Only Child

[pgv]

I'm an only child, and have always felt quite bitter towards my parents for it. I feel like I have missed out on so much, and now that my parents are divorced I feel like I'm not part of a family as it's just me and my Mum. It's wrong for me to be resentful.. but my friends have so many amazing memories with their brothers and sisters, trips to the beach where they made sandcastles and stuff. But I don't have any memories like that, I remember my parents making a huge effort to take me places but I always felt quite isolated as there was this vast gap between myself and my parents. My parents were great, but not the company of a sibling at a similar age.
And as I get older I always worry that when my mum and dad die, I will be left alone. People with brothers and sisters seem to have this network of family around them, growing up at the same time as them and with them. But I won't ever have that, I don't have any cousins we really talk to and everyone I love in my family is much older than me.

Are there any other only children out there that feel the same way as me - or am I just wanting what I don't have?

 

[Laura M]

I remember my parents making a huge effort to take me places but I always felt quite isolated as there was this vast gap between myself and my parents. My parents were great, but not the company of a sibling at a similar age.

And as I get older I always worry that when my mum and dad die, I will be left alone. People with brothers and sisters seem to have this network of family around them, growing up at the same time as them and with them.

I wouldn't feel bitter towards your parents. Yes, having siblings close in age to you is great but you should be thankful for all the memories you have with your Mum and Dad and for all the memories you can make with them now.

As for siblings always being around for each other, that's not always true. My mother has 7 sisters and we have not seen one of them in almost 10 years. My Dad has 6 siblings and he only speaks to his brother. I always worry about being left alone too, there are four people in my family and 3 of them have an illness. I can't bear the thought of something happening to any of them but I have to realise that they probably might not be here as long as I hope so I try and make the most of any time we all have together now. It doesn't matter if you have no siblings or ten, make the most of all the time you have with your family instead of wishing for something you don't have.

 

[redhotswami]

I'm sorry you feel so down. Just so you know though, there is no perfect family formula. A family can include just one parent, none at all, no siblings, etc. FYI, I do have a younger brother. We've hardly spoken over the years. This year during the few days he was in town we spoke more than we have in the past number of years. I don't always have very happy memories with him

But, a family is a family is a family, ya know? The number of people doesn't matter. You have parents that love you very much, which, sadly, is not very common. All you need is love

 

[dazzlingamy]

I am an only child too, and my mum and dad divorced when I was one, so its always just been my mum and me. Sometimes I wished I had brothers and sisters because I felt like I needed someone who was like a part of me you know? But as I've grown up I've seen families who don't speak to each other, brothers and sisters who fight all the time, and i am thankful for my close relationship with my mum. I also have very close ties to my auntie and my cousins, so I guess I do have a bit of a family as well.

I think once you have your own family, having brothers and sisters won't matter as much. Also I have 4 very very close girlfriends who I consider my "sisterS" perhaps you could look on some of your friends to fill that void you have?

But believe me, I understand how you feel - but don't feel anger towards your family!!

 

[U2MaNaIcWeIdO]

I'm the unique kind of only children. My older sister was given up before I was born...so I've always felt like an only child. Never resented my parents for giving her up....in fact I understand why they had to give her up (Due to my mom's medical health at the time).

Yea...there are times where I wish Maggie was here with me....but for the most part I wish her a happy health and home
And besides I've grew up with a bunch of cats over the years...so I've felt like they were my siblings too

 

[Lancemc]

I'm an only child, and quite frankly, I enjoy it. My parents love me very much, and I them, and we have countless memories of times we've spent together...some of the best times of my life were with them. Do I wish I had siblings? Sometimes. Sometimes I wish I had someone close like a brother or sister to share things with, I think it would be nice. But at the same time, being an only child has its perks, and I harbour no ill wills towards my parents.

I'm lucky enough to have some of the most amazing parents in the world though, so either way, siblings or not, I'm sure I'd feel the same way towards them.

Soooo, that doesn't really offer you any advice or anything, but there's just another take from another only child.

 

[starsgoblue]

I'm an only child. I like to joke that my parents "got it right the first time". I'm closer to my mom because of being an only child. You get to make your own network! Through friends and relationships that you get to choose, not anything youre "stuck" with.

 

[Liesje]

I'm not an only child, so I probably can't relate to what you're feeling, except to say that siblings aren't always all you're making them out to be! There have been many times I wished I was an only child. I don't have a real close family though. We all get along and love and respect each other, we never fight, but we're not the type of family that confided in each other or considered each other best friends. My friends and even some of my cousins seem more like a family. When I was a teen, I never developed a dependency on my family for any sort of emotional or even financial support. Back then, a family was just something that was there until you were 17 and moved out. I can tell my younger brother has had the same experience. Now that I'm grown, I'm just starting to develop actual friendships with my mom and little sister. You are very young, please don't be worried about your parents dying. You can soon go off to college or join the workforce, which will place you in a huge social network with plenty of people your age.

 

[pgv]

Thanks everyone! I'm glad there are older children out there who don't feel like having brothers and sisters is a necessity, because I think I'm just going through a stage of wanting a large family when I don't. But I suppose there are so many people out there who don't talk to their brothers and sisters as they get older, having them doesn't really mean they will always be there for you.
When I'm older I do hope to have a large family, so my children grow up without the worry I have now. I suppose a plus is I never have to fight for attention from my parents - my friends often tell me how that happens to them.

 

[*Ally*]

i am an only child, and on some level i can definitely relate to what you're feeling. when i was young, i loved being an only child- i had (and continue to have) a great relationship with my parents, and i enjoyed all of the attention i got. however, as i've gotten older, i've definitely wished that i had siblings. it's scary to think of my parents getting old and needing care- as an only child, it will be my responsibility to look after them in their old age. don't get me wrong- i don't mind having that responsibility, and since my parents gave me so much when i was growing up i definitely want to take care of them when they need help. but it would be nice to know that someone else- a brother or sister- would be there to help out, and would be experiencing the same sort of emotions as myself.

despite these worries, i have loved my experience as an only child and i treasure the close relationship that i have with my parents as a result. however, if i ever have children, i definitely plan on having at least two.

 

[Mofo]

It definitely has its pros and cons, I have a few friends who are only childs and they usually are closer to their parents than most friends who have brothers and sisters (I'm not saying it's always the case, but they somewhat create a more intimate bond or at least that's what I percieve)

I have a brother and sister and it's definitely a lot of fun (well say that to my father who's had to pay 2 college careers and is still 3 years from finishing the 3rd )

I have a friend who had 5 brothers and sisters (6 including him) and I got to travel once with them and it was so freaking entertaining watching them go just through dinner but I can't imagine what it costs to maintain 8 persons

 

[Bonochick]

If it makes you feel any better...some of the memories of my sister and I involve her beating me up...and peeing in a cup and telling me it was apple juice...and handcuffing me to a tree when I had to pee...

I wouldn't trade my sister for anything, and I'm glad I have her, but I'd imagine there are lots of advantages to being an only child. You get all of the attention, and finances don't have to be stretched out among kids to make things fair. One less person to fight over the bathroom for. You automatically have your own bedroom. You don't have to worry about somebody borrowing your suede vest and then putting a sticker on it, therefore ruining said suede vest.

I know you're only 16...but...a thought for in the future...do you have a Big Brothers, Big Sisters agency by you? I know they do have a program in the UK. I signed up here in the U.S. and got matched with a little sister over 4 years ago. We both moved away from the town we lived in, so we aren't technically with the program anymore (plus, she's 16 years old now), but we still send letters and cards, call each other, and send Christmas and birthday gifts. I know it's obviously not the same as having an actual sibling, but it's a lot of fun and very rewarding.

 

[sweetwolf40]

I am an only child and 45 years old. My 18 year old daughter is an only child. My parents were divorced when I was 8 so it was just me and my mom most of the time. My mom and I have had a challenging relationship but as I have gotten older I realize that she did the best that she knew how. I had a good life growing up as an only. Whenever my mom or my dad would take me on a trip I could bring along one of my friends. I never for one minute felt resentful for being an only. I followed in my moms footsteps and always made sure that my daughter had someone to go with her places and to do things with.

Here is the kicker, I am also adopted!! I have always felt that I have a brother or sister out there somewhere but I do not have any burning desire to find them or to become close the them. I have a very large circle of friends and I have my partners family that is quite large. My family is very small.

I have seen the bickering and unfriendlyness between siblings in my own family. My mother is the oldest of 4 and has always been resentful and envious of her sister and her lifestyle. I have been caught between them more often than I care to mention and, quite frankly, I do not wish to be involved in that kind of nonsence. Life is too short.

I have also seen the closeness that siblings share. My partner recently had a death in the family. A nephew. All the brothers and sisters were around him when he made his transition and it was truly beautiful.

There is a good side and a bad side to everything. Life is all about the choices we make. Be comfortable with who you are. Give your mum and dad a break. Siblings don't necessarily make you a better person. Surround yourself with friends that love you and keep your mum and dad close to your heart and try not to be sad that you dont have any siblings. You don't need them to define who you are and who you have yet to become. Great things await you!!!

 

[Doozer61]

 

[pgv]

I am an only child and 45 years old. My 18 year old daughter is an only child. My parents were divorced when I was 8 so it was just me and my mom most of the time. My mom and I have had a challenging relationship but as I have gotten older I realize that she did the best that she knew how. I had a good life growing up as an only. Whenever my mom or my dad would take me on a trip I could bring along one of my friends. I never for one minute felt resentful for being an only. I followed in my moms footsteps and always made sure that my daughter had someone to go with her places and to do things with.

Here is the kicker, I am also adopted!! I have always felt that I have a brother or sister out there somewhere but I do not have any burning desire to find them or to become close the them. I have a very large circle of friends and I have my partners family that is quite large. My family is very small.

I have seen the bickering and unfriendlyness between siblings in my own family. My mother is the oldest of 4 and has always been resentful and envious of her sister and her lifestyle. I have been caught between them more often than I care to mention and, quite frankly, I do not wish to be involved in that kind of nonsence. Life is too short.

I have also seen the closeness that siblings share. My partner recently had a death in the family. A nephew. All the brothers and sisters were around him when he made his transition and it was truly beautiful.

There is a good side and a bad side to everything. Life is all about the choices we make. Be comfortable with who you are. Give your mum and dad a break. Siblings don't necessarily make you a better person. Surround yourself with friends that love you and keep your mum and dad close to your heart and try not to be sad that you dont have any siblings. You don't need them to define who you are and who you have yet to become. Great things await you!!!

Thankyou - everything you said is right and you have actually made me feel better about my situation. It's true, I should be greatful for what I have as I am a lucky person to have people around me who love me.

 

[sweetwolf40]

You are welcome. I know that it is hard being your age and trying to define who you are. Only you can do that for yourself. It took me a long time to realize that only I can make myself happy.

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination."

"Work like you don't need the money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching"

Have a very safe and happy new year.

 

[pgv]

Have a wonderful new year sweetwolf, I hope you will join us on this forum more often in 2007

 

[sweetwolf40]

I just might!!!

 

[Night & Day]

I'm an only child. I like to joke that my parents "got it right the first time".

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I'm an only child. I like to joke that my parents "got it right the first time". I'm closer to my mom because of being an only child. You get to make your own network! Through friends and relationships that you get to choose, not anything youre "stuck" with.

I tell mine I'm the best thing that's ever happened to them.

My parents are divorced so that's kind of made me think more about how things will change as they get older, but I really try and focus on the positive. When I was younger I felt extremely isolated, as I was first an only child, and second there were only two other kids on my block and they were both older boys. School pretty much sucked ass for me until high school.

But I'm thankful in other ways because I'm not sure I'd have been as close with my mom as I am now. Maybe I would have, but why dwell on things you'll never know for sure?

 

[pgv]

I'm so suprised so many people on here are only children - I am the only person I know who is an only child!

 

[U2Girl1978]

I'm really sorry you are feeling this way partygirlvox.


Having a sibling is not all it's cracked up to be. At times I wish I was an only child because I really don't care for the drama that my sibling puts in my life. I haven't talked to her in almost a year and I hate to say this but I don't care to talk to her again.

 

[bonoishot]

Although I have a half brother and sister ( we have the same Dad) i grew up as an only child really. They're older than me ( about 15 years and their children are nearer to my age than they are to me. They don't live near to me and although we get on well it seems like my best friend is more like a sister to me. We never had the closeness growing up together. I realised the other day that i've never even been on holiday with them or spent Xmas with them.

My parents divorced when i was about 7 and i now don't see my father, so when my Mum died i did feel a bit isolated. I have great grandparents and aunts and cousins, but i always turn to my friends if i need anything.

Though i grew up with just me and my mum at home we were so close as a result. She used to take me camping, to the fair, to concerts. We went so many places and i have so many good memories.

 

[daafish]

first, sweetwolf, awesome post!

I'm an only child too. Hell, I was an accident! lol....1972, my parents got married in March and I was born in September, do the math!

Sure, I had wishes of having a sibling but it's not bad at all being the only child. I make friends, close friends and call them brother or sister. They may not be blood but they're very close to me and I know that i can count on them to be there for me, perhaps like a brother/sister. One of my close friends is an only child also....i've know him for 17 years. Close friends = siblings for me.

 

[U2Kitten]

I have three siblings, and I'm still an only child because we usually stay mad at each other and don't speak most of the time. The words to "One" describe my family a lot. You can have my siblings. They are the most judgemental, loudmouthed, opinionated, self righteous, overbearing bores you could imagine. Oh and my only sister is just plain nuts. You never know what wild, dangerous crap she will pull next. BTW our parents are gone, while they were alive, they behaved a little better (except the sister) I agree it would be cool to have siblings if they were your friends, and it's probably a good thing for most people.

 

[pgv]

I'm sorry you have such awful siblings U2kitten It's in cases like that where I would rather be an only child.

 

[MattyUK]

I have a sibling, we dont get on, have no interest in each others lives. This is often the case!!!

 

[achtunganton]

i have 3 sisters, and its overrated...my older sister is a spawn of satan i have decided...it was not uncommon for me to be found tied up with makeup all over my face
*a*

 

[Greenlight]

I've been there too partgirlvox. I'm an only child and did sometimes resent the fact when I was growing up even though it wasn't my parents fault. They'd tried for a baby for ages and my mum had had several miscarriages before she finally managed to have me when she was 41. I remember too holidays being awkward as it always felt other kids had ready made play mates and as I was shy as a kid anyway it was difficult making friends away from home. I also vowed I'd have loads of kids to compensate but in the end we stuck at 2.
It hasn't bothered me much at all in adulthood and it's something I don't often think about except at times like Christmas when I think it would be nice sometimes to have a big family, just for a short time anyway! Over the years I've made some close friends who I can count on instead. My parents both died a few years ago which was obviously a difficult time but my husband and friends helped me through it. I think unless you have a particularly close relationship with a sibling which I don't think that many people have, you tend to count more on your partner/close friends in such a time anyway. A couple of friends who recently lost parents have had no end of stress on top of everything else with difficult siblings sorting out their parents house/money etc so sometimes I think you're best being an only child anyway but of course we don't know any different. Hang on in there and you'll be fine.

 

[U2Kitten]

I'm sorry you have such awful siblings U2kitten It's in cases like that where I would rather be an only child.

Thanks