I'm not in love...

[pax]

...So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase
I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong
Don't think you got it made
I'm not in love, no
It's because...

I said
I'd like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no
It's because...
--from "I'm Not in Love" 10cc*

(*BY THE WAY: Tori Amos's version is cooler.)

Anyway, here comes the confession part.

I am, in fact, in love (I don't know, maybe, I guess so) with one of my best friends. And I know that at the very least he likes me.

Here are the circumstances:

1.) He's a friend of my ex-boyfriend's (ex-boyfriend and I broke up last October).

2.) I've known him for over 2 years.

3.) When I went to visit him on my spring break from school (in March), we finally admitted that we've always been attracted to each other and we...uh...spent a lot of time together. Yeah. That's the ticket.

Here are the problems:

1.) He lives a thousand miles away.

2.) I'm still in school (a thousand miles away) and am too far in (83 credits) to transfer without having to postpone graduation.

3.) He...well, uh, sorta has a girlfriend.

Here are the good points:

1.) We talk a lot and we've both admitted that were it not for the distance, we'd already be together.

2.) When I finish school, I can go wherever I want.

3.) He might be coming to visit me next month, and I might visit him in December.

So, my fellow Interferencers...what do you think?

I'll throw in my 2 cents on a few threads to give back the good karma.

 

[Stories for Boys]

i think it's wonderful that you found someone, but i'd worry more about the girlfriend.....are they serious? he has to be careful since they're together, and you have to be also....

my $0.02......

 

[Sicy]

Yeah the girlfriend thing is the main thing that I'd be concerned about... but I guess you cant help what your heart says. Although if you're planning on seeing each other and being intimate, he should dump the girlfriend first.. cuz that's not really fair to anyone.

 

[SweetOnU2]

Although if you're planning on seeing each other and being intimate, he should dump the girlfriend first.. cuz that's not really fair to anyone.

I agree! That's what I was going to say!

Good Luck to yah though!

 

[pax]

Well, I certainly *wish* he'd dump the girlfriend. I'd feel horrible being the other woman. The problem is, I can't make him dump her, and yet I don't know that I could see him and not want to *be* what I'm *feeling.*

I'm sure I could control myself, and would, if that's what it came down to, though.

Any good tips on how to get him to dump the girlfriend? Gosh I'm evil today.

 

[Sicy]

Well if he really liked you he would dump her on his own.

 

[pax]

Don't remind me.

 

[Sicy]

* hugs *

Sorry.

 

[pax]

It's all good.

(((((((((((((((Sicy))))))))))))))

 

[AcrobatMan]

It's all good.

(((((((((((((((Sicy))))))))))))))

I have a good idea..How about 2 Gfs at the same time.

 

[jala]

I don't know if what i'm about to say will matter, but heck, i can't change the world overnight. I think that you should try to persue it and enjoy it. You don't have to move thousands of miles just to be w/ him. If he truely feels the same way about you he will let go of his girl-friend. Maybe he really is a great guy and decided to go with wonderful you. If all was meant to be, he will be all yours in no time. I would definitely work on school as a number one thing. You don't want to change all of that and then he ends up not being serious about the both of you. What would you do if you left to be closer to him and it didn't work out? Sorry for the seriousness, but it's a serious question, right?

 

[Bono's shades]

My advice is to back off until he breaks up with his current girlfriend. If he does, then your way is clear. If he doesn't break up with her and he still wants to have a relationship with you - well, he's a jerk and you are better off without him.

 

[zooropamanda]

Don't do anything until he's finished with her.

 

[Diemen]

I have to agree with manda and Bono's shades. It can get very messy if you get involved with him before he has severed his ties with her. You don't want to be competing against her for his attention. Make him show that it's you alone he wants.

Love triangles are bad, bad things.

 

[She Is Raging]

Love triangles are bad, bad things.

Yes... havent you ever seen Jerry Springer?


Seriously though... it sounds like you guys both have intentions to be together once you're both able to. Things that are meant to be have a way of working themselves out - you'll probably have to wait a while (until you finish school, you can move closer etc...) just hang in there and be patient. Don't try doing anything now to push the other girl out of the way etc. I think you'll just end up making yourself look bad by doing that. Hang in there!

 

[pax]

UPDATE: Talked to him last night...apparently he went to visit the chick-who-is-for-all-intents-and-purposes-his-girlfriend for a few days. And it's ugly. She's introducing him to all her friends as her boyfriend (which, okay, he technically is), and I *know* he wants to be *more than friends* (ahem) with me.

Problem now splits:

1.) I don't know if he just wants my bod (to put it bluntly) or really if he's trying to choose between me and his gf.

2.) He's almost definitely going to be visiting me next month--meaning he either loses the girlfriend in the next few weeks, or paxie here has one miserable visit with her old friend/fling.

 

[pax]

And he didn't thank me for the birthday card, either, dammit.

 

[martha]

UPDATE: and I *know* he wants to be *more than friends* (ahem) with me.

Well, then he needs to grow some balls and break it off with her before he comes to see you if he wants you that badly.


There you go.

 

[Badyouken]

Didn't you post about a day later that you wanted to date that older man who works at your school?

 

[pax]

I only wish I was so fortunate to have one problem at a time.

 

[diamond]

Umm....
My Ex had a good saying.
Some may find it offensive so plez dont take it seriously...
The saying is this-
"Men are like carpet, LAY THEM right the first time, you can then walk on them for THE REST of YOUR LIFE.."
She did it to me
Somedays I think Iam STILL in recovery..

This fellow is prolly doing option #1.. Pax, I hate to say.
You have a decision to make..
Good luck.

DB9

 

[pax]

I *love* that saying.

I talked to him again last night and it hasn't gotten better.

 

[diamond]

I *love* that saying.

I talked to him again last night and it hasn't gotten better.

Well just remember..you have the "secret weapon"

DB9

 

[martha]

I talked to him again last night and it hasn't gotten better.

Two words: Buh Bye.

This one also isn't ready for you. If he was, he's have already broken it off with that other girl. Whatever they had going.

 

[pax]

If it were the usual circumstances, martha, I'd say yes. The distance just makes it complicated. Even if there were no other girl, we might not be together because of living far away from each other.

I'm still quite stuck on him.

 

[pax]

I'm sorry to resurrect this thread, but I had an awfully busy day at my job and my roommate is at her boyfriend's tonight and I've got to get this off my chest.

He called me last night, and apparently a lot of stuff is going on in his life--one of his aunts died, his car was broken into, etc. etc. and more. Furthermore, he believes that he's trying to let God back into his life--which is great, don't get me wrong. I'm really happy that he's decided not to give up on his faith.

But he also told me that he's decided he needs to "love the one he's with"--which means, I suppose, that he's going to go with his girlfriend that he has and...

Okay, I suppose I don't know what he's going to do about me, and I don't think he knows either. He said he didn't want to hold me back and stuff, but every other guy I've tried to date or have a relationship with since him has turned out to be a loser.

I've been friends with him for over two years, and I promised him that I'd support his decision no matter what and stay his friend. But I cried a lot last night, and today hasn't been too good either. I just can't help but think that maybe this is it. Even though he says that I'm too good for him and that maybe when he gets right with God and his fellow man, he'll be good enough for me...I don't know, I just don't think this bodes well for me.

 

[diamond]

Ah Pax, try not to be sad
Start to get happy

Heres why-
You have to respect this guy for being forthcoming.
He thought enough of you to be open and honest..telling you of his drama
Hes being honest in saying you are "too good" for him.

Right now you are in a state after a long while romanticsing about wishing your relationship w him were to go a certain way.

What youre doing tho- is inhibiting your potentail of letting other more suitable gentlemen find you,(right now) as you are in a funk.
Its a few days later now I hope youre thru the tough part

Btw -this happens to both male/female

Now go take on the day
Be good-
Diamond

 

[Ali Rose]

NOw you gotta think about it....How would you like it if you were this other girl right now and your BF was thinking about/talking to another while you were still together?

Obviously hes capable of doing this to you too....Look at what he did to her and don't forget the same could happen to you with this guy. Don't you want someone you can trust?

 

[pax]

Thank you. A couple of days have passed and I'm feeling a little better. He'll go his way for a while, realize that I'm a queen, and, uh...

ummm...

I mean, I'll forget all about him!

Seriously, I think I'm just going to...well, maybe not see other people very soon, but try to fixate on something else. Perhaps for a time.

Thanks again and hugs to all.