the lesser of 2 evils

[digsy]

i was having this conversation with a friend of mine the other day and just thought i would throw this out there to see what everyone else thought...

if your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner/whatever was going to cheat on you, would you "prefer" that it was a once off hot sex-only fling or a prolonged affair?

obviously neither is preferable but if it had to be, which is the lesser evil?

 

[Liesje]

It's hard to say since I've never been cheated on (at least to my knowledge), but I could probably forgive m significant other for a one-time sex only thing, providedv he came to me and told me the truth and was willing to mend things. A prolonged affair.....I doubt very much I could ever recover, or allow our relationship to recover from.

 

[u2bonogirl]

A Fling. Not that I would ever want that.
But a prolonged affair would mean that our relationship has disintegrated to the point that I dont even notice that he isn't interested in me anymore

 

[nbcrusader]

A prolonged affair, even if sex was not involved, can be more damaging.

 

[Sicy]

Fling.

 

[For Honor]

in your experiences, has anyone sided with the "prolonged affair" choice, and, if so, why did they?

I would say fling, too.

 

[indra]

I can't imagine anyone preferring the prolonged affair.

Obviously, I'm choosing fling.

 

[ylimeU2]

Personally, I'd rather it be a fling.

I think if someone's preference would be a long term affair, something else is wrong. I imagine some huge thing would have to be missing physically or emotionally for a long term affair to go on. And the way I see it, if the person being cheated on would choose that, they would have to have similar feelings of emptiness.

 

[Carek1230]

I choose neither because I believe once a cheater always a cheater, and that things happen for reasons. I've been cheated on and know folks who regularly cheat. Even if a fling or a one nighter, it really changes a relationship. Trust and Honesty is soo important and once those boundaries are violated I don't believe they can ever be repaired.

 

[Bonochick]

A fling is definitely the lesser of two evils.

 

[digsy]

overwhelming fling majority i see.

to me, in terms of outcome, it makes no difference - i'll tolerate neither. if i find out, its over, no question

ultimately i guess the question is which would cause less pain in the ultimate breakup. i figure a prolonged affair is a greater sense of betrayal, while a fling can be classified as a moment of blindness/stupidity.

i've seen people recover (or not) from both though.
a friend of mine has ditched a guy after a drunken fling (its dirtier she says, she just felt filthy around him) but another boyfriend who strayed slightly she's let back on the basis of he realised the error of his ways and what he was going to lose, and figured out for himself that she was way more important to him and that he really loved her.

as i say, makes no diff to me, i'll tolerate neither.... i just thought hers was an interesting perspective

 

[ylimeU2]

I would like to say I wouldn't tolerate either. Although, luckily, I've never been in a situation where I had to think decide. I suppose there may be some circumstances where I would work on the relationship, but I really don't know for sure.

 

[verte76]

I'd prefer a one-off.

 

[Carek1230]

What's a one-off?

 

[nbcrusader]

I think Verte's vote was for the fling (another way of saying one night stand).

 

[Angela Harlem]

i vote fling too. but i think that a long term affair is easier to end a relationship over. it says more that the current relationship is over, your partner has gone elsewhere for more than just sex but companionship as well. both would hurt tremendously and obviously no one wants to find out the hard way which of these is preferable. i think of friends or people i know who stay with someone after cheating and it's not hard to see just how hard it is to actually walk away from someone who's broken our trust. it's very sad.

 

[Drama Queen]

i would be really scared if a guy i was seeing had a fling. STD's, AIDS, etc...scare me more than the long-drawn out affair (i would end that too anyways, i wouldnt want to stay with some guy who's been with someone a long time behind my back).

 

[If you shout...]

They both hurt more than you could ever possibly begin to imagine.

There is no "better" situation. They just hurt for different reasons.

 

[U2bpbear24]

i vote neither. definately agree with 'if you shout..'

..once a cheater, always a cheater. exactly.

 

[bsp77]

i would be really scared if a guy i was seeing had a fling. STD's, AIDS, etc...scare me more than the long-drawn out affair (i would end that too anyways, i wouldnt want to stay with some guy who's been with someone a long time behind my back).

Wow, you can't get STD's from a long-drawn out affair? Cool

 

[Drama Queen]

Wow, you can't get STD's from a long-drawn out affair? Cool

you probably could. never said it couldnt happen. i should have worded it better. thanks for the correction.

 

[angel_of_L.A.]

overwhelming fling majority i see.

to me, in terms of outcome, it makes no difference - i'll tolerate neither. if i find out, its over, no question

ultimately i guess the question is which would cause less pain in the ultimate breakup. i figure a prolonged affair is a greater sense of betrayal, while a fling can be classified as a moment of blindness/stupidity.

i've seen people recover (or not) from both though.
a friend of mine has ditched a guy after a drunken fling (its dirtier she says, she just felt filthy around him) but another boyfriend who strayed slightly she's let back on the basis of he realised the error of his ways and what he was going to lose, and figured out for himself that she was way more important to him and that he really loved her.

as i say, makes no diff to me, i'll tolerate neither.... i just thought hers was an interesting perspective

Hers is an interesting POV. I also tolerate neither. However, if it was a prolonged affair, I would want to hear the other person's explanation for what went wrong in the relationship.

 

[bsp77]

you probably could. never said it couldnt happen. i should have worded it better. thanks for the correction.

I was just being a smart-ass. Ignore me.

I know what you meant.

 

[BonosBaby12]

I choose neither because I believe once a cheater always a cheater, and that things happen for reasons. I've been cheated on and know folks who regularly cheat. Even if a fling or a one nighter, it really changes a relationship. Trust and Honesty is soo important and once those boundaries are violated I don't believe they can ever be repaired.

Agree 100%! I got cheated on really bad before and found out that it had been going on for the longest time. Once I found out I lost all trust and never spoke to him again. There's just some stuff you can't get forgive!