Slightly embarassing question about High-School "Boyfriend/Girlfriend"

[LikeNoOneBefore]

Oh man. I forgot. I'm one of those old-fashioned teens who is saving sex for marriage.

 

[Smallville]

Sex is a common thing now for 12 year olds, it's scary! This country is not what it used to be.

 

[music.u2]

If you suspect that she is going to do it, remind her of the consequences.. Ask her how well does she know this boy and is there a chance that he might be using her? Good luck

 

[Lila64]

Sex is a common thing now for 12 year olds, it's scary! This country is not what it used to be.

Not any of the 12 year olds I know (my daughter included!)


Hope things go smoothly for you & your sister Fitz. I'll be sending my daughter to you next

Actually, they saw some films in class this week, and she discussed a little of it with me in the car the other day. I didn't know what to say or ask, but she was just telling me about the boys/girls and the sperm fertilizing the egg,... I'm so not ready for this.

 

[martha]

Sex is a common thing now for 12 year olds, it's scary! This country is not what it used to be.

And you know this how?

 

[Canadiens1131]

 

[love_u2_adam]

Not any of the 12 year olds I know (my daughter included!)


Hope things go smoothly for you & your sister Fitz. I'll be sending my daughter to you next

Actually, they saw some films in class this week, and she discussed a little of it with me in the car the other day. I didn't know what to say or ask, but she was just telling me about the boys/girls and the sperm fertilizing the egg,... I'm so not ready for this.

LOL

 

[LMP]

And you know this how?

 

[phillyfan26]

Pfft try not having a boyfriend for nearly two years and about to be a senior in high school!

Pffffffft try not ever having had a girlfriend.

Oh wait, that's not really that funny.

 

[martha]

I don't get it.

 

[AtomicBono]

Pffffffft try not ever having had a girlfriend.

Oh wait, that's not really that funny.

I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend, so don't feel so bad

lots of kids in my high school were having sex. Similarly, I knew people who didn't, and I sure didn't. I'm one of those crazy people who think it should be saved for a serious, loving, committed relationship, not just something to do friday night at a party

 

[FitzChivalry]

So here's what I got for my list for our talk:


1. STDs: Bacterial vs. Viral
2. Condoms and Lubricants: Latex vs. Lambskin. Oil-Based vs. Water/Silicone Based
3. Other Birth Control devices
4. Date Rape Drugs, e.g., Rohipnol and "walking away from a drink"
5. Myths: Ways you ABSOLUTELY CAN get pregnant
6. Being pressured/Low-Self Esteem/Self-Respect
7. Goals/Ambitions/REST OF YOUR LIFE!

Okay, maybe without the exclamation point. I won't shout at her, obviously.



Am I missing a big topic?

 

[onebloodonelife]

I don't get it.

It's the guy from Dateline, he does the How to Catch a Predator series where they set up traps for pedophiles.


I also just graduated from high school, and I never had a boyfriend in those four years. Not to sound condescending, but most of the guys in my school were rude, immature, and nobody I would consider having a relationship with. And, I'm not into having casual sex. I'm also not a wait until marriage person, but I do think you should be in a loving, serious relationship before having sex.

A lot of people at my school were having sex by the time they were 14 or 15. Out of our class of 130, two girls were pregnant/had a child by the time they graduated. One was pregnant at graduation, and one had her baby at the end of junior year. We also have a girl who was a sophomore this year get pregnant.

It sounds like you're doing a great job of teaching her about protection, etc. And, your sister seems like a girl with her head on her shoulders correctly. As long as her grades don't slip, and she doesn't start behaving erratically, I see no reason why she can't be dating this boy.

 

[LMP]

I don't get it.

Oh, I'm joking about the poster who claims that he knows 12 year olds are having sex, I should've quoted his original post instead of your response. My bad.

 

[sami0201]

I didn't want to start a whole new thread about this, but it's not really contributing to the topic of this thread... so mods if you want to move it go ahead!

I have a personal question, or not really question but I just want opinions...I know it's completely up to me whether I want to have sex or not and I probably won't but I kind of want to. I was with a guy for a while in the winter...nothing specific happened, no fight or anything, we just mutually stopped seeing each other. Then he eventually got back with his ex but they broke up a few months ago for good. Now I'm kind of "hooking up" with him again. Not boyfriend/girlfriend (yet? but I don't really want that since I'm going to college in 2 weeks lol) but he is definitely a relationship person. I kind of want to have sex with him but kind of isn't enough. It's just that I know myself, and I know that I'm going to end up going to school and my first time is going to end up being with some random person or some new guy I meet. I know that sounds terrible but I know myself and that will probably end up happening. I kind of want to with him but I'm not on the pill, and I'm just scared! Not even of having sex but just of getting pregnant, etc. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I just don't know what to do. He's not pressuring me in ANY way, it's just something that's been on my mind. And then I keep thinking I'd rather it be with him then with anyone else. But at the same time I'm not in love with him and I'm not exactly in a relationship with him. I know you guys aren't gonna tell me to go have sex but what are your opinions?

 

[Screwtape2]

I didn't want to start a whole new thread about this, but it's not really contributing to the topic of this thread... so mods if you want to move it go ahead!

I have a personal question, or not really question but I just want opinions...I know it's completely up to me whether I want to have sex or not and I probably won't but I kind of want to. I was with a guy for a while in the winter...nothing specific happened, no fight or anything, we just mutually stopped seeing each other. Then he eventually got back with his ex but they broke up a few months ago for good. Now I'm kind of "hooking up" with him again. Not boyfriend/girlfriend (yet? but I don't really want that since I'm going to college in 2 weeks lol) but he is definitely a relationship person. I kind of want to have sex with him but kind of isn't enough. It's just that I know myself, and I know that I'm going to end up going to school and my first time is going to end up being with some random person or some new guy I meet. I know that sounds terrible but I know myself and that will probably end up happening. I kind of want to with him but I'm not on the pill, and I'm just scared! Not even of having sex but just of getting pregnant, etc. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I just don't know what to do. He's not pressuring me in ANY way, it's just something that's been on my mind. And then I keep thinking I'd rather it be with him then with anyone else. But at the same time I'm not in love with him and I'm not exactly in a relationship with him. I know you guys aren't gonna tell me to go have sex but what are your opinions?

Sami, I think the main conflict inside you is that you don’t trust yourself. I really doubt that you’ll sleep with a random guy because it seem like you have a good head on your shoulders (a running theme in this thread.) The real question is would having sex with this guy give you more confidence or less? That is something you should think about. Sex is tricky issue for everyone, especially when it comes to your first time. There is no right answer, only you will know when it is the right time and I’m sure you’ll make a good choice. Maybe you should start thinking about what you’d want your first time to be like. In the end, you have full control over that. Hope everything turns out well and that you trust in yourself a little more.

 

[sami0201]

I don't think I would have less self confidence, he is a good guy and he's not the kind of person who goes around having sex with random girls all the time. It's not like I would be another "notch on his belt" lol. He's really a relationship kind of person. I'm not rushing into anything, it's just something on my mind. Thanks for your advice!

 

[Screwtape2]

I don't think I would have less self confidence, he is a good guy and he's not the kind of person who goes around having sex with random girls all the time. It's not like I would be another "notch on his belt" lol. He's really a relationship kind of person. I'm not rushing into anything, it's just something on my mind. Thanks for your advice!

I'm sure he's a good guy, I just mean you should keep in mind why you would think you might sleep with a random guy and make sure that isn't related to this. It probably isn't but it wouldn't hurt to make sure since you're already thinking about these things. I hope things turn out well for you in what you choose.

 

[FitzChivalry]

Maybe you should start thinking about what you’d want your first time to be like.

Sami--

Since you've waited this long, you may as well think about what YOU want. If this is what you want, then have fun and BE SAFE!

But you shouldn't think that college will just land you a random guy. After all, college could land you the everlasting man of your dreams. And what would it be like to have your first time be with him?

Whatever you decide, enjoy and be smart and safe.

 

[martha]

Since you've waited this long, you may as well think about what YOU want. If this is what you want, then have fun and BE SAFE!

This is pretty much was I was going to say.

It's your body. If you want to have sex, then maybe you're ready. It's as big a deal as advertised, though, so be prepared for that. Using at least a condom is mandatory, but something more would be an excellent idea. Sex should always be with someone you like. If you like this guy, and he likes and respects you, then do what makes you happy.

 

[anitram]

I think all of the above is good advice.

But one thing is, if you know he's a relationship type, then you have to think about what kind of signals you might be sending to him by having sex with him. To you, it may mean something completely different than to him, especially if he is prone to developing emotional attachments easily. Since you guys sound like you're friends, I'd be careful not to inadvertently hurt him in the process.

 

[Earnie Shavers]

My first time (and hers) was with a friend (and, umm, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th.... anyway) and it somehow miraculously managed to remain 'cool'. It definitely puts me well in the minority as going by other friends who had similar experiences. There's a fine line there somewhere that is almost impossible to read. I think our experience worked because it was sort of boxed into a limited time period (we were on holiday together), and then after returning there was a forced distance for a couple of months. If the person is anything more than just an acquaintance, be careful, because I can almost guarantee you WILL create some kind of higher emotional attachment or feeling, no matter how much you think you won't or can't see it coming. Might not be some kind of luuurve trouble if you're lucky, can definitely be something quite sweet. Her and I were part of a larger group and certainly not the closest friends out of that group, far from it. But 10 years later we're the only two to still be in touch, and quite regularly, despite still not ever really developing into the greatest of friends or whatever. Our relationship stayed kinda the same, but the bond forever changed - if that makes sense. Luckily, perhaps by sheer chance, the line was just in the right spot for us, but I've seen sex ruin plenty of great friendships and really badly hurt lots of people for the very reasons anitram wrote above, generally one person misreading the other, or one of the two people (or both) not even reading themselves properly beforehand.

I'd also like to put forth a vote for the shared first experience - I'm sure it doesn't make too much if any difference, but it's a nice thing.

Confessionals indeed.