The prospect of marriage scares me!

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U2Girl1978

U2Girl1978

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So yesterday I received a call from one of my best friends since elementary school. She's been seeing this guy for less than a month and they're engaged. I'm quite shocked to be honest with you. She says she's never felt this way about anyone before. Needless to say, I don't know if I should be happy for her. My cousin who I am very close to and her boyfriend got engaged after 6 months. I want to be happy for everyone but my one of my questions is:

Why is everyone in a rush?

Is it me that wants everything to slow down? I am seriously scared of marriage and I was never like this before! My parents have a great marriage and they've been together for 28 yrs. My aunt and uncle have been together for 33! So why all of a sudden am I scared of marriage?

I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. I'm happy with the way things are right now. I am freaking out about growing older and everything is changing around me. Maybe that's why I am in a funk.

Another question for the people who are married: How do you keep the love alive in a marriage for all these years? How do you make it work?


Is it just me or is anyone else scared about marriage?

:huh: :|
 
I think how you are feeling is completely normal. Things change so fast and marriage is a HUGE change! Maybe right now you just aren't ready for all of this yet? That could be part of why you are feeling afraid of marriage. Those around you are getting engaged and there's always a nagging feel you could be next. Personally Im not afraid of marriage but my bf who is 32 is afraid of it. He's like you know he wants to get married someday but not anytime soon. Everything will fall in place for you when it feels right :hug:
 
marriage isn't for everyone.

I'm not scared, but I don't know it if is for me, either.

I don't see a major problem - everyone gets "scared" when they see people that the know getting married.
 
it is a werid feeling when your friends start getting married...panic kinda sets in.

My BF and I waited 7 years to get married, we knew we wanted too for a long time....just waited for the perfect time...it wasn't scary for either of us. You'll know when its right...or if it isn't, some people are just not made to get married, there's nothing wrong with that either:hug:

Just take your time, there is no age requirement to do this, it's NOT something you just want to do because you feel you have to...thats when you end up in a giant mess.
 
cool:up: do you have that feeling your boyfriend is going to ask you soon? Maybe thats making you alittle nervous....I could kinda "sense it" before it happened and was alittle werid all week:huh: but thats just me probably:lmao:
 
its ok:hug: we can stay Toys R Us kids even when we get married:yes:

just ask my husband:lmao: he wants to put me in a cage:lmao:....oh and thats the secret to keeping the love alive...keep everything interesting:yes::lmao: and amusing!!!:wink:
 
love is more of an underlying bond....
its not like love = flowers and spark on a daily basis

marriage is most of the time very boring
but when ya have a very hard day or feeling sad and ya get that person that ya trust to give ya a long hug and you feel safe and stuff....and that person is the one ya can rely upon...
thats a good feeling & a basic need

you cant constantly be comparing your marriage to other people you know or even ask for advice from people your own age.

you have to ask the older ones who have been married a long time.

the ties that bind you to your spouse are yours and yours alone
 
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I have no idea why some couples rush into marriage after seeing one another for a short amount of time. It works for some.

My friends started to tie the knot when I was 20 and with the exceptions of a small handfull most of my friends are married now with kids. And out of the early ones to tie the knot, only one of them divorced after a year of marriage and they are now re-married to others. And those dating periods to the new spouses were SHORT! :huh: Thankfully for them they are still married.

The thought of marriage only scares me if there are doubts about that person and my decision to be with him. I know if I tied the knot back when I was in my early 20's, I most likely would have one divorce under my belt.
 
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When women hit the age of 25, they always think marriage. :shrug: Most women feel pressured to get married. My theory is, if you are a woman in your 30s and not married, you will never marry, only because A. Marriage scares you. B. You are extremely, extremely picky. C. You like to play the field and sleep with as many men as possible, aka Samantha from "Sex and the City."
Why should anybody get married? Why can't we just date and sleep with as many people as we can. Fuck "relationships." I don't want a "relationship." I'll take you out on as many dates as possible, sleep with you and if I find another girl I am attracted to, I'll just say, "See ya, have a nice life." I don't want to be stuck with one woman, raising rug rats and worrying about a mortgage. I will never say these words, "Will you marry me." Just typing that made me nauseous.

I love being single.

:wink:
 
I have a friend who started getting married at 20. Noticed I used the word started. She's 28 now and on her 3rd marriage. :yikes:

The first 2 exes had very short dating/engagement periods. She has been with her husband now for 4 + years and I think it's finally "right" for her.

I think I might fall into the "marriage scares me" catagory after seeing friends' marriages fail so quickly.
 
U2Girl1978 said:
No no...I don't sense that he's trying to ask me. I guess I'm just freaked out about growing up...hehe ;)
Click to expand...

You can be a grown up without marriage, ya know. :) Getting married doesn't take maturity to do so, just a want and a willingness to legally commit to another person.

My boyfriend and I have been together and lived together for 7 years with no plans on the horizon for marriage. We're both fine and happy with that. The great thing about modern society is that co-habitating couples are a welcome and accepted thing because you do not have to get married just to spend your life with someone anymore. You can just move in together and see where that takes you.

It's sad that people still feel compelled to do very traditional things in modern society that aren't all that extremely necessary anymore. It's good to get married if you have children, yes. But back in the day, when women were not in the workplace, marriage was a must.

Thank god times have changed.
 
I want to get married the way I want to get a root canal.

The problem is that we still live in a society where a lot of people are way too concerned with social norms and what other people are doing. So instead of letting women live single, or live with a man or a woman without the commitment of marriage, or date casually, they expect you to pair off.
 
HelloAngel said:


You can be a grown up without marriage, ya know. :) Getting married doesn't take maturity to do so, just a want and a willingness to legally commit to another person.

My boyfriend and I have been together and lived together for 7 years with no plans on the horizon for marriage. We're both fine and happy with that. The great thing about modern society is that co-habitating couples are a welcome and accepted thing because you do not have to get married just to spend your life with someone anymore. You can just move in together and see where that takes you.

It's sad that people still feel compelled to do very traditional things in modern society that aren't all that extremely necessary anymore. It's good to get married if you have children, yes. But back in the day, when women were not in the workplace, marriage was a must.

Thank god times have changed.
Click to expand...

I know...but when you have family members waiting in the corners wondering when you get married it freaks you out. And then seeing your friends get married. BLAH! I reallllly do not want to be pressured and I'll make sure of it. I love where my boyfriend and I are right now. It feels right. :up:

Thanks for the advice! :)
 
One year when I called home on my birthday, instead of "Happy Birthday!", I got "So are you getting married yet?". Gee thanks. :|
 
Im 26 and I don't feel pressured to go out and marry. Hell my baby sister got engaged last year and even then I didn't get the urge,lol. Honestly it's not the thought of marriage that scares me but kid's do! :crazy: Am more than positive that I won't be having any of my own while Im still in my 20's!

Oh and my oldest sister was with someone for 11 years and they just lived together. Some people desire marriage while other's such as Hello Angel and her guy are content without marriage. Personally I find it rather nosy when I keep getting asked when me and my guy are going to get engaged. Everyone moves at their own pace! What I say is if you are happy and content than so be it :). When you are ready than that's the time to take the step.
 
U2Girl1978 said:


I know...but when you have family members waiting in the corners wondering when you get married it freaks you out. And then seeing your friends get married. BLAH! I reallllly do not want to be pressured and I'll make sure of it. I love where my boyfriend and I are right now. It feels right. :up:

Thanks for the advice! :)
Click to expand...

I'm in the same boat as you are with my family members, and so are alot of women. The most important thing to remember when they complain, probe and pressure is that you only go around once. Do it your own way, not your family's way. Most of them are from far different generations and don't realize that what you and your boyfriend are doing is completely fine for this stage in your life.
 
Single men and women in their 30s always feel pressured by society to settle down and get married. But marriage isn't for everyone. If it happens, it happens. If not, it still okay, and people who put pressure on single people should understand that. Unfortunately, some of them don't understand. They look at older single men and women and think, "Why aren't they married? They should be married by now." Well maybe they just don't want to get married. There have been a lot of great relationships that deteriorate after marriage. But if you are over 25 and still single, don't fret it. And don't feel pressured by your family and friends.
:|
 
clarityat3am said:
One year when I called home on my birthday, instead of "Happy Birthday!", I got "So are you getting married yet?". Gee thanks. :|
Click to expand...


I guess they were really concerned about you. But still, even I think that's a bit much. Everybody has a different stance on marriage...
 
My parents are soooo beyond wanting me to get married they have moved on to grandchildren..and I am single..
My dad :
1. He had one of my friends call me to say she heard that single people can adopt from China.
2. Last Christmas he was being all weird moving furniture in the dining room around - when asked why, he looked at me and said "just wondering where we are going to put a high chair if we need to"
My Mom
1.Shopping for a newborn outfit for a friends baby, she saw some cute coats and outfits,she asked me if I would mind if she bought them now as "they might not be sold when I have a baby and they are soooo adorable"
2.I always go to my parents house for Pancake Tuesday, this year she asked me if I thought her grandchildren will do the same I said "I don't know, lets call Rory and ask if he'll bring them over"
Rory being my younger brother (long term relationship but no kids yet)...she laughed and got the message for about a week..

My dad is actually way worse than my mom...there are hundreds more funnies like this from him.
I knew it would get worse when my dad stopped asking his usual questions when I mentioned new guys, he is a mechanic and his first question used to always be "what kind of car does he drive"
now it's "do you like him?" and "how long do you think you will like him for?"...

I just laugh it off...no one else is living my life, it's all me...and how I want to have it!!:up:
 
I was married for four years and I can honestly say it shouldn't have happend. There were a lot of red flags that I totally ignored and that saying of "love is blind" is absolutely true. That experience hasn't turned me against the thought of ever marrying again - but I must say I am quite cautious nowadays.

You seem quite intelligent enough not to rush into anything regardless of what your parents want you to do :up:
 
For Honor said:



I guess they were really concerned about you. But still, even I think that's a bit much. Everybody has a different stance on marriage...
Click to expand...

They about as old school as it gets. I wasn't even dating anyone then either. :rolleyes: I love my family. :coocoo:
 
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