Sex before marriage....thoughts?

[ILuvLarryMullen]

I don't have any plans to wait until I am married, but I will wait for a loving, long-term relationship. I would think it was great if I ended up marrying that person, it wouldn't bother me that I hadn't played the field or whatever. I've only been in love once, but that was in high school and neither one of us was ready back then.

 

[Sheltie]

Go for it, enjoy it, and have fun!
But always use protection.

 

[vivaSA]

A friend of mine had a date last night and he got laid, although this was his first time out with that girl.
Times have surely changed!

 

[youtwohearts]

I think sex before marriage is acceptable. It is a new day and age out here and I think it is okay and in some cases important (you don't want a bad performer).

I also think living with a person is a great thing. My husband and I did it and we got out all the quirks before the marriage. We just knew how each other behaved in certain situations, both good and bad, before we got married. There were times we thought ah, no, no way, I am out of here but this was before we were married where separation would have been easy.

However we didn't do it and we have been married for over 8 years. Lived together for almost 2 before the marriage.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Don't compromise your faith or your common sense for fleeting passion. Fleeting. Be sure that you make any decisions with your head before your loins do any talking.

I agree. This can be true no matter what your age-you can be lonely, vulnerable, etc and confuse desire and lust for love too.

It's just a pet peeve of mine if people don't respect someone's choices and beliefs in this area. People should be able to hold on to them and express them without being judged for them.

You have plenty of time U2democrat, hold out for the love and treatment that you deserve . Of course there will be pain and hurt along the way, but asking yourself these questions now is positive in my opinion.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I don't believe in waiting, but I don't believe in sleeping with every person you date, either. Sex is a serious thing--I don't think it should be considered forbidden, but I don't think it should be devoid of meaning, either.

I guess for me, I would want to know a person I loved on every level--physical and emotional before I married them.

Well said.

I didn't wait and I don't regret it at all. To each their own.

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

Well said.

I didn't wait and I don't regret it at all. To each their own.

popwh... just kidding. I agree. Just thought it was funny to see your name attached to this thread

 

[nbcrusader]

Remember, you only get to make this decision once. As an extension of the marital relationship, saying no before marriage leaves you with no potential baggage in the marriage bed.

 

[Laura M]

My family are very old fashioned, my grandparents were strict Catholics and my parents are still quite old fashioned now. My sister and I always got talks from our aunts about how it wasn't right for a girl to get herself pregnant before she was married. My parents never lectured me and even though they are very strict when boys come to stay (they have to sleep with my brother/ living room) they say I can do what I want as long as it's not in this house and I'm old enough now to make my own decisions. My Mum was married when she was my age. My sister and her boyfriend have been going out a year now and both of them want to wait until they are married. I can't say I would wait until I'm married but I know I do want to wait until I've met someone I am in love with and truely trust. I've never met anyone like that. I also have a few friends who have babies and are barely in their 20's. I don't want to be like that. I don't think I could cope like they have. I want to finish my education and have a career before I start thinking about families.

I think it's great to wait until marriage, I know a lot of my friends will wait until they are married, well only two of them. I know a lot of people who haven't waited. Some regret it, others don't. I think it all depends on the indiviual.

 

[RocknRollKitty]

I think it depends on the situation. I would say, high school, college girl in a non serious relationship, better not. Why? Once word gets around you're 'easy' there may be guys who take you out for no other reason, which is a bad thing, unless you are someone who honestly 'wants it' like a guy and doesn't mind being used. But I do believe this leads to using of girls' bodies and I don't like that. I feel like any young virgin should be very picky over who, when and where she gives herself to a guy. It's a decision that lasts a lifetime.

On the other hand, older girls, late 20's-30's who have not been married and are seekng serious relationships and want to 'try out' before commiting, well, that's up to you. Divorcees, or those who have already been in long term sexual relationships that failed, why not. Having known many females who were on another go around after a bad situation, I don't see anything wrong with living with the guy to see how it's going to go. In some cases it's the smartest thing to do.

But overall, no matter who you are or what age you are, RESPECT YOURSELF and don't let anyone force you into doing something you aren't ready to commit to and may regret later. Just think before you feel.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

popwh... just kidding. I agree. Just thought it was funny to see your name attached to this thread

 

[JessicaAnn]

I don't believe in waiting, but I don't believe in sleeping with every person you date, either. Sex is a serious thing--I don't think it should be considered forbidden, but I don't think it should be devoid of meaning, either.

I guess for me, I would want to know a person I loved on every level--physical and emotional before I married them.

I won't have sex with just anyone.

I need to know that he is not dating/sleeping with anyone else (or planning to do so). I guess I need some level of commitment from a guy before I will have sex with him. For me, sex is too big a step to be taken lightly.

 

[indra]

I think it depends on the situation. I would say, high school, college girl in a non serious relationship, better not. Why? Once word gets around you're 'easy' there may be guys who take you out for no other reason, which is a bad thing, unless you are someone who honestly 'wants it' like a guy and doesn't mind being used. But I do believe this leads to using of girls' bodies and I don't like that. I feel like any young virgin should be very picky over who, when and where she gives herself to a guy. It's a decision that lasts a lifetime.

On the other hand, older girls, late 20's-30's who have not been married and are seekng serious relationships and want to 'try out' before commiting, well, that's up to you. Divorcees, or those who have already been in long term sexual relationships that failed, why not. Having known many females who were on another go around after a bad situation, I don't see anything wrong with living with the guy to see how it's going to go. In some cases it's the smartest thing to do.

Oh, RocknRollKitty, you post made me laugh so hard I had tears running down my face!!

Permit me to paraphrase:

Young pretty girls -- don't do it, you'll look like a slut!

Older, still single women (getting a bit desperate, you know!) -- well, sweetie, you're not getting any younger, might as well -- your type might have to be a bit slutty to get a guy.

Old, worn-out hags -- dear god woman, if you wanna get laid you best take anything!

 

[U2democrat]

lol indra nice interpretation. very amusing

 

[martha]

it wasn't right for a girl to get herself pregnant before she was married.

It's not only not "right," it's absolutely impossible for a girl to get herself pregnant.


This kind of thinking is why it's important to think through premarital sex, or marital sex for that matter. Unintended pregnancy, either within marriage or without, is something that can be prevented. Thinking about it now, before you become sexually active, is the right thing to do.

 

[JessicaAnn]

It's not only not "right," it's absolutely impossible for a girl to get herself pregnant.

 

[joyfulgirl]

Remember, you only get to make this decision once. As an extension of the marital relationship, saying no before marriage leaves you with no potential baggage in the marriage bed.

except for the potential baggage of discovering you've married someone with whom you are not sexually compatible

You'll know what's right for you when the time comes. For me, marrying someone I'm not totally into sexually is just not even in the realm of possibilities.

 

[U2democrat]

when i fall in love i think i'll understand better. of course, IF i choose to have sex before i'm married it's going to be more than a "romp" or "one night stand". i want to know that i can trust the guy and that i have known him very well for a long time.

 

[nbcrusader]

except for the potential baggage of discovering you've married someone with whom you are not sexually compatible

You'll know what's right for you when the time comes. For me, marrying someone I'm not totally into sexually is just not even in the realm of possibilities.

If couples spoken honestly about sex, the compatability issue would be eliminated.

 

[joyfulgirl]

If couples spoken honestly about sex, the compatability issue would be eliminated.

I've talked honestly in relationships and not had it eliminated. Bad sex is a deal-breaker for me so I must know in advance if it's going to work.

 

[Discoteque]

Wait.

I know I am in the extreme minority on this, but I would say it is well worth it and makes this element of a marriage far more special.

What nbcrusader said. Sex is WAY overrated, and, has anyone noticed? It's helped mess up our society but good. Unfort., I didn't wait and now I'm completely kicking myself. When you find that one special person you want to marry, it really makes it so much more intimate not to have all that guilt and baggage, and dare I say it--experience? to bring to your union.

Personally, I know I'm one who may not want all the details of my spouse's checkered past, but I know I would always wonder, and always mentally compare myself, to other women from his past, no matter how much he'd say he loved me or how "good" he would reassure me that I am. There's just too much of an emotional connection there, IMO. Esp. for women.

If there's such a thing as a "born again virgin" then that's what I've been for about the past 15 years!

 

[Mark Freedman]

Very personal choice, but my two cents...

Wait, at least until you are absolutely sure you are with someone that you will be with for the rest of your life.

My wife and I were each other's first. I don't know if it's the reason that we're still on our honeymoon and have been married for over 20 years.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

My wife and I were each other's first. I don't know if it's the reason that we're still on our honeymoon and have been married for over 20 years.

That is so awesome . I love reading things like this here, especially from men

 

[kobayashi]

waiting never occurred to me.

 

[Liesje]

Bad sex is a deal-breaker for me so I must know in advance if it's going to work.

I think a lot of people (including myself) believe that sex, like almost everything else, is just a learned behavior. If someone I REALLY liked for every other reason had "bad sex" I'd take the time to teach him right! I can't imagine being immediately turned off b/c my partner had a few tings to learn in bed after putting so much time and effort into a serious relationship.

 

[nbcrusader]

I think a lot of people (including myself) believe that sex, like almost everything else, is just a learned behavior. If someone I REALLY liked for every other reason had "bad sex" I'd take the time to teach him right! I can't imagine being immediately turned off b/c my partner had a few tings to learn in bed after putting so much time and effort into a serious relationship.

Trust me. After 14 years of marriage, things keep getting better because of the time spent working on the relationship.

 

[Irvine511]

My wife and I were each other's first. I don't know if it's the reason that we're still on our honeymoon and have been married for over 20 years.

*sigh*

this is very, very sweet. i am envious of you both.

of course, i'm also envious because you can get married. some of us can't.

also, to whoever said that sex is "WAY" overrated -- you must be doing something wrong.

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

unless you are someone who honestly 'wants it' like a guy and doesn't mind being used.

i think most people will agree that your first time having sex isn't exactly anything to write home about. it tends to be quite awkward, and is normally over fairly quickly. so if you're expecting this glorious night of sexuallity after you get married, errr... not quite.

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

i think most people will agree that your first time having sex isn't exactly anything to write home about. it tends to be quite awkward, and is normally over fairly quickly. so if you're expecting this glorious night of sexuallity after you get married, errr... not quite.

My first time actually was all the bells and whisltes and parades and everything... but I'd known the girl for 6 years and it wasn't something we rushed into.

 

[martha]

also, to whoever said that sex is "WAY" overrated -- you must be doing something wrong.

That's what I was thinking too.