Putting yourself out there is tough sometimes.

[Hallucination]

Long story short is that I blew it last night and didn't put myself out there and ask for her(the interest) phone number. STUPID because I knew she was into me and I was into her but alot of the time somthing holds me back from puting myself out there and trying for somthing. Anyways I missed my chance and I've been kicking myself ever since. Here's the thing though, her friend(who I had also just met) had told me earlier before I was introduced to "the interest" were she works(the friend not the interest - ya follow?) and that if I was interested she could hook me up, just give her a call at work. Anyways I decided to do this. I called the friend at her work but she wasn't in today(Sunday) so instead I stopped by and left a short note with my phone number on it. Now I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not but shit I fucked up so bad last night I figured I had to try. The thing is though I wonder if the time was last night and now it might be too late. Is the note weird? I don't know. It shouldn't be wierd but people are weird and some people might find it odd that I would go through the friend when I could've just asked the girl I was interested in in the first place. Life is weird. Anyways I was just thinking about how odd it is that we tend to hold back far too often becasue of whatever fear it is. Rejection? For me I don't think so. Not meaning that nobody would reject me but being rejected by someone I don't know or just met does not bother me. At least I don't think it does. Sometimes I think it's a fear of putting your life into flux. I don't know. Again here I am with another thread not really sure what I'm talking about and not really sure how to say it.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Good for you for putting yourself put there, it doesn't always work out..if it doesn't hopefully it's not too painful for you

I don't think it can ever be too late to show interest in someone. It's flattering , as long as it's done w/ respect and honesty. So far so good I'd say

 

[For Honor]

Don't think too much; if you want it, you go after it.


(at least in this specific circumstance)



Ultimately, though, the decision is rarely yours as to if you get it or not, so don't worry about it, and take comfort in that.
Action is better than inaction, in most cases....... (the difficulty often comes from where to direct that action)
Especially if you are honest, I think you'll be fine. Describe how you felt bad about missing a great oppertunity with her. BUt I've been in your shoes, so I know it can be "weird". And if she isn't receptive.... oh well.

"Next!"

 

[Hallucination]

Everything both of you say is true. I definately won't be devestated if she doesn't call. I had just met her and only knew her for a few hours, but it's so far and few between times that my interest is genuinely peaked so I do kick myself for not acting on the situation at the appropriate time. You can always tell when you're honestly interested in someone compared to simply being attracted to thme. There's a huge difference.

 

[Hallucination]

Cool. She called last night and left a message. Now on to part two I guess. Call her back, make some plans and try not to screw it up To shave or not to shave, hmmmmm.... When she met me I was scruffy so..... dilemas, dilemas

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

My advice, for what it's worth, is to shave. Just shows that you put a little effort into looking nice (not that scruff isn't nice, but maybe you know what I mean).

Just try to relax as much as possible and be courteous and nice, and easy to talk to. Try not to put too many expectations on it and I'm sure everything will be OK. Good luck

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Having also just "put myself out there" recently (ZC seems to be full of these kinds of threads lately!), I wanted to say congratulations and good luck, as it seems to be going in your favor so far.

 

[For Honor]

Shave/no shave is always something good to find out about your woman.


It's best, though, to show both sides I think, until she says what she likes more..... unless, for certain, she has a preference.

If you can smoothly work it into the conversation when you call her back, I'd do it. Besides, there's nothing wrong with asking a girl what she likes, or what she wants............................

( )

 

[Hallucination]

Well good news is she called like I said. Bad news is we've been playing phone tag all weekend. I have yet to talk to her directly and am no further along with any type of plans to hang out. Tomorrow would be a good night. It's halloween and we could go for drinks and then check out the haunted House. Sure it's for kids but what the hell it's fun and different. Must - Get - A -Hold -Of - Her. It's Sunday night though so she's gotta be around. I'll call her in a bit. On a side note I shaved.

 

[For Honor]

*puts on "(every girl's crazy 'bout a) Sharp Dressed Man" - ZZtop*



good luck

 

[Hallucination]

*puts on "(every girl's crazy 'bout a) Sharp Dressed Man" - ZZtop*



good luck

Damn! Does that mean no hoodies and skateboard shoes?

 

[For Honor]

Everybody has their tastes as to what looks good. There's nothing wrong with a hoodie...



I am picturing someone walking into a haunted house with a suite and tie

 

[girlhappy]

Did you go out with her eventually?

 

[Hallucination]

Did you go out with her eventually?

Not yet. I called twice this weekend and left messages so That's two in a row from me(after we alternated calls/messges twice each) with no reply so the ball's in her court now. I can't call again. Maybe she went away for the weekend. Maybe she met someone else. It could happen. Maybe she's just busy. All I know is I'll have to just sit back now and see what happens. Kinda sucks but what can ya do. She'd have to be somewhat interested considering how things went the night I met her and the fact that she did actually call the first time so. Anyways I'll keep on keepin' on and we'll see what happens.

 

[For Honor]

...... make sure she's actually putting in effort to keep you interested....


What I mean is it is pointless and futile to think about someone when they do not want you to think about them. Make sure she shows you signs of interest, otherwise, you're worrying about something that isn't there.


Remember, if you are a more or less sensative guy, you might have to pretend to be a jerk once in a while. That's just how people work. I know it's cynical for me to say it, but people work in odd ways.

My advice of the moment is........
Keep yourself busy with lots of activities so you don't think about things you don't need to think about. When the right girl comes, then concern yourself with spending time with her and what not. Until then, though, don't play tricks on yourself, that might just make you weaker and more vulnerable.

That's tainted advice, but, so be it.

 

[Hallucination]

...... make sure she's actually putting in effort to keep you interested....


What I mean is it is pointless and futile to think about someone when they do not want you to think about them. Make sure she shows you signs of interest, otherwise, you're worrying about something that isn't there.


Remember, if you are a more or less sensative guy, you might have to pretend to be a jerk once in a while. That's just how people work. I know it's cynical for me to say it, but people work in odd ways.

My advice of the moment is........
Keep yourself busy with lots of activities so you don't think about things you don't need to think about. When the right girl comes, then concern yourself with spending time with her and what not. Until then, though, don't play tricks on yourself, that might just make you weaker and more vulnerable.

That's tainted advice, but, so be it.

That's bang on man! I can't worry about it. I did my part so if she wants to call she'll call. It won't devestate me(it couldn't possibly) I don't even know her save for her name and number so.... What I do know is that if she doesn't call she's gonna miss out big time.
As for me playing a jerk just to peak someone's interest, nope. Never gonna happen. I'm not into starting a relationship as someone I'm not.

 

[girlhappy]

Playinf a jerk? Yes, i dont think so. It is really hard to know how much interest to show, isnt it?

 

[For Honor]

I'm young, but I'm already so tired of the games that people play. So I don't play them. But I still get bitter about that subject from time to time... I don't really have reason to, I was never really played in a game, but...


I agree with you, girlhappy. I would, honesltly, like a relationship where I wouldn't have to restrain affection amd things like that. But I think when people find out that they can be very sensative, they need to take measures to prevent themselves from falling into bad relationship traps.

So I wonder, how much of it is really dishonest when I don't show my affection as I would like? I don't know. I don't really know. I accept it - my reservation- and I know that if I hold everything back then I can't gain anything. But at the same time, once you open the floodgates, there's no turning back, so I guess I'll stick to my guns, for now.


*on a TV show, I see my age old theorum proven..... couples that can work together to accomplish a small task (like fixing a table) can work together to accomplish bigger things*

 

[Hallucination]

Games suck. I would be willing to bet that many, many, many, people miss out on possible great relationships because of the whole game playing thing. People have different game plans and if for some reason the game plans don't mesh people get freaked out. It sucks. We should just be honest. That's how I am. Anyways as for my current situation She called last night. Great but I have to wonder why she waited 3 full days before returing my call. Sure it is possible that she was busy or away for the weekend but if not what would be the reason for waiting other than playing a game. Oh well at least she's calling even if we still haven't talked. I was out when she called an didn't get the message untill almost midnight. Typical. Oh well. I try again tonight I guess.

 

[Hallucination]

So I called her and finally I talked to her. For about 45 minutes. It went well I think. She laughed alot so that's good. That or she was just really nervous which could be a good thing also. If she wasn't nervous it would mean she could care less. I'll be honest I was nervous. Anyways she mentioned we should get together sometime before I did so that's good. She's 5 years younger than me. Another factor added to the equation though is she has a 3 and a half year old daughter. Wow. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's not a bad thing but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that part of the equation. I've decided though that I'm not gonna let that affect my outlook on this. She gets a fair chance(if she wants it). I could tell she was nervous to mention it so it's cool she did. She didn't have to. Anyways sorry to "bump" this thread all the time but it's become my outlet.

 

[For Honor]

I thought I was the only person arond here who had their ownoutlet threads


no problem. There are people who are intereted in how this goes. Good luck too you. Maybe, since she's experienced in relationships, she'll be able to appreciate what you've got to offer.

you never know.....

Both of your neverousnesses (new word?) are valid, so procede with caution. Sounds like you're going about this in the right way

 

[Hallucination]

I thought I was the only person arond here who had their ownoutlet threads


no problem. There are people who are intereted in how this goes. Good luck too you. Maybe, since she's experienced in relationships, she'll be able to appreciate what you've got to offer.

you never know.....

Both of your neverousnesses (new word?) are valid, so procede with caution. Sounds like you're going about this in the right way

Well she never called after our first conversation. I chalked it up to the "Kid factor" and I think she probably wanted to see if I was gonna high tail it outta there after I found out. I called her last night and left a message AGAIN In typical fashion I was out when she returned the call but the good news was she sounded excited that I had called. Sure it's only over the phone but you can sometimes hear what people are thinking and feeling in their voice. There was definately no sound of her feeling obligated to return my call. I'm pretty sure we'll get together this weekend.

This is kinda weird cause I've shared every detail with you guys from the very moment I met her. Kinda like the Trueman(Hallucination) Show

 

[For Honor]

*quick, set up the road block so that he doesn't get out*

I mean.... um..............

good luck

 

[girlhappy]

I am so glad for you , Hallucination. Look up and keep us informed.

 

[Hallucination]

Thanks guys. I'm starting to worry though that this is taking too long. We are having a hard time getting ahold of each other. Alot of messages and I've only spoken to her twice. Friday night was the last time I talked to her and it ws a short conversation. Her sister showed up at her house unannounced so I had to let her go. The good news is that I taked to her daughter on the phone for a short minute while she was answering the door. I had the daughter laughing so I think I may have scored some brownie points Anyways I'm not so sure how long this phone tag game can really go on before both sides kinda lose interest. Then again as long as we're still calling each other it must show an interest on both sides. I guess maybe it takeing so long to hook up for dinner or what not might actualy be a good thing.

 

[For Honor]

Not at first, no, I don't think it is.

If you are interested, don't let her forget about you until you forget about her.


^ easy words to say, though

 

[Hallucination]

Not at first, no, I don't think it is.

If you are interested, don't let her forget about you until you forget about her.


^ easy words to say, though

I'm not sure excactly what you're commenting on there in the first part For Honor. As for the second part you're right. WAY, WAY, WAY easier said than done. I'm nearing the end of this "Phone relationship" with her. It's just not happening. It's at the point now where it'd be a blind date. I'm up for it but....is she? I called Sunday night and this is the first time she hasen't responded so now what? Maybe that's her way of saying sorry but she's not interested now. It's weird though because the vibe was there, there was an implied interest on her part as well as a definate interest from my side. So without ever actually getting together to hang out the interest seems to have stalled horribly since Friday. It took way too long. Too many damn voice mails. I'm debateing now whether to call one more/last time. If I don't I'll feel like I gave up too easy. Then again I think if she actually wanted to to talk she would've called back(I left her a voice message). That or she's playing one of the ever popular " dateing games". Or again there's the factor that she has a 3 and a half year old daughter which is no doubt time consuming for a single Mom. I'm not sure what to think but I do know that if I don't call her or if she doesn't call me tonight than that's the end because I'm busy tomorrow night(Bedouin Soundclash concert) and by Thursday it'll have been a week without talking to her. Tha just seems too long to me for two people who have never actually hung to together and have only talked twice on the phone. the dateing God's just don't seem to be there with me on this one.

 

[For Honor]

Not at first, no, I don't think it is.
^


That was referring to the amount of time it's taking for you all to talk and get together. I do not think it is a good thing for it to be taking so long.

=



Well, in regard to your latest post, the only thing I have to say is this - if you want to go out with this girl, then go out with her and make it happen, be consitent and persistent until you either get a flat rejection or a date.

** - do not assume for the other person. For girls, and especially guys, too, because that really weakens your situation. Do not assume that her daughter is causing delays for you two to get together.


I'd just confront her about this issue. It's been a long time now, so just say, 'hey, I was interested in going out with you. I need to know if you feel the same. If yes, lets make a date. If no, then let me know because I can't waste my time in a limbo.'

or something to that extent. Ultimatems kinda suck, but it's time to get some actions and decisions made.