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The Disciple

New Yorker
Joined
Jan 22, 2004
Messages
2,622
Location
Florida
My marriage is falling apart. I don't know why I'm posting here when I can't even speak 2 my family right now, but I'm doing it anyway.

She can leave me and take all she wants, but taking my soon 2 b 5-month old is more than I can bear.

2nite, "You act like you've never had love, and you want me to go without...." means something entirely new and entirely painful.
 
If anger is stopping you from talking, face the anger and battle it, not your family. Everyone agrees communication is essential. Dont let things block it. Fight those, not communicating.

Good luck, Disciple.
:(
 
Whether it's anger, pride, or some other reason drop it all and talk to someone. First of all talk to her, talk to your family, try couple's therapy. Create as many lines of communication now before it's too late.
 
That's the thing.... I'm the only truly trying, and the only one telling the truth and not lying about everything. I can b difficult 2 live with, but one thing I am not is a liar, and the one thing I can say I've done is try when she has not.

When I said I can't speak 2 my family, I mean that they have all taken her side, without getting my side of the story.... nice family, huh? :huh:
 
I´m sorry for that Disciple.

How long have you been married, and how long did you know each other before of getting married?

When you say she´s lying, how do you know that? Why isn´t she interested to try with you some more - if that´s the case?

How did it come to that conflict?

When you say "She can leave me and take anything", does that mean you didn´t fix an agreement before of marriage about seperate property? I´d not get married without one of those.

Yes, with the child, you know, that´s a heartbreaking tragedy. don´t know the whole story behind your tragedy, but I would never ever be a weekend father. A child needs a father just as much as a mother.

Maybe you can spell out your sitation a little here. And anyway, try to find someone of the family to talk to. You mean, that your dad, your mom, your siblings, your aunts and uncles and everyone else is just on her side? Well excuse me, but what did you do then?
 
The Disciple said:


When I said I can't speak 2 my family, I mean that they have all taken her side, without getting my side of the story.... nice family, huh? :huh:

One thing I can say about families, is most of the time they won't turn on there own, now I can't speak for all. Just in my 30 years of dealing with things that's how it usually goes. Unless they KNOW their own is at fault.

So obviously there's still some breakdown of communication with your family OR possibly there's something you aren't being honest with yourself about.

Now I'm not accusing you or your family of anything. I don't know enough of your situation to say. But I've gone through things like, I've seen many others go through things like this, so I only speak from those experiences.




Like I said, I've gone through this personally, so if you have anything you want to ask or talk about personally you can PM me. If you like.
 
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I don't have any personal experience w/ this but I do in my family. For what it's worth I think it's good to try to not involve your family and to work it out just with your wife. Sure families love their sons and daughters and might want to "take their side" but I've seen interference from parents and other family members become a huge factor in breaking up marriages. Ultimately it's just between you and your wife. You have to try not to focus on your family "taking her side".

Taking sides and all that becomes so nasty and it could ruin any chance you have of working your marriage out.

If you want to work things out talk to your wife before it gets out of control. Maybe that's the best thing to try at this point. If you are too angry/upset to talk maybe you could try e-mails or letters.

I hope it works out for you
 
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Thank U all 4 Ur words and support....

My wife and I have been married for 6 years next month. We didn't know each other long b4 marriage, and if we had, we probably would not have taken the leap.

Without getting in2 2 many details, she has a "condition" which results in drastic mood swings, erratic behavior, and compounded with a learned behavior of constant lying she learned from her mother, it can b quite a handful.

I'm far from perfect.... I have a bad mouth, I can have a temper, but I'm not violent, and I'm always honest, many times 2 a fault.

Again, without going in2 details, there are several very important issues that my wife had been lying 2 me about that JUST came 2 light in the last couple of months, but I gave her multiple opportunities, I keep 4giving... but last night, I come 2 learn the behavior has not changed, and it's putting our son in danger.

I asked her 2 leave, that she was not creating a safe environment 4 my son, or no longer cared about me 4 obvious reasons, so she DID leave. Comes back an hour later under police escort, claiming that she feared that I would b the one 2 harm her and my son, and left 2 my mother's house.

SHE'S the one that's been doing wrong, and I'm the one treated like a criminal, have my son taken from my arms 4 no reason, and my family assumes, due 2 half-truths from her side, that I'm the bad guy here. The nerve....

I'm a f***ing wreck right now, and I love U all 4 Ur support, but I can't even see straight right now....
 
The Disciple said:
so she DID leave. Comes back an hour later under police escort, claiming that she feared that I would b the one 2 harm her and my son, and left 2 my mother's house.

Wow. A super-asshole.

That´s apperently what´s called equal rights.

Tjah, well, what can you do now. Since she´s such an asshole, I doubt you would like to stay with her fpor the rest of your life anyway. So maybe, if you think - and consider this carefully first! - there is no other way to save what is left of the marriage..

I´d go in with full fledged power. Call the cops who she filed to, and make a complaint for defamation. probably as soon as possible, if things end up in front of the court.

Before of that, call a family center or men´s center. Do you have those in Florida? Here, we have free advice in women´s houses for women (for those who are beaten up or sexually abused), for men (there are some who are beaten, oh yes, and even some sexually abused ones, and then men with exactly your kind of problems) and for children and families. Don´t know how this is called in the U.S., but there must be some independent help service for this, I hope. There you can get all further infos you need. Usually those people are really well informed, also from a juridicial point of view.

In my eyes, it is so totally unfair that men are nearly never given a chance to keep their child. This is a factor that really plays a big (negative) role in my decision to get (or not to get) children.
 
The Disciple said:


Without getting in2 2 many details, she has a "condition" which results in drastic mood swings, erratic behavior, and compounded with a learned behavior of constant lying she learned from her mother, it can b quite a handful.


:hug: I'm so sorry.

One question to ask, as a person with friends and family who are mentally ill--what treatment was she receiving? Was it adequate? (Not that this needs to be answered for me, but it might be an illuminating question for you.)

:hug:
 
whenhiphopdrovethebigcars said:


Wow. A super-asshole.

That´s apperently what´s called equal rights.


Before of that, call a family center or men´s center. Do you have those in Florida? Here, we have free advice in women´s houses for women (for those who are beaten up or sexually abused), for men (there are some who are beaten, oh yes, and even some sexually abused ones, and then men with exactly your kind of problems) and for children and families. Don´t know how this is called in the U.S., but there must be some independent help service for this, I hope. There you can get all further infos you need. Usually those people are really well informed, also from a juridicial point of view.

In my eyes, it is so totally unfair that men are nearly never given a chance to keep their child. This is a factor that really plays a big (negative) role in my decision to get (or not to get) children.

I volunteered for a Women's Resource Center while at Univeristy and we did help men in these situations. What they could do is help you determine if you should file a police report and help you navigate the judicial system. Surely there is a place like that in your town.

More and more men are getting custody in the states.

Best wishes Disciple :hug:
 
Would you consider going to a local mental health type center (that's not saying in any way that you have a mental health issue, that's just a general term to describe it) and speaking to a social worker or some similar person? It is worth a try. They can help you w/ your personal issues as well as with what's best for your son,and get you legal help, etc.

You should be able to find a number in the phone book - look under family services, counseling services, mental health centers, etc. Or like redkat said, a womens resource center can help too.
 
The Disciple said:
...so she DID leave. Comes back an hour later under police escort, claiming that she feared that I would b the one 2 harm her and my son, and left 2 my mother's house.

SHE'S the one that's been doing wrong, and I'm the one treated like a criminal, have my son taken from my arms 4 no reason, and my family assumes, due 2 half-truths from her side, that I'm the bad guy here. The nerve....

what in god's name...?!?

That's madness!

I'm only 17, so sorry if it seems like I'm out of my depth, but that must be bloody horrible! I hope everything works out okay for you, not to mention your son! It's obviously not going to happen over night, but in time I hope it's okay! :up:
 
I'll definitely look in2 the resources U guys have suggested..... but the cops were honest last night, they said that she had the right 2 take him, and I have the right 2 go take him back when I want, but if she gets a court order 2 temporarily keep me away, I'd have 2 listen 2 it.

Both of them were very understanding and they were not the usual jerks at all, but they were also honest, and stated that the state of FL will ALWAYS side with the mother first. This is the case in most states/countries, but when explained the details of what has been going on, they suggested I try and do whatever I could, but that it's unlikely that I would end up with him, without her being given at least the opportunity 2 look out 4 him.

Thank U all.... I feel very blessed 2day 2 b in the presence of such beautiful souls. God Bless U all. :|
 
wow.
I can't really say anything helpful, but the one thing I can say is get officials involved (ex. social workers, etc.). they might make a larger difference than they seem..

:hug: I hope things get better with you, and good luck with everything :hug:
 
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