3 sides

[The Wanderer]

the ransom
in his sneer, says
for everything priceless
there is a price
to be paid

and sometimes
I awaken
to kiss her,
still asleep,
in those timeless treasures

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Sounds something Bono would like. Seems to be a struggle between homelife and something else.

I like it.

 

[ghetofabu]

I like this. It makes me hungry to know more. Like I want you to keep going. You made me hungry.

 

[Blue_Angel]

this one's really got me thinking, it's giving me trouble and I like that. your title (that is meant to be the title, right?) is confusing me. and I cannot figure out who the 'he' is in the poem, I am not sure if it matters or not...

there is something so human and beautiful about this though. i actually thought it seemed very complete, and the two parts tie together beautifully. anyway, I'll keep thinking about it..

 

[ACROB@T]

~

and sometimes
I awaken
to kiss her,
still asleep,
in those timeless treasures

 

[The Wanderer]

thanks, it's not exactly one of my personal favorites, I read it back now and it feels like it is missing something, maybe it's just the use of the cliche "timeless treasures" that makes me a bit uneasy with how it ends, it seems almost like a dull thud at the end of the poem, which I otherwise like but can't stop fixating on that one line now that I re-read it, oh well

 

[ghetofabu]

thanks, it's not exactly one of my personal favorites, I read it back now and it feels like it is missing something, maybe it's just the use of the cliche "timeless treasures" that makes me a bit uneasy with how it ends, it seems almost like a dull thud at the end of the poem, which I otherwise like but can't stop fixating on that one line now that I re-read it, oh well

Originally posted by ghetofabu
Like I want you to keep going

that was kinda what I was trying to convey( was just doing it in a crack head way ). Like it was not finishind and you just stopped at an odd point. I think you are right with the "timeless treasures" ending. I went back and read it over a couple times and agreed with you. I still think it it good though.