am i still what i was

[popkidu2]

no poem here tonight folks...but i was thinking about some things that happened to me about 10 years ago and realized i've never written about it...

dorky glasses
bad acne
lame clothes
awkward speak
i am just a loser to you
i walk in the shadows
try and fit it
and fail miserably
some accept me
some like me
but i am not cool
i am not like you

you hit me
beat me
break my stuff
piss on my bed
shove shit in my closet
taunt me
fill me with fear
you held a knife to my throat
told me you'd kill me
if i ever told

i walked in the shadows
cried myself to sleep
stayed away
and took my anger out on others

my parents saw the bruises
i told them it was from the hockey game
i slept on the floor
no blanket, one pillow
just to stay away for one night

finally i left
i wouldn't say why
you taunted me as i drove away
but i still wouldn't talk

now i'm 24
i've got friends
i've been successful
my fraternity brothers stand by me
people accept me
i make a difference in peoples lives
i am cool

it seems so long ago
i don't think i'd change what happened
but i watch the news
and i see myself
young, scared, angry, striking out
if i was 14 now
would i pick up a gun?
would i kill because of what you did?
i hope i wouldn't
but now is not 1991
things have changed since then
but i'd like to think i'd still be strong
and not stoop to your level

some days i want to see you again
make you see what i have become
you wouldn't recognize me now
but i would recognize you
because people like you don't change
i am not the loser
you are
and you will always be a loser
for everything you did to me
and for what you probably did
to others after me

It doesn't just happen in public schools folks....prep school can be just as harsh, if not harsher.....

[This message has been edited by popkidu2 (edited 04-25-2001).]

 

[The Wanderer]

wow, thanks for writing that, I think we can all see a part of ourselves in that poem

i must say, it took me a long time to be happy with who I am, and what I have inside

maybe some will never see or feel those things that lurk inside me, but somehow it doesn't matter anymore

~I may not have found what I'm looking for, but I have found peace within myself, and I think you have too

 

[Angela Harlem]

Wow popkid, you have the admiration of many people who are virtually strangers to you.

Your writing made me think of the Power of One. Peekay in particular. I know that is just fiction, but you need no Judge in your life now. You are a grown person with everything all your own, memories are unfortunately what we compare our lifes sucesses on. And yours don't sound joyous. They say what goes around comes around, that may be true but like you said, people like that dont change. Imagine a life where you dont learn a thing? Living thinking your warped reality is the only reality?

Good on you Popkid, that was great.

[This message has been edited by Angela Harlem (edited 04-25-2001).]

 

[foray]

Originally posted by Angela Harlem:

Good on you Popkid, that was great.

*You* are great, popkidu2.

foray

 

[travu2]

That was very brave of you to post this. It's good to hear that you were able to overcome that trauma in your past. And you have obviously come out of it as an intelligent and compassionate human being.

 

[BabyGrace]

sometimes I hate human nature, and sometimes I'm scared when I see it in me

a song that reminds me of this: Simon by LifeHouse...
not really a very good CD, although it's alright, but I think this song is very powerful lyrically..

thanks, popkid

 

[zooropamanda]

Matey...

An honest piece of writing is always the most compelling. That was brilliant and brave.

*Manda claps*