Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

[antietam]

well I have a confession. I would like to take responsibility for comments I made on a previous thread. Although I do have reasons for what I did, I understand that this does not absolve me from any disdain or future reparations. First of all I apologize to anyone I may have offended and hereby declare a cease fire. But, . . and this is a big but (bigger that J-Lo and Beyonce's combined, if you can imagine that. . . . . (droll's over keyboard) ) I do not appreciate comments directed towards me about being on any drug; A) because I am not B) I regard that remark to be malicious and very uncalled for. What ever happened to the maxim; "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all?" Degrading people flaunts your own ignorance and reveals your owninsecurities, not the person you are trying to dethone. Secondly, I take that sort of comment personal because I have had a problem with heroin in the past. I have seen one of my friends die right before me, I have overdosed 3 times, it is not a joke and is no laughing matter. Now I have been clean for over a year and to be accused of being on any drug is offensive to me. If you don't like my style of writing, if you can't alter your viewpoint and look at things that may be at times obtuse or off the wall, I suggest that you not read any of my threads. Also before you go ahead and judge me from an ivory tower about being addicted to heroin, I recommend you check your premises about addiction and learn to walk in another's shoes. I was diagnosed with scoliosis when I was 13, and from playing sports my whole life prior to that I had also developed 3 stress fractures in my lower back. my specialist told me that I would never be able to play baseball again since the fractures were caused from the scoliosis and the twisting movments. But when I was a senior in high-school I decided to give it another chance. And after playing only one year and missing the last 4, I was drafted by the Cleveland Indians. I reported to the Winter Haven spring training facility where they discovered my injury and released me. I didn't even get to play one game. So after that I had no idea what to do with my life. And everytime my back hurt, which was constantly, I was reminded of how this pain ruined my life! And then one day an old baseball buddy of mine comes up to me and says 'try this' now at the time I despised drugs and thought that anyone on them were weak minded dissidents. But it took the pain away. and for the first time in years I could sleep and go through the day without a knife driving in my back. And before I knew it, I started to get withdrawal symptoms and needing to go to school or work all I could to was to continue self-medicating my self. It can happen to anyone, if it happened to me, the person who hated needles more than anything going to being found in a deserted house on the west side of Chicago, black and blue by paramedics with a needle in his arm. we don't have the meaning of life figured out yet, so we are bound to look for it in all the wrong places at times. So that is that, I again would like to make it clear that I am sorry for my comments and for depreciating the content of this forum. I would also ask that those who do not share my sense of humor or those who now think of me as a worthless derelict for what I have just said, not to read my posts. And then all of us will be happy. thank you.

 

[cell]

sometimes people say things without knowing one person's background. we should all be careful of what we post. i admire you for telling us your background and apologizing. i've never been addicted to drugs, so i dont know how it is.

take care of yourself...be safe.


icelle

 

[Bono B. Jones]

I can totally understand where you're coming from. I have a back injury as well and lived on the highest dose painkillers available for about two years until I finally had to give into surgery. (lumbar fusion L5-S1) During my recovery from the surgery, my wife and I had to move in with my parents because Workers Comp. sure as hell wasn't going to pay the rent and the bills. That was bad enough and coupled with the fact that I felt like a loser sitting at home all day watching TV Land not earning a living, I started to heavily medicate myself with my pain meds because it was the only thing that (I thought) made me feel good. I could have probably stopped taking meds for pain about a month after surgery and been o.k. Well, taking two at a time quickly became taking four at a time and before I knew it, I was shoving handfulls of pills down at once. Probably enough to kill someone not addicted. My surgeon's office kept approving refills, but I would still run out so I would raid my parents stash of codeine to get me through to the next refill. I had never had any drug or alcohol problems previous to this, hell I never even smoked a cigarette, I was of the mindset that addicts were weak minded losers-little did I know I would become one. I watched the movie Trainspotting one night during my drug binge and realized that I was an addict and that I needed help. Of course it didn't end there, those of us who have been addicted know what happens. It took about another year from that time to totally shed my addiction to the medication. I went to rehab for a short time, then my wife and I went to counseling for about a year and a half. I had left my wife for a month during my heavy addiction period, she was what I considered to be a "Buzzkill". I didn't realize at that point that she was trying to help me and loved me enough to stick with me through it. Lucky for me, I came to my senses and went back to her. Honestly, it was only by the grace of God I didn't overdose or get killed riding a motorcycle (that I had bought the day I left my wife) totally stoned on demorol and Vicodin. (I'd go to the emergency room faking a migraine headache and get two shots of Demorol, then leave with a prescription for Vicodin and go get that filled right away and dose up on that as well) I didn't care about life or living anymore, it was sad. I know that with N.A. and A.A. they say you have to believe in a "higher power", they don't actually say God. Well I can tell you that God was and is my higher power and is the only reason I am alive today. Because of God and getting back into church, I have a great life now. My wife and I worked through a lot of issues over the past four years and we just had our first child 10 months ago. I can't believe that I almost didn't get to bring such a beautiful child into the world. The drugs are a (bad) distant memory and I am very aware that they are still out there and easily obtainable. Great thing is-I DON'T WANT EM!! I had to take some Vicodin about a year ago when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I hated the way I felt when I was on them. I took only what I needed for the first couple of days, then flushed the rest down the toilet. I truly feel I have been delivered from the addiction to them.

I don't expect everyone to relate to my story and I don't want to give the impression of a happily ever after ending. I still have struggles in my life, it's just that now the drugs aren't one of them. Also, I realize everyone has their own beliefs and a lot of people don't believe in God, I'm just sharing with you what worked for me.

Hope this helps someone.

Jason.

 

[bonosloveslave]

Thanks for sharing your stories guys

 

[U2Kitten]

I always feel uncomfortable posting in this forum, but I had to say something about this. It took a lot of guts for you guys to tell your stories. It's more than I would do to a bunch of people I don't really know. I have always been bothered by the way people online tend to make up their minds about a person and judge them without knowing the story, and a lot of incorrect and misinformed opinions spread about a person. There have been times when, not just here, when someone would say something cruel to me I'd think, what are they thinking I am, and if they knew the truth about my life, maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't judge me so harshly. Recently in a thread, I tried hard to explain my feelings on something, and a girl posted 'I've come to expect certain behavior' and posted the fucking rolleyes. At the same time I was hurt and furious. What the fuck does she know about me? Nothing. She obviously has formed some kind of idea in her head and is judging me by that, and she is very, very wrong. She had no right. No one does. At that point I wanted to change my location to 'you think you know, but you have NO idea.." and I'm not talking geography.

But I have one thing to say to Antietam though. I'm very sorry about your story, and I can understand how you feel. But I have also seen you say some mean things to people here too. I know a lot of people turn out mean, sarcastic, or even in jail and blame their sad life. I have a shitty life and have problems I wouldn't even post. But the one thing I always believe is that because bad things have happened to me, I'm not going to do bad things to other people. I feel sorry for other people and don't want to hurt them, as long as they are nice. What I mean is, don't let it give you an excuse to be mean, don't be mean. Because you were done wrong, don't do wrong. I don't mean to lecture, and the only reason I even feel I have a right to say this is because I have a shitty life myself, worse than yours. But spreading the bitterness is not good for yourself or anybody else in the world. I do hope better things for you in your life. Good luck. Bono B. Jones too!

 

[meegannie]

But I have one thing to say to Antietam though. I'm very sorry about your story, and I can understand how you feel. But I have also seen you say some mean things to people here too. I know a lot of people turn out mean, sarcastic, or even in jail and blame their sad life. I have a shitty life and have problems I wouldn't even post. But the one thing I always believe is that because bad things have happened to me, I'm not going to do bad things to other people. I feel sorry for other people and don't want to hurt them, as long as they are nice. What I mean is, don't let it give you an excuse to be mean, don't be mean. Because you were done wrong, don't do wrong. I don't mean to lecture, and the only reason I even feel I have a right to say this is because I have a shitty life myself, worse than yours. But spreading the bitterness is not good for yourself or anybody else in the world. I do hope better things for you in your life. Good luck. Bono B. Jones too!

I think a person's background or current situation can give a lot of insight into their actions and behaviour (and make it easier to forgive transgressions), but it doesn't excuse them. They may cause a tendency to act a certain way or influence decisions, but in the end, it's the person's choice whether or not to give into those temptations.

 

[meegannie]

Recently in a thread, I tried hard to explain my feelings on something, and a girl posted 'I've come to expect certain behavior' and posted the fucking rolleyes.

'

I hope that wasn't me.

 

[U2Kitten]

Nope it wasn't you