Would you consider me a freak if i told you...(real confessions)

[U2girl]

...that i:

- Don't drink/smoke/do drugs

- Don't go out often (because of the loudness of the music/i don't like techno - i prefer going to the movies, or having a drink with my friends)

- Have yet to find someone special, and i'm 23 *sigh* and i have no idea how i'd deal with it if someone special was to come around?

- First flunked 1st year in high school, than transferred to another high school and was doing great&finished high school, yet flunked 1st year college so i'm now looking for a job?
And that i'm nervous about messing up and getting fired - i mean, if i can't finish college and can't keep a job, what does that make me?

- Have some stuff to do that i should have done long ago, but i keep procrastinating...

- That i feel weird when wearing, say, a tight shirt or swimming suit, because i think that everyone is staring at me and i get embarassed, plus i'm afraid some creep might start harassing me.
A few years ago i was at this pool with my Dad, and i went swimming into the pool on my own-my Dad was keeping an eye on our stuff. Well, when i was leaving the pool, i feel this hand going over my breasts. i look and there's this older guy (like 40 or so) looking at me. I felt probably the most humiliated&shocked ever...i couldn't even say anything, i just froze in a way. I told Dad about it, and that was it - the only thing like that ever happening to me.

- That sometimes i feel guilty about the good things happening to me, and for some reason i don't think i deserve any of them.

- That i sometimes wonder why my friends hang around, or that i don't think i deserve a compliment i might get.

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- be uncool, yes be awkward

 

[Zoomerang96]

i have more respect for you after you sharing this. that ass who touched you should be shot in the face with a reality gun. i cannot stand the sight of guys hitting on girls to begin with so your little story is something i dont really care much for at all, with good reason.

but anyway, thats very cool you dont feel like you need to do something you obviously dont want to. most of the things you feel weired about not doing are highly overated and utterly useless. your not missing much, imo.

have a nice day.

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-deathbear

 

[U2girl]

Deathbear...shucks, all i did was write down a few confessions. What's there to respect?

Thank you very much !

You people probably already noticed from some of my earlier posts, the spirit of my next confession:

- If it's someone else's problem, i'm optimistic. If it's my problem, i'm bound to feel pessimistic about it.

- From high school: i had my circle of friends but i was considered a nerd (i had really excellent grades, was one of the best in the class), also - i was considered uncool because of my appearance. Let's just say i was going for the "natural" look... not flying with most of the girls for SOME reason. But what do you know, i was always good enough when it was time to help them with studying.

- If there was a planet called Shyness, i'd probably rule it for life.



[This message has been edited by U2girl (edited 03-10-2002).]

 

[UV2001]

I don't think ur weird. Until really resently quite a few especially da last two applied to me. I always could never understand why people wanted to be friends with me because I hated myself and after the few times I was in a good happy mood someone or something always died or other really bad things happened I thought maybe it was wrong for me to ever be happy because I seemed to keep getting punished for it. I thought I was set to live a life without happiness because I didn't deserve it and also I had major emotional issues that needed sorting out (I won't bore you all with the details) Anyway the thing is that I'm getting over the emotional problems and after watching Oprah the other day and a combination of other things everything seems so much brighter.
It all depends on how you look at the world. The best way you can and should try and see it is even when there are storm clouds there is still beauty around. Even if you have a low opinion of yourself it doesn't mean it is true. We are our worst critics and the stuff we tell ourself is so often not true. You have to separate FACT from OPINION. When you look at yourself you KNOW as a FACT that your hair is blonde, brown, green whatever but it is not a FACT that you are ugly or selfish or cruel or undeserving. These things are OPINIONS and we should ignore these about ourselves (I know it's really hard to do) because at the end of the day if they are not FACT they are not true and it's the truth about ourselves that matters

Love and Peace

Gypsy

 

[Salome]

this definitely doesn't qualify you as a freak
you just haven't really taken control of your life yet,
but you still have plenty of time to do that and you certainly seem smart enough to obtain that

 

[kobayashi]

Originally posted by U2girl:
and i'm 23
.
.
.
.
First flunked 1st year in high school, than transferred to another high school and was doing great&finished high school, yet flunked 1st year college so i'm now looking for a job?

you are only *23.
23! you should never count yourself out at 23, not for any reason whatsoever. so much lays before you, so much is possible.

 

[Lilly]

Originally posted by U2girl:
...that i:


- That sometimes i feel guilty about the good things happening to me, and for some reason i don't think i deserve any of them.

- That i sometimes wonder why my friends hang around, or that i don't think i deserve a compliment i might get.

I know exactly where you're coming from here.

-When REALLY good things happen to me, I wonder why I got it and not someone else who has had a tougher life. Or someone who isn't such an idiot should at least get what I (the idiot) got.

-I often wonder why people are my friend. I really do, I am so wary of people, especially new people. I just have this ingerent mistrust for people altogether. Maybe it stemmed from one of my good friends telling me once that not only she, but everybody else, hates me and that I have no right to exist. That's a good low blow to anyone I suppose, but I never really have been able to shake that and it was 2 years ago. So, when I meet new people it's always going through my head, "do they hate me behind my back? do they talk about how much they hate me behind my back?". It probably is nonsensical, but to me it makes perfect sense. It's rather unfortunate actually. But that's my problem, I need to fix that someday...

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Proud owner, maker and baker of THE U2 cookies.

 

[Ana]

You're young.
Don't worry.

 

[mad1]

Originally posted by U2girl:
...that i:

- Don't drink/smoke/do drugs

- Don't go out often

same here sister.....

- Have yet to find someone special, and i'm 23 *sigh* and i have no idea how i'd deal with it if someone special was to come around?

same here, still waiting........

for those 3 I understand completely anyway.......

 

[The_Sweetest_Thing]

Dear,

So you say you flunked first year high school. Then you went back and aced it--one of the best in your class.

That takes initiative. That takes guts and class. I admire you for it.

So you flunked first year college? GO back. Work on. You CAN do anything you've set your mind to, as evidenced by your accomplishments.

My cousin reminds me of you (she too lives in Slovenia). She was always into the natural look, never had any boyfriends, never felt anything would happen for her. Then one day she met someone who was wonderful. They're married now, and have a kid. I'm scared of meeting guys too. How will I handle it? But when it's right, you'll know.

Walk On.

 

[U2girl]

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts.

*group hug*

It's like - i know what i want in life in general , but i am sort of not sure how/where to start (and i guess i am procrastinating too) or when i'll get there. It's the insecurity...you know?

But so far, most of the things (including the ones i didn't even tell you about, or the high school stuff) turned out ok or better than i expected.

Enough from me rambling, thanks for taking your time and reading this.

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- be uncool, yes be awkward

[This message has been edited by U2girl (edited 03-12-2002).]