I'm Torn

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cjboog

cjboog

Refugee
Joined
Sep 12, 2005
Messages
1,332
Location
Washington State, USA
I have been dating my girlfriend now for about 4 months but I have been crazy about her for about 7-8 months. Whenever I am around her I feel happy and complete and when she is gone I often get lonely and I can have butterflies in my stomach, and I can tell that's just me missing her. I am about to turn 18 years old and I'm a senior in high school. I cannot see us breaking up for a long time, we are such a great match, but I'm going to have to make a decision soon.

Within probably the next 3-4 weeks I will have heard from all the colleges I applied to and they are located all over the country. She is going to a college that is about 250 miles from where we currently live, and I have also been accepted there. The only thing is that those colleges that are thousands of miles away are better academically and can possibly offer me a better degree and a better career.

I am torn. Completely. I don't know if I should follow my head and my parents, which say "There's the possibility something could go wrong between us and you should be thinking long term, you will have other chances and meet new girls" or if I should follow my heart which says "I know I love this girl more than I have ever loved anyone and I can't even imagine being with a different girl." God I'm confused. Should people who fall in love young let go of their love because that's the way society works? I may be only 17 but I am very mature and our relationship really isn't just take it easy goof off high school type. I feel so natural and happy around her and really do love her. Can anyone relate to this or have any advice or input for me??? I don't know what to do.
 
Go to the college which suits you best.

Trust me.
 
indra said:
Go to the college which suits you best.

Trust me.
Click to expand...

:up:

If you're meant to be together, you'll find a way to make things work. You're both really young, and there are so many things you won't experience until you go off to college. I think it's healthy for you to experience them separately.

If you do end up at the same college, make sure to have your own friends and try not to have identical class schedules. Have your own life, and while you welcome her as a part of it, don't make her your entire life.
 
Ahhhhh young love. It's the strongest emotions of your life right now. Focus on the education first as that affects the rest of your life. Relationships come and go and who is to say that this one is really THE one? (My son is going through this right now, 3rd year college pining over his high school sweetheart who is on the opposite coast. The 2 are dating others to see if it is really each other they really want to settle down with). If your relationship with this girl is meant to survive, it will.

Good luck. It's not going to be easy, but as they say, this too shall pass.
 
Carek1230 said:
Relationships come and go and who is to say that this one is really THE one?
Click to expand...

I had a dream about her lastnight and in this dream me and her got on a boat and sailed away! Haha, there's your proof right there! (just kidding) I told her about this dream and she said "So when does the boat leave?" Haha

But really, I don't know. I just get this feeling whenever I'm with her that she is perfect for me. We are comfortable together and it's really hard for us to be separated and make curfew...It's hard to explain...I guess the only way I can put it is "love".

I think when you said "If your relationship with this girl is meant to survive, it will" is the most important thing. If it doesn't work out, my opportunity will come along, but if it does, then so be it.
 
go to the college which is best for you and you have the most desire to go to. it's not a guarantee if you go to the same school as your girl that you will stay together. I met someone right before I was going to college and coincidentally he had enrolled there too, thought it would last a while but he ended up transferring to a different college and eventually it ended. I'm not trying to rain on your relationship at all, but just keep your eyes open for your career and if you and her are meant to last, you two will make it happen. a good example: one of my sisters met her future husband while on a high school trip. He lived in MA, she in NY. they continued dating, went on to separate colleges in different states and now, it's 12 years later and they have been married for almost 7 years.

good luck!
 
Last edited:
college should be a choice you make to best fit your career goals and personal growth. not because of someone else.

i'm not saying this to downplay your relationship at all. but you have an opportunity to challenge yourself, stretch your limits, open your mind, and learn new things. you wanna choose the school that is the best fit for you and your personal goals.

your girlfriend is going to support your decision because, i'm sure, she too, wants what is best for you.
 
Totally. I chose my college mainly for a guy, and that didn't work out so well.:sad: This just happened to me this year, and I've had to change schools. The college wasn't a good fit for me, and neither is the guy.:happy: :|
 
College is a time when you (and she) will experience tremendous personal growth. Often our goals, our perceptions of the world, of people change. I know that by the time I was finished with my first year of college, I wasn't really "friends" with anyone from high school anymore - just because we all had grown and changed (for the better) and no longer had as much in common as we did as seniors in high school. That's not a bad thing, and I don't mean to discourage you and your girl. It's just part of growing up and becoming an adult.

As other have said, choose the college that is best for you. And if it is meant to be, you two will work things out no matter what.
 
Go to the college you want for YOU. You can't know it's true love or that she is the only one if you've never experienced "the real world". You don't have to completely break up and not speak to her again; if you're meant to be, you can still be together. My aunt and uncle started dating at 14 and are still together (they are in their 50s). They are both very successful in their respective fields, which couldn't be any more different.

In order for the relationship to mature, you have to allow yourselves the opportunity to mature.
 
Even if she is the one, that's no reason to pass up on the opportunity to go to the best school for you.

Don't put yourself in a position where you will one day resent her for the choice you've made.
 
Headache in a Suitcase said:
i totaly thought this thread was titled "I'm Tom"
Click to expand...

:lmao: So did I. The t shouldn't have been capitalized.

Anyway, I'll chime in and say go to the best damn college you can and don't let your heart make the decision. As people have said, if it's true love it'll last despite the long distance. I'm in a somewhat similar situation myself. I just moved from NJ to NY cos I found a better job. My girlfriend is still in NJ and we're still together. Granted, it's only a 4.5 hour drive to her place but it's still long distance. And our relationship is fine.
 
A good number of you are inferring that real love is all you need to make a long distance relationship work. Come on. Nobody seriously believes that long distance relationships work, at least not ones where the relationship is still growing. I mean, if you've been together for five years and you need to spend a few months apart from each other, that can work, but not when you've been together for only a few months and you're still getting to know each other and everything. You can't get to know someone when you're hundreds of miles away from them.

Yeah, pick the college that is best for you. But don't be fooled into thinking that the odds for a long distance relationship are in your favor. That 'if it's meant to be you'll make it work long distance' stuff is garbage, imo.
 
namkcuR said:
Yeah, pick the college that is best for you. But don't be fooled into thinking that the odds for a long distance relationship are in your favor. That 'if it's meant to be you'll make it work long distance' stuff is garbage, imo.
Click to expand...

Not necessarily. I do know couples had hard to part for at least one year after being together for much less than that. Those couples are still together today.
 
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