I'm In Big Trouble (Or Not), Part III

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FYI, Roy Keane is a soccer player who left Manchester Utd a few weeks ago - (refers to joke at bottom).


I dont think you can blame the guy in question in any way other than skipping a lunch date. We have all had to do it at some point where you have promied lunch/dinner etc with someone and for whatever reason, have had to cancel. Probably the guy in question has absolutely no idea how important this lunch was to you. You cannot blame him or the whole of mankind for this.

From what you have written in all the threads, there seems to be little this guy has done to lead you on or give you the impression that there was something there that could blossom into some sort of relationship. Blokes and girls flirt all the time esp. in the workplace. Maybe 1 out of 20 of these might actually lead to some sort of relationship but the vast majority of these don't.

You have been very honest in what you have written about how you feel about this guy, (i dont think I could be that honest!) but to me its been based on something you wanted to happen or how you interpreted things - i.e. if he talked to me in the photocopy room today, then it must mean he fancies me. Guys don't think like that. If he fancied you, it would have been obvious - more than just flirting. He would not have missed lunch (no matter how busy he was) and he would certainly have not ignored your email.

What exactly do you want this guy to say to you? Do you want to know if he fancies you or not? What then? If actions speak louder than words, he has already told you this. If he does know that you fancy him, I suspect he just hopes whatever feelings you have for him will disappear and he can get back to the sort of relationship you had in the past.

Anyway, see below for how blokes really think!

WOMAN'S DIARY:

Friday 18th November 2005

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went
shopping
in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so
thought it
might be that.

The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere
quieter
to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go
somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and
didn't
seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying.

I just knew that something was wrong.

He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he
hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was something the
matter
but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.
I put
my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply.

He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up
but
later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed
distant
and a bit cold, and started to think that he was going to leave me and
that
he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep.


MAN'S DIARY:



Friday 18th November 2005



Keane Leaves United. Gutted. Got a shag though .
 
No, I know, but still...

I guess it's a foolish thing on one's part that if you're treated a bit differently than other co-workers (to a degree, obviously) to think that something else could develop. I guess we've all been there before, right?

And I've had other interactions with other males at the place I'm at and some of it has included flirting but I never took any of that the wrong way. I guess what went on between he and I was a bit "more" than that, going back to when I saw that movie and thinking to myself, "Hey, that reminds me of someone... That's kind of like how that guy at work and I are." Then on the occasions I'd see him and talk to him, I'd tell my friends, "I talked to my Bob Harris today." I didn't really have a "problem" until I started to see him everyday (before it'd be once a week, at the most, if he had to come up to my old office, or in the lobby passing each other) and we'd talk like before, but it was better.

I don't know, I'm just rambling now.
 
Clearly this man has a serious character flaw if he can't see how wonderful you are, and that means he's dumb. I don't want you dating any dummies. :shame:

:hug:

Oh girl, trust me I know all about your woes. Good boys...scratch that..good MEN are hard to find. Finding the wrong ones is incredibly easy.
 
starsgoblue said:
Oh girl, trust me I know all about your woes. Good boys...scratch that..good MEN are hard to find. Finding the wrong ones is incredibly easy.

I think I'll make Laura (u2democrat) extremely happy here & quote Mr. Mellancamp in reply to star's comment:
"Men aren't worth a damn until they're over 40."
Which means, for the most part, the only 'good boys' are ones still in grammar school! :lol:

Remember what we've told you April - you're wonderful & he's loser if he can't see that (in more ways than one). :up: :hug:
 
BluRmGrl said:


I think I'll make Laura (u2democrat) extremely happy here & quote Mr. Mellancamp in reply to star's comment:
"Men aren't worth a damn until they're over 40."
Which means, for the most part, the only 'good boys' are ones still in grammar school! :lol:

Remember what we've told you April - you're wonderful & he's loser if he can't see that (in more ways than one). :up: :hug:

:lol: I have that quote in my AIM profile. It's so true...and I'm only 19 so I've got a ways to go before I can get me a 40+ year old man without it looking just wrong. :sigh:
 
BluRmGrl said:


I think I'll make Laura (u2democrat) extremely happy here & quote Mr. Mellancamp in reply to star's comment:
"Men aren't worth a damn until they're over 40."
Which means, for the most part, the only 'good boys' are ones still in grammar school! :lol:

Remember what we've told you April - you're wonderful & he's loser if he can't see that (in more ways than one). :up: :hug:


Well, I thought this one was worth a damn... He's in the 45-ish range, with a birthday next week. :scream:
 
Clearly he wasn't my love. Have PRIDE in YOU! I take so much pride in being able to say that I really consider you a true friend, one that extends past the Blue Crack. :hug:

You should be righteously annoyed that he's a dumbass and in need of vision correction, instead of being sad and thinking it's you. Maybe he's got early signs of dementia? :madspit:
 
starsgoblue said:
Clearly he wasn't my love. Have PRIDE in YOU! I take so much pride in being able to say that I really consider you a true friend, one that extends past the Blue Crack. :hug:

You should be righteously annoyed that he's a dumbass and in need of vision correction, instead of being sad and thinking it's you. Maybe he's got early signs of dementia? :madspit:

:giggle:

Well, he's really good about forgetting things. And he can be so grumpy at times I know I've called him a "grumpy old man" before.

Eh... Still got a ways to go, I'm afraid. Since I didn't go to work today obviously I didn't see him. We'll see how tomorrow goes.
 
BluRmGrl said:


"Men aren't worth a damn until they're over 40."
Which means, for the most part, the only 'good boys' are ones still in grammar school! :lol:

Dammit, I guess thats why I'm single (at least one reason! :laugh:) I guess someday that will change when I reach the magic number!! :laugh: What is the age bracket for women that are worth a damn? 18 to 80? :laugh: :wink:

Good luck tomorrow April. Try not to let it get to you. At least dont let him see that. For a guy who is 45 he seems pretty immature. :shrug:
 
18 to 80 sounds about right! :sexywink:

Thanks, Mike. I'll probably be too busy thinking about all this damn snow, Cleveland and U2 to even worry about him (I hope!).

I really need to do something to erase this self-doubt, though. I know I beat myself up way too much over things that are ultimately left out of my control.

I guess I should be happy I went for it, but at the same time I'm wishing I had just let it carry on like normal and not gotten worked up over every little thing. Again, the man could have no clue whatsoever.
 
:hmm: I suppose this is a dangerous question to ask, but I'm feeling brave at the moment:

So what exactly has happened?


(and yes, I did read through the threads.)
====

PS: I don't think it would be a good idea to post a picture of him here. That would just be a monument to a moment that has passed, apparently...
 
For Honor said:
:hmm: I suppose this is a dangerous question to ask, but I'm feeling brave at the moment:

So what exactly has happened?


(and yes, I did read through the threads.)
====

PS: I don't think it would be a good idea to post a picture of him here. That would just be a monument to a moment that has passed, apparently...


If you read the threads, then it's self-explanatory, really.

Short answer: Nothing at all.
 
I think that For Honor's shows once again that a guy and a girl see things in totally different ways...

We tend to see too much in things.
Yes, he was flirting with you -- I have no doubts about it.
He likes you, I am quite sure of this. And maybe he had thought about you in romantic ways.

But... he's not doing anything more for now.
I am not the person that can say if there is any reason behind it.
But, as I said before, don't try to get him any justification.

* * * * * *

Some years ago, I worked in a quite big office and there was a guy who was flirting with me for sometimes. I was 19 and he was in his 40s.
All my collegues noticed he seemed attracted -- he was always around and I was always friendly and nice with him. I liked him -- he was a really hot person.
But he never arrived to a "major level": we never went out after work, or stuff like that. He asked me out once, but I am pretty sure he was joking and, anyway he never asked again.

I left that job because I found a better one and, two years later, I've known that he's got involved in a serious relation and he'll be father in March.
He just found a girl he couldn't live without and do all he could to conquer her and to be with her.

So, I think that what I want to say is: if he really is into you, he will show you his feelings and do all he can to be with you and spend time with you and know more about you.

If he does, that would be great.
If he doesn't, do not give that much importance.
He's a beautiful guy and you felt attracted by him...
But that's all.

If you two are meant to be in a couple, you'll know it sooner.
 
I keep repeating myself here.

LarryMullen's_POPAngel said:
Again, the man could have no clue whatsoever.

I think he does. His behavior changed after the lunch became a real posssibility. At that point he had to take your interest in him seriously, and he didn't handle it well at all. If he needed to stop the whole thing, the mature thing to do would have been to stop by your office, make sure the door was left open, yet you had some privacy, and then tell you how flattered he was by your attention, that you're a great girl, but that he couldn't go to lunch with you because (insert valid reason here). Then smile that deadly smile and carry on with the day.

Instead, he's avoiding you, and being stupid. Even though men over 40 are exceptionally hot at times, age doesn't always bring maturity. You have a reason to feel bad about the way he's behaving (and so does he), and I still say it's better to find this out now, rather than after a few dates.
 
Im just going to throw this out there and you can take it or leave it.
Instead of developing self doubt, and beating yourself up over being "rejected" or whatnot try and look at it this way:
Being good for one another isnt a matter of being "good enough" for the other person, its just a matter of fitting right. Dont look at it as rejction, or another failed attempt. Try to look at it as having eliminated another person from the list as a possible match for you :wink:
Im going to use Tim for an example here and I hope its okay, but he told me once about a girl in his office that was interested in him. He said she was a nice girl, pretty, and yet he just couldnt feel "that way" about her. He felt really bad, but she just wasnt right for him and he ended up telling this to her face to face.
Its not that he's a "dick head" or that youre not good enough, it might just be the two of you arent right for one another.
:shrug:
but if you are then meh, I dont know what the 'ell Im talking about
 
lady luck said:
I think that For Honor's shows once again that a guy and a girl see things in totally different ways...

We tend to see too much in things.
Yes, he was flirting with you -- I have no doubts about it.
He likes you, I am quite sure of this. And maybe he had thought about you in romantic ways.

But... he's not doing anything more for now.
I am not the person that can say if there is any reason behind it.
But, as I said before, don't try to get him any justification.

* * * * * *

Some years ago, I worked in a quite big office and there was a guy who was flirting with me for sometimes. I was 19 and he was in his 40s.
All my collegues noticed he seemed attracted -- he was always around and I was always friendly and nice with him. I liked him -- he was a really hot person.
But he never arrived to a "major level": we never went out after work, or stuff like that. He asked me out once, but I am pretty sure he was joking and, anyway he never asked again.

I left that job because I found a better one and, two years later, I've known that he's got involved in a serious relation and he'll be father in March.
He just found a girl he couldn't live without and do all he could to conquer her and to be with her.

So, I think that what I want to say is: if he really is into you, he will show you his feelings and do all he can to be with you and spend time with you and know more about you.

If he does, that would be great.
If he doesn't, do not give that much importance.
He's a beautiful guy and you felt attracted by him...
But that's all.

If you two are meant to be in a couple, you'll know it sooner.



I agree. In regard to what I said in my previous post, I posed it that way for everyone else, and myself, too. Personally, I have been in the exact same situation, where I made too much out of something. Being able to actually look back and say "so, what really has happened", and being able to be unemotional about that (which took a lot of time for me), was a great barometer of how much I had "gotten over it", in addition to other things.

However, seeing this situation from an outside catagory, I found it very difficult for me to comment about, because I knew my comments would come off as "man-ish", and I didn't want to say too much. I suppose, now that it isn't as emotionally volitile, I feel somewhat more comfortable addressing it as I am now - I wonder what that says....

================

u2bonogirl said:
Im just going to throw this out there and you can take it or leave it.
Instead of developing self doubt, and beating yourself up over being "rejected" or whatnot try and look at it this way:
Being good for one another isnt a matter of being "good enough" for the other person, its just a matter of fitting right. Dont look at it as rejction, or another failed attempt. Try to look at it as having eliminated another person from the list as a possible match for you :wink:

That's how I try to go about things, though it is difficult when you become emotionally involved. I think that is a good mindset for everyone to have, though. The more I look into personality and psychological compatibilities, the more I see it as being just that - some people are more compatible with a person than others. (Often times, actually, almost 90% of what I have seen in my personal experience... relationships working (more so through the initial stage) is more dependant on personality type and compatibiliy,as opposed to effort. But I believe you need both, and know that there is a certain amount of 'work' in any relationship, etc etc)

Nevertheless, I suggest to everyone what someone once said to me: "Find the one for you". I don't believe there is any shame in the search - the reward outweighs the cost infinitely.
 
Re: I keep repeating myself here.

martha said:


I think he does. His behavior changed after the lunch became a real posssibility. At that point he had to take your interest in him seriously, and he didn't handle it well at all. If he needed to stop the whole thing, the mature thing to do would have been to stop by your office, make sure the door was left open, yet you had some privacy, and then tell you how flattered he was by your attention, that you're a great girl, but that he couldn't go to lunch with you because (insert valid reason here). Then smile that deadly smile and carry on with the day.

Instead, he's avoiding you, and being stupid. Even though men over 40 are exceptionally hot at times, age doesn't always bring maturity. You have a reason to feel bad about the way he's behaving (and so does he), and I still say it's better to find this out now, rather than after a few dates.

Possibly... Then again, if I really look at the big picture, it's not like I saw him all that much during the days to begin with so my not seeing him those days following the invitation were not a huge deal. He talked to me Friday and when I talked to him things were fine and not really awkward at all. :shrug: I'm not making excuses for him; like many of you said, make nothing out of nothing and don't worry about it. Jess even told me, "this is no different than how he was before!", so...

I'm going to kill the man with kindness, see how he reacts, and go on my merry way. If it's meant to be, like lady luck said, it will be.

And he'd better feel bad about skipping out on lunch. :madwife:
 
BluRmGrl said:


I think I'll make Laura (u2democrat) extremely happy here & quote Mr. Mellancamp in reply to star's comment:
"Men aren't worth a damn until they're over 40."
Which means, for the most part, the only 'good boys' are ones still in grammar school! :lol:

:shame:
 
Mmm'kay.....

I was talking to a friend of mine when he walked by. We were talking about the show this weekend and so he asked me about it and this led to a long talk with the three of us (mostly he and I) about when you're young you do stuff cause you can, etc. (we both had bands in high school - not surprising on his end) and this somehow led to talking about older men and younger women in relationships. He asked me what my cutoff was and I said this whole spchiel (sp) about since I'm more mature than my age there really is none (he even said, "don't give me this stuff about 'it depends on the person, etc.'" and then we really started to go in-depth. He said his friends have asked him (then he said, "as if I ever really could" in a self-deprecating way) if he could ever realistically date a younger woman and he said not really, because "what is there to talk about after you have sex? what do they have in common?" So I started to debate with him and I asked if it was more of a mindset thing, and he said no, then gave me an extreme example (he asked a woman one time where she was when Kennedy was shot - she said she thought he died in a plane crash :huh: ). I said I knew what he was talking about, then told him he looks and acts younger than his age (he told me he'll be 46 next week).

When he finally went to go off where he had to go, my friend and I looked at each other and said, "Ok, that was interesting..."

:hmm:
 
OK, I'm sorry, but saying "what is there to talk about after you have sex?" is a bizarre thing to say in a professional workplace to two younger women... unless this kind of talk is usual. :crack:

Given his age, I'd be surprised if this was meant as a big STOP SIGN for you more than him just talking to talk.
 
Seems to me that this guy is quite unsure of how to handle himself in these types of situations. Wondering what there is to talk about after sex is a way of implying that he doesn't know too much about how relationships work. It's like he thinks that once sex is achieved, nothing else matters. Or perhaps I'm reading into this the wrong way.

Besides, the after-sex part (especially immediately after) can be just as special as the sex itself. :)
 
HelloAngel said:
OK, I'm sorry, but saying "what is there to talk about after you have sex?" is a bizarre thing to say in a professional workplace to two younger women... unless this kind of talk is usual. :crack:

Given his age, I'd be surprised if this was meant as a big STOP SIGN for you more than him just talking to talk.


Again this man is very open and says pretty much whatever he wants...

In reply to that comment about sex, I said "Well, sometimes that's all things like that are good for" and he gave me a look. :sexywink:

This is what I'm talking about here, people... My friend is his age, and during that part of the talk it was more him and I, which I found really interesting. Almost like we were having a "private" debate on the matter... It's not like the conversation was specifically built to lead up to that, it just came about because I mentioned my mom's 52 yr old boyfriend and he thought I said "my last boyfriend", hence the talk of cutoff ages and such. From there it spiralled into what we had.

All of my friends here are older (the office) and I don't really get along with a lot of people my age, and I have been told I'm mature for my age (ok, those of you who haven't seen me in U2 rapture ;) ), but I found it quite interesting for he and I of all people to have that conversation this week.
 
phanan said:
Seems to me that this guy is quite unsure of how to handle himself in these types of situations. Wondering what there is to talk about after sex is a way of implying that he doesn't know too much about how relationships work. It's like he thinks that once sex is achieved, nothing else matters. Or perhaps I'm reading into this the wrong way.

Besides, the after-sex part (especially immediately after) can be just as special as the sex itself. :)


He meant with a younger woman, I'm taking it. As in, after sex, what else would an older man and younger woman have in common...

I'm guessing I didn't help matters with my, "Sometimes that's all you need," comment. :reject:

He also said he's very picky, and I pointed to myself and said, "Queen Picky here!" (I also felt like adding, "and she wants YOU, so consider yourself lucky, Mr. Man!")
 
:sigh: More uncertainty... Well, I'm off to see friends this weekend & then I have a date with 4 Irish cuties in Charlotte on Monday evening so I won't be able to check in on this again until about Tuesday.

April - don't think another thing about it until at least Monday morning. You've got a date in Cleveland, yourself, and that's what you need to focus on & bask in this weekend! :up: Have a great time & we'll compare notes next Tuesday! :D
 
HelloAngel said:
OK, I'm sorry, but saying "what is there to talk about after you have sex?" is a bizarre thing to say in a professional workplace to two younger women... unless this kind of talk is usual. :crack:


I have to agree.

I can tell you right now that if he'd said that to a couple of the women I work with, they'd report his ass immediately.
 
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