit like U2 wanting to get past the crappy reputation of pop music... are cliche's neccessarily bad, if they get the point across? I guess it's a 'lack-of-imagination' thing.


------------------
I feel Numb...

 

[travu2]

I think it's a great poem. It seems like people often dismiss that repetitive kind of style, but when it's done well, like in your poem, it can create a beautiful flow of images and ideas.

 

[Bacchus]

Sha la la...sha la la la
Sha la la la...ha la la...
Sha la la la...sha la la la
Sha la la la...sha la la
Sha la la la...sha la la la
Sha la la...

 

[travu2]

I am crying as I read your "sha la la" poem Bacchus..

How could 2 simple words touch so deeply?

----------------
"bleh bleh blah blah.." Radiohead

 

[Bacchus]

except all the radios agree with all the tvs
and all the magazines agree with all the radios
and i keep hearing that same damn song everywhere i go
maybe i should put a bucket over my head
and a marshmallow in each ear
and stumble around for
another dumb- dumb waiting for another hit song to appear