Phones, Speaking and Various Things

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LJT

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This is probably pretty petty in comparison to what a lot of people here go through...ahh but here goes anyway.

I am almost 19, my birthday is in fact this Monday...when i was about 10, i was very outgoing, enthusiastic a decent public speaker, performing in a musical (The Music Man) at Belfast's Grand Opera House...into theatre, going to auditions etc...When i went to secondary school (high school for you Americans)...i was kinda bullied about how i spoke, the way i said some words like school, bull, bowl sounded American to the guys in my class, kind of a silly thing to get bullied about right...even sillier to take notice of them...but basically they laughed or made fun of it everytime i spoke...hence i eventually became terrified of public speaking...i dreaded being asked to read passages from books in class...i became very quiet as a result, rarely ever speaking, just because i became scared of how people thought of the way i spoke..so i became reserved, mute even at times especially round people i didn't know.

It was mainly two guys who were responsible for the majority of making fun of me...we always ended up in the same classes, even after the class shakeup in 3rd year, we were in the same class...in 5th year i changed schools even...they changed to the same school:huh: I changed mainly because my old school was not going to do a class for German at A Level, but i was looking forward to escaping these guys who had annoyed me for the past 5 years...but first day at the new school, there they were...after two weeks i went back to my old school...i was better for it, i came out of myself after a year..i just basically said what do i care how people think of me, all that matters is how i think of myself and my own self respect....haha now i sing just going into town...jingle bells in the middle of the summer...i am the first person on the dance floor at clubs...i hop about the place...i am very outgoing now...but some things kinda remain with me....

In 5th year for my GCSE English course, you had to prepare a speech for a grade in your oral skills...i was terrified of speaking in front of my class especially those two guys...so the day came and i did a speech on the Irish Diaspora....i uhh began to shake while speaking, my voice tremorred, my arms began to shake and my right leg just started shaking violently, my foot was tapping the ground quite violently and very loudly, i was a wreck and i could see those two guys just grinning at me...i got so bad my teacher had to tell me to sit down as my foot was making a very loud sound from tapping off the ground, plus my voice was breaking up...i did get to the end of my speech though and i got near enough full marks for it too...of course those guys went on about 'how crap i was and how i didn't deserve my marks because i was nervous'...

I thought i had gotten over that stage of fear of public speaking...turns out itwas untrue...

Recently a friend from my year in school died, the same day he got his A level results and he had gotten in to the course he wanted to at university too...he had epilepsy and had a fit the night of his results, and died in his sleep...that was terrible...so most of my year went to his funeral, and tonight was his months mind..it was a service held up at my old school..i turn up and i am asked by one of the teachers would i do the Prayers of the Faithful..so i agree and when my time came, i got up to the altar and yeh i start getting terrified again, tremor in my voice and my leg starts to wobble again..i got through it better than last time...but it is an awful feeling...it annoys me that i let those two guys get to me so much that it still effects me....

You know i am actually scared of making phone calls:huh: unless to someone i know very well...but calling the bank for instance terrifies me:sad: i jsut freeze and start babbling...the first call i made to someone other than a relative or friend was to a bookshop last year...i had to sit by the phone for about an hour before i could pick it up to make a simple bloody enquiry...i am getting better now at it though...but it still takes me absolutely too long just to ask simple bloody questions over the phone..

It is just stupid:mad: and i really piss myself off about it..i have not had a job yet..i had been to a couple of interviews just before the summer, but i shake at them or stumble over my words all the time...i know that is not uncommon but they do literally scare me to death...

Ahh sorry for the rant, just needed to vent i guess.
 
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Thats horrible.. bullies :mad: :(

I always hated public speaking too.. I used to go really red in the face everytime I had to speak in class or anything, I still do occasionally, but it used to be really bad and although nobody ever really made fun of me or anything it really got me down and I was really introverted for ages, I had no self-confidence and I lived in fear of being asked to read anything out or answer a question! School was not a pleasant experience for me either.

You're definitely not the only one with the telephone problem! I have sat by the phone trying to plan what to say and worrying over it many a time.

So sorry to hear about your friend, that's awful :(


:hug:
 
:hug: thanks darlin

It just really annoys me that i haven't gotten over those bullies...it drives me mad that it still effects me, when in every other way i am an extrovert, outgoing, enthusiastic...then when it comes to making a simple phone call i freeze:(

Phones should be banned:wink:
 
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:hug: LJT
I think I know how you feel. I remember that scene when you were shaking. People always say that no one will see how nervous you are but how could they not when my hands were shaking so hard I couldn't read my paper.

At university I put off my public speaking course (usually taken freshman year) until my last quarter. It was hard for me but I did do it and I did pretty well despite being nervous. In other classes <psychology as you know> I was passionate enough about the subject that I felt I could speak with authority and wasn't nervous. I suspect the same will happen for you next year.

I've spoken to you and you don't seem nervous. I never would have known if you hadn't said something. You will get better with interviews and phone calls the more you do. I can't say I enjoy either of them but I know I will live through it.

I like to meet those bullies :madspit:

:wink:
 
hehe thanks darlin...i am fine talking to people as in friends...it just with anything official i just freak out:huh:
 
i was made fun of alot for how i spoke. i didnt learn to speak until i was 5 years old and had to take speech lessons when i was fitted with hearing aids.

the kids were so cruel back then that i didnt even talk much until i got into high school.

theater arts helped me alot with my speech and confidence.
 
kids are cruel....i guess you had speech problems due to poor hearing? How is your speech now?
 
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sometimes people can tell, sometimes people cant. you'd have to ask other interferencers who have met me in person lol.
 
hehe well in the end it doesn't really matter...you would probably just sound American to me:wink: (and cool)
 
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that's so cruel, it amazes me how mean some kids can be and from such an early age. I'm getting better at it, but I hate public speaking too. Sometimes I think I'm confident, then halfway through I can hear myself start to shake and I get really embarrassed.

soon you'll be at college all smart and knowledgeable about psychology and things, away from the idiots, and you'll be fine. :yes:

so sorry about your friend too, that's so horrible...



:(
 
Dave was the friend who died...he was kind of an odd guy....as well as his epilepsy i think he was also autistic...he was a very very very quiet guy...he was tough to talk to..he was in his own wee world most of the time, his two best friends were also non-talkers, they just sat together, peacefully as can be at lunch and break....i would pop over to say hi and ask how things were going...they were an oddball bunch but good people you know..just quiet guys...Dave was sevrely bullied by what would be our version of jocks...the hurley heads we called them (irish sport hurley)...they were idiots and chucked stuff at him at lunch to try and get a reaction out of him...he was a big guy but very gentle...i am just glad none of those guys turned up at his funeral...:tsk:
 
LJT

I totally understand where you are coming from in terms of lacking confidence around speaking to others. I am 28 now but when I was younger I used to dread talking on the phone or having to speak out in front of others. I still dislike speaking in front of groups although i recently did a presentation at uni and was so proud of myself as the other students said I didn't seem nervous at all. It sounds stupid but i just thought to myself that i could do this and I did! I am still not comfortable with it but what I am trying to say is that if you gradually build up your confidence you will be comfortable one day.

It is sad that those two boys at school thought it ok to make you feel that way, but you are off to uni soon and you'll be able to make friends with people you choose to, not some fools who you have the misfortune of being in the same year at school with.

Best of luck with your studies:hug:
 
Thank you Tilli:hug: and everybody else for your kind words:)

What was your presentation on?

I will most likely get better at public speaking eventually...it just annoys me that when i was 10 i didn't have any problems with it and now, i start to feel ill about it all:sigh:

But time heals as it goes.
 
It was about Psychoanalyis/psychodynamic approaches in healthcare! You may be learning about stuff like that soon - you are doing Psychology aren't you?

You will become more confident about speaking to others. It is also good to remember that you are far from alone in feeling the way you do. I was actually amazed when I did my presentation how nervous everyone else was too.
The thing to also remember is that people don't actually think any less of you if you seem nervous. I didn't think of the others in my presentations were silly for looking nervous - I felt total empathy with them as I am pretty sure most of the general population do!

Like you say, time heals:up:
 
Yep i am doing Psychology:up:


I am going to need an early night...i am wrecked:huh:
 
ah i hate phone calls too. they're horrifying.

happy early birthday:hug: i turn 19 soon too (nov 5).

I was made fun of a lot in middle school...thankfully I moved to a completely different state after that, but it did leave me scarred for about another year. Now when I hear how those bullies are doing...all I can do is laugh since karma is a wonderful thing. :up:

I'm sure you've got an adorable accent though :cute:
 
The accent comes with the terroritory:wink:

Now to put it to good use in England:p

Glad to hear you got over your own bullies:up: and happy early early birthday to you to:D
 
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