question for ladies

[Moonlit_Angel]

I say this lovingly but I really want to kick both your asses right now.

Yes, looks in some way are important....meaning do you take care of what you have? You can be an average looking guy and still take care of your body and appearance or you can just let yourself go. There are "average" guys that I find attractive because they have the inner confidence to care enough about themselves to take care of themselves. And woman ALWAYS go with the hunky guys? NO. I'm thinking of one time in particular that I turned down this guy who looked like he walked out of an Abercrombie magazine because his personality just was such a turnoff it made him appear very ugly to me. Does there have to be a level of physical attraction? Of course, but you guys seem to think you have to be perfect looking. There are alot of traits that I find personally attractive in men that aren't on the list of supposed standard of hotness...I like those 'imperfections'.

. What she said.

Angela

 

[u2granny]

Yep, ^what they said. And as far as "Average Joe" goes, the women on there generally seem a bit, I'll be kind here, shallow.

 

[arw]

I like men with short hair. The shorter the better and if some is permanetly missing big deal. As long as you don't try to do the comb over, grow it longer in the back to prove you can still grow hair on your head, or try to keep it longer around the bald spot and make if fluffy looking (a guy at my work does that) in order to cover it up then it's all good with me. I think Edge looks great and not because he's a rock star because he can take his hat off and look confident in doing so. I think at this point Edge wears his hat more for trademark status because when U2 was taking time off there were tons of pictures with Edge out and about not wearing a hat.

My brother is 34 and losing his hair. My aunt made a comment to him about it that she can't believe he's going to probably have no hair on the top of his head by the time he's 40 and she made it sound like he had some really nasty disease. He just shrugged it off and said he doesn't see it as a problem and that he's still the same person whether he has hair or not and when the time comes that he doesn't have any hair on the top of his head he said he'd probably have it shaved really short and not try to cover it up because he doesn't care.

I don't know why you guys think that women will not want to be with you because you don't have any hair. That's just not true. If a guy had a full head of hair but it was long (you can decide for yourself what I think is long) and a bald guy walked in the room and I had to choose between the two there's no way in hell I would pick the guy with the long hair and I know a lot of women who feel the same way as I do.

 

[Chizip]

you guys should workout, buff bald guys are considered hunks

look at vin diesel and mr clean

thats what i plan to do when i go bald

 

[joerags]

Marik.

There's one thing that I have a problem with in your post. You say you have to be physically attracted to a girl, otherwise you will just be friends and nothing more. But you can't underestimate the power of emotional attraction. That is more powerful than physical attraction.

Okay, you start out as friends, but the friendship could develop deeper and you could fall in love. To me, that's emotional attraction. Then you will see the physical beauty IN YOUR OWN EYES. The girl may be just average looking to the average person. But to you, she is the most beautiful looking girl in the world. She is more beautiful than any model or beauty queen, even though she is just average looking. That is called love, in my book.

That's what I want to feel some day. But again, how can that ever happen to me when I am bald and ugly? Do I sound like I am contradicting myself? It sounds like it. Again, I just need to concentrate on being myself and maybe one day a girl will see that I am a decent guy, no matter what I look like.

Marik, I know it's tough, but try not to let it bother you. Does it bother me that I am balding? Right now, yes. But I know that I can't let it bother me, otherwise I won't be happy any more. And life is about being happy, as corny as that sounds.

 

[starsgoblue]

That's what I want to feel some day. But again, how can that ever happen to me when I am bald and ugly? Do I sound like I am contradicting myself?

You sound like you want me to kick your ass

Don't/can't you see what you have going for you? Physical looks, the way you're describing them as 'perfection', are so fleeting...you've got a few good years with them and then guess what, you are stuck on just your personality like everyone else. Besides, I've seen more than enough "beautiful" people who do very ugly and cruel things, it doesn't make them better people.

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

you guys should workout, buff bald guys are considered hunks

look at vin diesel and mr clean

thats what i plan to do when i go bald

Honestly, that's never been a look that's done anything for me. I've never been one to go for the ultra-buff, it obviously shows they work out on a daily basis, muscles galore, veins sticking out of their arms types of guys. Never been a big turn-on for me personally . But some women do find it attractive, so...I dunno.

Angela

 

[marik]

joe, i do agree with your assessment of physical beauty in your own eyes. and i would be happy with that at this point. but quite honestly, i'd really wish to have a woman that from the first time i ever saw her i was blown away with her looks, and then got to know her and her persoanlity was just as mind-blowing VS. a girl that was nothing special to look at at first, got to know her personality, fell in love with that, and now see her as beautiful becasue of it. sure, i'd still take the later, cuz at this point, that's what i'm hoping someone else does with me. i just have so many doubts that a good quality girl will even give me the time to get to know me, to fall in love with my personality, to then think i'm good looking. and that still goes back to, not being secure about myself and about her. i would always think she was settling on a guy she 'learned' to think was attractive, and that another guy will come along and amaze her more than me. i'm trying to think of personalities that i'm come across that have been sooo unique and encapsulating that i would be satisfied with that alone. but there are none that really really really stand out as being so much better than anyone else i've ever met. and so what are the chances that my personality is soooo unique and encapsulating to another. pretty slim i think, and thats why i think it would be hard to keep a woman.

joe, how old are you?

i do agree with you though, that we need to get our minds around this and move on into the next chapter of life and try to be secure and confident about this. i know i have to do this, but part of me often fears that my personality and the way my mind thinks, i never will be able to. i've talked to many professionals about this and the resulting depression, and its been 4 yrs i've been dealing with it now, and i still don't feel any better about it.

someone quoted earlier abotu Edge and said he seems confident. i personally think he is still kinda insecue about it and thats why the headgear all the time. i mean, it must get pretty damn hot sweating in that touque in the south of france and on stage everynight, and his refuseal to ever take it off, even just to wipe his brow seem to me like the same insercity as i have. but whos's to know. if i was a rock star and had forums of woman like pleba talking about how hot i was, i would probably feel better about it. but thats not going to happen anytime soon.


i did however smile at that line about 'guys that grow their hair long in the back to prove they can still grow hair on their head'
that's just plain funny. at least i can still laugh about this.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

But you can't underestimate the power of emotional attraction. That is more powerful than physical attraction.

I've known very few men (hardly any, and I'm no teenager) who I can relate with on that kind of emotional level where you can spill your guts w/ them so to speak, where you can be completely yourself and still feel safe, accepted, and loved- you feel comfortable and it's easy to talk and communicate. Once that happens, I find them very attractive even though physically the attraction may or may not be all that strong. What about someone you talk to on the Internet when you don't even know what they look like?

However I have known good looking men (and women) who are complete duds and jerks - to me that makes them very unattractive.

Edge is a very attractive man because he's witty, intelligent, humble, a family man- he just seems like a good person to me.

 

[joerags]

Marik

I am 32 years old. I used to see a psychiatrist about 10 years ago, but now I need to go back.

You talk about girls wanting to "trade up" so to speak when they find a more attractive guy than you. Well, it goes both ways. Suppose that same good looking guy is going out with a girl and sees a more attractive girl. He's going to dump his girl for the better looking girl. If he does that, he's an asshole to begin with. So is the girl that does that to you or any other average or ugly guy. She is just as shallow and a jerk, and she is not worth your time if she does that. You need to find a woman who cares about you as a person.
We need to stop feeling insecure about ourselves. It sounds easier to say, sure. Even though I have never been in a relationship, I know what it means to be in one. It means to be loyal and committed and to make sure that you are happy and that you will make your partner happy, REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE OR WHAT YOUR PARTNER LOOKS LIKE. You have to love that person for who he or she is. That is what love is about.

 

[sulawesigirl4]

I would just like to state for the record that my boyfriend shaves his head. He's black and having your head shaved here in Mali is one of the most common "hairstyles" (or lack thereof) for men. Personally, I love his bald look and bug him to get to the barber when it starts getting too long.

on a side note, I had a guy friend (white) who shaved his head once he started going bald and he looked kick-ass cool. Again, it may not work for everyone, but it is another style, another look.

In the end it comes down to accepting yourself for who you are and having self-confidence. Self-confidence is sexy.

 

[the soul waits]

My flatmate is gay and his new boyfriend is is bald - he shaves it all because he started losing his hair in his early 20's.

He looks kickass

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

I've known very few men (hardly any, and I'm no teenager) who I can relate with on that kind of emotional level where you can spill your guts w/ them so to speak, where you can be completely yourself

I will be the world's happiest woman if I find a guy that I can feel okay doing all that with. The feeling safe thing is a given-that's obviously important in a relationship, you're right. But the part about just feeling comfortable enough to totally be yourself...if I can find a guy that allows me to be like that, and that, like you said, will still accept and love me after all that is opened up to them, they are mine for life .

Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
However I have known good looking men (and women) who are complete duds and jerks - to me that makes them very unattractive.

Edge is a very attractive man because he's witty, intelligent, humble, a family man- he just seems like a good person to me.

Yep . Exactly. I remember going to school with a lot of the more popular guys that all these girls were just falling over, and they did nothing for me 'cause they were cocky little snots. The guy who was my boyfriend 9th grade year got made fun of by a lot of the kids in school 'cause he didn't look like a preppy, buff type of guy. Their attitudes toward him really ticked me off . He was a sweetheart of a guy, and funny as hell, but these people just didn't think he was "cool" enough to be with them.

Um. Getting onto a bit of a rant there. Sorry. Back to the discussion at hand.

Angela

 

[marik]

RESURRECTING THIS THREAD, ADN GIVING IT NEW LIFE

new question: for a bald guy, what is the most flattering style/ fashion/clothing? i realize body size and features effect this as well, but in terms of off setting the large amount of skin that is seen up top, what works well? what doesn't?

 

[Angela Harlem]

I don't understand why wearing a hat indoors is rude. Doesn't offend me in the least unless it's a huge gigantic Kentucky Derby style hat that obstructs my view--then that's rude.

Same reason pushing in front of people is rude, or a plethora of other rude things people can do. It's always been the case, unfortunately too many blokes these days are too pig ignorant to be aware of this and continue to piss many off by refusing to acknowledge a societal more.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Joe and Marik, dont let your insecurity appear as vanity based or become a sole focus in your lives. Do whatever it takes. I know it's hard. Most females can talk about this, but it's harder for blokes. You both need to do whatever it will take for your own looks to become unimportant. Anyone who focuses on external beauty is risking becoming ugly with that very trait. I dont know what you both look like, but find something about yourselves, anything, in which to exude some confidence. By looking only at your external selves is not something you want to live by, surely.

By the way, did you know that otherwise plain or even ordinary looking men can become attractive with other traits shining over looks? Seriously. My mum was deadset telling me how attractive she reckons Bill Gates was a few months ago. She said knowing what he does for charity, his confidence in his business skill, his poise, those otherwise dorky glasses, all add up to a very appealing bloke. Now, ignoring the fact that this was my mum and it pained me to hear her of all people saying this, I can fully see her point. Think of non-orthodox beautiful people you know. Make a list. They cannot be actors or whatever unless they break the stereotype. Think outside that box. Make a list and begin training your brain to seek more than looks as a basis for attractiveness. It isn't a false lesson, a there is certainly other things which make people more attractive.

 

[mysticchild]

I have a brother who lost his hair while he was in college. I did feel bad for him and he was having a real difficult time with it that he wore a hair piece. It didn't look real on him and he had a gf that is now his wife. When she was pregnant, I told him to take it offf that he didn't have to impress anyone because he was then having a child. So he did take it off and has been natural now for 8 years. Some guys look good with a littel hair and some guys look great with alot of hair. I have always dated guys that have had long hair but my ex had it thinning and had it short and he looked great. the bald thing I don't get though, i am not into that look. Feel comfortable with yourself and if someone doesn't accept you for who you are, then screw em.

 

[indra]

Same reason pushing in front of people is rude, or a plethora of other rude things people can do. It's always been the case, unfortunately too many blokes these days are too pig ignorant to be aware of this and continue to piss many off by refusing to acknowledge a societal more.

The problem with bending to societial norms is that many people break those by their very being. Do you know how many people (especially older people) are offended by my down's syndrome aunt's very presence? What they consider "normal" (because it was when they grew up) was for "those" people (ie, anyone who is different) to be put in institutions and forgotten.

So I guess if someone needs the security of a hat in public I'm not going to think too harshly of him. We all have our "security blankets."

 

[Angela Harlem]

I dont think that's really the same level, though I understand what you are saying. Downs is not a choice, and their lack of acceptance is a way bigger problem than wearing a hat inside. And it's only inside it's considered rude, hats on the whole dont bother me unless I know the guy wears it every day and it never shows signs of being washed.
But I'm sidetracking.

 

[For Honor]

Thankyou

I say this lovingly but I really want to kick both your asses right now.

================


I'm going to tell you a story dear to me.


It is the living testment that personality matters. I say this with sincerity and respect for the person invovled - a dear friend of mine, one of my closest in high school.


When he was a freshman, he had a bad case of acne. Now, you may say that girls in highschool are rather superficial as it is. But don't worry about the setting, that's irrelevant, honestly. This friend of mine really wasn't bad looking, though. He just had a few pimples, etc, you know. Some days were worse than others. But, unfortunately, during that time, and we've talked about this so I know, during that time, and the surrounding few years, he really got to loose his self esteem, and became rather quiet, shy, and reserved.

Now, as highschool went on, his acne cleared up. He used to think that girls looked at him, starred, because of his acne. (Though, as I tried to explain to him, it was because he WAS good looking) And he was. As much as girls looked at him, or made attempts at conversations, he denied it, and refused it. He thought that he was ugly.

But like I said, over the years his acne cleared up, and he actually turned into one of the better looking guys in the school. He wasn't tall, or muscular either. Kind of below average build, but very handsome in the face, which girls liked a lot. And he was a nice guy, too, though quiet. Anyways, as the story goes on...

In his senior year, he was doing better.
But.... there was something missing.
Arguably one of the most handsome guys in the school, with his face, and how he wore his hair, everyone always wondered why he didn't have a girlfriend. UNfortunately, I knew the answer. I tried to work on it with him, but... well, he never had a girlfriend.


The point I'm getting at is, it was all in his head.
He kept thinking he was ugly. He told me all the time about how he didn't like his looks, and didn't think girls were looking at him, or when they did, they were laughing at him. He told me about this 'fat guy' who talked with all the hot girls in his math class, and he felt like shit about it, because he always wondered "what does he have that I don't???"

The answer, which I tried to reveal to my friend, was personality, charm, and confidence.

But he didn't get it. He was caught in his gloom of slef doubt and pity. One of the handsomest faces a guy could have, but he was scarred. And not physically from his acne, but mentally and emotionally. He never really got over it. He never put himself out there, he always doubted.


And we tried setting him up more than once, but..... he always took it as an insult, or more so, he didn't even give them a chance. Basically, he was really acting like a baby about it, and getting really immature, blaming his "bad looks" for everything, his lack of relationships on other stuff, and it was just.... kind of frustrating.



The lesson here is.... looks don't mean jack shit.

If you are not confident, the only thing you;ll get is pity.
If you are a jackass who looks good, then yeah, you get a lot of slack. Just like good looking girls who are brats.

But for guys... it's important that you feel good about yourself. It doesn't mean that you've got to be extroverted and a social king. everyone has their authentic self to be.


Out of the many women he's come into contact with, he's never had a kiss, non the less a relationship. He's getting better as he grows older, but.... the real issue is his internal weakness. He's acting like a baby, a boy instead of a man. HIding behind his illusion of "bad looks". But really, he just doesn't want to face change, he is afraid of it. He's used to how people treat him, and it's easier to stay in the same course (Newton's first law, right?).

But he's... hiding. I know what it's like because i've been there, but he just doesn't want to grow up, out of it. He's comforable in his self pity. And that is what is repelling women. It's repelling me, too. No one wants to hang around a bag of "sorry", apologies, and excuses. And his..... self doubt is drowning all his good qualities - humor, artistic, caring, loyal, dutiful, etc.


He's doing the exact opposite of what he should be - dwelling on the negative, instead of highlighting the positive.






==================


Once again, my statement is that looks are not essential, and personality is important.
If that is not your strength, then don't show it off, show off something else.

But if you have no self confidence, no self esteem, and no self respect, then you've got nothing. If you don't have any of that from yourself, how can you expect if from anyone else?

Esteem, confidence, and respect

 

[joerags]

I know everybody is trying to be nice.

But the fact is this:

When you see someone for the first time, and he is bald, that is a definite turn-off. I hate to be blunt but most bald guys are very unattractive. There are very, very few bald guys who look decent. It all depends on the face. Keith from Six Feet Under, Vin Diesel, ect. But for the most part, bald guys are downright ugly.

If I were a woman, I would never be attractive to a bald guy. I really don't care how great your personality is. If you are bald, you are a loser. Looks aren't everything. They are the only thing. How many of you women would consider going out with a bald guy? Be honest. Seriously, be honest.

Spare me all the "No, looks don't matter. It's all about personality." Give me a break.


I am losing my hair and there is not one woman who would be attractive to me, no matter how sweet, kind, caring, genuine, sincere, nice, or intelligent I am.

The next time you see a bald guy, be conscience of your reaction. In order words, do you go, "Yuck, that guy is bald. He is not good-looking." or do you go, "Wow, what a hunk"?

We live in a superficial, shallow world. Deal with it.

 

[arw]

I know everybody is trying to be nice.

But the fact is this:

When you see someone for the first time, and he is bald, that is a definite turn-off. I hate to be blunt but most bald guys are very unattractive. There are very, very few bald guys who look decent. It all depends on the face. Keith from Six Feet Under, Vin Diesel, ect. But for the most part, bald guys are downright ugly.

If I were a woman, I would never be attractive to a bald guy. I really don't care how great your personality is. If you are bald, you are a loser. Looks aren't everything. They are the only thing. How many of you women would consider going out with a bald guy? Be honest. Seriously, be honest.

Spare me all the "No, looks don't matter. It's all about personality." Give me a break.


I am losing my hair and there is not one woman who would be attractive to me, no matter how sweet, kind, caring, genuine, sincere, nice, or intelligent I am.

The next time you see a bald guy, be conscience of your reaction. In order words, do you go, "Yuck, that guy is bald. He is not good-looking." or do you go, "Wow, what a hunk"?

We live in a superficial, shallow world. Deal with it.

didn't I already answer this a few weeks ago? Not all women think that way at all. The only guy at my work that I think is remotely attractive is bald and what little hair he does have very short and gray. I think he's absolutely adorable. Unfortunately he's very moody and I have to deal with him a lot so his personality turns me off big time. Plus he chews tobacco But I still think he's the best looking guy I see all day.

You really need to drop the attitude that all women think bald guys are ugly because it's so not true.

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

You really need to drop the attitude that all women think bald guys are ugly because it's so not true.

Yeah, really, try not to speak for all women, 'kay? I've seen couples when I've been out and about before in which the guy didn't have much in the way of hair on his head.

My personal views, again, on baldness: I will say that I'm personally not a fan of people shaving their head for the heck of it-and that goes for guys and girls, I just think it doesn't work on most people, personally. HOWEVER, there has been an exception or two, a time when I think someone actually looks better with little to no hair.

But, if I'm with a guy, and he starts losing his hair as he gets older, that isn't something he can control. I'm not gonna get on him about it, or dump him. It's just nature taking its course .

And just because the shaved head look may not do much for me personally doesn't mean that every other woman in existance agrees with me-as has been proven here, that is far from being the case. Different strokes for different folks. If a guy wants to shave his head, go right ahead and do so. Somebody out there will like the look. Somebody won't. Go with the person who will.

Angela

 

[Angela Harlem]

I know everybody is trying to be nice.

But the fact is this:

When you see someone for the first time, and he is bald, that is a definite turn-off. I hate to be blunt but most bald guys are very unattractive. There are very, very few bald guys who look decent. It all depends on the face. Keith from Six Feet Under, Vin Diesel, ect. But for the most part, bald guys are downright ugly.

If I were a woman, I would never be attractive to a bald guy. I really don't care how great your personality is. If you are bald, you are a loser. Looks aren't everything. They are the only thing. How many of you women would consider going out with a bald guy? Be honest. Seriously, be honest.

Spare me all the "No, looks don't matter. It's all about personality." Give me a break.


I am losing my hair and there is not one woman who would be attractive to me, no matter how sweet, kind, caring, genuine, sincere, nice, or intelligent I am.

The next time you see a bald guy, be conscience of your reaction. In order words, do you go, "Yuck, that guy is bald. He is not good-looking." or do you go, "Wow, what a hunk"?

We live in a superficial, shallow world. Deal with it.

Are you this superficial and shallow? Do looks matter to you in a woman? If they do, then perhaps there might lie your reason for being miserable and alone. I sincerely doubt you have any clue how the vast majority of women think, but you insist you do. You're hung up on your looks. It comes across in many posts when you talk about yourself. I can only hope that doesn't extend to the fairer sex too, mate. But I'm going to guess you are above looking down on a woman for their looks as it has never actually come up. It's just us stupid women who cannot be as unsuperficial, right?

Your outlook is rather offensive, in a roundabout way, when you think about it.


And no...I'm obviously not being nice. You need to pull your bloody head out, buddy. You're drowning in this unhealthy view of yourself. Stop asking for help if you aren't going to try and change. You ask for help/post about a problem, then tell everyone to stop being nice. What exactly do you want?

 

[marik]

in defence of joerags,

ladies, understand that you cannot relate to this at all. i however can, and i feel joerags pain.
i act the same way as him. i'll explain it like this.
in our head, somewhere in the back, we try to be logical about ti and understand that perhaps some few women out there might not really care about hair, and we hope and pray that we find them. this is when we feel the best about the situation and are at our most positive. this is when we talk about hoping to 'accept' it and move on being happy with ourselves. unfortunatly, this state of mind never lasts for very long, before we fall back to the pitiful, self-admittadly- unattractive, self-depreciating, insecure mind set, when we look around us in a shopping mall, at work, watching tv, etc. and relaize that these girls we see, we could never have. every love story i see on tv, makes me sad becasue i dont think i could make a woman feel that way because of my losing of hair. it's hard to believe you can have the power to sweep a girl of her feet like that if you dont look a certain way.
i usually take this negative feelings out on myself and express it openly to those around me. i know that its so unbecoming to act this way, but its part of dealing with it. i need to let loose and critisize myself, and talk about how bad it is when i'm at those low points.

perhaps, a overweight woman could relate somewhat (although you can usually affect weight, unlike hairloss, but thats a tottaly different issue not worth getting into) Do you have mood swings regarding it, where you go from acceptance of it, to drowning in your misery about it?

bottom line: it easy for us to SAY we want to accept it, and want to move on, and want to not think and worry about. but its much harder to do it reality. so please allow us to slip back at times.\

PS: and yes, i admit, that my perception of looks being so important does stem from my own importance of it in women (which ultimately goes right back to society, media etc). I am however, NOT against falling in love with a PHYSICALLY unattractive woman, i just don't dream of it. that's why i expect women to feel the same way.

 

[beli]

A warm heart and an honest smile is all anyone needs to be considered attractive.

 

[hiphop]

A warm heart and an honest smile is all anyone needs to be considered attractive.

-didnt you want to say an honest heart and a warm smile?

 

[beli]

-didnt you want to say an honest heart and a warm smile?

I edited that post so many times. I guess I had it right the first time.

 

[blueeyedgirl]

I know everybody is trying to be nice.

But the fact is this:

When you see someone for the first time, and he is bald, that is a definite turn-off. I hate to be blunt but most bald guys are very unattractive. There are very, very few bald guys who look decent. It all depends on the face. Keith from Six Feet Under, Vin Diesel, ect. But for the most part, bald guys are downright ugly.

If I were a woman, I would never be attractive to a bald guy. I really don't care how great your personality is. If you are bald, you are a loser. Looks aren't everything. They are the only thing. How many of you women would consider going out with a bald guy? Be honest. Seriously, be honest.

Spare me all the "No, looks don't matter. It's all about personality." Give me a break.


I am losing my hair and there is not one woman who would be attractive to me, no matter how sweet, kind, caring, genuine, sincere, nice, or intelligent I am.

The next time you see a bald guy, be conscience of your reaction. In order words, do you go, "Yuck, that guy is bald. He is not good-looking." or do you go, "Wow, what a hunk"?

We live in a superficial, shallow world. Deal with it.

Well don't you talk for me, sunshine. You don't know what my ex looked like, you don't know what the sort of man I'm interested in looks like. All I can say is none is going to be on the cover of Male Vogue anytime soon.

Good to see I fit in your superficial world. (Won't be going to New Jersey anytime soon then! )

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Well I have to say I think Angela has raised some very important points Joe. She's trying to give you good advice, that's all. So is everyone else here.

To be honest w/ you I've never been secure about my looks, even though men and women too have said I'm beautiful..I had issues w/ my father and a brother who used to say some very unkind things to and about me. That's something you never get over really. So that's tough enough to deal with w/ out beating myself up. I'm at the point in my life where yes, some attention from men would be nice but I have other things to be concerned with. Yes men let me down, they say wonderful things to me, then yep, it's on to the person they consider to be more attractive or whatever. Men can be shallow too. Eventually sometimes they find out what that other woman is really like though and it's sweet revenge That's their problem. Yes it makes me feel hurt and insecure, but you have to do your best to build yourself up. Then you are usually more attractive to others.

I think it would be a miserable world if people didn't find the most important things about other people to be attractive.

It's so easy to dwell in self pity, it's so much easier than it is to work on these issues-there's really nothing else that will help you until you realize that for yourself. Believe me, I know because I'm guilty of just that thing. I say this not to hurt you but to try to help you.