For Honor
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Okay... let me set the scene, so to say. (this one is a little long- and I write alot, so bear with me, please)
I've done a lot of soul searching and thinking about things lateley- who I am and things like that. What my priciples and values are, what I want to do with my life, etc.... And really, I've broken it down to a few things that are really impportant: Love, Honor, and doing the right thing, or at least making the effort to do the right thing.
And I;ve been happpy in finding these things, and what I want to do with my life. But.... something is wrong.
with me
It's how I go about things.
I am a pretty humble person, I'm not loud or anything, but I ...
I get arrogant.
I think I even get conceited.
I was talking to a friend about how I try to live honorably, but, something was wrong about the way I said things. I don't know if I really understood what I said, but the way I said it was wrong. I mentioned that I don't see honor in other people, or something like that
And in my mind I was saying one thing, but then when she spoke back about it, it sort of appeared to me.
Now, I can't really explain it, and I'[m sure that if you read this it sounds very funny or odd or something. But later on last night I broke it down into something that made sense to me- for my purposes.
It's sort of like this: Honor isn't something you can "have". You can see it in other people, you can praise them for it, but you can't believe you have it. (I think it's sort of like enlightenment or saying you are the Buddah, because he never admits it, and if he does it makes him false or something like that - (i'm rusty on my knowledge of that, so correct me if I'm wrong)).
But basically, I found that when I realized "I have no honor", that something clicked and it made sense. Really, I never thought or believed I was somebody full of honor- but I think desired it so much, and in a way that made it wrong. I corrupted it. And figuring all this out, it was one of those things were you realize how wrong and stupid you've been. And I was ashamed because I really do want to live with honor, but I am not there yet. It's just a reminder that I have to stay humble.
My father always used to say (he teaches martial arts) that you have to come to class with "an empty cup", meaning that you always have to stay humble and be able to learn and not be arrogant and think you know a lot of things. "Humility to empty your cup"... I guess that's sort of what happened- every now and then you need a good embarassment to put you in your place. (It's funny how things you here earlier in life that you understand but have no expereince with can come to mean something to you later on in life...)
So I say I have no honor,
not because I forgot, but because I need to remember
I've done a lot of soul searching and thinking about things lateley- who I am and things like that. What my priciples and values are, what I want to do with my life, etc.... And really, I've broken it down to a few things that are really impportant: Love, Honor, and doing the right thing, or at least making the effort to do the right thing.
And I;ve been happpy in finding these things, and what I want to do with my life. But.... something is wrong.
with me
It's how I go about things.
I am a pretty humble person, I'm not loud or anything, but I ...
I get arrogant.
I think I even get conceited.
I was talking to a friend about how I try to live honorably, but, something was wrong about the way I said things. I don't know if I really understood what I said, but the way I said it was wrong. I mentioned that I don't see honor in other people, or something like that
And in my mind I was saying one thing, but then when she spoke back about it, it sort of appeared to me.
Now, I can't really explain it, and I'[m sure that if you read this it sounds very funny or odd or something. But later on last night I broke it down into something that made sense to me- for my purposes.
It's sort of like this: Honor isn't something you can "have". You can see it in other people, you can praise them for it, but you can't believe you have it. (I think it's sort of like enlightenment or saying you are the Buddah, because he never admits it, and if he does it makes him false or something like that - (i'm rusty on my knowledge of that, so correct me if I'm wrong)).
But basically, I found that when I realized "I have no honor", that something clicked and it made sense. Really, I never thought or believed I was somebody full of honor- but I think desired it so much, and in a way that made it wrong. I corrupted it. And figuring all this out, it was one of those things were you realize how wrong and stupid you've been. And I was ashamed because I really do want to live with honor, but I am not there yet. It's just a reminder that I have to stay humble.
My father always used to say (he teaches martial arts) that you have to come to class with "an empty cup", meaning that you always have to stay humble and be able to learn and not be arrogant and think you know a lot of things. "Humility to empty your cup"... I guess that's sort of what happened- every now and then you need a good embarassment to put you in your place. (It's funny how things you here earlier in life that you understand but have no expereince with can come to mean something to you later on in life...)
So I say I have no honor,
not because I forgot, but because I need to remember
