For Honor
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*sigh*, well, I don't really even know if I should be writing this, becuase I don't know if it really makes a difference. It really is silly...
You see.............
There is a girl I know, let's call her Sarah. I met her two years ago, back when I was a sophmore in highschool. It was a pretty... interesting way of meeting someone, and, long story short, I guess she really liked me.
Of course, there is a lot more to write about that situation, but really, I'm concerned with the present. I will say, though, that because I was such a shy kid, and rather insecure at that time, I was too afraid to be someone's boyfriend, even though she is a very kind person...
......fastforward....
So here I am, a Senior. She is, too. It's the second semester now, but at the begining of the school year, I was surprised to see her sitting next to me in my first period class.
Over the course of the year, we've gotten to be friends, I'll admit. Perhaps one of my better friends, but, then again, I don't "hang out" with anyone. No, Sarah and I don't do anything together, except share two classes.
I'm pretty sure I just have some sort of a crush on her, because we flirt horribly. I mean, really badly. We are subtle about it, but sometimes I can't help but smile, even when she just jokingly frowns at me. It's really strange.
But at the same time, I have always enjoyed being able to talk to her about things on a mature level. A lot has changes in these last two years (aka the story of my life has changed...), but I can't help wonder how she feels about me.
It's obvious that I have some sort of feelings for her, but really, I don't want to jeopardize our friendship, because I have a very, very short list of people that I even talk to, or, write an email to. The problem is, she has a lot of qualities, that, maturely speaking, I find attractive and noteworthy: She wants to be in a mature relationship, she's caring, she has motivation and is willing to work. Sometimes she works all night to get money for things, and I know a lot of people who just don't do that. I repsect her.
She has a positive attitude and an overall good personality.
In many ways, I wish I was more socially capable 2 years ago, because it would have been really interesting to have known Sarah last year.... But I won't worry about that past.
Recently, things have really heated up with some converstations that sort of lead into talking about sex, and even though we only mentioned the word, Friday brought a sense of shyness to us both, but one we sort of acknowledged and laughed about...
I'll see her again on monday with classes, but I find myself thining about her every now and then......
But I'm just concerned, because I don't want to overstep the line and throw something good away.
And, of course, there's the other things. THe main reason I never thought about having a girlfriend in the first place is because it would just be too hard- as in, I can't really do anything with anyone right now. My environment is really odd, and I'm having a good enough challenge with it myself. And also, I will be going off to college soon, and so will she.
me being on the serious side, I almost wonder if it would be pointless to start something that would likely end when we go are separate ways, even though we will be in the same state.
But I've already had one dealing with a long distance, well..... 'affair'........ ...... ....... .............
nevertheless..... one thing, and I probably talk to her about this with her, is that I really am finding myself to want to have a good relationship, and really, to be able to focus on one person, and just keeping them happy. I know it sounds strange, but I've just seen so many bad relationships, and so many people who don't know how to be in a relaitionship, and so many immature people, that when I do do something, I want to do it properly.
I think Sarah will understand what I mean.
I would talk about everything in this post with her, but I don't want to rush anything, one way or another.
So right now, I guess I will just try to maintain a good friendship with her, and see how things go...
I don't know why, but I feel like writing this, too:
(it has nothing to do with the overall meaning of the song itself, but just the plain lyrics)
"Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to know what it is will break you
I don't know which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't wanna see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye
In summer I can taste the salt in the sea
There's a kite blowing out of control on a breeze
I wonder what's gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me
I'm a man,
I'm not a child.........
You see.............
There is a girl I know, let's call her Sarah. I met her two years ago, back when I was a sophmore in highschool. It was a pretty... interesting way of meeting someone, and, long story short, I guess she really liked me.
Of course, there is a lot more to write about that situation, but really, I'm concerned with the present. I will say, though, that because I was such a shy kid, and rather insecure at that time, I was too afraid to be someone's boyfriend, even though she is a very kind person...
......fastforward....
So here I am, a Senior. She is, too. It's the second semester now, but at the begining of the school year, I was surprised to see her sitting next to me in my first period class.
Over the course of the year, we've gotten to be friends, I'll admit. Perhaps one of my better friends, but, then again, I don't "hang out" with anyone. No, Sarah and I don't do anything together, except share two classes.
I'm pretty sure I just have some sort of a crush on her, because we flirt horribly. I mean, really badly. We are subtle about it, but sometimes I can't help but smile, even when she just jokingly frowns at me. It's really strange.
But at the same time, I have always enjoyed being able to talk to her about things on a mature level. A lot has changes in these last two years (aka the story of my life has changed...), but I can't help wonder how she feels about me.
It's obvious that I have some sort of feelings for her, but really, I don't want to jeopardize our friendship, because I have a very, very short list of people that I even talk to, or, write an email to. The problem is, she has a lot of qualities, that, maturely speaking, I find attractive and noteworthy: She wants to be in a mature relationship, she's caring, she has motivation and is willing to work. Sometimes she works all night to get money for things, and I know a lot of people who just don't do that. I repsect her.
She has a positive attitude and an overall good personality.
In many ways, I wish I was more socially capable 2 years ago, because it would have been really interesting to have known Sarah last year.... But I won't worry about that past.
Recently, things have really heated up with some converstations that sort of lead into talking about sex, and even though we only mentioned the word, Friday brought a sense of shyness to us both, but one we sort of acknowledged and laughed about...
I'll see her again on monday with classes, but I find myself thining about her every now and then......
But I'm just concerned, because I don't want to overstep the line and throw something good away.
And, of course, there's the other things. THe main reason I never thought about having a girlfriend in the first place is because it would just be too hard- as in, I can't really do anything with anyone right now. My environment is really odd, and I'm having a good enough challenge with it myself. And also, I will be going off to college soon, and so will she.
me being on the serious side, I almost wonder if it would be pointless to start something that would likely end when we go are separate ways, even though we will be in the same state.
But I've already had one dealing with a long distance, well..... 'affair'........ ...... ....... .............
nevertheless..... one thing, and I probably talk to her about this with her, is that I really am finding myself to want to have a good relationship, and really, to be able to focus on one person, and just keeping them happy. I know it sounds strange, but I've just seen so many bad relationships, and so many people who don't know how to be in a relaitionship, and so many immature people, that when I do do something, I want to do it properly.
I think Sarah will understand what I mean.
I would talk about everything in this post with her, but I don't want to rush anything, one way or another.
So right now, I guess I will just try to maintain a good friendship with her, and see how things go...
I don't know why, but I feel like writing this, too:
(it has nothing to do with the overall meaning of the song itself, but just the plain lyrics)
"Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to know what it is will break you
I don't know which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't wanna see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye
In summer I can taste the salt in the sea
There's a kite blowing out of control on a breeze
I wonder what's gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me
I'm a man,
I'm not a child.........
)
