21 words to throw away

[The Wanderer]

"Angels"

Pretty flowers,
love to cut
Hollywood stars,
to wish upon
Ugly scenes,
burn my eyes
Melting karma,
glue their wings

 

[Salome]

I've always favoured short poems and I really like this one
it's not that often that a point is being made in 21 words

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Salome
Shake it, shake it, shake it

 

[Bacchus]

you read my mind, or maybe i read yours...

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The heart that is soonest awake to the flowers is always the first to be touched by the thorns.
Thomas Moore, 1779?1852

 

[foray]

Hi Wanderer <grin>
I'm very impressed by this piece. It's experimental and fun. Even the form of your poem is almost triangular in shape, resembling an angel (albeit the cartoony icon of an angel). I also like how you stacked the words into twos and threes alternately; it's not so noticeable at first. So, the single word "Angel" at the very top maybe implies there is a hierarchy in Hollywood.

And how fluid your words are, even if they're restricted to 21. "cut" brings to mind the "cut" in film language---> "Hollywood stars" leads to---> the stars we wish upon which are---> gases that "burn"---> "melting" karma---> "glue their wings", a reference to Icarus.

I especially like "glue their wings"; turns it all into a ridiculous or embarrassing affair.

I probably read too much into it.

foray

 

[The Wanderer]

thanks everyone!

hi foray <modest blush>
I'm sorry to say there was no intention on my part to form the words into an angel icon although the "stacking" was deliberate, but for the purpose of structure and flow... but alas, the triangular shape aspect never occured to me until you pointed it out *sigh*

and remember, just because they may be "stars," doesn't mean they aren't capable of "Ugly scenes," it's actually something Hollywood actor/actress types are quite good at acheiving on a number of different levels...

and I wanted to throw a little of the stalker/ idolatry aspect into it, which I think is there too, but maybe I'm trying to jam too much into 21 words?

 

[travu2]

I love this poem. Very dense but also very delicate at the same time. You never cease to amaze me.

 

[BabyGrace]

even with 21 words you write something gorgeous and meaningful