Need to VENT!!![any advice would be helpful]

[elevation2u]

Ok, ok, I feel a bit silly starting this thread but here it goes... I would say in my hometown I have 2 really close friends [best friends if you will] they hardly know each other so it's not like if I ever hang out with both at once. [random info btw]

Ok the dilemma is with one who'll I'll call "P", she's really cool...she's the one that I have more in common with in sense of humour, movies, politics and music. However every weekend [both friday and saturday nights] she invites me to go out with her to party and here are my issues

1. I have to tell my parents I'm going to "spend the night at her house" which is true but a bit deceiving...[my parents would freak out if I ever got home as the sun is rising and possibly kick me out of the house...no joke]

2. She's not understanding [of #1] her parents let her do anything she wants which is understandable cause it’s not like we’re 17 …however her parents always give her spending $ something my parents never ever did and never will

3. I'm not really into partying, I hate dancing when sober and hate the idea of having to drink a lot to get buzzed [I have a high tolerance to alcohol] and plus I hate the idea of spending my hard earned cash on booze.

4. I know about 2 or 3 of her friends at the most and I much rather hang out with a small group of close friends than with a bunch of people I don’t know and don’t really care to

5. They ‘re all into drugs which I’m used to being around a lot however I’ve never tried them and don’t have slightest interest in… it sort of makes me uncomfortable because I’m always scared theyre gonna do something dumb and somehow Im gonna get blamed too. Plus lately it’s been more annoying cause they’ve been pushing me to try them knowing I don’t want to. They even use them casually during the week.

6. To be honest after working all week [oh yea she doesn’t have a job] I much rather stay home on weekends to paint or read [no joke] & relax and do things I don’t get to do during the week.

The issue mostly is that for the last couple weekends I just don’t answer the phone or come up with phony excuses not to go….it’s worked however she always gets upset and has an attitude. The thing is we go way back, when we do go out to the café, record shopping, to eat, or to watch movies at home I have a great time, we can have nice, long in depth conversations about interesting stuff.

So I guess my broad question is What do I do? What do I tell her?… I really wouldn’t want to lose her friendship but lately I don’t know anymore.
Any advice would be helpful, sorry this is so lengthy but I really wanted/needed to vent.

-jazmin

 

[BonosBaby12]

You need to be honest and tell her that you are uncomfortable with partying. A true best friend would be understanding to that not everyone enjoys their choice of lifestyle. Now if she get's an attitude with you when you tell her how you feel. Than I would say pull away from her for awhile and see what happens. But NEVER ever do something that you aren't comfortable with just because your friend does it! Btw have you ever suggested to her that maybe you guys could do something calmer on the weekends?

 

[Liesje]

Just tell her sorry, you're not interested. If she's a true friend, she won't mind. Maybe she feels like she's not a good friend if she doesn't at least invite you? You could tell her no thanks, it's not really your scence so she doesn't have to keep asking you, but thanks for being inclusive. I don't party either, mostly for the reasons you mentioned, namely my acquaintances who party don't work so they can't relate to having to work three jobs all week while being a full time student. To me, "letting loose" is renting like 5 movies, ordering pizza and getting some Smirnoffs and vegging out with my fiance until we fall asleep.

If deciding not to party every single weekend means losing a friendship, it doesn't seem like much of a friendship to begin with. Hopefully though if you just let her know you're not comfortable going - you don't care if she goes, you're not judging her or asking her NOT to party, you just don't want to go - then it won't be a problem.

 

[JMScoopy]

what kind of drugs are we talking about here?

nothing wrong with a little pot once in a while.

thats as far as i'd ever go though, anything else will mess you up down the road, not to mention highly illegal and felony charges if your caught.

 

[elevation2u]

if it makes a difference yes there's the occasional pot but hardly ever mostly it's LSD, acid and lots of uppers and downers...I know some of her other friends are a bit more into coke [most of these people are in their mid-20's]....and hopefully she won't get into that but I have the feeling she might since she's into the whole expanding your mind bollocks. But yea next time the subject comes up I'm gonna be honest and tell her and hopefully this time I'll be clearer and/or she will listen more attentively.
Rereading these posts made me realize that we're probably just drifting apart as people do but life goes on. She'll eventually [hopefully] grow out this phase, and I hope that it's not a situations where I will look back and wish I had encouraged her more to not partake in those activities..where as now I just feel if I tried doing that I would be the nagging, nosey friend.

but thanks for those who responded

 

[Got Philk?]

You could say something if it truely worries you a little what she does. I mean, you don't have to be nagging, just something like, "you know, be careful with that stuff." or something. Ya know? I know I've done that before and usually the response is more positive than negative.

I'm right there with you. I'm not a party guy. I like hanging out with people, but for whatever reason, getting smashed or high never appealed to me. Yet, I found myself living with 3 other friends who did. Good luck to you!

 

[hiphop]

Just do what you want. If you dont feel like going out tell her. If you´re not into drugs tell her. A friend does not leave for reasons like that.

Don´t let the others talk you into drugs. I´m biased here, I´d say smoking pot ain´t such a problem but that´s just based on my own assumptions - you might also get fined for that, and the point you brought up about being insecure. etc. Still, when harder drugs are involved which seems to be the case, back off.

Expanding your mind bollocks? Lol. Apparently she has no fucking clue about expanding mind. Probably she is looking for liberation? Ask her. If she´s into freeing the mind, tell her that it is quite possible for the desire for liberation (or for "expanding the mind") to become a subtle form of ego. In ninety-nine cases out of hundred this is what happens. When you say “I want to be liberated”, it is the “I”, the ego, that desires liberation. Then your expansion becomes just an extension of your ego. In this instance you want to save your “I”. You call this expanding "your" mind. But bear in mind there is only one kind of expanding your mind, and that is liberation from “I”, liberation from the ego itself. There can not be such a thing as expanding “my” mind. How can “I” be liberated? “I” can never be free. There is no liberating “I” there is only liberation from “I”.

Thats not my wisdom, but written by someone who surely knows more about mind liberation than all of us combined.

Drugs to expand your mind... bullshit. Drugs are just drugs. Substances that will have a certain effect that you may like or not. Anyone who thinks there´s more to it, must be very young and inexperienced.

 

[elevation2u]

Just do what you want.

thanks, ...this part of your message was the most insightful because when it comes down....people usually follow their own inner instinct/advice...


I know I have to talk to her and see where things go...and if things don't loook up I will part ways. I have friends back in college who do the pot smoking but they've never tried to make me smoke as I've never tried to make them stop.

everyone was very helpful, like I said, I mostly just needed to vent!!

 

[U2democrat]

I'm in a similar situation with my close friends back home too...when I know they plan on partying and they invite me I just come up with some excuse and just end up relaxing at home, which is what I'd rather do. The next day when they're hungover I'll usually hang out with them and just shake my head and not regret my decision.

 

[BonoIsMyMuse]

The thing is we go way back, when we do go out to the café, record shopping, to eat, or to watch movies at home I have a great time, we can have nice, long in depth conversations about interesting stuff.

Tell her that. That right there describes all of my close friendships.

There's nothing wrong with friends who don't do everything together. Tell her that while you appreciate that she always invites you to party, that that's really not your style. If she's as invested in the friendship as you are, she'll understand. Maybe still try to go out with her once in awhile, but never feel like you have to do something silly like get wasted or drop acid to maintain the friendship.