Sometimes I just want to rewind to a good part.

[Diemen]

I just got back from my friend's house. The one who I had something going with, then didn't, then did, and now don't. The night was fine. Bunch of friends over, we watched movies, then they all left and I stayed and we listened to music and talked.

Out of the blue she says "Friday will be one year since my Grandma passed away." She was extremely close with her grandma and I've learned to tread very lightly around the subject unless I want her crying. So I try to ignore it. Then a song comes up on the playlist (Space Between) and she starts crying. That was the song she was listening to on the way to the hospital a year ago. So I hold her hand, offer her a shoulder to cry on and try to reassure her even though I can't really think of anything concrete to say.

But all the time that she's talking about her life a year ago, all I can think of is where I was a year ago: the happiest I've ever been, coming off one of the most incredible weekends of my life, falling in love with the most amazing person I know, finally feeling like things were falling into place, like things were right.

Except now I haven't had an incredible weekend in ages, my love life is non-existant, I'm still wrestling with mixed feelings that were never fully resolved or put to rest, and I feel like I'm just stuck, trying to find some direction to follow or some source of inspiration to get me truly excited about getting up in the morning again. I've got no one to confide in anymore. I want to just spill out everything here (cause I could desperately use some advice/consolation/support on the matter), but then I'm scared of what a certain someone that reads the forum would think (I hesitate to even write this line). I even end up trying to have some fun on here and get mistaken for some thread-hijacking overly-honky jerk . And on top of that I feel guilty for moaning over my own problems when my friend is still trying to deal with the death of the person she was closest to so far in her life.

Sometimes I just wanna stay in bed all day.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Diemen just to warn you I am hopeless with advice, so this reply will only contain tired cliches and stuff you likely wont be helped by. But still, I'm sorry to hear you are down. I dont like seeing people down.
Emotions are funny things. Its my belief that problems in life are only made really difficult to get a handle on sometimes because of such little control we have over them. I cant think of anything we can feel that can be forced or altered, and when it comes to things like love or relationships, it makes the actual situation so much worse. We lose a greater sense of control over the whole thing, you know? I mean, in your situation specifically, you reach this one year mark, and you find yourself with these unresolved issues, your friend is still trying to come to terms with her loss, she is grieving, and perhaps there is this anniversary element making you look back and going through all this again. On top of that you feel bad because this is something you cannot stop yourself feeling, knowing while you are suffering yourself, she is still grieving. It doesn't make you a heel at all. It makes you human. You cannot put your stuff into a box and just deal with it later. You seem to have a bunch (not to make it sound like heaps) of seperate issues here, you are remembering something from long ago that you haven't let go of, your friend is in pain, you look at her and get down on yourself for not being able to do anything, you spend each day thinking what happens now, and before long, life blends and merges its way into one sorry downer. The time we spend on things too can make a big difference. Some problems can take quite a while to sort through, and after a while we stop and think 'I have been trying to deal with this for so long and I dont feel any closer to an end to it all'. It can be so frustrating. Perhaps if you try and break them down, find out what is mattering most right now and seperate them all from each other, that may help. Just being able to think to yourself 'I have 3 things I need to get sorted out' is easier than thinking 'life is going crap right now and I can't control it all'. Its weird, but in general, when we see a relationship go from good to bad, or even non existant, our entire view on life can change. I know I have done it. Life can be sailing along, all going great, a relationship ends, and we think 'my whole life is shit'. But it isn't. The only thing that changed is our relationship status. We let that alter our entire perception of our lives, when nothing else at all may have changed a bit. Its not just relationships either. If something really bad does happen, we so easily let our brains tell us everything is screwed up.
Lost relationships have no time frame for getting over. We simply have to resolve all our ties, and wait it out. Grief is the same. Its a time thing. There may not be much you can do to help your friend, except be there and listen when she needs to spill. Find yourself someone you can confide in. We all need a shoulder from time to time. Maybe you have a friend you can talk to online, so you can write things down. Then you may not even have to send an email. Just writing may help, if you are into writing. Try and do one regular thing every week. Aim to go for a walk with your dog, or join a team sport, add anything new to your routine, and make it a goal to do it every week. Direction will come, but you cant force it. It has to present itself I think. Keep busy with all those constants in your life that haven't changed. They're like foundations. Try and fill up any voids with things that you do find positive.
You have to look after you Diemen. Be nice to yourself and give yourself things to look forward to. Sorry for rambling on. I know it isn't anything of help. I hope things start to change soon, and you can start to find answers to the things that are troubling.
Take care

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Sweetie, I don't know what else to say but, I'm right about there now, too. It was a year ago this week that I had one of the most incredible weeks of my life, and now I'm wishing I could go back in time and make things a few things right, or at least rewind just to feel that good again.


It's never easy, but sometimes even when things suck or look like they'll get no better, we just have to move forward. This is what life's all about, picking up and going on, no matter what. It sucks sometimes, but this is what we have each other for.

I probably didn't help one iota with that, but it's kinda early so I'm not quite coherent, but if you ever, EVER need to talk/rant, etc., do not hesitate to PM or IM me.

(((((((DIEMEN))))))))

 

[Sicy]

I'm going to be blunt

You deserve better than what you had a year ago. You shouldnt have to go through emotional tug of wars after all this time and you dont deserve to be upset about crap that happened a year ago. Sorry I just get a little bugged everytime I read your posts about this. I really do hope someone special comes into your life and treats you how you should be treated. Until then you have a lot of interference friends... use them.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

sorry, i can't resist

Until then you have a lot of interference friends... use them.

Yes, use me....I mean, us.

 

[U2girl]

Hmmm i'm probably not going to help much (and i don't really know you so i don't know what this is worth), but IMO life goes around in circles. Yes things are down for you now, but there will be a time when things will get better.

Like you said yourself: you WERE happy a year ago. I really don't think there's any reason why you couldn't be happy again.

Also, i think there have been plenty of opportunities where you've shown on this forum there's a lot more to you than some "overly-honky jerk" image you think you have (you don't BTW). Don't worry about that.

Lastly, i don't think you should feel guilty about moaning. Your problems are just as real as anyone elses, and they deserve just as much attention. You know...problems aren't about being "bigger" or "lesser".

 

[Diemen]

Thanks guys.

I know that I'll be happy again, and it's not like I'm never happy now, it's just that at the end of the day I've got this huge weight (that I've really only scratched the surface with here) that's hard to work around when it centers around something that I've built up almost since hormones first kicked in as the best thing that could happen, even though I saw it fall apart right in front of me.

I'll shut up about that before you guys see how sad(/pathetic) this stuff is. But I do really appreciate your advice.

 

[Ali Rose]

((((((DEIMEN)))))))))))

I just don't understand life. This shit happens to the best of us. I apoligize on behalf of women everywhere. I only wish there were boys like you where i lived.



Hang in there baby. and tell me to do the same.

 

[JustMe]

Hey Diemen. You are probably wondering....hey who the hell is this JustMe person? But if you think long enough you will know who it is. I will give you one hint though.....think of your very first U2 concert, because it's just me.
Hiya hon! Anyway.....listen to me, you are one of the most amazing persons I have ever met in my life. You have so much going for you and I have always admired that in you. Whatever happened a year ago (and lord knows that I haven't been around to find out!) to whatever is going on in your life right now you will get through it and learn some valuable lessons while doing so. It will make you a smarter, better(is that possible? person and that is why we all go through these trials, to test us and to teach us. And if you have figured out who I am, you will know that I am speaking from experience, and am still learning.
You were one of my best friends and I really miss our conversations and everything we shared. Anyone who treats you poorly or doesn't see you how most people see you, they are not worthy of your friendship or love. Things will work out and you will look back and realize the lessons you have learned.
If I am not making sense to anyone....sorry. I'm sure Diemen knows what I am trying to say. Email me at my excite address, then hopefully we can get back in touch.
luv ya lots hon.

 

[Diemen]

To everyone, I feel I need to say something just to clarify (sorry if it's too much information for some). From what I've said here and stuff mentioned in the past, I know it might seem like the girl who hurt me is some cruel, cold-hearted bitch who doesn't care for or about me. That's not the case at all. She's not heartless, she's not cruel, and we do care for each other a great deal (we've been close friends for nearly half our lives). Most people would've called it quits, but we've stuck it out and I hope that shows something of our dedication to each other as people and friends. Our romantic relationship started at a difficult time in her life, confusing situations came up, obviously bad decisions were made, and while that may not totally excuse her actions, all this wasn't exactly a walk in the park for her either (though I know it doesn't occupy her mind anywhere near as much as it does mine).

And to JustMe - WOW it's great to hear from you again! I'll write email you after work today (right now I've got to get some sleep).

____
sorry for tmi, everyone...

 

[daisybean]

I'm not the best one to give relationship advice but I'm gonna anyway

It sucks when any relationship ends, no matter how it ends....however, you can't let it occupy your life. You have to be able to let some of that baggage go, because it is going to effect your future relationships.