Maybe I'm afraid of being happy

[lady luck]

I met a special guy this summer while on vacation in Miami.
Then I came back home, in Italy, but we kept the contact-
He wrote me a very nice email, including this line

" As time goes by, I find myself thinking of you more and more. You are the greatest thing that has happened to me since my women; " My mother and my grandmother" meaning"

and due to the fact I've so little experience, I got scared and my reply was this:

"I wish I could believe you... You tell me the sweetest words, but you just get me confused. I know so little of you, and you know less about me.
And I keep on wondering how can you write such important things to a person you don't know...
Don't you think you're creating a person that could not be me?
I tend to rely a lot on my intuition but I have spent a short time with you and so it is not helping or guiding me in anyway.

I'll try to find an accomodation for you, if that is really what you want."

As one can imagine. the answer was:

"sorry you feel the way you do but now i am confused about you. i hate to feel that way and maybe i should thinnk twice about visiting. write me and i'll respond to the matter."

And now I feel and I think I'm an idiot...

I wrote him back, telling that I want to see him again, and talk to him and spend time with him.
I'm just scared by the fact I don't want to disappoint him.

and I'm checking the e-mails 30 times a day, I have a watch with the different time of the city where he's now... and I'm willing to cry!

 

[For Honor]

I...... actually....... know what it's like.
Just what it's like......


............


But I guess I have nothing to say at the moment...................

 

[Carmelu2fan]

lady luck, why do you feel you will disappoint him? That seems to be your biggest fear. I have pushed guys away that I really like beacuse I feel if they knew everything about me they would not like me as much or not at all. I think it is normal to have those concerns....love is very complicated sometimes. BTW,it seems like this guy really likes you.

 

[For Honor]

Yeah, I agree with Carmelu2fan

 

[Carek1230]

I think just to go with the flow and see what happens is the best way to handle it. Obviously there wasn't enough time to REALLY get to know one another. This can happen via lots of email exchanges. I hope you do have at least one more visit and allow yourself to be who you really are to see if there really is something there between the two of you. One never knows unless you allow yourself the chance or opportunity. Good luck, don't be scared.

 

[youtooellen]

like others said, don't be scared and just go with it

I doubt you'll be disappointing him if he says those things to you. it sounds like you mean more to him than it seems. take the chance with him and steal the opportunity.

good luck, and I hope things go well with you

 

[For Honor]

Long distance relationships =


..............................................................................


I'm sorry, lady luck, but I need to vent, sort of...
HOwever, i don't want it to take away from YOUR thread, so... well..... I'll just make it "invisible" for now, but....... I don't know. I might put it elsewhere....... it depends....



I can't wait until I have a girl that can be mine forever




I took the rest out and jounalized it......


Time for bed...

 

[lady luck]

lady luck, why do you feel you will disappoint him? That seems to be your biggest fear. I have pushed guys away that I really like beacuse I feel if they knew everything about me they would not like me as much or not at all. I think it is normal to have those concerns....love is very complicated sometimes. BTW,it seems like this guy really likes you.

it's like if he's too much for me...
he seems so kind, generous, gorgeous -- and it's like if he expects something from me.

and I don't know if I'm up to what he expects...

.. and this makes me mad.

we exchanged other mail, too.
his bitter tone made me sadder and sadder...

 

[girlhappy]

What did he say in last mail?

 

[For Honor]

Are you worried about YOU not living up to HIS expectations?

Or is it something else, that HE is not living up tp YOUR expecatations?


I understand the title, though "Maybe I'm afraid of being happy"
Interesting sitatuations......

 

[lady luck]

Are you worried about YOU not living up to HIS expectations?

Or is it something else, that HE is not living up tp YOUR expecatations?


I understand the title, though "Maybe I'm afraid of being happy"
Interesting sitatuations......

You know, at times I feel inadeguate...
I mean, he's so sweet and kind with me.. but am I the right person for him? isn't he expecting too much for me?

I think I am the most common person on earth, while he has gone through a lot of strange and different experiences... So I feel ... well I do not have so many things to tell, because I haven't done so many experiences in my life...
I know this could sound sooooo stupid, but it was just the way I felt!

 

[lady luck]

What did he say in last mail?

He said I' will be a huge part of his heart for always and he's not turning his back on me.
He said maybe we could try and be friends, even if this could be hard.
He also sad he keeps on smiling whenever thoughts of me linger through and through

So... wow!

 

[lady luck]

Girlhappy, how are you???

 

[For Honor]

That's at least good news, I would think, lady luck

 

[girlhappy]

Lady luck, thanks for asking. I am still waiting for a job and i am trying...trying....
But, still, i wanted to tell you that you are special, no matter how many experiences you had. Remeber: "Innocence is stronger than experience" that one is my favourite quote from Bono.
Sure, he saw SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL in you. And it has nothing to do with your life experience or anything external . Its just you!

 

[lady luck]

That's wonderful from you, girlhappy.
Thanks a lot!!

 

[lady luck]

I just get a new email...
Absolutely wonderful -- I'm not posting it because I'm shy... and jealous of it

It's like the biggest gift a girl could get and the precious words one can read!!!!

 

[lady luck]

I have such a wonderful feeling!

That's just an example of the content of the last e-mail

"From the moment we met, I knew that our friendship would develop into something precious, just as I am sure that the caterpiller will one day become a beautiful butterfly"

I am definetely falling in love...

... and it took me two hours to write a good reply!!!

 

[For Honor]

enjoy the feelings. They can be magical

 

[lady luck]

yES, THEY ARE

And Fantasy, too, is a great thing -- it helps me to try and give a shape to dreams!

every mail I get is like a new pearl -- especiallly now, that we are talking about our next meeting... wow!!

 

[lady luck]

I think I'm losing my head...

Some signals:

1. I thought I had an important meeting on Monday, Oct. 10.
In fact, it was on Oct. 7!!! I realized this yesterday -- fortunately, on time, or I would have had to wait months before the next one...

2. I forget things everywhere

3. I dream on when I am awake

4. I see everything better than it is

5. I have a complete fascination for Art. Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" is the best thing that one can see

6. I am willing to do a lot of things.

7. I need to sleep -- but a couple of coffees can give me a hand to solve that.
And maybe I'll sleep on Saturday... even if I will have to go to work. I can take it easy on Saturdays...

8. I go on smiling endlessly

9. It's raining and it is really cold and humid ... But I keep on feeling good!

10. I am trying to follow a lot of things: to find an accomodation, to write, to study, my sister's birthday, Amnesty, French, English, events, bills to pay, stamps for the Urgent Action to be sent to Nepal, flowers to buy, a surprise party for the last exam of university of a friend, the fair next weekm CDs to burn for the fair and catalogues to prepare... my head is in a mess... it's like a fever, but a good one. -- I'm afraid I'll forgot something!
But I DO love being in a state of confusion and having a full, rich and cahotic life!


I'm keeping exchanging wonderful mails with the most precious, gentle and charming guy on earth.
I will propose him for the Nobel for literature -- he writes in such a great way!!

I am happy as never before.

I feel lucky. No need to lie, for no reason.

I am happy.

I am trying not to be scared.

I'm diving into happiness...

 

[wenda]

Hi Lady Luck!

I've just been reading your post and I've got to say that I'm so happy things have turned out so well. You seem like such a sweet girl and you deserve only the best!

He sounds like a great guy!

 

[lady luck]

Thanks Wenda!

Yes, he sounds sooo great -- and the way he makes me feel is just... well, can't find words!!

I am overexcited!
Now I "just" must find an accomodation for him here in Milan
It is quite hard, because this is such an expensive city...

But I'll try to see things in a positive way!


And, moreover, I get a 30/30 on my exam on literature.. so I have another reason to be happy!!

 

[For Honor]

 

[lady luck]

Argh!
It seems troubles can't help but coming my way to my next meeting with Vlad.
He just dropped me an email saying that he cannot contact his mother -- she was supposed to help him going out of L.A.

F***!!!

 

[lady luck]

The news I was waiting for:

"Sweetheart,

Problem solved. I've gotten all my stuff. The police called and told me it was recovered on a trashcan a d all the paperwork was inside the briefcase. What a relief."


YEAHYEAHYEAH!!!

 

[lady luck]

And now I am waiting for news from Vladimir...

... it's funny because this "story" makes me discover a lot about myself. For instance, I'm not the waiting kind...

In his mail of Saturday, Vlad wrote me that he was going to film a play. And now I am here, waiting for fresher news!!

... and for a phone call!

Damn time zones...

 

[For Honor]

 

[lady luck]

"Just a little busy. Call you soon."

This mean I spend my time by the phone...

Argh!! wish it was not so difficult to get in touch!!

 

[lady luck]

Wow, how's possible I touch the sky every time I read some short line coming from this guy???

It's just something that never happened to me before...

... I'm discovering how nice it is to be desired and to be in someone else's thoughts!