sex: the driving force of self-destruction

[Zoomerang96]

any other guy feel that way? what are we thinking? why do we only talk to the pretty ones? the attractive ones?

must everything be about sex?

i really wonder if it is best to be a virgen even AFTER marriage...

sorry, just a rant. i quite often totally hate sexual feelings. theyre just a mess.

 

[Zoomerang96]

ok to elaborate further

*wait, i see i spelled virgin wrong. wait i dont even know how to spell it. which way is it? does it matter? no.

ive found it weired that in intercourse people have said nothing matters except whats going on right there and then, meaning the whole world could blow up, but it wouldnt matter, is frightening.

ofcourse some of you will write me off as crazy, but im seriously questioning this whole sex thing. maybe its cause i dont get any, lol. but really thats not even it.

i dont know anymore, whatever.

*is perplexed, and will explain further a different time and day.

 

[zooropamanda]

says he of the home of kissing, touching, kissing, feeling, grabbing, fondling, nodding, flondering kissing.

Something wrong bear?

 

[Zoomerang96]

no amanda, ive actually been really good today! this is something ive been wondering for a long time.

its a combonation of things: the influx of sex everywhere in the media being a huge factor. it turns me off greatly. every advert, everybody on tv is supposed to be skanky so it sells.

sex is all about status. ya, i really think that. not always, but so much of what we see is just that.

[This message has been edited by Zoomerang96 (edited 02-25-2002).]

 

[Sicy]

I agree.

 

[Diamond The U2 Patriot]

What time does church start?

db9

 

[Zoomerang96]

im not quite sure how to respond to you diamond, though i do feel it is rather inappropriate. however, i dont really believe you meaning much harm by it so whatever.

what i do know is that when it comes to woman, me and you are complete opposites in approaching these things. you for one probably do something about it. i dont. im not a mans man. you on the other hand, clearly are.

ill take my self-doubt and super-retro-mega-analysis. but ill be comforted by the thought of me at least contemplating an issue such as this to the fullest degree. and then afterwards cry to see that im (probably) right in my wretched view on all this.

the above does not imply diamond, that you in fact dont think about what your doing. im just speaking of myself... as i always do.

*looks at his watch... at least its not on fire!

oh and sicy, your a girl right? well, i suppose girls can feel the same way too, interesting to hear from everyone.

 

[mocool12]

Ah, I'm gonna agree too. Now, I'm young, granted, but I get so sick of these college "relationships" I see. EVERYTHING is based on sex. It's really quite stupid. I've seen too many of my friend get screwed over by making sex such a big aspect of their relationships. Anyway, I don't know if this is what you were getting at bear, but, uh... yeah.

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Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window. --The Official Ninja Webpage

 

[LOVE MUSCLE]

The fact that you did not use your angry smilie really worries me.

I really hope you are okay.

 

[foray]

I recommend not wondering/thinking about it so much. It could spoil the experience.

foray

 

[Angela Harlem]

bear type, it sounds like you are confusing the 2 things. there's sex, and there's all the other stuff that goes with it, like emotions and hormones etc. Sex itself as you know is something that only lasts for roughly 30 minutes of your life at a time. Whereas you can spend days on end on emotional suicide over someone you fancy.

Fortified is right, dont beat yourself up over sex itself. Its the least of your problems in starting a relationship. Concentrate on all the other stuff and the rest comes naturally.

 

[Angel]

Well bear, what to say? I agree too. Sex is an odd thing indeed. If you are not getting any, people view you as half a person. Come to think of it, if you don't have someone on your arm, 24/7, people view you as half a person.
Anyway, I am all for romance, though have never experienced it. Sex, sure, romance, no. I was watching Dawson's Creek last week, yes that's right, Dawson's Creek and yes that's right, I enjoy watching it. Anyway, in this particular episode one of the characters kissed her teacher (who happens to be,*melts, a god), but anyway... so I am watching this sweet and perhaps romantic moment and my friend (who is a guy) yells out, 'oh just take her behind the bush and give her! you know you want to.' I just looked at him in disgust and got all angry. So that's what romance is to a guy? Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex?!@#~! It angered me because I am so sick of sex being the end all and be all in life and that quite frankly is what it has become.
That's it, I am boycotting sex until I get romance. Not that I am getting any at this time so my task should be rather easy.

Well I didn't help you in anyway and I certainly didn't make any kind of intelligent point. Sorry bear, I tried, but I agree with you!

 

[BabyGrace]

bear, I have a confession: your mind sounds like mine

my problem lies in the commercialism of sex, nothing is sacred about it anymore in this society and that's why I want to wait until I'm married...not that it should be hard

I always thought sex should be something so special and with someone you love and trust, or maybe im as much of a stupid idealist as I am a hopeless romantic

my problem is that I'm downright scared of boys I like and scared of boys that like me cause I always figure I'll screw it up somehow. which leaves me precisely nowhere.

yuck this is getting depressing..

if you get right down to it bear, none of the problems come from sex itself, just like problems don't come from the drugs...the underlying cause is there first and it just shows up in your lifestyle, that's all.

 

[Diamond The U2 Patriot]

Bear-
I think the misuse of sex leads to destruction of one's self esteem and soul.
If you misuse sex for-
selfish conquests
personal gratifcation
or ambition-
this poisons one's soul.
This is my view.
As I said before all things are NOT 'diamondsexy' nor am I truly about that.
People who know me personally will vouch for this.
As fars as being a virgin after marriage..sex creates a stronger bond between two people who truly love eachother.
Hope this helps.

DB9

 

[HelloAngel]

I'm a virgin at 24, and so is my boyfriend, whom I've lived with for 3 years.

We sleep in the same bed, we work at home together.

Sex, in our minds, is just not an issue - it only becomes an issue when everyone we know mocks us or can only talk to us about the fact that we don't sleep together.

I have to say it really hurts my feelings when people continuously probe me about my virginity. And meanwhile, their love lives are thoroughly messed up, and they always worry about pregnancy, disease, etc - and the relationships always end badly. I don't have those worries with my man, because our relationship is so much stronger than that. We built our foundation on friendship, respect and laughter. Sex will happen at a time when it feels right for both of us.

Don't get me wrong, I have an admiration for sex, and those who can have multiple partners - but I also feel current society has cheapened, pasteurized, ruined and perverted sex into just being about gratification, fucking and not love.

I want love, and not the difficult kind.

------------------
I'm only asking, but I think you know.

"This is so bad it's gone way past good and back to bad again." - Enid, Ghost World.

 

[z edge]

Originally posted by Angel:
That's it, I am boycotting sex until I get romance. !

Thanks a lot bear, see what you are doing to women by posting stuff like this

 

[Diamond The U2 Patriot]

Ms. Hello Angel-
That is very admirable.

db9

 

[HelloAngel]

Originally posted by Diamond The U2 Patriot:
Ms. Hello Angel-
That is very admirable.

db9

Thanks, baybee.

*smooch*

That's very AngelSexy of you.

 

[Angel]

ok, I feel like a slut now...

Hello Angel, you are amazing. I really respect you both for that. It's all about what matters to you both and you have stayed true to yourselves. Wow.

 

[Diamond The U2 Patriot]

Originally posted by Angel:
ok, I feel like a slut now...

Hello Angel, you are amazing. I really respect you both for that. It's all about what matters to you both and you have stayed true to yourselves. Wow.

Angel-
You are not a slut.
A sexy, yes but not a slut.
There is a difference.
and
Hello Angel is a sexy that Scott Stapp cannot have.

Diamond

 

[BabyGrace]

HelloAngel, that's really beautiful and amazing...if I were you I'd be so happy to be in a relationship like that. I think I know what you're feeling, but you should be proud of yourself

and Angel you aren't a slut, people are different and what works for some people doesn't work for others.

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You make yourself vulnerable to change in your life. But in the end, you've got to become the change you want to see in the world.
-the B-man

 

[wannabe]

Sex sells, but who's buying? ...oh wait

 

[U2girl]

Death bear: i agree.

Sex is over glorified& portrayed much to shallowly in the media, the movies, often in the music...
i'm not an expert, but i do think there are guys who don't think about it all the time. And shock horror, i do think there are also guys who treat girls with respect.

Can i just say i think people in this thread who talked about their personal experiences (Babygrace and HelloAngel) are incredibly brave to get so personal here?

I always thought sex is probably the most intimate bond between two people - to give yourself to someone else so completely - something too special and intense and too incredible, too emotional to be trivialised or simplified.



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- be uncool, yes be awkward

[This message has been edited by U2girl (edited 02-26-2002).]

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

jake...it's virgin
and it's spelled weird

 

[LOVE MUSCLE]

Originally posted by wannabe:
Sex sells, but who's buying? ...oh wait

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Queen of the "I'll be Damned"

 

[TylerDurden]

* Agrees with The Bear and all that agree with The Bear.
* Honestly now worships HelloAngel. That's amazing.

 

[HelloAngel]

((((((everybody))))))

Thank you for being so supportive guys!

My decision and path is not an easy one, but I am an extremely stubborn person who holds tight to her convictions. It's hard to go against the societal tide because you incur so many who cannot handle your "choice." I'm not ashamed of my choice - and also feel completely fine with talking about it. I think by talking about my choice, I can help comfort others who might be silently making the same choice I made.

For any of you reading this who are silently making this decision, or have more couth than I for not talking about it - your decision is a proud one - be proud - don't let people make you feel ashamed for something that is completely your private business with your significant other and your body.

I write all of this not to toot my horn, or seem holier-than-thou. It's just that I so believe in my decision, I am so resolute, and it's been so tough because societal pressure can break you - and make you do things that you don't realize that you don't have to do until you're ready. I don't at all condemn those who have not made my decision, because I am almost jealous for their strength and gaul. (I hope my point has come across genuinely, no matter how inarticulate I am in the morning

)

Anyway, thanks again for being so supportive. It's awkward to open up and be candid about such personal decision with complete strangers - but sometimes it is rewarding, and in this case, I truly feel peace about speaking up.

 

[Mrs. Edge]

OK - While we're being candid and brave....

*prays you don't all flame me beyond recognition after this*

I think everyone who knows me knows that I love my dear Mr. Edge very much. We have been a couple for 12 years (with one half year breakup in 2000). So what I am about to say has nothing to do with how I feel about him, it's just what I honestly think, and I have never been one to keep my mouth shut.

I admire you steadfast virgins very much, and appreciate your very sound reasons for remaining viriginal. You certainly have more physical and moral fortitude than I!! I also agree that sex is way to commercial, and that too much emphasis is placed on coupledom and beauty.

HOWEVER. I still think it's a good idea to experiment and have fun before you get married. Maybe I'm just a big slut, but I am 30 years old (almost 31! GAH!), and have been with the same man for my entire 20s. I never even had a boyfriend in my teens. My first kiss was at 19 (by a guy in the American Airforce, who promptly dumped me for a blonde aerobics instructor)!! (see why I have low self esteem???) I had NO BOYFRIENDS, NO EXPERIMENTATION, and NO OAT SEWING. Hell, I didn't even get asked to the prom! (am I bitter? nah!)

Now while it's wonderful to meet your partner so early in life, and being married has so many advantages, there are some distinct drawbacks to this that I'd like to warn you about.

There are a lot of gorgeous ppl out there, both physically and personality wise. I can't tell you how often I have been propositioned and tempted by fabulous men and been bitter as a crate of lemons because I am "not allowed" to indulge these fantasies. One day I will be REALLY old and ugly and no one will want me anymore, so this won't matter, but for now, I just watch you guys and think about how lucky you are to be just starting out on these romantic adventures.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for marriage and commitment, but I also believe that we love different people for different reasons, that you can have several soul mates, and that sexual attraction does not stop when you go down the aisle.

All I'm saying is please enjoy yourselves when you have the chance, so when you do enter into a "permanent" relationship, you can settle down knowing you haven't missed out on anything and you have made your decision having lived and loved to your full potential.

Thank you for listening to my first ever Zoo Confessional.

P.S. I also think flirting, even for married ppl is healthy and normal and I am a HUGE flirt. HAH!!!


[This message has been edited by Mrs. Edge (edited 02-27-2002).]

 

[Sicy]

(( hugs her fantabulous noodle ))

Mrs. Edge.. why would you get flamed? Glad you shared. I totally agree with what you're saying. I am in no place to give advice, but if I were, I would advise people not to get married until they have experienced life, and different people. If I were in your shoes I would feel the same way and be VERY tempted to explore other possiblilities.

 

[Sicy]

Yeah diamond, you would have remembered me too because you would still be trying to get that boot out of your ass.