Please help...

[U2isProgressive]

I'm wondering if anyone could give me some advice about something that I have been going through for like 2 months. This friend of mine whom I met back in Nov online is now basically shutting all contact with me out. But I hang out on the same community online as she does still. I have other friends there but it seems any and all attempt to even communicate with her fails. I am actually on more than 1 message board that she is so the ignoring goes on on the other communities as well. Its hard for me b/c I grew very close to her for close to 7 months..but then 1 day she tells me she is meeting this guy from Holland for 2 weeks. He basically is all she talks about, and I kind of had a problem with that at 1st...and it became unbearable to hear about him. When i dismissed him, bascially she started limiting her contact with me. She said I couldn't call her anymore, and she decided she doesn't want to meet me in person at this festival we both had agreed to go to, near her hometown in Atlanta (although cost for the festival affected her decision to not go as well, even though her fav band was playing and she has never been to even 1 concert).
So now I enjoy hanging out on these communities and I try not to make any of this public, but it hurts me to even listen to music that we both liked that I do everyday. I am thinking I need to leave this community which is basically my home online (for now atleast..sorry Interference..although I am starting to get more into U2 than b4..when i do I may try to be more active here.).

a) would it be best for me to try and forget about her entirely ( although this is something I have tried to do already and I am struggling with it..although I have my good days and not so good days)

b) Would a suggestion of lurking there..or leaving there and coming back in a few weeks if I still feel the way I do now be good advice?

c) should I go public with everything on the main board ( i already did this once kind of on another 1 of the boards..the guy from Holland got so sensitive that he left the board..b/c after her and him told about their 2 weeks together including how she now planned to move to Holland, I decided I had to say something; and I said 1 word..and it led to 2 or 3 other users following up my reply. And it contributed to driving him and her away from that board. 24 hrs later, I was feeling so bad about that I apologized to the board and both him and her..to no avail it has not helped with being able to communicate with her..I just feel less guilty).

. please any advice or help would be appreciated. I must be honest too, I think Interference is a safe community is community to talk to about this because it is more or less independent of any of the communities I could see her or anyone else from those boards being able to see. Thanx .

Kyle

 

[Angela Harlem]

I could be assuming here, but is there something more to this than just what you wrote? It just sounds like you have started to see her as more of a friend or something and that is what is affecting your perception on this Holland guy thing. But anyways, whether it is just friendship, or something more, losing touch with people like that is very heartbreaking. You must be feeling quite helpless if she is cutting off some ties. Are you clear on how you really feel about all of this? If you are, I always think it is good to give things one last chance, especially when it it means so much to you, like this clearly does. If she wont talk to you online, maybe send an email. Write down all your thoughts, tell her straight how it is for you, no opinions on this Holland dude, just simply what you are feeling and thinking and leave it up to her to get an unninterupted idea of your situation. At least then, you will know she has gotten your side of things. It may not give the outcome you want, but you will have given it your best shot. I wouldn't post anything up on the other boards you visit, it may do harm that you dont intend. Its a shame you cant have more control over what will happen, all I think you can really do is lay it on the line for her, and leave the rest up to her good judgement.

Sorry this was probably no help matie. I hope things pick up really soon.

 

[U2isProgressive]

I could be assuming here, but is there something more to this than just what you wrote? It just sounds like you have started to see her as more of a friend or something and that is what is affecting your perception on this Holland guy thing. But anyways, whether it is just friendship, or something more, losing touch with people like that is very heartbreaking. You must be feeling quite helpless if she is cutting off some ties. Are you clear on how you really feel about all of this? If you are, I always think it is good to give things one last chance, especially when it it means so much to you, like this clearly does. If she wont talk to you online, maybe send an email. Write down all your thoughts, tell her straight how it is for you, no opinions on this Holland dude, just simply what you are feeling and thinking and leave it up to her to get an unninterupted idea of your situation. At least then, you will know she has gotten your side of things. It may not give the outcome you want, but you will have given it your best shot. I wouldn't post anything up on the other boards you visit, it may do harm that you dont intend. Its a shame you cant have more control over what will happen, all I think you can really do is lay it on the line for her, and leave the rest up to her good judgement.

Sorry this was probably no help matie. I hope things pick up really soon.

I see her as a very close friend. A gf...maybe more I dunno...i am being realistic as possible since she lives in GA and I live in MN. but not being able to meet her after all this time on the ph and online when I am going to be 1 hr away from her really hurts. i just know when i got to know her I really liked it most of the time. Freinds can be that way, you almost rely on them and take them for granted actually, lol. I dunno...I love music..like most people around here as well....she lit up my mind when she would tell me about some new song or cd she was getting into. i don't think I have ever felt so good u know hearing someone loving something I love..u know? We'd even sing together..But I guess maybe Martin does the same for her now..and so it really doesn't matter to her now...and even if she cared enough..she wouldn't have the time for talking to me and him..I dunno.

I did send her some emails in the past. Like in late August was the last time. I tried sending her an im the other day and she says "I don't think we have anything to talk about." So I told her communication can often help. But I fear it only could make things worse. i do not want to harass or stalk her or nothing. She actually recently recveived threatening emails a few months back, and back in 1997 was threatened online by a stalker, so I do not want to have any kind of thoughts of that be anything she could come up with.
I could send her an email, but I do fear that either she will read it and not reply, or my address could be blocked already. But I have sent her emails back in august already like that, although that was b4 she met him in person for 2 weeks and wanted to move to Holland with him. The truth is lately..I have been having less and less a problem with him, and more just with her. I just wish I could still talk to her the way i used to , just as a friend.
As for how I feel about this...I guess currently since my thoughts have not changed in the 3 weeks since he went back home to Holland, and she said she wanted to go live there I have tried to deal with my thoughts more and more. But really ever since late July when it was "Martin this and Martin that" and basically the day she told me she wouldn't come to Atlanta and I couldn't call her...I have felt I lost my best friend..someone I dunno if i have ever been as close to ..I mean I told nearly every personal thing about me, I had Mike Portnoy w tih her on the phone wishing her happy birthday on her b-day,..and I helped her order some of her favorite music online (she has no cc). 3 of her alltime favorite cds she would not have if it wasn't for me, and music is like her favorite thing. I basically feel like I grew too close to her..and she just met a guy she fell for from overseas for that matter, and the previous 7 months meant nearly nothing to her...like Martin took my place. Maybe I am getting to know what she really is like and I never really knew her b4. She once told me when I said to her that I had never been mad at her and didn't think I could ever be upset with her, "Kyle, you don't know me very well since you don't know me when I am upset"...but my difficulty beyond that is how do I get her out of my head. I play a cd and she pops into my head. She even likes U2..u know . And I am on 2 main message boards she is...which 1 the Dream theater board is my favorite. And the thing also which hurts is mutual friends don't help that know both of us. I have basically 1 ally who helps and has seen her and Martin in a chatroom. But I have like 2 or 3 friends who know both her and Martin but they are staying away..and I seem to be getting next to no help or insights from them. I guess they are just being good friends not to betray or nothing. I dunno..I think time will help...but just yesterday I tried replying to a couple of messages direclty to her, and she never replied. She is avoidng me at all costs.

but sorry for this..talking about it i find helps though...thanx .