I'm Officially A Terrible Person.

[U2isthebest]

To give some background, I've been good friends with this one guy since we were 12 years old. We're now 20. He's a great guy, but I've never thought or want to think of him as anything other than a friend. He's had girlfriends, I've had boyfriends, and we've never given it second thought, or so I thought. We were talking one night last week, and he told he that he's liked me since 7th grade (when we met), but was always too nervous to tell me. I told him, you know I love you as a friend, but I'm just not interested in that way. He accused me of denying my feelings for him and we hadn't spoken since last Wednesday night. We both work at the same place, and I found out today when I went in to work that he had gotten fired over the weekend. I'm still not sure why. Then, another girl we both work with who is friends with him, told me that she had spoken to his mom and that he's in the hospital from an apparent suicide attempt. I feel so bad. I know he had other stuff that contributed to the problem (his dog who he's had since he was little died recently), he got fired, etc. But he was so upset about me not wanting to be with him that I know that's part of it. He wrote a note on Facebook on Saturday night that he called "The End" and he talked about how depressed he was about falling in love, losing his job, etc. I know this isn't really my fault, but, fuck, I feel like an awful person.

 

[BoMac]

I know it's easy to beat yourself up over this, but it's not your fault. You were honest with him and that's the only thing you could have done at the time. What were you supposed to do, lie about your feelings, lead him on and have things turn out much worse? In this regard you were doing what friends do—looking out for him—and this doesn't make you an awful person. Quite the opposite, if you ask me.

 

[bigjohn2441]

wow, theres a good bit of these situations posted on here recently.

see guys, this is a perfect example why you should never get caught in the dreaded "friend zone" if you like/love a girl.

you're not a terrible person and it's not your fault. i guess thats just the way things between guys and girls are sometimes.

 

[BonosBaby12]

The last thing that you are is a terrible person! You were honest with him with how you felt. Would have been bad if you had told him otherwise in order not to hurt his feelings.

I hope your friend receives the help that he needs

 

[JCOSTER]

Bree, that's really awful about your friend, but he has deeper problems if he's tried to take his own life. He must feel as if he is at the bottom of his barrell and that is not your fault. Are you supposed to go out with him even though your feelings aren't the same? I know you feel badly but please don't blame yourself. He definately has other issues.

 

[Babydoll]

It's weird I'm talking to you right now on the phone about this and reading this too - but I still say the same - it's good that you were honest with him, and did not lead him on.

 

[Screwtape2]

It must have been very hard for him as he had feelings for so long. Having that dream ripped away would be like being throw into the unknown. I'm not in his head but I'd guess it was fear more than anything that contributed to what happened.

If you were in a state of total unknown, wouldn't you want to feel anything but alone? Again, I'm not him but your friendship may be what he really needs right now. It isn't a relationship but friendships can be as good or better. If I were you, I think I'd try to talk to him, if it were possible, and let him know how much his friendship means.

In any case, this isn't your fault and you're not a terrible person.

 

[Angela Harlem]

 

[anitram]

You did the right thing, even though you feel awful right now. He sounds like a complex person with a lot of issues that are separate from you. We can't save people alone and we can't send them into a tailspin of this sort alone either. That's a very important lesson to learn.

Having been in this type of situation, the best thing for EVERYONE is to just end it as soon as possible rather than trying to be "nice" and drawing it out, making it so much worse in the long term. You have to deal with a lot of hurt and awkwardness at the outset, but time passes and things become more clear.

 

[Lila64]

 

[last unicorn]

So sorry to hear this, but this is NOT your fault. It's understandable that you feel bad about this, but your friend has other issues and it's not your fault that things got out of hand. I wish you both the best and I hope that with some time passing you'll be able to have a great friendship, because a friend is what he seems to need right now.

 

[mad1]

indeed that is terrible to hear, very sad that he felt that way with some things including you, that he hit a personal rockbottom and that was only way to deal with it. I know you are gonna feel guilty for a while, but as everyone else says, its not your fault. you never pushed him to do what he done. you were a small part of it to HIM, but again as said, your honesty was the best thing. I just hope the lad gets better soon anyhow and a new life begins for him. Please dont feel responsible, thou its hard not too.

Im just wondering thou, do you think you would visit him to see how he is? or do you think its best to stay away for a while? I think to visit him, he might still be down and needing help, or he could have had a reality-check think and might regret what he tried.

no idea pet.

keep us posted?

 

[martha]

You are not responsible for what he did, no matter how much he tries to pile it on you. He made his choices and he has his own problems. You were honest with him, and he had no reason or right to get bent out of shape because you were honest with him.

 

[lauramullen]

This is not your fault. Have you tried talking to him since?

 

[elevated_u2_fan]

Why exactly are you a terrible person? Would it have been better to what, pretend that you felt the same way about him to spare his feelings? Give me a break.

Sorry for you and your friend, but you have nothing to feel guilty about.

 

[RedRocksU2]

 

[Night & Day]

 

[Purplereign]

Go easy on yourself . . . its natural to feel responsible but as everyone else here has said, your only real responsibility is to be honest about how you feel . . . once your friend receives the help he needs he will understand that you treated him with respect and love by being honest . . . until then be kind to yourself and try not to take his actions on board too much.

Good luck to you both

 

[corianderstem]

have to echo the sentiments here. What an awful situation, and I can understand feeling horrible about it. But you did nothing wrong, and please try to absolve yourself from any guilt.

Hugs to you.

 

[UberBeaver]

The guy is trying to guilt you into shit. You're not the bad one here.

 

[U2isthebest]

Thanks guys! You've all been a big help. I haven't talked to him yet, and I think I'll give him some time to himself for now. I think that's what would be best for him. As far as I know, he's still in the hospital.

 

[redhotswami]

The guy is trying to guilt you into shit. You're not the bad one here.

that's an awful sitch to be in, but you're not terrible and you've done nothing wrong. hopefully he will get the assistance he needs to sort things out for himself.

 

[JanuaryStar]

Wow this is an awful situation to be in... But, like many others said here, you are NOT the one to blame here! The fact that he's taken this so hard has to do with his perspective on life and apparently, other things that he's been struggling with. I really truly hope he'll be able to get out of this life situation. But please don't beat yourself up over this

 

[U2Fanatic4ever]

as all have said this is truly not your fault. For someone to want to take his life means he has some really serious emotional problems of his own deep down that brought this on. Give him some time and when it feels right go talk to him and give him the support he needs. If you can't visit him you could always write him a letter too. That's all you really need to do at this point.

 

[kafrun]

Everyone else has said it already. I just hope you're feeling better now, hun