This REALLY Irks Me

[kobayashi]

this discussion is hilarious
but it can have serious implications

there is no general rule. it all depends on the relationship but as always if you aren't comfortable telling you're significant other about what you've been doing then you have done something wrong. i am, of course, not saying everything needs to be shared but if you feel the need to cover anything up...you've likely done something you shouldn't have...or you need to recalibrate your boundaries.

 

[diamond]

yes, but a little playful flirting doesn't really affect one's fidelity or loyalty to a partner. I've knowingly flirted with lots of who who are either taken or married (and I will continue to do so!

, regardless of your marital status.

well some of us arent quite the suave and sexual dynamos that you are mr diemen

I do think a relationship is in serious trouble if I partner needs to seek "validation" from someone outside their couplehood.
I think that partner needs to examine if they're staying in the relationship is actually healthy if their expectations are not being met.

DB9

 

[HeartlandGirl]

As long as both parties are aware that it is flirting and nothing more, I see nothing wrong with it, and on top of that, I find it rather offensive that some people have suggested that flirting while either married or seeing someone is immoral. "There is no such thing as innocent flirting." Bullshit. If both parties know it's just for fun and isn't going anywhere, it's innocent flirting, regardless of your marital status.

Agreed.

I especially think the "loyalty and fidelity" stuff is funny. My husband and I are married, not dead, and I don't think either of us considers flirting with other people to be violations of our loyalty and fidelity to each other. Now if I were running around flirting with people while hiding the fact that I'm married, or sleeping around, then we'd have a problem. But those are the boundaries we've set in our own personal relationship. For people to say we should consider checking out if we're flirting? We've got much more important things to think about!

 

[diamond]

well..
the road to hell is paved w good intentions..

db9

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I was just concerned and, admittedly, a little ticked off at my friend (who is taking it a bit further than just the innocent flirting so many of you seem to have no problems with). But, as many others here have said, if nothing is wrong in the relationship, why flirt in the first place?

I've never been married before, so maybe I have no clue what I'm talking about, but then again, this is my personal view on it as of right now. In any case, I did not mean for it to spark this sort of discussion. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

 

[Elvis]

This thread was closed, but shouldnt have. It's been tame and contained some very healthy and interesting discussion.

I am re-opening it.

Joel

 

[BAW]

well..
the road to hell is paved w good intentions..

db9

Is a married person who flirts all alone on the road to hell?


Is the single person providing the "validation" totally innocent or will he/she be following the married person into hell?


Please enlighten us.

 

[HeartlandGirl]

Thanks, Elvis. I had tried to reply earlier, but it was closed while I was typing my response.

I think what I had tried to say was this:

The road to hell may be paved with good intentions, but so are many other roads and paths. Flirting while married, as this thread shows, is obviously a subject that couples and individuals must deal with on a personal basis. What works for my marriage may not work for others, or may not be morally cool for some people. My marriage is in no way on the road to hell, as I just talked with my husband on the phone about this thread and we had a good laugh. I just wanted to come in this thread and share my own experiences without judging or condemning anyone.

Anyway, thanks for reopening it. This is an interesting discussion.

 

[martha]

April's original post was not about harmless flirting. It sounds as if the people she knows are doing more that just that.


But if you'll look at the responses here, ALL of the married people think that casual flirting is just fine. ALL of the people who are pissed about it are not married. It's the casual, harmless type of flirting we're talking about, not what April posted about.

I love to flirt. So does my husband. I even flirt here! We've been married 14 years as of yesterday, and there's nothing for us to worry about. Mrs. Edge and BAW said it better than I can, and Elvis made a good point, as well.

Those of you who are not married: trust and love and fun are what keep a marriage alive and healthy.

The day my husband stops noticing cute girls and talking to them is the day I take him in for a brain scan! When I stop noticing cute guys and flirting with them, my baby will know something's wrong!

 

[kobayashi]

after doing some basic research...

i find it interesting the : sexywink : smilie does not appear once in this flirtatious thread. not once.

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[zonelistener]

Stop flirting with the married women Kobe.

 

[joyfulgirl]

Mrs. Edge, zoney, BAW, HeartlandGirl, martha, Diemen, etc.

If married people shouldn't flirt, Bono should not be allowed to leave his house.

 

[joyfulgirl]

I even flirt here!

Slut.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

April's original post was not about harmless flirting. It sounds as if the people she knows are doing more that just that.

now, that kind of flirting, the kind that seems to be putting out a feeler to see if someone wants to have an affair, is WRONG. marriage is supposed to be a commitment. it doesn't mean you turn into some old sexless person who can't so much as look at anyone else, but what's the point of getting married and making a lifetime commitment when you're still gonna get bootie from other people?

 

[AliEnvy]

It would seem people have very different notions of what flirting is and the intentions behind it. As usual, talk about anything even remotely sexual in nature and ppl get all in a kafuffle about it.

Flirting is a natural, friendly way to communicate and make others feel good. Doesn't necessarily mean someone is on the prowl. Here's what my Webster's New World Dictionary says:

"to pay amourous attention without serious intentions or emotional commitment"

I think most of us can differentiate between being paid complimentary attention intended to make us laugh and feel good about ourselves vs. being signalled for something more.

So why flirt if your relationship is not in trouble? Because it's fun to make people feel good and desirable and to be made to feel that way yourself...it's life affirming in a way. To think your partner is the only one in the world who can/should be the one to do that forevermore is arrogant, insecure and unrealistic.

 

[joyfulgirl]

Great post, AliEnvy.

 

[oliveu2cm]

i dont know what to say in this thread but-

"to pay amourous attention without serious intentions or emotional commitment"

I flirted with your avatar

 

[Mrs. Edge]

Mrs. Edge, zoney, BAW, HeartlandGirl, martha, Diemen, etc.

If married people shouldn't flirt, Bono should not be allowed to leave his house.

Excellent point! Bono is probably one of the hugest married flirters of all time, but no one seems to mind.


Hi Kobe, Zone et all....

 

[AliEnvy]

Excellent point! Bono is probably one of the hugest married flirters of all time, but no one seems to mind.

And whyyyyyyyy? Should I even say it.....hehe......ok I will.....cause he's a MAN.....*runs*

Boy I hate double standards

 

[BAW]

Excellent point! Bono is probably one of the hugest married flirters of all time, but no one seems to mind.

And I've never once heard anyone suggest that he might be looking for something outside of his marriage because of it.

 

[Sicy]

I guess you havent been to PLEBA lately then have you

(kidding!)

 

[HeartlandGirl]

Well put, AliEnvy. The "without serious intentions or emotional commitment" part of the definition is key, I think.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

this is where this thing got out of hand

Well put, AliEnvy. The "without serious intentions or emotional commitment" part of the definition is key, I think.

Exactly. I think my whole take on this has been misconstrewed. If you flirt, fine, it's human nature. Just as long as you go home to your spouse at the end of the night.

I talked to my friend today, and she talked to me more about the situation. I think she's decided to take the high road, thank god. She's been having issues of late with her husband, but they're talking.

 

[Elvis]

My friend had commented on this same subject once and she said "single guys flirt with married girls, and im JEALOUS"... I guess thats another twist to all this? lol.

 

[Diemen]

Yeah, I think this has gotten off topic a bit. I do agree with April as far as flirting as more than just simple flirting.

Re: diamond - as I'm sure you know, sometimes flirting is almost subconscious, it's just something people do as a means of having fun and staying light-hearted with friends. Comparing flirting to "the road to hell..." is like saying anyone who has drinks occasionally will become an alcoholic and anyone who smokes pot will move on to crack, cocaine and heroine.

It's not the act itself, but the intent behind it that leads to more troublesome situations.

 

[Sicy]

+ diamond should not really be one to comment on this subject...

 

[zonelistener]

My friend had commented on this same subject once and she said "single guys flirt with married girls, and im JEALOUS"... I guess thats another twist to all this? lol.

That's why I initially wanted clarification for this thread.


April...I think everyone is agreeing with you and your stance here. I think there were a few posts after your initial post (before your clarification) that stated ALL flirting by married people was wrong. I think that is what people had a problem with.

I was waiting for the Bono comments to come out!

 

[diamond]

Im sure Ali loves Bono's flirting.
Im tired of flirting here.
Im tired of being flirted at.

I will now only flirt w Ivan Clayton Jr


thank u
DB9

 

[bluephisto]

I guess it's all just what people are comfortable with on an individual/ couple basis. I just don't see WHY someone would need the affirmation that they're still sexually attractive from someone they're not married to, why CARE? Maybe I'm weird.

Plus, I'm only saying this because we are using poor Bono as an example of how flirting is not unhealthy for a marriage, didn't he admit that he had an affair?

*confused*

Am I on crack?

I guess to me, JOKING is okay. If you're just doing it to be FUNNY, that's one thing. I'm not PERSONALLY (that means NO one here has to agree) comfortable with anything more.

If you don't like it, don't marry me!
Lol.

 

[Chizip]

ill marry ya blue