Love advice needed immediately

[Lalagoo Mug]

OK this could take awhile to explain. Please bare with me.

About a year and a half ago, I met this girl through a friend of mine. From the moment I saw her, I knew I liked her. The next time I met up with her, I told her that I really liked her. She was a bit shocked, but she took it well, but i could tell that she wasn't interested that way. A few days later, my friend told me that he had been talking to her and that she said that she thought that I was a really cool guy, but she just didn't feel the same way.

After this, we became good friends, and always had a laugh when we met up. I asked her to my debs and she was thrilled to bits about it. A few weeks before my debs, my friend let slip to me, that she said to him that she would definately score (i.e. kiss) me, but wouldn't go out with me because she didn't want to go out with anyone. I wasn't supposed to know about this. Clearly she had kinda changed her mind about how she felt about me.

Anyway, about 5 days before my debs, i find out that she has gotten back with her old boyfriend. We still go to the debs, have a great time, but I'm hearthbroken.

For months and months, they are together, and I kinda forgot about being with her, because I knew I had no chance. However, earlier this evening, my friend told me that 5 weeks ago, he broke up with her. She was really upset about it. However a week later, he asked her to take him back, but she told him where to go!!!!

Meanwhile, last wednesday I bumped into her in a local nightclub unexpectadly. We chatted for a bit. Later on I saw her with her arms around this guy. He looked like her boyfriend to me, and I presumed it was him coz at the time I knew nothing. However, now that I hear that they broke up, I dont know if she is back with him, or whether its a new guy, or whether it was just a friend.

I am supposed to be meeting up with her during the week for a friendly chat, as we havn't hung out in a long while. However, I really don't know what to do. I'm really in love with her, but I don't want to get hurt again. However, I don't want to be beaten to it by another guy again either.

I'm so confused, I need advice.

 

[beli]

The truth shall set you free.

Tell her that you fancy her.

 

[For Honor]

Right on, beli
As much sincerity as possible.
But always try to be honest with yourself.......


===========


Dude, are you really so sure that you're in love?


People throw that word around like _______ _____ ___ (insert phrase)


I'd say it's infatuation at this point. Just don't put the cart infront of the horse....

Anyway, if you see an oppertunity that you want, take it. It's that simple. Don't think about it too much, not yet. Do more thinking after you have a chat with her. Don't go making plans on a relationship yet, because a relationship does involve two people.

And you don't know yet what she wants to do, so don't get too wound up.



ALSO - DO NOT fall into the trap of being competitive/jealous. Don't just want a woman because you don't want another man to get her. That's not....... well.......

that's not love, not yet.


But hey, there's no reason not to find out if it could develop in the future, right? Go for it.

 

[lady luck]

If I were in your shoes, I'll try to go leave her behind and to move on.
Listen: she doesn't know what she wants. She is playing a sort of tennis match with her boyfriend.

Do you really want to wait and wait?
And you know that that could no go the way you want.

I know a guy who's been chasing a girl for more that 2 years.
I've been chasing him for more or less the same time, thinking I was in love with him and that, in the end, he would have understood my feelings. I dunno if he did, but he's not into me. we play tricks, flirt, have fun. But we'll never be a couple.

Luckily, this summer I met a special person. I dunno how things are going to develop, but I am happy that my situation moved on.

Hope you'll have the luck to go through a similar experience

 

[AcrobatMan]

I will quote FLAMING LIPS...

"I thought I was smart, I thought I was right
I thought it better not to fight
I thought there was a virtue in always being cool
So it came time to fight, I thought I’ll just step aside
And that the time would prove you wrong
And that you would be the fool

I don’t know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin
It’s all a mystery

Oh, to fight is to defend
If it’s not now then tell me when would be the time
That you would stand up and be a man
For to lose I could accept
But to surrender I just wept
And regretted this moment, oh that I, I was the fool"

..I would say go FIGHT FOR YOUR GIRL..SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT HER CURRENT BOYFRIEND as in "he regularly goes to prostitutes and strip clubs"....

everything is right...

yes ok


BELI is right..

yes

 

[BonosBaby12]

Even though it will probably hurt for awhile I think you should move on. Because honestly it's going to hurt A LOT more with being tossed around by this girl. While you are giving her all of your focus you could be missing on out someone who really likes you. Don't sell yourself short and NEVER be at someone's beck and call because suddenly they are "available". Hope everything works out for the best for you!

 

[Lalagoo Mug]

I've just found out who the guy , I saw her wit in the club was. It wasn't her boyfriend (Well, ex now). It was some new guy that she is scoring. Apparantly its not too serious but it still sucks. Least its better than her being with her boyfriend.

 

[BonosBaby12]

But still it has to be torture to see her with another guy.

 

[For Honor]

"next"


what does she have to offer you?

 

[youtooellen]

be honest with her. if you don't, your liking for her may end up growing and then in the future if things don't go the way you hope, you'll be hurt even more. when you see her during the week and you end up telling her, be relaxed and try not to make her feel uncomfortable.

good luck

 

[lady luck]

I've just found out who the guy , I saw her wit in the club was. It wasn't her boyfriend (Well, ex now). It was some new guy that she is scoring. Apparantly its not too serious but it still sucks. Least its better than her being with her boyfriend.

Not sure about this
I mean, it's anyway someone else and not you

I am sorry to tell this... but it sounds like if she's not that into you (Yes, I read the book with the same title...)

 

[bono_man2002]

If I were in your shoes, I'll try to go leave her behind and to move on.

Where is true....but SO Much easier said then done.

I recently for the first time that i've ever loved somone and actually asked her, yes she didnt want to be more than just good friends, and that did hurt, and hurt lots..this was the first time i'd ever wanted to be in a relationship (of more than just friends) with somone (sure, i'd have loved for it to be much more, but I can't change that)
It will take me a long time to let go , and just think that we are just friends. But I'd rather be a friend to her, rather than never speak again.

I think the idea is to have hope, but dont have high hopes....because they can come down deflated in an instant. (and thats not intended to be taken negatively)

If Your not afraid that you could get hurt, then tell her how you feel, at least you wont regret it in the future and think...'crap, if only i'd taken the chance to ask'.

And if you do ask, dont just ask...be as totally blunt as possible, pour your heart out, tell her how you really feel. I took my chance, and it didnt totally work...but every case is diffrent.

(I suck with words and this sort of stuff, i hope i made some sense)

 

[lady luck]

You did, Bono_man
it sounds like that girl might have lost a VERY GOOD opportunity.

 

[bono_man2002]

You did, Bono_man
it sounds like that girl might have lost a VERY GOOD opportunity.

awww Who knows, things could change.

 

[mysticchild]

awww Who knows, things could change.

I have noticed that with men, that they hold on to the possibility that maybe it might. When I see a guy with another woman I have to just let it go. Rejection hurts terribly but I know that I will feel better in the long run. I let guys know that there is not going to be any physical thing going on and if they want to get to know me as a person, that is great. I have had guy friends that even though I tell them that our friendship is purely platonic, they seem to hold on to the idea that something will happen. It seems that this girl doesn't know what she wants and happens to go for a guy who really doesn't want her. Or likes to play games with her, that is a sign that she doesn't care for herself much. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't like and has no respect for herself. I would think that she would use you and go back and forth. Also never listen to your friends, sometimes they might not be true friends and that they are playing games with you. If she does end up liking you, she will come to you and let you know. But gossip is gossip. Good luck

 

[bono_man2002]

I have noticed that with men, that they hold on to the possibility that maybe it might. When I see a guy with another woman I have to just let it go. Rejection hurts terribly but I know that I will feel better in the long run. I let guys know that there is not going to be any physical thing going on and if they want to get to know me as a person, that is great. I have had guy friends that even though I tell them that our friendship is purely platonic, they seem to hold on to the idea that something will happen. It seems that this girl doesn't know what she wants and happens to go for a guy who really doesn't want her. Or likes to play games with her, that is a sign that she doesn't care for herself much. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't like and has no respect for herself. I would think that she would use you and go back and forth. Also never listen to your friends, sometimes they might not be true friends and that they are playing games with you. If she does end up liking you, she will come to you and let you know. But gossip is gossip. Good luck

Thanks for that, that was actually really helpfull (well I dont know if helpful is the right word, but...i'll say Handy Info)

I dont listen to friends about this stuff....and quite honestly couldnt give a flying crap what they think

And you're right that I still feel as if somethings gonna happen...
deep down I...or somewhere I know that they wont...and that can be a good thing.

 

[For Honor]

In some things I'm reading lately, it supports this idea, about some things not really being open to change.

A lot has to do with different levels of compatibility....

In some of my own experiences, if someone is truly into you, then it tends to be a lasting thing. It's not about one day changing all of a sudden

I think we need to credit a lot of that to movies and such.....

 

[morventree]

Hang in there bono Man 2002 she might come around. I think its a little sad that you cant tell your friends these thing, I am sure there not that bad.