Some advice please!

[CDCHRIS]

Ok so im new to these forums and i jus wanted to ask some peoples advice!

This is strange ive never believed in "love at first sight" but ive jus started a new job and OMG theres this girl there and i jus cant stop thinking about her ! when im at work i cant help but look at her shes so beautiful! anyway ive never had problems with girls before. If i like a girl i ask her out but somehow this is different and for some reason my nerves get shot of me and i jus cant say anything when i get close to her ... i mean we talk about work and general chit chat but for some reason my Brain (as it is) wont let me flirt! Its telling me to take a different approach but im not sure what would be too strong a step to take!

I think if i told her exactly how i feel it could go 2 ways either she feels the same way or im gonna feel like an idiot and ill have to quit my new job (DOH)

By the way im 21 and shes 18 !

I jus wanna know from somone with experience what-to-do?

Im so LOST!



HELP WHAT SHOULD I DO????

 

[HelloAngel]

Since you just started your job (as you said), maybe you should give it some time to let your friendship/association with her develop? It's probably too soon to tell her of your feelings just yet. Get to know her better. Put in some time there and see how things go.

 

[For Honor]

Be wary about revealing your feelings to someone younger than you. I'd keep some distance but don't be afraid to flirt. Test it out and be subtle over time, and see how she feels about it.

The real question is - how does she feel about you?

If you don't know, then it might be too soon to say anything.
or
Just be upfront and say that you think she's a beautiful, good looking girl.

I don't think there is anything wrong with that, and, even with some of my girl friends (not girlfriends, but friends that are female) at school, it never did any harm. There's no shame in the truth, but always be careful about who you present it to, and how you present it, as you already know

Anyways, good luck.

It's okay to wait, but don't miss the boat, either.
Try not toget blinded so much by her beauty that you distort the clarity of vision whenit comes to seeing who she is, and how she feels about you. Ultimately, I think it's better to ask her out, get rejected, and still be have a decent working reliationship/friendship, than to just have a friendship with a girl you'd want to ........ well... ( ......... ) ......go out with.......

If nothing more.......
Rock on, man. As long as it doesn't screw things up (........), having a good looking coworker can sure make time on the job a lot more enjoyable....
(heh)

 

[For Honor]

By the by, the strange feelings people get when they find themselves totally attracted to another person isn't love, it's PEA, or penetehltehtoethelkjhkjhosihfuuuhhhhh,,,,,, ..... well,something that stars weith a P, but I forgot it.

That's why some people are love junkies, in that they get addicted to that initial rush of infatuation (and thus there can be several relationships that end because "it lost that feeling" and "I feel that way with someone else now". Of course feelings are going to change ). But it's played up as love as first sight.... Anyway, to go even more on a tangent..... going "PEA brained" isn't a bad thing, it sort ofgives the relationship a grace period, and also, probably helped in the old days when mating was required, and 1-3 years of intensely caring/sexual attraction for another person was probably a good way to ensure that any children would also come into the world with someone concerned about them, etc. Long term relationships take more than PEA to sustain them, and that's often the tricky part.


Anyhow.............
(that was a rushed and generalized statement about things, but, don't worry about it).
If you really like this girl, and feel like you can't talk r ight aorund her, then don't worry. It's natural.

 

[melon]

Keep your job and avoid mixing business with pleasure. It turns out disastrous more often than not.

Melon

 

[Got Philk?]

Hold off young man...for now. Let things play out a little bit. I had a gorgeous co-worker once too and had the same experience. It turned out though she was shallow and really just annoying overall so I was happy when I waited.

On a positive note though, maybe she'll be perfect! Just have patients my son.

 

[CDCHRIS]

Ok this is all great advice Thankyou all!

I worked with her all day today and really felt like we got on well together. She was seeking ME out to talk which im sure is a good sign ...or maybe its bad maybe ive crossed the "FRIEND" barrier and its too late for anything else ahhhhhhhhhh i need to tell her how i feel or im gonna explode! Now if i could jus find the right godam words i dont wanna screw this up!

 

[HelloAngel]

Ok this is all great advice Thankyou all!

I worked with her all day today and really felt like we got on well together. She was seeking ME out to talk which im sure is a good sign ...or maybe its bad maybe ive crossed the "FRIEND" barrier and its too late for anything else ahhhhhhhhhh i need to tell her how i feel or im gonna explode! Now if i could jus find the right godam words i dont wanna screw this up!

Just because you feel a certain way about a person in a passionate manner does not mean you have to say something just because you want to.

How long have you worked with this girl?

 

[CDCHRIS]

3 months !

 

[HelloAngel]

3 months !

Too soon, dude. If you tell her in any way how you feel now, it will most likely make her feel uncomfortable. Give it more time for an actual friendship to develop.

 

[For Honor]

Ok this is all great advice Thankyou all!

I worked with her all day today and really felt like we got on well together. She was seeking ME out to talk which im sure is a good sign ...or maybe its bad maybe ive crossed the "FRIEND" barrier and its too late for anything else ahhhhhhhhhh i need to tell her how i feel or im gonna explode! Now if i could jus find the right godam words i dont wanna screw this up!

I am mostly playing devils advocate in this thread, but I do not really care.



It is imprarative to watch the beginning and end of things. While... it is good to give things time, and allow things to develop, do not deny yourself the truth. Of course there is a judgement call to be made in regards to the work environment, but really, I say put yourself first. Everyone is bound to make mistakes in life, and it is not some cakewalk, so at least do things you will enjoy.

If this is a girl that you find attractive, and would like to spend more than co-worker time with, than there is no reason to lie and say otherwise. I know that this is against what everyone else is saying, but at least consider a different perspective.

3 months? I think that's long enough. How long should one wait? 4, 6 8 months? I do not just to say "hey, I like you", or to ask a girl out. No way. The trick is, to not make her uncomfortable when you reveal yourself to her, and to do it in a casual, almost meaninless manner. Make sure she can feel just as good about saying 'yes' as saying 'no'.

I do not know... 3 months?
The more you hesitate, as a guy, the more you lose that natural impulse. And you most definitely do not want to fall into the "friend zone". I know a lot of shows and movies glorify that limbo between friend and boyfriend, but in real life, I say be as upfront as possible. There no need to lie to yourself, or her. The real judgement call is if the situation is right, and if everyone would be comfrotable with it, but.... I t think that 3 months is fair enough.


But here is a question for the ladies...
Is there anything wrong with a guy coming up to you and saying that you are pretty, or attractive, and perhaps that he would want to take you out on a date? Or, even for this situation, do you think that would be too forward?

 

[HelloAngel]

But here is a question for the ladies...
Is there anything wrong with a guy coming up to you and saying that you are pretty, or attractive, and perhaps that he would want to take you out on a date? Or, even for this situation, do you think that would be too forward?

As with CDChris's situation - it depends on your dynamic with the given girl. As a chick who has often been on the receiving end of such propositions, I'm telling you - you need to put yourself in the girl's shoes first before you worry about "being true to your self."

In every job I've had, male co-workers would come up to me and tell me they thought I was attractive and they would like to take me out. Now, given the varying degrees of friendship and regular interaction I had with the guys...some creeped me out, some didn't. The ones that DID creep me out were the guys I didn't talk to very often or know very well. After they said what they had to say, I didn't want to work with them again, or if I did, I had to measure my interaction with them very carefully so as to not lead them on or encourage their feelings.

The ones that DIDN'T creep me out (and ones that I may have gone out with or considered) were guys that I had gotten to know very well as friends and who I would mutually flirt with. Often if a girl is interested in you, you will know it by certain ways in which she treats you. One of which is if she talks to you ALOT, smiles at you ALOT and flirts with you. When girls have crushes, it's often pretty obvious. (At least, it was for me when I did.)

Look, just because you feel a certain way about someone, doesn't mean that you should act on it just because you are bursting at the seams. Things to be taken into account, especially your comfort level and interaction with the person. If you barely know the person after 3 months, you should NOT say something that would make them feel awkward around you.

When you work with someone, there is a fine line on what you should and shouldn't say, because things get awkward and soon working with the person becomes very awkward. You have to truly think these things out before you act.

Guys don't seem to know this, but you have a better chance of getting a YES to a date invite if you're actually friends with the chick. Not "like her brother" but actually friendly with her.

 

[For Honor]

I see. I can comply with most of that. Every woman is a different story, and it is hard to tell from this side of the monitor, in regards to CDCHRIS's object of interest.

The ones that DIDN'T creep me out (and ones that I may have gone out with or considered) were guys that I had gotten to know very well as friends and who I would mutually flirt with

I totally understand that.

... i mean we talk about work and general chit chat but for some reason my Brain (as it is) wont let me flirt! Its telling me to take a different approach but im not sure what would be too strong a step to take! /B]

I just do not want our friend here to feel like he should wait much longer than 3 months to show interest. I still think you should show interest right away, even though you don't have to act on it. Show some of the "primal male aggressiveness" but still be a refined gentleman. It's a difficult balance, but, whatever the case, especially if it matters to the guy, I think you must at least indicate interest.


So, yes. I agree that one should hold off on "popping the question" of a date or other get together, etc. I think Hello Angel has some very good points there. However, I stilll feel that if you see something you like, you have to reveal some sort of interest, at least within 3 months, especially the first 3. And no doubt that most women will probably be able to pick it up somehow, without having to be too direct, that you have some feelings for them. But you shouldn't assume that they know, either. I think 3 months is fine when it comes to showing interest, and initiating some form of flirting, that will lead into the "mutual flirting" stage.

I don't want the guy to feel like he has to withhold everything in that regard. That is mostly what I meant be being true to yourself, not "hey, I want to date you now, lets go!", being oblivious to how the woman feels, no, not quite like that. But that it is okay to express interest, even if that is all that ever comes from it.

 

[HelloAngel]

For Honor and CDChris, please take into account that my advice is coming from already being where you guys are still going. I'm speaking from experience as someone quite older than you.

Ultimately, how you all choose to approach a chick to possibly get involved is up to you. But getting to know someone and then casually flirting with them is not a bad thing. I would say that given your situation CDChris, it's too soon to ask her out. Talk to her more, establish a friendly dynamic and feel it out more.

 

[For Honor]

You do have a point, and I respect that.

 

[yimou]

For Honor and CDChris, please take into account that my advice is coming from already being where you guys are still going. I'm speaking from experience as someone quite older than you.

Ultimately, how you all choose to approach a chick to possibly get involved is up to you. But getting to know someone and then casually flirting with them is not a bad thing. I would say that given your situation CDChris, it's too soon to ask her out. Talk to her more, establish a friendly dynamic and feel it out more.

There you go CDChris Words of wisdom.

 

[For Honor]

After some reconsiderations and other things, I move to change positions on this subject, or at least shift suppor more so to what HelloAngel has said. I overlooked the ... importance, or perhaps neccesity of connnections, and ultimately intimacies.

I got too caught up in "not losing that killer insinct".....

 

[CDCHRIS]

wow alot of people repplied ! Thanks alot everyone this is all good stuff. ive read every word and i belive that Hello Angels advice is the best ive gotten so far ! I think now though its obvious she also likes me !

Every time i look over shes looking at me and she always smiles when shes around me ! also i think it was a light hearted joke but the girl i like and another girl who i worked with said they Love me ! they kinnda sang it if that makes sense???

and maybe she was droping a hint earlier today when she said "we get paid on the 21st and i really wanna go see this movie at the cinema (King Kong)".> i hope she meant with me.

like i said i do like ur advice ...but i think its time to ask her out even if its jus to the cinema. Now if you object and think i should wait please say so now!!!!

Or PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Tell me what to say to her ! "hello angel" What would you want to hear???

 

[HelloAngel]

CDCHRIS,

For your first outing with a girl... girls often feel safety in numbers for many reasons. You might want to get a gang of work mates together so that you can say, "hey, a bunch of us are going to King Kong, do you want to come?" and then smile a cute smile!

If you can't get work mates together, then see if you can get nice friends of yours together that she'd like and feel comfortable around and then ask her the same question.

Good luck!

 

[For Honor]

and maybe she was droping a hint earlier today when she said "we get paid on the 21st and i really wanna go see this movie at the cinema (King Kong)".> i hope she meant with me.

I wouldn't consider that a "maybe". She was telling you that she really wanted to go see the movie.

 

[CDCHRIS]

Ok ill see her again tuesday ! Im gonna do it ....

Wish me luck!

Ill reply and let u all know the answer!