Interfaith relationships

[UnforgettableLemon]

Well... I'm a Christian. Christian in a very non-traditional and modern way, but Christian nonetheless. My friend has introduced me to a friend of hers, and we hit it off in a big way. We won't get to see each other much since she goes to school in Illinois, but we're going to keep in touch and try to get together when she's home for breaks. Anyway, I'm definitely crushing on her big time. She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen and she likes Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She laughs at my stupid jokes and thinks my buffoonish laugh is cute. We've just really had a blast for the last few days.

here's the problem, though. My parents are pretty much fundamentalist, htough they're not the type to beat it over people's heads. Jill is jewish. I'm not sure how my parents would handle this. They're big on emphasizing the idea of being "equally yoked" with your partner, ie both Christians. I on the other hand, am willing to pursue a relationship regardless of religion, race, nationality... okay, I might not be able to bend to politics, but that's more an issue of being able to live together. But yeah... I've sort of kind of started seeing a Jewish girl, and I don't know how my parents are going to react. I've also recently pierced my ear... they might have heart attacks (joke). Seriously, though, I don't plan on telling them unless things between Jill and I get really serious, but I was curious if anyone else had faced similar situations and how they dealt with them.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I've got no advice at the moment but I just wanted to say I'm glad you've found a "nice Jewish girl", Jason.

Good luck with the parents.

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

heh. No worry about the parents yet. like I said, we've mostly just been hanging out, this afternoon was the first time we'd been alone together, and it was only for a few hours. Then she's back to northwestern next week. So... not an issue just yet. I'm just terribly bad about playing "what if" scenarios in my head. My mom already knows she exists, and asked me if she is catholic in an email jokingly (for some reason I've dated a lot of catholic girls, even though we're not). Still, I know my mom uses humor to get around things that are uncomfortable for her. I just answered the rest of her questions and hope she ignores it.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Oh, I see. I should have stressed I just woek up with a bad case of the hiccups and am not exactly coherent. lol

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

hmmm... I wish I was incoherent. But I have to be up for 9 o'clock french...

 

[all_i_want]

this girl.. she isnt called erin is she?

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

Her name's Jill. Which is in the post already

I have dated an Erin in the past before. Which came with all kinds of other drama.

 

[For Honor]

Hmm...

How does Jill feel about you and your religious standpoint?

 

[sulawesigirl4]

Hey, I feel I can comment because I am in a similar relationship. But in my case it is even more of an issue because my boyfriend is a Muslim. As you well know, there is not a lot of love lost between conservative Christians and Islam.

I don't really know what to tell you except to follow your own path. Believe me, I know how hard it can be to go against the wishes of parents, but in the end it is your life and you have to live it.

Best of luck.

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

Hmm...

How does Jill feel about you and your religious standpoint?

Neither of us have any problem with it at all, really.

 

[melon]

I think the distance is more of an issue than religion here.

Melon

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Believe me, I know how hard it can be to go against the wishes of parents, but in the end it is your life and you have to live it.

I think that's good advice. That is so tough for some parents to accept, but when it comes down to it the core issue is control. I like to think most parents would relinquish control over their childrens' lives rather than see their kids be in distress and alienate them.

I see nothing fundamentally wrong w/ parents wanting to carry on religious traditions and values, but if it's at the expense of their relationship w/ their kids, then how can it ultimately be healthy?

If you have a good relationship w/ them there should be a way for you to work this out if you start to feel strongly enough about this girl. Maybe you should start a dialogue with them about it. If you can't talk to them now I think it will only get more difficult later.

 

[neverman]

The only problem I can see in the future is if she INSISTS you go through circumcision EVEN IF you have already been through that!

Actually, I was raised protestant in a catholic neighborhood. Dated catholic girls, there were never any troubles with the girl and I as far as religion went...it was always with the parents and relatives. THAT my friend is the biggest and toughest hurdle to get over ..OTHER peoples opinions and feelings. Have fun for now is my advice..learn from each other about what is important, learn with an open mind about each others' religion...and IF it DOES get serious.other peoples feelings and opinions will not sway you as much...though it may hurt...

Good luck..I hope it works out well for you both.

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

I think the distance is more of an issue than religion here.

Melon

I have experience in making this work. and for longer periods of time. With less means of communication. And I know it can work. I'm not head-over-heels in love anyway. I just want to get to know her a little better and see where things go. Right now it's just me getting hypothetical.

 

[anitram]

How do her parents feel?

If you think that fundamentalist Christian parents are bad about wanting their kids to marry people of the same faith, wait until you meet an Orthodox Jew.

 

[For Honor]

Yeah, that was my next quiestion, anitram....

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

No idea. I get the impression from talking to her and listening to stories about her family that they're very much secular.

 

[VertigoGal]

I'm the product of a Jewish/Christian marriage, I posted a longer reply in sulawesi's thread in "goal is soul." It may be hard for your parents at first, but I think they'll adjust. My dad's mother was a little conflicted about her first-born son marrying a Christian girl, but by now all four of her kids have married 2 catholics, and episcopalian, and an atheist. She got over it.

I'm not suggesting you guys are on the verge of getting married though, of course.

In all seriousness though, good luck with your relationship.

and by the way, my grandmother is a Reform Jew, I second what anitram said about Orthodox Jews being just as difficult (if not worse) as any Fundamentalist Christian.

 

[Palace_Hero]

I think it is to be a bigot to not pursue a relationship based on religion.

So rise abouve your parents and chase this, no matter what they say. Atleast if it doesn't work out let it be for more natural reasons, but the fact that your parents don't see it as right is no reason to stop.

Some awful mindsets in this world.

 

[namkcuR]

I think it is to be a bigot to not pursue a relationship based on religion.

So rise abouve your parents and chase this, no matter what they say. Atleast if it doesn't work out let it be for more natural reasons, but the fact that your parents don't see it as right is no reason to stop.

Some awful mindsets in this world.

If you feel that the religion in question - whichever one it might be - has certain aspects to it which are biggoted, then refusing to be with someone of that religion might be seen as actually being anti-biggotry. This is, of course, assuming that the partner in question exhibits symptoms of said biggotry.

 

[nbcrusader]

I think it is to be a bigot to not pursue a relationship based on religion.

So rise abouve your parents and chase this, no matter what they say. Atleast if it doesn't work out let it be for more natural reasons, but the fact that your parents don't see it as right is no reason to stop.

Some awful mindsets in this world.

Such as your own bigotry.

If a person genuinely desires to follow their religion in order to live God's way (I know you dismiss the idea of God), then who are you to judge the limitations they place on their own lives.



My advice for UnforgettableLemon - don't walk away from a relationship based on your parents' faith. If your own faith leads you to follow Scripture, you will come to a decision.

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

Just talked to her best friend yesterday... apparently none of hte other guys she's dated have been Jewish. And also, she told Ali that I'm one of the only guys she's ever actually felt so comfortable with early on... apparently the guys she's with are usually just brief, passionate relationships with them not calling back. And hey... maybe being the nice guy actually will work in my favor this time.

 

[Palace_Hero]

My advice for UnforgettableLemon - don't walk away from a relationship based on your parents' faith. If your own faith leads you to follow Scripture, you will come to a decision.

That's my point albeit without the scripture buisness.

By having these limitations on ones life because of religion is why I don't believe in it, or atleast one of the reasons.

namkcuR, I don't see what you mean. In the situation UL described it would be the girl who would likely see some bigotry and to be anit-bigotry she would pull out. But that isn't how it is, and apart from his onw family's influence and his own beliefs, UL has no reason to split with this girl.

 

[Angela Harlem]

It's good when religion doesn't become a reason for 2 people to stay apart. My husband is a rather conservative Christian and it's never once caused an issue in 10 years.