Why can't I talk to women?

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You can perhaps strike up a conversation next time you see her. You know, about ANYTHING. Just a small chat or something and smile. Perhaps you'd feel less anxious about asking her out if you got to talk to her some more?
 
I thought this was a new thread and I was gonna freak :wink:


Just talk to her like she's a regular person :horrors:
I wouldn't perhaps mention the crush thing, but then just ask her if she wants to go for a drink or out to lunch or something.


Like Zoots said, practice talking to everyone new you meet and the art of conversation, and things will flow from there.

Although I'm not really sure why I'm giving advice on this subject :huh:
 
Thanks for all the advice, guys...

:)

The one thing I know I need to do is get up the courage to approach her, and that starts with confidence. I have to BELIEVE in myself. Then things will fall into place. I know that I just need to be myself, which means being friendly and smile when I see her. I think I will take it slow. I just have to take baby steps. Maybe one day, smile when I see her. Then another day, say hello. Then another day, strike up small talk. Then go from there. Now it's a matter of carrying this out. But now I have to figure what my expectations are. I am afraid that I will get my hopes up high, and when things fall apart, I will be crushed and devastated. I have to prepare for this. So I know I shouldn't set my expectations too high.

Again, thanks for all your advice, support and understanding. You guys are the best.

:hug:
 
don't forget to smile and say hi to other women too. be a player :wink:

no but seriously, the more you socialize (and slowly work your way up to that) i think the more comfortable you will be with talking to people.

you seem to talk to women fine on interference. you've nothing to be worried about :)
 
Joerags, good luck. You've gotten some solid advice.

My one contribution is this:

The worst that happens is she says "no", correct? That's the absolute worst case scenario, a rejection. And if that does occur.....so what? You'll feel bad, you'll feel down, but you know what? You already feel like shit, and I don't mean that in a combative way. You are already down on yourself. So, maybe, just maybe, if you ask her and she says no....you'll feel a tad worse for a bit...but....you might also at least feel emboldened by it all, because, you'll have tried....and you'll find that after a day or two or even a week or two....the rejection will mean nothing to you, but, the fact that you made progress in this arena will resonate with you for a lot longer. Not to mention the fact that she might say "yes".

So, Joe, fuck it. Ask her to lunch. For a drink. For dinner. Whatever it is, just ask. If she says "yes" you're on your way. If she says "no", you're still on your way, just not with her.

Again, good luck. And, more importantly, go Yanks.
 
No spoken words said:


So, Joe, fuck it. Ask her to lunch. For a drink. For dinner.

you're getting more clever at the whole reiteration thing - reverse order and an extra. I still see through you.
 
I think you should ask her if she'd like to get lunch, as someone said. If you ask her out on a date...a "date" is a really major thing, and she might say no, especially if she doesn't know you very well. Getting lunch is less "scary". It will give you a chance to talk to her without her feeling like it's a "date", with all this pressure on her. I'm sure not all girls are like I am, but I find it easy to chicken out of "dates" with guys I don't know well!
 
Well, I saw my crush at work and she gave me this scared look that I was going to approach her and say something. I looked away and walked away. I guess she kind of gave me the signal that she wasn't interested in me, so I decided not to pursue her.

:sad:

A part of me wants to not give up hope, but a big part of me says, "Who are you kidding?" I mean, I really have to face reality. Trying to find a girlfriend is like dreaming of playing for the New York Yankees. It's not going to happen. On both fronts. :|

This has made me very depressed. I feel like I am kryptonite when it comes to women, and I don't blame them. I really don't know what I should I do. I have to come to the point where I have to say, "Joey, it aint happening. Give it up." I am 34 years old. The older you get, the tougher it will be. It's time to give up. :sad:
 
Sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted. But you know, it doesn't often work out perfectly for even the most confident of people either.

Don't pin all your hope on one person -- that's too much pressure. Just start talking to a lot of women. You like baseball and I believe I remember that you said you play the game also. Have you checked into joining mixed gender leagues? That could be a really good way of finding women with similar interests which would make it easier to strike up conversations.

It is hard to break out of old patterns, but you can if you want to and work at it.
 
You can't give up after one person! Buck up, soldier! Get out there! Smile at a girl! Talk baseball! Compliment her sweater! Grrr! Go get 'em!
 
joe....have you seen 'Rudy'?? i know, not the same sport, or team, but the message is true!!! And hey, how come you did not ask the 'coworker' that you told about your crush on that other lady?? You never know joe...maybe She would have gone out with you?! Keep on trying guy.......!:yes: :up:
 
I had an epiphany tonight.

The Yankees were getting killed, so I switched channels and came across "Marty" on TMC. I always heard about this movie, being named Best Picture in the 1950s, but I never saw it. So anyway, as I am watching this movie, it was like watching my life story.

The movie is about a 34-year-old single guy named Marty who still lives at home. He goes to a ballroom (which we would consider clubs today), and this guy comes up to him and asks, "are you stag or with a girl." He answers he is stag, and the guy offers to pay him $5 to take his date home, since he met another good-looking girl. Marty answers no, saying that's a crummy thing to do to his date, which that jerk called a "dog." So the girl gets crushed. Marty sees this, and goes up to her. They leave together and they hit it off. Turns out, she is 29 and still lives at home too. Now Marty isn't good-looking either; he's fat and isn't handsome. But they hit it off. He tells her how he was depressed and thought about killing himself because of his life. He is ashamed of being a butcher, plus he knows he is not good-looking. As they are walking on the streets, he comes across a friend and he excuses himself to talk to this friend. The friend wants him to hang out with other better looking girls and comments to him how his date is a dog. But he turns his friend down. At the end of the night, he takes her home and tries to kiss her, but she resists because she was afraid. He feels embarrassed, but she says to him that she likes him and they eventually kiss. He tells her that he will call her and he is all giddy. The mother, who is an old Italian women, walks in and is suprised to see Marty with a woman. The woman goes home and is excited to tell her parents that she met a great guy. She is also giddy. The next day, he goes to church and the mother starts saying how she doesn't like the girl and feels she isn't good-looking. So Marty gets upset and decides not to call the woman. The woman is home and is watching TV with her parents and tears run down her face. It was really sad. Anyway, Marty hangs out with his other single buddies and they comment about the dog of a date he was with. They talk about things to do like going to a burlesque and Marty, with an upset look, says, forget you guys I'm calling that girl. And the movie ends.

This movie really hits home with me. I am 34, still live at home and never had a girlfriend. I try not to let it bother me, but I can't help it. It does. I have no self-esteem, no confidence, I feel like I am the ugliest guy in the world. But this movie gives me hope. Marty wasn't good-looking and didn't have a great "career" with lots of money, like me. But he met a great girl. It didn't matter what she looked like. That's what's holding me back. I don't like myself and what I look like. Why can't I just accept what I look like? Why can't I just go up to a girl and not think about what I look like? For the record, the crush at my job is actually obese, but I still find her attractive. But I really like her and feel she is so beautiful, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. How ironic is that? I have this crush on this girl, and she isn't considered your typical good-looking or hot girl. But to me, she is beautiful. But I can't over the fact that I consider myself ugly. I just want to accept who I am and be happy and to be myself and have the courage to go up to her. But she gave me a bad signal. I know I have to just move on and whatever happens, happens.
 
It's interesting that you think someone is absolutely beautiful, but she may not be considered to be beautiful according to society, or even by herself. It shows that people find beauty in different ways than what is said to be attractive in popular culture. They may look past it, or like someone because of their quirks, or, as is often the case, think someone is beautiful simply because of who they are. Your own attraction to this woman should show you that looks don't matter that much, and that you shouldn't be hung up on it, allowing it to interfere with so much of your life. It's so much easier said than done, I know, but in the end it will be so worth it. I'm reminded of something I saw on TLC, one of their 'life lessons.' It was something like, "Sure going on dates is awkward, but being a cat lady is even more awkward." At some point you might just have to force yourself to talk to someone, though it may be painful. Just try. Take tiny steps. You're completely capable of doing it.
 
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