what's going on?

[U2democrat]

More and more of my friends are falling into the drinking/partying scene, and bragging about getting drunk. I have NO DESIRE whatsoever to be a part of that, and as a result of my stubbornness my friends are kind of resenting me for it. I don't want to drink in order to keep my friends happy, but i don't want drinking to come between me and those who i love.....what do i do?

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I think it's far more important to stay true to yourself than to keep your friends-and what kind of friends are they anyway if they would resent you for this?

 

[U2democrat]

maybe resent isn't the right word...but they think i'm chicken and stuck up. no, i just don't want to do something stupid, AND alcoholism runs in my family, and they just don't understand the danger of that.

 

[nbcrusader]

Sounds like their loss if they resent you for not drinking. Do they really love you as a friend if it is conditioned on you partaking in their habits?

 

[U2democrat]

I know they won't stop being my friends, but it does create an uneasy rift.

 

[Liesje]

More and more of my friends are falling into the drinking/partying scene, and bragging about getting drunk. I have NO DESIRE whatsoever to be a part of that, and as a result of my stubbornness my friends are kind of resenting me for it. I don't want to drink in order to keep my friends happy, but i don't want drinking to come between me and those who i love.....what do i do?

Get new friends? I have a few friends who are like that, but we can stay friends b/c they do their thing and I do mine. If your friends are treating you differently b/c of the (better) choices you make, maybe they're not such great friends.

 

[Laura M]

I can't see how that could be a problem. I have friends who don't drink. It's not a problem. I do have a problem with people getting on my back about how I choose to live like some people in my course at university. I don't like it when someone I don't know asks what I did at the weekend and If I reply that I went out for a few drinks they start preaching to me about how people that go to the places I go to are all alcoholics and junkies and don't know how to control themselves then never speak to you again. I respect peoples choice not to drink and I expect them to respect the fact that sometimes I like to have some drinks with friends.

 

[U2democrat]

i don't preach to them about drinking, they know how i feel. my main concern is if they do something stupid or harmful when they are drunk. i care about them, and they know this and are thankful for it, but until something i guess, goes wrong, they will continue to drink.

 

[Laura M]

i'm not saying you preach to them.
i know friends who have been drunk and have done stupid things but this is the risk they run when they get drunk.
Live and let live is what I say. When they do something silly it will be their own fault. I care about my friends but I can't stop them from doing anything they want to do e.g. take drugs. Afterall it is their decision and they know the risks taking drugs/ getting drunk etc involves.

 

[U2democrat]

i just don't know how to cope with all of this....it all seems so sudden. one day my friends were like "drinking is stupid" then the next day they come up to me and say "guess what i got drunk last night!" it's just a huge 180 and i don't know what to think about it all.

 

[Laura M]

They could be telling you worse things imo. I don't think anything my friends would tell me now could be shocking.

 

[U2democrat]

Yeah they could be telling me worse things, thank goodness they aren't.

 

[Doozer61]

AND alcoholism runs in my family, and they just don't understand the danger of that.

i truly admire you! just having the knowledge that the disease runs in your family is more awareness than most people your age.

and for my 2 cents, stay true to yourself and don't give in to peer pressure. i am watching that happen with a friends 15 year old. she thinks it is so cool to get drunk and party. and her father is an alcoholic, although she probably doesn't get that.

 

[indra]

i just don't know how to cope with all of this....it all seems so sudden. one day my friends were like "drinking is stupid" then the next day they come up to me and say "guess what i got drunk last night!" it's just a huge 180 and i don't know what to think about it all.

Well, you're nearly 18 and I'm guessing your friends about the same age. To a lot of kids (sorry if kid isn't how you see yourself, but I'm old!) drinking is a very adult thing, and they want so much to be adults. And people your age are trying to figure out where they fit into this world. Many are trying things, such as drinking, that they have never been allowed to do before. In many ways it is a a rite of passage, just part of growing up. That doesn't, by any means, mean you (or anyone) has to do this stuff. But many will, and it's not really that uncommon.

How do you deal with it? You seem to be doing pretty well. Your reasons for not drinking are very valid and you should feel confident in that. When your friends razz you for not joining in with the partying and drinking, just tell them that although you like them and their company, you are not comfortable in that situation. And let them know, as non-confontationally as possible, that if you can accept their decisions, they should be able to accept yours.

 

[U2democrat]

Very true indra. I know unfortunately it is common, but i honestly didn't expect my friends to fall for that. In a sense, even though they are drinking, I feel more adult than they do because of my refusal to fall for the usual teen "rite of passage".

 

[najeena]

If alcoholism runs in your family, you know what a hellish thing it is. Be strong, be smart,

DON'T DO IT

 

[U2democrat]

If alcoholism runs in your family, you know what a hellish thing it is. Be strong, be smart,

DON'T DO IT

i won't do it, and as i said earlier my friends just don't understand the dangers of alcoholism. one of them said "well you're a logical person you don't have to worry." and i said it has nothing to do with whether or not you're logical, it's a disease and it can affect anyone.

 

[beli]

Alcoholism runs in my family too. Be careful.

If you want to, you probably can have one or two drinks and not "fall into alcholism" but until you work out your limits be careful. It is genetic. Hopefully this is just a fad and they will calm down soon.

Tips:
1. Carry the same drink around all night. Occasionally tipping a bit into the potplants.

2. Lime cordial and lemonade can look a lot like Midori

3. Be the designated driver, the drunks will love you

4. Tell them you have a congenital kidney problem and cant drink

5. Tell em to @#$% off

 

[U2democrat]

lol thanks beli. i prefer the designated driver and the telling them to off.

 

[Bonochick]

If they are really your friends, they will respect your decision and not make you feel badly about it.

I totally agree with beli about the designated driver thing. DDs are the coolest.

My three closest friends back home don't drink. Well, my best friend does on occasion, the other two never do. I love to drink, but I respect their feelings and don't ever and wouldn't ever try to pressure them into drinking. We can just do other things that we all enjoy when we do get a chance to be together. I love a good party, but I love my friends even more.

 

[U2democrat]

I don't think they would ever pressure me to drink, they think i'm just scared to take the risk which is stupid. I don't want to be reeled into that s***.

 

[forbonou2]

Not everyone feels compelled to join in ;the right of passage'! Yes, stay true to yourself. Better to resist the insistence of others, then to put yourself in a situation you think you won't be able to handle. Believe me, they admire you more then you know or they say!

 

[martha]

Still sounds like you need new friends.

 

[beli]

Apart from the friends issue, there is another issue of dealing with this sort of crap in everyday life.

There will be weddings, funerals, baby naming ceremonies where you will be expected to toast .

You will be promoted at work, your sporting team will win the grand final, and the grandmother of the Polish boys living next door will make vodka in her bathtub and be mortally offended if you dont drink it.

Some of these people will accept "no, I dont drink", others will be insulted that you dont drink to the good memories of dearly departed Uncle Norm.

There will be times where you need to pretend to sip champagne.

Learn how.

And remember, the first thing you do when you enter a party -

Suss out where the potplants are

 

[U2democrat]

lol beli you're so funny

 

[Eirinn]

My son's 18 and though some of his friends drink quite a lot, he always refuses. He didn't even have a sip of champaigne for his own 18th birthday! Sometimes I ask him if he'd like some wine or beer with us for dinner, but he just says he doesn't like the taste of alcohol and he's not going to drink something he doesn't enjoy. I have to admit though his friends respect him for that, and although they sometimes make jokes about it, they've never tried to force him to drink. He's usually the last one to leave a party, and usually the only one to wake up without a headache but with full memories of the evening .