Wife has a new friend: my ex girlfriend.

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The_acrobat

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In the past year a rather unusual situation has arose. My wife and I had our son last September. Let it be known right off the bat that she is the love of my life, without any doubt, and our son has just made our lives even better these past 14 months. Most of her girlfriends are not mothers, so she started making new friends who were also mothers. One of whom is my ex girlfriend, who had her son a month after we did. They really didn't know each other before this, but began talking alot on facebook about motherhood matters, which lead to constant texting about not only motherhood, but eventually day to day matters as well.

They've become great friends, and my wife seems to take no issue with the fact that I had "relations" with her new BFF. This other girl and I dated 8 years ago in college. It only lasted a few months, and we ended on good terms, but we really didn't see or speak to each other these last 8 years. So we've been out with her and her husband a few times recently. He's a really good guy, but I don't think he's entirely comfortable with the whole situation. And the weird thing is, my ex will just openly discuss our past relationship. "Remember when we went on that double date with so-and-so", or "Hey, remember when you stayed over in my dorm room and the fire alarm went off so I had to hide you in my closet?" It's really hard to know where my boundaries are in the scenario. I don't want to be too friendly with my ex, but we do go back quite a way, and were friends in high school before dating a few years after HS. But I also don't want to offend her husband, or piss off my wife by being too friendly.

Also, awkward sidebar. We're all sitting in the living room visiting, and my ex just whipped out her breast in front of us to nurse her baby. I looked away, obviously very uncomfortablem and pretended to not notice. She said "It's okay... it's nothing you haven't seen before". Was she referring to breast feeding in general, or to her breasts in particular? I just gave an awkward laugh. Her husband was not laughing.

Any advice? I'm not horribly uncomfortable with these people, and I'm glad my wife has friends to discuss baby stuff with. I just find myself walking a tightrope at these things.
 
:lol:

On a serious note:

Stay away from manipulators. Just dump them and find new friends. Even if it's awkward. Just blurt it out that you think it's inappropriate and don't want to see her again. If your wife or ex start complaining then be more forceful until you get what you want.

It's okay to know what you want and what you don't want. There's millions of people out there you could be friends with.
 
You don't get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies.

You don't have to have millions of friends. You just need to get rid of the manipulators and only keep the positive friendships. Of the millions of people out there you can choose who to associate with outside of work. Jealousy and clinging is very real. So many relationships get fucked up because of outsiders budding in.
 
I'm not sure I see the problem for you if you, your wife, and your ex are comfortable with the situation. If your ex's husband has issues with it, it seems to me that's between him and his wife, and they should set the boundaries themselves - it's not really your responsibility.

On a serious note:

Stay away from manipulators.

I'm not sure I see the manipulation.
 
Yeah if the guy has issues with this, it's not your problem, really. Your ex is fine with it, your wife is fine with it. Stop worrying. If he is the jealous party, he'll have t osolve that by discussing it with his wife. It's really not your issue here.
 
I'm not sure I see the problem for you if you, your wife, and your ex are comfortable with the situation. If your ex's husband has issues with it, it seems to me that's between him and his wife, and they should set the boundaries themselves - it's not really your responsibility.
Exactly...ex's husband is uncomfortable, so have him stay home with his kid, have the ex come over, put on some "baw chick a bow wow" music and voila, threesome.

Its a foolproof plan.
 
When I first read your post last night, acrobat, I couldn't even form a response - the 'OMG dafuq' factor was just way too strong. :crack: After some thought, I think the thing to do is tell your wife that you feel uncomfortable around the ex - the situation's just weird, considering your history (albeit brief & distant), you get strong vibes from her husband that's he not digging the situation AT.ALL. :angry:, & the comments she sometimes makes don't help (the "you've seen it before" comment is a GREAT example!).

Suggest they continue their friendship - you're happy she's found a compatible mom to bond with & you don't want to take that from her - but recommend any future get togethers remain between the moms & babies at a neutral location, i.e. a park, restaurant, third party's home, etc. Any future gatherings with all the adults DEFINITELY need to take place outside either family home.

Hopefully, your wife understand your discomfort & will agree to some compromise... same as she'd want from you if she felt awkward around one of your friend's wives. :whistle:

Good luck to you - you're certainly dealing with a potential time bomb. :ohmy:
 
Yes, make sure that future gatherings are only about the babies, at a neutral location, preferably in public, where the risk of the thing degenerating into a full swap (or threesome, if other hubby isn't down) are far less likely.

Otherwise, it could get messy.
 
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