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Old 08-12-2007, 09:00 PM   #41
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Originally posted by A_Wanderer
I would pin it at early twentieth century perfectly at home in a P.G. Wodehouse novel.
If you're like the hero of one of those novels, you're in good shape. There's a bit of Psmith in some of your responses.
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Old 08-12-2007, 09:12 PM   #42
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(I mean if it was a purely physical desire I have cash and somewhat flexible morality).



OK, first girl is away--unavailable for companionship in any significant way--unless the occasional phone call is sufficient.
You're over her, but you call the other girls backups. So I'm assuming if anticipated phone call doesn't lead you to invite Girl 1 to concert, you will be asking either backup 1 or 2 (do you have a preference?) If you invite Girl 1 to concert and you don't physically cross paths until next year which I understood from first post (is that when the concert is?), then do you go into holding pattern?

Sorry, the logistics are getting a little confusing to me. I'm not sure I have the timeframe clear.
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Old 08-13-2007, 07:56 PM   #43
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Originally posted by BonosSaint





OK, first girl is away--unavailable for companionship in any significant way--unless the occasional phone call is sufficient.
You're over her, but you call the other girls backups. So I'm assuming if anticipated phone call doesn't lead you to invite Girl 1 to concert, you will be asking either backup 1 or 2 (do you have a preference?) If you invite Girl 1 to concert and you don't physically cross paths until next year which I understood from first post (is that when the concert is?), then do you go into holding pattern?

Sorry, the logistics are getting a little confusing to me. I'm not sure I have the timeframe clear.
Concerts next week.

Haven't seen "main" girl in 10 months, no phone calls or mutual friends through deliberate design; this situation shall continue until febuary or so; I am not a creep, I am both aware and accepting of the possibilities that she either has a boyfriend, doesn't want to be with me or both (as well as the distinct possibility that I don't have feelings for her; since memories and dreams are a great way of idealising someone).

The biggest barrier was letting her know how I felt, that has been done, time and distance give me a fresh start and if situation permits next year I shall try to get to know her better with charm, honesty and talent and not forceful obsession. Failing that all those resources that I have put so much effort into over this year can be diverted elsewhere.
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Old 08-14-2007, 01:42 AM   #44
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Okay, thank you. I'm back on track now.

It sounds like the past several months have allowed you to create a healthy (if not complete) distance. And it was important to have broken the barrier and let her know how you felt and pushing it into a realm where ultimately it has less power over you and allows you more clarity than if you didn't, no matter how it ultimately turns out. A clarity you might not have achieved by force of will alone. Unspoken feelings are both powerfully seductive and a heavy burden (although sometimes necessary).

You've levelled the playing field. You've given yourself that fresh start. It's wise to realize she might not have feelings for you and even wiser for you to realize you might not have feelings for her, idealization aside. You'll find out soon enough. I don't know what your relationship was like before you told her, before she left. I don't know that that's important.

February is just around the corner and still far away--certainly too long to put yourself on emotional hold. So, yeah. Ask somebody else to the concert. It's just a concert. It's nothing you need to think about too much. You're not committing yourself to a longterm relationship. And if it leads somewhere else, you haven't closed yourself off to that.

What you've learned about yourself and what you want will put you in good stead with her or with somebody else.
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Old 08-14-2007, 06:23 PM   #45
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February is just around the corner and still far away--certainly too long to put yourself on emotional hold.
Not that hard, i've been doing it as long as I can remember.
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Old 08-15-2007, 12:13 AM   #46
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I have written about five detailed posts each raising extremely pertinent and valid points, but I think that I shall keep such masturbatiory cathartic tracts to myself.

Short story is; a relationship is a dynamic interaction between two people - I have a static longing towards what is effectively speaking a ghost.
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Old 08-15-2007, 04:15 AM   #47
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Best to you then.
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Old 08-15-2007, 12:39 PM   #48
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This thread makes my head hurt. I wish I could sound as smart as you two.


Scrap everything, just go with who you think you'd have fun with
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Old 08-15-2007, 04:09 PM   #49
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Wait that was posts that I didn't write in that one, I have plenty of non indulgent stuff to go on about
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Old 08-17-2007, 06:44 AM   #50
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Like actually doing something, I just asked her out, she asked for my number, much more interesting than nocturnal brooding, and that tingling feeling may be a good thing, or a stroke, whatever

And Laura, thanks
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Old 08-17-2007, 10:36 AM   #51
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Like actually doing something, I just asked her out, she asked for my number, much more interesting than nocturnal brooding, and that tingling feeling may be a good thing, or a stroke, whatever

And Laura, thanks



Of course,
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Old 08-18-2007, 08:26 PM   #52
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Well problem solved, i've exhausted all three people I know and can safely go safe in the knowledge that I have somewhere to put my coat.

Next thing to do is to move onto the escort services
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Old 08-18-2007, 09:20 PM   #53
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Hey don't even need to do that, I was able to give it away.
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Old 08-20-2007, 11:47 AM   #54
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Problem solved I had a night out with an acquaintance and I was able to exude the wit and charm for an entire evening with a whole two hours of conversaton, I have not turned into weirdo (such a subjective label anyhow) it was for all intensive purposes normal – the fearthat I may be a one trick pony that becomes quite repeditive was allayed after half an hour of decent engagement .

It was good on an old friend dimension but it was not what I really want (and nor should it have been, as that dimension is perpetually lacking – brunettes need only apply). Through the sets and banter I had the chance to think (as one naturally does); I've gone ten months in the dark (literally and metaphorically), what I felt during the more solemn sets was undirected, I suppose that enough time has passed that I am not fixated upon her (“her” being unrequited or unreturned, dare I say, love). That is good, people may wax poetical about one true love but it is a load, we are hard wired to become attatched to people, I merely ahd the bad luck to do it unilaterally, breaking free of that is a good thing, I can either move on or do it right, and then when that burns out keep on doing it ad infinitum.

I did manage to ask that girl at work out, found out she's has a boyfriend for two months (of the many months i've been around), but oddly enough she still gave me her number and only later confirmed that she couldn't make it to the concert and I got a good vibe off her

I have new stuff to work over, new is good.
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