Hi friends.
I hope you're all doing well?
First: if you're already feeling miserable, don't read this: it won't cheer you up to say the least! I just wanted to warn you. There is no reason for me to inflict my woes on anybody, particularly those who are already in a mess: I know we all have our own problems to deal with. So run away now, if you feel the need.
I didn't want to tell any of you this before, as it is just immensely depressing, confusing, and completely lousy. I'm losing my last bloody marble and I wondered if anyone, anyone at all, has an idea on where to turn. After the last couple of days, I just cannot think straight.
My sister tried to kill herself last night, for the 2nd time in a few days. She took a combination of coproxamol (very strong painkiller, not being prescribed anymore as it is apparently responsible for 5% of deaths here), 6 Kepra (epilepsy medicine) and I don't know how many Tegretol (also epilepsy medicine).
Mum found out early this afternoon. My sister was in and out of consciousness all day, when she did finally come round she screamed a load of abuse at Mum, threw things at her boyfriend, and immediately passed out again. When I was there during the late afternoon, her breathing was shallow and she was vomiting bile while unconscious, then dry retching. I sat by her bedside for 2 hours, I then took my niece to the park so that she didn't have to see the worst. My sister half opened her eyes at one point - I was trying to talk to her and brought her water - but she wasn't lucid - she didn't even see me. She I think she's over the worst of it (I hope so). We were all scared to death. She's asleep now.
Harlow hospital (who caused her heart problems in the first place by refusing to operate when she was pregnant with Emily, and refusing to treat her haemorrhage afterwards) falsified her notes, and none of the specialists have helped us get official confirmation that she is dying. Harlow Hospital insist she has Munchausens, believes she's ill when she's not. Bloody strange, that. People don't lose 2 andf a half stone within 4 months by pretending to be ill.
The Social Services were called in by my nieces' moronic father (who had had numerous nervous breakdowns over the past 20 years and is not just severely depressed, but also seriously deranged). They are doing a 35week assessment on my sister. As we have no medical support, nobody believes any of he stuff about her illness. We had called an ambulance: we did want to do, but my Mum got nothing but abuse when she explained this to my half-conscious sister. If we had, though, I'm 95% certain she would have been sectioned, and the Social Services would be straight in there to take the kids away.
My sister tried this latest suicide bid while her new boyfriend was staying at Mum's house, last night. (My sister and little nieces live with my Mum.) He watched his mother die of cancer a year ago. She's told him a load of horseshit about treatment she's having. I emailed the specialist who she said referred her to the other specialists at Kings College Hospital. I'll post his reply to me here, I'd like to know what you guys think. We can't find anything out: patient confidentiality doesn't allow it if course, and my sister refuses to contact the specialists or give us written permission to do so.
I know that my sister is genuinely ill... she has a severe heart problem. (I think I went over this before - she initially went so her open heart surgery could be scheduled, but the malignancies were detected and they took priority.) I don't know anymore how much of the cancer prognosis is true. I don't wanna believe she's lying - although obviously I couldn't bear it if she did die - but I'm the only person left in my family that is inclined to believe more than half of it.
I'm stretched to breaking point and of course my poor mother, my Gran, and our 2 brothers are going insane with all this. I pointed this out to my sister the other day, and got told to fuck off.
you're all so nice.
