Love is tough

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Lance, I'm so sorry :hug: I was rooting for you... but I guess some things aren't meant to be. Still, so very sad all that had to happen and in the end have it be for nothing.

boy I know what it feels like to see the one you love with someone else. you want so badly to be happy for them but it just totally rips apart your insides. love is a cruel, cruel thing.

you're doing the right thing though, by trying to move on. I commend your efforts; you seem to be much better at it than I am. I wish you the best of luck :up:

i'm also jealous of your audio production classes, i want you to know. i wanted to do audio production at NYU (the Clive Davis Recorded Music department) but didnt get in :sad:
 
Thanks for the words. Yeah, it sucks that it seems as though all that drama was for nothing, but looking on the bright side, things could very obviously have turned out much worse, so I have that to be thankful for.

And AtomicBono, I'm sorry you didn't get into NYU. Their music department there is unbelievable. The audio tech department here at American U is really great as well, but NYU is still a few steps up. I'm very strongly considering going there for grad school once I finish here. I'd love to go for my Masters at NYU.
 
Lancemc said:
Man, let me tell you, I really have a problem falling for girls I can't have.
Story of my fucking life! I've been in **** (don't wanna say it) with this girl for 2 damn years now and I have barely talked to her (it's just so hard to get through her, believe me) and the worse thing of it all is that I can't move on!!!!!! I just can't move on!!! I still can't stop thinking about her!!! My mind is killing me!!!! Soon I'll never see her again though and maybe it will stop then. Even though that makes me really sad. I don't know If I embarass myself or just "let it go" and keep trying to get her out of my mind. My romantic life is really, really ridiculous and sad! :sad:

Good luck to you man! I'm not going to give you any advices cause I'm obviously not the right guy to do it but I hope you can still get her!! All the luck! :up:
 
Re: Re: Love is tough

TheBrazilianFly said:

Story of my fucking life! I've been in **** (don't wanna say it) with this girl for 2 damn years now and I have barely talked to her (it's just so hard to get through her, believe me) and the worse thing of it all is that I can't move on!!!!!! I just can't move on!!! I still can't stop thinking about her!!! My mind is killing me!!!! Soon I'll never see her again though and maybe it will stop then. Even though that makes me really sad. I don't know If I embarass myself or just "let it go" and keep trying to get her out of my mind. My romantic life is really, really ridiculous and sad! :sad:

this may sound bad, but maybe it'd be best for you not to see her...distance could help you get over it. but you haven't told her at all? maybe you should, especially if you think you'll soon never see her again - nothing to lose in that case right?

fyi i've been in love with a guy for the last two years. longer than that really. i only now feel like i'm starting to move on...only because i've also liked this other guy for the last year or so...my love life is :huh: but it doesn't involve any action :sad:
 
bono_man2002 said:
Distancing definitely helps, if you can do it.

Sometimes not. I i didnt see the one that is always on my mind for half an year. And i know it sounds terrible:but i am still thinking about him. I REALLY hope someone new will come along.
 
the soul waits said:


IF you want to drag God into this, maybe you could interpret this as Him wanting to teach you a valuable lesson regarding what you want vs. what you need, which,in this case, are two completely different things alltogether.

See what you can learn from this whole experience rather than mourn over something that never was :up:


I missed you, soul waits!;)
 
Re: Re: Re: Love is tough

AtomicBono said:


this may sound bad, but maybe it'd be best for you not to see her...distance could help you get over it. but you haven't told her at all? maybe you should, especially if you think you'll soon never see her again - nothing to lose in that case right?

fyi i've been in love with a guy for the last two years. longer than that really. i only now feel like i'm starting to move on...only because i've also liked this other guy for the last year or so...my love life is :huh: but it doesn't involve any action :sad:

I think you may be right it may be better for me to never see her again. I never said anything to her but she definitely knows about it. And you know what kills me, she looks straight at me sometimes and just destroys me with that but I think she sees all of this just as flirt which destroys me a little more. I know she is very much in love with her boyfriend and if I say anything I know it will put us both in a very uncomfortable moment and I'm sure she will laugh of me. And, I don't want that....

You know, I'm on a break from University. It stopped in December and it starts again in March. In December I went to travel with my family (a very, very necessary vacation from the University and work) and when I came back in January I felt so good because I was so relaxed and mainly because I wasn't thinking about her, very little maybe. I really though I had gotten over her. It definitely felt like I had. Until I went back to my University to check some stuff and guess what? I saw here there and she was totally showing herself off to me and it all came right back, I fell for her again.

I have just one semester left and then it all ends, I mean we might bump into each other because we will work in the same market but it doesn’t feels good, at the same time I really want to say something I also am ridiculously afraid. It’s the most weird and annoying situation possible. At the same time I want her so badly I just want to move on too. Thank you very much for the advice AtomicBono and sorry for highjacking your thread momentarily Lancemc!
 
TheBrazilianFly, I know how you feel, trust me. I told this guy I liked him about two years ago and he was really nice about it...at first anyway...I feel like he fucked with me a little, he'd say shit like "well you're my new girlfriend now" to me in front of his girlfriend I guess just to piss her off or something... it bothered me... but that was a long time ago. we're still good friends, and I haven't said anything to him for well over a year about how I feel. I see him every couple weeks and talk to him online and stuff. I know what you mean about thinking you're over it...like I didn't talk to him for a week or two (I know, that's not very long), and I had this other guy on my mind, so I was like, finally, I'm not just thinking about this one guy!! but one IM and it all comes back...an IM for chrissake! it's sad.

like I said before, maybe you should tell her before you graduate, just you know for sure that she knows. I mean, if you're not likely to see her often after that, then if she has no interest in you, you can move on. on the offchance that she is interested, then maybe you can start something. you have nothing to lose but your sanity...which is hard to keep about you when love has invaded your brain...:p

sorry to hijack your thread lance. I'm an example of what you should try to avoid!
 
Don't worry about hijacking the thread. I've pretty much gotten all the use out of it I'm likely going to need. And if it serves as a venue for other people to seek help with similar problems, then that's just great.

Keep it up I say. I know these discussions helped me a bunch. :)
 
AtomicBono said:

i'm also jealous of your audio production classes, i want you to know. i wanted to do audio production at NYU (the Clive Davis Recorded Music department) but didnt get in :sad:
Yeah I want to apply for that shit next year. It's crazy, they accept around 25 applicants out of about 300 each year :uhoh:
 
Canadiens1160 said:
Yeah I want to apply for that shit next year. It's crazy, they accept around 25 applicants out of about 300 each year :uhoh:

yeah i found that out the hard way... :wink: I was mad too. Straight A student, pretty decent on SAT (1950), good teacher rec (though the rec from my guitar instructer was only so-so), good essays, and what I thought was a pretty good song that i put together completely myself...ah well. it must have been either my lacking artistic resume or maybe they disagreed with me because I said Pop was my favourite album ever :wink:

so, uh, good luck!! :happy::up: i'll warn you that NYU's application is eleventy billion pages long, and that's just the regular ap, not to mention the stuff for the program. they asked me what I did last Sunday!! I mean wtf! (maybe they didnt like my tongue in cheek answer about fighting aliens in space and saving orphans)
 
namkcuR said:


1950?

Is that a typo or was the SAT you took on the new 2400 point scale?

yeah. 700 on reading/vocab/whatever, 580 on math (not my strongest subject obviously), 670 on writing/grammar.

not a total knockout but I was well within NYU's average ranges for each subject :shrug:
 
AtomicBono said:
Straight A student, pretty decent on SAT (1950), good teacher rec

:shocked:
honestly, i think if i had applied to colleges now with the same marks i had then, i would've been rejected by every single one of them.

every summer, when we're preparing for the upcoming school year, we're told "this class of students is our university's smartest and brightest yet." i believe it.
 
redhotswami said:


:shocked:
honestly, i think if i had applied to colleges now with the same marks i had then, i would've been rejected by every single one of them.

every summer, when we're preparing for the upcoming school year, we're told "this class of students is our university's smartest and brightest yet." i believe it.
Yeah tell me about it. I think I had an 1150 on my SAT, which is average or slightly above the average I was told at the time.

Now in university, I see all these Chinese kids whose parents work on farms all day and they're over here working their asses off to get a 4.0 - makes me feel bad for not living up to my potential.
 
Question:

Is it possible to remain close friends with someone after something like this has happened?

-Because I'm sure having a hard fucking time doing it. I've done my best. I've tried to let go and let things be like they used to be, but it's just not working. I've put up with it long enough now for it to start to become irritating. I'm just angry now. I can't live like this. This isn't a genuine friendship anymore. Whatever you want to call our relationship, it's fucked up. I'm close to just ending it for good. It would probably kill me to do so, but this isn't much better. The main problem with it is that I simply don't understand shit about what happened. Despite the numerous lengthy conversations we've had I still don't understand her relationship with Jordan, her feelings for me, or if she was even sincere back during out brief time together. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on with so many loose ends, at least notwith this goofy fucked-up false buddy buddy friendship we have going on now.

What happens? Is it even worth trying to save?
 
I've never been through anything quite like that so I can't honestly say for sure... I know that on the one hand it could be the proper thing to do if you love her, so you're there for support if she needs it, but if you really think about it...she has Jordan for that, and as tough as it will be initially, you'll ultimately get over her if there's distance. I can speak from experience in at least saying that if you remain close friends with the person you're in love with, you won't get over it. So for your own good it might be better to end the friendship... though you don't have to make a big thing out of it; simply don't contact her at all and see if she contacts you. that's what I've tried to do with my friend before...though it never worked :wink:

Perhaps you should talk with her about all this, though she seems confused enough as it is. Who knows if she'd be able to give you any truly helpful answers. but it could be worth a shot... just make sure she knows she can't have it both ways. she can't be with Jordan and be flirty with you. If you're going to remain friends, she needs to keep it as friends only.

Sorry if my advice seems a little back-and-forth, I'm just trying to look at the issue from all sides...my ultimate advice is that you'd probably be better off without the friendship, especially with how crazy it's driving you. But it's up to you whether you want to just end it or see if it could be salvagable

good luck with it all mate, sorry if I'm rather incoherent
 
Thanks for the responce, but I think I might need to make it clear that she's not flirty anymore, at least not that I can tell. She has told me she wants to make things work with Jordan and just wants us to remain friends. It's just that from my side, it's not that simple, and this friendship isn't really working for me like she'd hope it would.
 
Well it's good that she's not being flirty still, becuase that'd probably make things even more difficult.

You seem to be pretty sure that the friendship isn't working... if you really feel that way then it is probably best to end it.
 
I say just walk away from it. You don't need a dramatic ending or even a discussion as far as I can tell. It's fairly clear. She enjoys your friendship but it's keeping you from moving on.

In a few months or even a few weeks I think you'll see this much clearer. It's amazing how quickly we can let go of things without constant reminders.
 
I agree with redkat. I think you just have to walk away from it. Maybe as time goes by, you may be able to have a friendship with her, but right now, it's too painful for you and possibly hurting you in the long run. Find other friends and activities and try to distance yourself from her. :shrug:

:hug:
 
:yes:
I'm with the rest. I say walk away. She is confused, and I think you are more intune with yourself than she is with herself. I'd say move on, which shouldn't be too hard. Tenley is friggin awesome! Hang in there, I know it sucks now, but it will get better. :hug:
 
Thanks guys. You're probably right. And who knows, maybe one day things will be normal again between us if I go choose to go this route. It's going to be so difficult though. I'm not sure how I'm going to just 'leave' someone I love so much. :sigh:

Well, whatever I choose to do I'll keep you all posted. You've been so good to me this far. :)
 
I don't want for this to sound like an "I told you so" because it isn't, but I posted this eons ago and still maintain it's true:


anitram said:
I agree with everyone else. You have a problem insofar as you obviously still want her and I have no idea what it is that she wants, but I just don't see how you can even function as friends at this point.
 
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