the He/She of grade school....

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JCOSTER

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It's a very, very mad world.
I just need to get this off my chest and to see what others think...
My son who is in grade school has a classmate that he considers a friend and hangs with sometimes. The other kids in the class call this other boy a he/she because hes not that into sports, likes to sing, cook and hangout with the girls sometimes. My son came home very mad at the others who were making fun of the other boy. In a way I was happy that he was mad....The other kids then started making fun of my son because he was having a playdate with the boy. I told my son not to be ashamed that he can be the boys friend, and that the others who make fun are probably jealous of something or maybe the even like the other boy. This had me steaming mad that others at an early age would call a classmate a he/she. I know most of the kids parents and they are nice people. Were do they get this from, these kids can't even do division, but yet the know exactly who to call a he/she in school. whats are these kids becoming?:rant:
 
that makes me think about the way many parents raise their children here. I've seen similar cases, but here you can say that the parents are partially guilty cuz many of them tell their boys " you have to be a "machito", a "varoncito"" and things like that, and when they see a kid that doesn't do all the things that little "machos" must do they laugh at him.

Kids learn fast, and maybe, even when the parents don't mean to, they can be surrounded by strong genre roles messages. besides, at that age kids see the things in black and white (or we can say pink and blue?), wrong and right, anything in the middle can be quite confusing.
 
I work at a gym where gymnastics is taught. I remember one time a boy came in to watch his sister take her little 4 year old class and the boy thought it looked fun. So he tugged on dad's shirt and said, "I want to try that!" The dad looked at him with his eyebrows raised and said, "Gymnastics is not for boys." And turned away. The boy probably was 5 or 6. So, there you have it. :|
 
Children find ways to pick on each other at all levels and in many different ways. I'm not sure the behavior is always directly taught, mimiced from older children, or if it simply gains strength when not challenged by adult authority.
 
kids will be kids.

I was always:mad: growing up when people got picked on. I was like your son JCoster, I would be friendly w/ kids who got picked on. I can remember many specific incidents where I helped "the under dog". And for that, I have no regrets.
 
I've got a similar situation going on with my kids although it's somewhat different because I have grade school age daughters.

My youngest daughter who is in kindergarten likes playing with a neighborhood he/she. My wife took them both to a Build-a-Bear workshop (basically, a build your own teddy bear store) last fall for my daughters birthday and this kid built a giraffe and put it in a pink t-shirt that said, "I'm a princess, where's my crown?"

He's the sweetest kid and I encourage my daughter to play with him as much as she wants (I know, easy for me to say since I have a daughter). It's just somewhat ackward talking to his parents about what they do together or when he comes back to them and says, "look what I got at Build-a-Bear workshop!" We never have to say anything, his parents look says it all. It's not like his parents are homophes or anything, I just think they're concerned about him getting picked on at school for being into "girly" things.
 
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I think alot of parents are afraid their child would turn out to be gay. I have told my son that even if that is the case he should never turn his back on a friend....I don't condone the act etc. but I've explained that there is no reason he couldnot be friends with anyone who may or may not be.
 
All I can say is I certainly would not want to be a kid in today's world. Playgrounds, gyms, classrooms are all like battlezones with kids dodging and throwing verbal assaults back and forth. Kids can be so mean, and they gang up on one another. With such fragile egos and feelings it doesn't take much to nearly crush a child with insults from their peers. I don't understand it. My son was bullied until he wasn't going to take it any more then he became a bully himself. He didn't like being either, so turned to drigs to numb himself from the warzone of it all. Thank goodness he's redeemed himself. He often says there's no way he would want to raise a child today to go through what he endured.

I think it is sooo important for parents and teachers, and adults to step in and try to stop this.
 
When my sis was younger she told me there was a "He She" at another school. The scary part was, you really could not tell (I think "she" was a large girl who dressed in very baggy clothes and had manly features) However, I told sis to grow up and find something better to talk about! :madspit:
 
nbcrusader said:


Sadly, this phrase is often used to give kids free license to continue their behavior.

you can say whatever you want to kids, teach them values & morals, but kids are impacted by many other factors through out their daily lives that combat what you teach them and they will often make "moral mistakes". Until they have some life lessons under their belts, kids will be kids.
 
nbcrusader said:


Sadly, this phrase is often used to give kids free license to continue their behavior.


I totally agree, kids will be kids certainly but its not great being a kid with a label, I still remember the boy in 3rd grade that told me I was fat, I remember the boy and girls who laughed at me and said I was fat......hence years later an eating disorder with lasted into my 30's, something I deal with everyday....and people wonder why kids become violent?:(
 
Numb1075 said:
you can say whatever you want to kids, teach them values & morals, but kids are impacted by many other factors through out their daily lives that combat what you teach them and they will often make "moral mistakes". Until they have some life lessons under their belts, kids will be kids.

No, teaching them values and moral gives them the ability to self-regulate behavior. Applying those values and morals through life experience will reinforce the self regulation.
 
:hug:
JCOSTER, you should be very proud of your son for sticking up to his friend. Kids are cruel. There is so much peer pressure to be "Cool" and it's sad that it starts at such an early age.
You are a great parent for teaching your child to be nice and respectful.
If I was a parent of these kids making fun of that boy, I would be livid and utterly embarrassed. Parents need to teach their children that you shouldn't make fun of people, no matter how different they are. If I caught my child making fun of someone, I would tell them, "how would you like it if someone made fun of you?"

:hug:
 
Windmilllane said:
Parents need to teach their children that you shouldn't make fun of people, no matter how different they are.

Unless they're virgins, right Winmillane? Because then they're just prudes who must be ugly since it's not possible for someone not to want to have dirty sex, right?

Well, besides the fact that you're being a hypocrite, I will agree that parenting is key.
 
Windmilllane said:
:hug:
JCOSTER, you should be very proud of your son for sticking up to his friend. Kids are cruel. There is so much peer pressure to be "Cool" and it's sad that it starts at such an early age.
You are a great parent for teaching your child to be nice and respectful.
If I was a parent of these kids making fun of that boy, I would be livid and utterly embarrassed. Parents need to teach their children that you shouldn't make fun of people, no matter how different they are. If I caught my child making fun of someone, I would tell them, "how would you like it if someone made fun of you?"

:hug:


Thank You, a lesson from U2 I have shown my kids on dvd from the chicago show was the COEXIST part. I wanted them to try to understand, but also to stick up for yourself when others are not tolerant. I use that phrase frequently...:nerd:
 
LivLuvAndBootlegMusic said:


Unless they're virgins, right Winmillane? Because then they're just prudes who must be ugly since it's not possible for someone not to want to have dirty sex, right?

Well, besides the fact that you're being a hypocrite, I will agree that parenting is key.

ehh... maybe windmill is not the best person to give that advice... but I really think that he has been genuine with his comment, he doesn't have to be attacked this way. it isn't necesary to bring his issues back

just my opinion :shrug:
 
Muggsy said:


ehh... maybe windmill is not the best person to give that advice... but I really think that he has been genuine with his comment, he doesn't have to be attacked this way. it isn't necesary to bring his issues back

just my opinion :shrug:

I really hope he was being genuine that time. I just thought given what he was saying, it would be a good opportunity for him to consider pretty much all of his previous posts/attacks that he's posted here. :shrug:
 
Numb1075 said:


you can say whatever you want to kids, teach them values & morals, but kids are impacted by many other factors through out their daily lives that combat what you teach them and they will often make "moral mistakes". Until they have some life lessons under their belts, kids will be kids.


I say peer pressure is the worst drug and behavior in schools and playgrounds today. Seriously. I say this from experience with my son.
 
Carek1230 said:



I say peer pressure is the worst drug and behavior in schools and playgrounds today. Seriously. I say this from experience with my son.

You hear a lot about peer pressure in high school, but sometimes I wonder if the really issue begins at a much younger age and that courses/lessons addressing issues like peer pressure and conflict resolution (we had to do one towards the end of middle school) should be introduced earlier.
 
I think it starts in preschool and elementary schools, kids get labled immediately from other kids and it tends to stick with them through high school. This one is fat, she/he or whatever sticks with them forever....and it is the worst drug asper Carek1230!
 
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