*sigh of relief*

[unforgettableFOXfire]

I have just done the hardest thing that Ive ever had to do in my life. This afternoon, in 3 hours, I wrote an 8 page (8000 word), letter to my parents, outlining the very core of my emotional self. What prompted all this was my failing of chemistry, as a result of my personal psychology, knowing my dad would be pissed, I intentionally lowered my mark by not handing in several assignments that I had already completed. Acedemic suicide, yes. But. Important fact, is that it looks like laziness as opposed to sheer mathematical incompetence. This is the first time in my life I have ever had trouble with anything acedemic related, and so I bailed in such a way that I would only be accused of being lazy and not serious about my life, rather than the truer reasons. I just cant accept the fact that Im not good at something, and neither can my dad. Till now at least. So yes, 8 pages of me talking about everything which is my life. No, interference was not included, but thats of little matter, since I did say how I am frequently getting people online to help me with my problems, and by extension inteference can fall under that category.

Anyways... Ive been talking with my dad for the longest 3 hours of my life... But I feel so liberated, Ive been carrying that emotional shit for far, far, far too long. Hardest thing Ive ever had to do. It really shouldnt have been, but it was.

Hell, Im absolutely terrified of heights, and yet when I went to Canada's Wonderland, I subjected myself to Drop Zone twice. A couple hundred feet of harnessed falling as such. That pretty much was my moment of personal liberation, I knew right then what I had to do. Face my fears. I honestly cannot talk to my dad, I dont know why, it seems reasonable enough to be able to talk to someone whos always there, always available to talk, always worthy of my trust, and yet until today I havent ever been able to without telling him what he wanted to hear rather than how I actually felt...

Sorry if this is incoherent, I dont much care for making sense... I just have to confess this emotional success on my part, I dont even expect anyone to post here, and I would certainly rather people not say 'good for you' just because they can, as that doesnt really help me, and i dont like being the center of attention for the wrong reasons.

Anyways... That is all for now...



Oh yes, and it seems I serve MacPhisto again... I knew it was just a matter of time... Cant someone at least change it to I serve Sulawesigirl4 instead? lol... Im tired of being just another bitch to macphisto...

Now, that is all.

Err, wait!... No ok...

Haha, I photoshopped an image yesterday when I was depressed, final fantasy's Theif character becomes a preist (ironic eh?).
http://www.geocities.com/eldiabloca/picsngifs/popetheif.jpg

edit: Note, you wont be able to click the link and go, because GeoShitties is complete crap. I hope they die many horrible deaths, each more brutally painful than the last. That is all.

 

[Gina Marie]

Good for you! I know how difficult it can be expressing yourself like that-heck, I still can't do it.

Best of luck to you, and I hope it helps a lot that you wrote that and talked to your Dad. Having a father who has pretty much always been completely emotionally unavailable/doesn't really care, I think you should realize how lucky you are that your Dad isn't like that.

I'm terrified of heights, and couldn't do that


And on a lighter note, you've got a crush on Sula

But that's so sweet-you have great taste

 

[ouizy]

ouizy~~hugs UFOXFIRE