Shouldn't I feel worse?

[daisybean]

My 90 year old great uncle was told by his doctor that he probably only live another six months. They found grows on his lungs, however do not want to operate, or do a biopsy on someone his age, understandably.

My reaction when I heard, was oh that's too bad, but I'm not really upset about it. That is always my initial reaction when someone dies, or is about to die....then I start feeling bad for not feeling worse about what happened. I think sometimes I am more upset with myself for not being more upset that someone I love has died. I think I spend more time wondering, what the hell is wrong with me for not being as upset as I think I should be.

Did that make any sense?

*edit to add* I really think sometimes that wiring that connects my emotions is screwy....I sometimes feel nothing when something bad happens.

 

[Sparkysgrrrl]

People react to things in different manners.
Just because someone doesn't turn into a weeping mess on the floor doesn't mean they don't care.

You feel what you feel, and don't knock yourself for how you react.

 

[martha]

People react to things in different manners.
Just because someone doesn't turn into a weeping mess on the floor doesn't mean they don't care.

You feel what you feel, and don't knock yourself for how you react.

What she said!

 

[Blue_Angel]

Daisybean, people always react in different ways. Often when you hear of something like this, it takes awhile to sink in. Sometimes it may even take a few years. I remember when my aunt had cancer, I was still pretty young, but I didn't really feel anything even when my cousins came to live with us while she was having a bone marrow transplant. It was not until several years after she passed away that it started really bothering me, and now I often think about her and about my cousins and how they have managed to cope. It was kind of the same with my grandmother who I was extremely close to, I miss her so much now.
I know the feeling you're talking about, and I believe the word for it is numb. The prospect of death is a very big one, and an immediate emotional response to it is often just to shut down your emotions. You're not cold-hearted and there is nothing wrong with you.
The other thing to add is, while it is not necessarily easier to lose an older person, it is a lot easier to justify the loss with the fact that they have had a full, long life. Good luck, don't be hard on yourself please, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your great uncle.

 

[Ali Rose]

Honestly, there is a difference between someone in their 90's thats dying, and someone who's been cut short like in their mid-life or younger....if anyone knows what i mean..

To me, when my great grandpa died at age 101, it really wasn't sad...not a relief or anything, but it was like..He lived a long good life. And was moving on to a better place. Not "Why oh why was he taken away from us?" you know? Perhaps that has some influence on how you feel...

I dunno. I hope nobody takes me wrong ...I don't WISH anyone to die EVER... sometimes i'm bad at 'splainin stuff...

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

One of my friends was like this. I didn't ever think there was anything wrong with it, cause I knew her well and I knew her reactions to things, but from a faraway viewpoint I prolly would think there was something wrong. I dunno, I'm an emotional person (sometimes too emotional) so maybe that's why.




People feel things differently, don't feel guilty about your feelings.

 

[Sicy]

Honestly, there is a difference between someone in their 90's thats dying, and someone who's been cut short like in their mid-life or younger....if anyone knows what i mean..

To me, when my great grandpa died at age 101, it really wasn't sad...not a relief or anything, but it was like..He lived a long good life. And was moving on to a better place. Not "Why oh why was he taken away from us?" you know? Perhaps that has some influence on how you feel...

I dunno. I hope nobody takes me wrong ...I don't WISH anyone to die EVER... sometimes i'm bad at 'splainin stuff...

I understand exactly what you're saying. That's somewhat what I wanted to try to say but I didnt really know how. Also.. I think if its someone immediatly close to you like a mother, father, or sibling I think you would definatly react differently. When my great uncle/godfather died I was upset but I wasnt devastated like I would be if it were someone really really close to me.

to daisy.

 

[BAW]

Honestly, there is a difference between someone in their 90's thats dying, and someone who's been cut short like in their mid-life or younger....if anyone knows what i mean..

To me, when my great grandpa died at age 101, it really wasn't sad...not a relief or anything, but it was like..He lived a long good life. And was moving on to a better place. Not "Why oh why was he taken away from us?" you know? Perhaps that has some influence on how you feel...

I dunno. I hope nobody takes me wrong ...I don't WISH anyone to die EVER... sometimes i'm bad at 'splainin stuff...

I think everyone understands what you're saying Ali Rose. I was sad and cried a little when my grandpa died but he was in his 80's and had been very sick. I was sad and cried for a day or two when my Dad died but within a few days, it was almost like it didn't happen. He was sick and expected not to live. But when my son's close friend died at 16 a few months ago, I was devastated and cried non-stop for a week.

I felt so strange for not grieving more for my own relatives but it really is different for everyone.

Don't worry Daisy...everyone handles death in their own way.

 

[daisybean]

Thank you...I understand that everyone grieves differently...however most times I feel nothing at all.... no matter how much time passes.... It's the same way with the good things... it's like "eh, so"..... I'm definately emotionaly stunted or something. It's like the only thing I'm good at is feeling apathic

 

[adamswildhoney]

I feel the same way sometimes but I think it okay to feel that way, I dunno know. Everyone feels or doesnt feel things differently.

 

[daisybean]

I guess the Doctors were wrong about the six months...he passed away yesterday morning. He went in his sleep and was only really feeling bad for about a month. He was planning on going hunting later this month with his friends, even though the doctors advised against it (he was 92). I feel bad, but am more relieved that he did not suffer a long time and lived a very full life.

 

[bonosloveslave]

Gosh, I'm so sorry Daisy - s to you and your family....

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I'm so sorry, daisy.

 

[adamswildhoney]

Daisy!