Wedding Etiquette

[Liesje]

OK, soooo....I'm 20 and it's getting to that point where EVERYONE is getting married. I've been to weddings of cousins when I was younger and some weddings which Phil sang in, but in both cases I was more of a tag-along. Now one of my ex-housemates is getting married June 10 in Wheaton, Il. We weren't that close, but we got along. I want to go, but honestly I have no clue how I'd get there. She doesn't have any friends going that still live around here. I don't have a car, Phil can't take any more time off of work, and the Amtrak is too expensive. My mom used to let me use her minivan in times of dire need, but it exploded and is no more. Is "no transportation" a really lame excuse? Can I just send a gift? And how exactly do you send a gift (when/where)?

weddings =

 

[greeneyedgirl]

Lack of transportation is a perfectly good excuse for not beign able to attend. If you wish to send a gift, you can send it to the address from the invitation or find out where the couple has registered for gifts as they would have listed where they want the gifts sent.
And where ever they have registered you will find someone who will help you even pick out the gift, like Carsons or JCPenney, Bed Bath & Beyond. Sometimes you can even do it online, don't even have to leave home.

 

[For Honor]

The only thing I know how to do at weddings is record video/pictures, dance, wear the appropriate clothes, and try to stay out of the spotlight as much as possible.

But they are rather intricate events... from my minimal understanding...




My condolences about Amtrak......



but goodluck with your situation

 

[unforgettableFOXfire]

Since I work in a hotel and served dinner/drinks etc at about 23 weddings last year... I can't see wedding ettiquette and not comment.

So, people who are planning to get married...


First and absolutely foremost. Either make sure the DJ you hire is good, make sure that if the DJ is from the family that he's been groomed into the position with a proper taste in music, or at the very least create a list of songs you DON'T want played at your wedding. Noone, anywhere, ever, wants to hear ABBA at their wedding. Neither do the staff.

Second, if you randomly decide to invite 50 extra people to your reception, do everyone involved a favour and tell all the people who need to know this information that will have to make accomodations. 50 dinners don't just spring up out of nowhere, walls don't randomly push back an extra 200sq feet, and not only will you manage to irritate the hell out of staff (which you will, who will then in turn make your party suck), you'll also be irritating your friends and relatives by cramming them into a small space and not delivering the promised product. This is noones fault but your own; either stick with your finalized guest list, or do everyone a favour and give the necessary notice earlier than 2 hours before the reception.

Also, if you or one of your guests should find themselves wanting to get a bunch of minors drunk, hold the reception at someone's house and not in a public facility. Buying drinks for them somewhere with a liquor lisence is a good way to get everyone cut off, and possibly have police intervention. This does not make for a fun party. Similarly, if your guests are rowdy drunks, please ensure that they don't assault staff.


Most importantly of all; drinking and driving is a no-no. Either make sure people have somewhere to stay, or make sure that they don't get face-down falling-over drunk off their ass. Nothing says 'congratulations on this special occassion' like having a friend or relative die - yes, it will be their own fault, but that won't make for very happy memories at your 20th anniversary party.


... okay, well I exaturated somewhat to make those arguments, but you should get the point.

 

[bonosloveslave]

Lies, you don't *have* to give an excuse - you just check not attending or Zero on the reply card. It is nice to put a little note on there I think:
"So sorry we can't make it out but we wish you all the best!"

It is not required to send a gift if you don't go but many people do. You are still poor college student and I doubt she will hold it against you forever if you don't go and/or don't send a gift

 

[nbcrusader]

It is not required to send a gift if you don't go but many people do. You are still poor college student and I doubt she will hold it against you forever if you don't go and/or don't send a gift

Actually, etiquette regarding weddings says if you receive an invitation to the reception, you should send a gift.

Some people abuse this by sending invites like mass mailings.

You have no obligation to provide an excuse for not attending. Given your current status as a student, the gift could be as simple as a card.

 

[BAW]

Say no on the reply card and send a nice card. Don't offer any excuses (you don't need to) but write something nice like "so sorry I couldn't share in your special day but I wish you all the best in your new life"

And you don't have to send a gift if you can't afford to. (Doug is right that proper etiquette says you should send one but I don't think a student on a budget should spend money she doesn't have)

Mr. BAW and I probably received 20 or 30 "sorry, can't make it" responses to our reply cards and very few of those people sent gifts, which truly was okay with us.

 

[pax]

Noone, anywhere, ever, wants to hear ABBA at their wedding.

you obviously do not know me and Ewen.

 

[Liesje]

Since I work in a hotel and served dinner/drinks etc at about 23 weddings last year... I can't see wedding ettiquette and not comment.

So, people who are planning to get married...


First and absolutely foremost. Either make sure the DJ you hire is good, make sure that if the DJ is from the family that he's been groomed into the position with a proper taste in music, or at the very least create a list of songs you DON'T want played at your wedding. Noone, anywhere, ever, wants to hear ABBA at their wedding. Neither do the staff.

Second, if you randomly decide to invite 50 extra people to your reception, do everyone involved a favour and tell all the people who need to know this information that will have to make accomodations. 50 dinners don't just spring up out of nowhere, walls don't randomly push back an extra 200sq feet, and not only will you manage to irritate the hell out of staff (which you will, who will then in turn make your party suck), you'll also be irritating your friends and relatives by cramming them into a small space and not delivering the promised product. This is noones fault but your own; either stick with your finalized guest list, or do everyone a favour and give the necessary notice earlier than 2 hours before the reception.

Also, if you or one of your guests should find themselves wanting to get a bunch of minors drunk, hold the reception at someone's house and not in a public facility. Buying drinks for them somewhere with a liquor lisence is a good way to get everyone cut off, and possibly have police intervention. This does not make for a fun party. Similarly, if your guests are rowdy drunks, please ensure that they don't assault staff.


Most importantly of all; drinking and driving is a no-no. Either make sure people have somewhere to stay, or make sure that they don't get face-down falling-over drunk off their ass. Nothing says 'congratulations on this special occassion' like having a friend or relative die - yes, it will be their own fault, but that won't make for very happy memories at your 20th anniversary party.


... okay, well I exaturated somewhat to make those arguments, but you should get the point.

Don't worry if/when I get married, I'm not interested in a traditional "reception" dinner anyway. I don't usually enjoy going to them so I probably wouldn't enjoy HAVING one and PAYING for it.

 

[wizard2c]

reply

Somehow Garth's "Friends in Low Places" comes to mind...........just a humorous quirk......"hey I didn't mean to cause a big scene but give me an hour and I'll be higher than that ivory tower you're living in"..............

 

[Mr. BAW]

Say no on the reply card and send a nice card. Don't offer any excuses (you don't need to) but write something nice like "so sorry I couldn't share in your special day but I wish you all the best in your new life"

And you don't have to send a gift if you can't afford to. (Doug is right that proper etiquette says you should send one but I don't think a student on a budget should spend money she doesn't have)

Mr. BAW and I probably received 20 or 30 "sorry, can't make it" responses to our reply cards and very few of those people sent gifts, which truly was okay with us.

Yeah, we did .... but we also received 20 or 30 "yes we would" and those former friends didn't show up! Those numbers alone, at $40 a head, sent Mr. BAW reeling...

Repect the bridal party by commiting....either way.

 

[sulawesigirl4]

No transport is a good excuse. So is being poor. Being a volunteer on the other side of the world gives you both those excuses. And no wedding gifts to buy! woo!