ZOOTV Confessionals (Random Facts... thread)

[Pearl]

Thanks!

 

[flybabe]

Random (useless) fact(s): I've been listening to the band that this forum is centered around for 8, going on 9 years. (Not that long, but it seems like a long time). I suck at psychology (a younger me wanted to be a psychologist, and studying it only proved to kick my ass).

 

[MsPurrl]

I have good news to report: I am officially no longer under my parents' roof and now living in Brooklyn.

I used to be my parents' tenant. They had a two family house and I had the apartment. But since I'm 30, and there was a lot of tension between my dad and I, I moved out. I found a good roommate arrangement, good rent, nice area, amazing transportation. Plus, I'm closer to some of my Brooklyn friends and this borough is more my place than Staten Island was.

Anyway, yay me!

Good for you, Pearl!

 

[jeevey]

Being in your thirties is not bad. The thirties are super. It took me a couple of years to realize that there's a difference but there is, and it's better.

 

[FitzChivalry]

First -- Congrats, Pearl. That is awesome. There's nothing like having freedom from our parents, but also the freedom to visit as often and we like.

Second -- So, I have two dear, close friends (who live far away) that are separating after 10 or 11 years. It's very sad and I'm very upset about their split. But I'm also a bit confused as to how my new role should go -- because I met them as a couple, I made friends with them both as a couple, and I love them both equally. And there's no right or wrong here; it's not like one cheated on the other or did something egregious. I just think that one has grown and is changing, and so the marriage parameters, or rules/roles, no longer work for him.

So I'm trying to be supportive and caring to each of them, but I'm also trying really hard no to get in the middle or part of any indirect, third-party communication.

Does anyone else here have any experience with this kind of situation? Any advice?

I just have this awful feeling that sooner or later I'm going to be forced to choose one or the other, and then loose the one I don't choose. And I really don't want that to happen.

Ugh. I kind of feel like the child of divorced parents, and I've never had to deal with this situation before in my life.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!


--FitzChivalry

 

[BluRmGrl]

Fitz If your experience is anything like mine, one of your friends will slowly, eventually drift out of your life as theirs takes them down a new path. It sucks, but I've seen it happen a lot. Even with with Twitter & FB, etc., etc., it's tough keeping up with folks sometimes. Mr. Blu & I have friends who are still dear to us, but due to the physical distances between us, we only talk to them once/twice a year. Hopefully, you'll be lucky enough to keep in touch with both of your friends as they go their separate ways.

And for my confession: I'm working very hard to convince Mr. Blu it's time to sell our house & find a condo/townhome that's more manageable for us. We're both working two jobs (and have been for about three years now) to be able to afford the house & have funds to do anything else. I'm just tired of working two jobs to pay for a house that we can't really enjoy because we're working two jobs to pay for it. We're never going to have children, so what do we need with 1450sf of house? I always looked at having our own house as the ultimate level of achievement in our adult lives. Truth is, I'd be happy in a yurt, so long as I had Mr. Blu & our puppies. There's just so much I'd like to do (travel, entertainment, reduce debt) that is nearly impossible to achieve with our current mortgage & obligations. And some of that is through my own fault - Mr. Blu has caved many times & made purchases that he didn't think were smart moves for us, because he was trying to give me things I wanted. There are many times I should have been a more responsible adult and put the brakes on. Other debt we carry is through no fault of ours - I'll just say: Medical Bills. Anyway, I just now seriously question the feasibility of us owning a 'family home'. I'm terrified of actually taking the steps needed to sell our place & move on to somewhere else, though. I'm not so much concerned with how other people would see our decision ('They couldn't afford their house', 'They bought too much house', etc., etc.), I just question if selling the house isn't the answer. I'm sure there will always be bills & financial headaches in my life, but I think they'd be a less stifling if our mortage/tax bill/insurance payment/utility costs were significantly reduced.

Also, is this what every important decision in my life (and some not-so-important ones!) has be be like? Driving myself insane, trying to conceive & consider every possible move & its consequence, until they've multiplied to infinite possibilities? Is that over-analyzing or making smart choices? Or is it procrastinating because you're afraid to make a decision?

Sorry for the rambling. It feels good to put it all out there in the ether, though.

 

[FitzChivalry]

And for my confession: I'm working very hard to convince Mr. Blu it's time to sell our house & find a condo/townhome that's more manageable for us. We're both working two jobs (and have been for about three years now) to be able to afford the house & have funds to do anything else. I'm just tired of working two jobs to pay for a house that we can't really enjoy because we're working two jobs to pay for it. We're never going to have children, so what do we need with 1450sf of house? I always looked at having our own house as the ultimate level of achievement in our adult lives. Truth is, I'd be happy in a yurt, so long as I had Mr. Blu & our puppies. There's just so much I'd like to do (travel, entertainment, reduce debt) that is nearly impossible to achieve with our current mortgage & obligations. And some of that is through my own fault - Mr. Blu has caved many times & made purchases that he didn't think were smart moves for us, because he was trying to give me things I wanted. There are many times I should have been a more responsible adult and put the brakes on. Other debt we carry is through no fault of ours - I'll just say: Medical Bills. Anyway, I just now seriously question the feasibility of us owning a 'family home'. I'm terrified of actually taking the steps needed to sell our place & move on to somewhere else, though. I'm not so much concerned with how other people would see our decision ('They couldn't afford their house', 'They bought too much house', etc., etc.), I just question if selling the house isn't the answer. I'm sure there will always be bills & financial headaches in my life, but I think they'd be a less stifling if our mortage/tax bill/insurance payment/utility costs were significantly reduced.

Also, is this what every important decision in my life (and some not-so-important ones!) has be be like? Driving myself insane, trying to conceive & consider every possible move & its consequence, until they've multiplied to infinite possibilities? Is that over-analyzing or make smart choices? Or is it procrastinating because you're afraid to make a decision?

Sorry for the rambling. It feels good to put it all out there in the ether, though.

Maybe, as a starting point, you should just let him read this post. It's beautifully said, heartfelt and honest.

 

[BluRmGrl]

Maybe, as a starting point, you should just let him read this post. It's beautifully said, heartfelt and honest.

Thank you, Fitz.

I've been kicking all this around my brain for probably a year now & I did finally bring up the subject with Mr. about a month ago. We've talked about it several times since then, but it's hard because we both agree: we love our house. We don't really want to sell it & move.

I think what's at the root of all this for me is that - while I'm no where near retirement, it's coming... eventually. Just like my 'golden years'. I don't want to keep looking back & saying 'I wish we'd done this', 'I wish we'd tried that', 'Why didn't we see ____ wasn't more important than travelling?', etc., etc. etc.


So, um, yeah.... I guess this is what my mid-life crisis looks like??

Spoiler

And "Fitz" - I haven't called you that in so long, it just plain feels weird now.

 

[Pearl]

Being in your thirties is not bad. The thirties are super. It took me a couple of years to realize that there's a difference but there is, and it's better.

I hope so. But I actually meant that because I'm 30, it doesn't make sense for me to be my parents' tenant if I can afford to get my own place, albeit with a roommate.

First -- Congrats, Pearl. That is awesome. There's nothing like having freedom from our parents, but also the freedom to visit as often and we like.

Thanks so much, Fitz! I've been feeling different and actually happier this past week.

 

[jeevey]

I hope so. But I actually meant that because I'm 30, it doesn't make sense for me to be my parents' tenant if I can afford to get my own place, albeit with a roommate.



Thanks so much, Fitz! I've been feeling different and actually happier this past week.

I actually forgot that you had referenced being 30. That was my own private confessional!

 

[Pearl]

I actually forgot that you had referenced being 30. That was my own private confessional!

Oops! Well, they were close together and seemed related.

My bad!

 

[jeevey]

Seriously though, have fun with it. I was walking down the street in the sunshine the other day and just found myself thinking, "Damn I'm glad I'm not in my twenties anymore. This is just fine, thank you."

 

[Rachel D.]

I feel like my life is in limbo and have so many mixed feelings about what I should/want to do with my life. I'm 25, I live with my parents, and I work part time at a tiny restaurant. I'm starting to go through another phase where I feel like everything sucks.

 

[anitram]

Seriously though, have fun with it. I was walking down the street in the sunshine the other day and just found myself thinking, "Damn I'm glad I'm not in my twenties anymore. This is just fine, thank you."

I'm 33 (will be 34 in October) and my 30s have been the best years of my life. I was never one of those people who thought that 30 was something horrific and I'm glad to report that it's a pretty fine decade at least this far.

 

[Pearl]

I weighed myself yesterday, and I am down to 177.

While that's fantastic, my waist still measures at 36 inches. Strange that I lost weight, but my middle remains static. Anyone have any idea why?

 

[Galeongirl]

More testing of my patience happening all around, still waiting to catch that break. It's pretty interesting how Zen I'm starting to become. I know it'll be worth it in the end, so I'll be patient, but it truly is hard sometimes.

 

[Pearl]

I weighed myself yesterday, and I am down to 177.

While that's fantastic, my waist still measures at 36 inches. Strange that I lost weight, but my middle remains static. Anyone have any idea why?

Whoa, did I seriously post in the wrong thread? No wonder I wasn't getting any answers.

 

[jeevey]

Whoa, did I seriously post in the wrong thread? No wonder I wasn't getting any answers.

I thought about answering just to say, I don't know, but I thought that wouldn't be helpful at all. Hope you find what you need!

 

[MsPurrl]

Whoa, did I seriously post in the wrong thread? No wonder I wasn't getting any answers.

Pearl, I haven't been here for a while; but I just want to say that is great! I find that belly fat is the most difficult to get rid of. Some people here probably can't relate to 177, but I sure can. I've been walking almost every day, but I'm not losing any weight. If my butt gets any bigger, when someone tells me to haul ass, I'll have to make two trips!

 

[bonocomet]

Just wanted to say: Hi to the guy rocking out and singing Lady With the Spinning Head in his car next to mine the other day. Cool.

 

[flybabe]

^That is pretty rare. When I'm blasting some underdog U2 songs on my car stereo I'm always hoping that someone knows what it is.

 

[bonocomet]

^That is pretty rare. When I'm blasting some underdog U2 songs on my car stereo I'm always hoping that someone knows what it is.

I know! I had my windows up and didn't notice him at first, then my daughter said, look at that guy! He's playing U2 loud and singing along and super into it. So we rolled down our windows and joined him until the light turned green. It was a super U2-geek-out moment.

 

[BlueSilkenSky]

That's so awesome, Comet! What an unusual song choice, too...


My school's prom was last night and I stayed up until 4. I found out that the guy friend I went with was right when he said he didn't like me... he loves me. While I still think of him as a friend. He told me I was "amazing" and I should be "worshipped in Heaven" and that everyone should be like me. He's completely obsessed, and I feel so stupid for not noticing before, or rather pretending not to notice the obvious hints, because I couldn't and can't deal with that.

 

[Galeongirl]

I know! I had my windows up and didn't notice him at first, then my daughter said, look at that guy! He's playing U2 loud and singing along and super into it. So we rolled down our windows and joined him until the light turned green. It was a super U2-geek-out moment.

That's awesome!

 

[The Sad Punk]

I have a problem that I'm just gonna throw out here for you guys - I really suck at talking to boys with the intention of hoping to marry them some day. I just can't. There's this guy who I think is just absolutely wonderful and he's just insanely gorgeous and also insanely single but whenever we talk I always splutter and get embarrassed and trip over a coffee table or say something dumb, and yeah, I know this ain't exactly a unique trait but I really feel straight up high-school here so I just wanna say a thing.

 

[jeevey]

Maybe try thinking about it in terms less high stakes than hoping to marry them. It sounds like that must make you even more nervous than usual. Set a goal like, this is a guy I'd really like to successfully say hello to. And then maybe set a goal of having a short conversation, and finding out something about him and telling him about yourself. (He likes zombie movies too? Neato.)

Just the way you might feel objectified if a man looked at you solely as a potential sex partner and was only worrying about how to get you in the sack whenever you talked to him, a man might feel offended if you view him solely as a potential husband. It's hard when they're so cute, but try to enjoy him just as a person, not a load of possible future.

And don't forget to notice if he is in fact a good person while you're at it. It won't matter how gorgeous and single he is if he's not a kind human being.

 

[Galeongirl]

Yeah, don't focus on anything that could come out of it, the expectations is what usually makes you nervous. Just try not to think too much, just see it as you're having a good time, hanging out, maybe just friendzoning in your head(don't friendzone for real, lol). Until you get more comfortable around him.

 

[Pearl]

I always get nervous around guys I'm interested in. I always think they're going to see something they won't like and brush me off as something pathetic or whatever. Yeah, sounds like I'm committing a self fulfilling prophecy, but I always think a guy would never like me. There, I said it. My biggest confession ever here.

 

[Pearl]

I feel like my life is in limbo and have so many mixed feelings about what I should/want to do with my life. I'm 25, I live with my parents, and I work part time at a tiny restaurant. I'm starting to go through another phase where I feel like everything sucks.

Do you have office skills? Maybe working at a law firm or somewhere would make you feel better. It may not be what you want to do, but it pays better and if your salary is good, you may be to get your own place.

 

[cobl04]

Having freaked myself out with anxiety in recent weeks, I can say I will never, ever again underestimate mental illness. The mind is a truly powerful thing. I've experienced physical pain (not 15/10 stuff, but pretty painful) many times but I've gotta say it's not much compared to getting stuck in a negative cycle of thoughts. This feeling of entrapment is horrible.