I'm in a horrible situation. Love related.

[Angela Harlem]

This is the second time you have written exactly what I was thinking, Diemen, lol. It seemed as though the blame was being assigned in one direction only, which in most cases, regardless of what's happened, is not perhaps the best thing to do.

Anyway, good luck to all involved. Sounds liek there's a lot to work through if you want to continue contact in any way.

 

[U2SavesTheWorld]

I read this entire thread so I could find out if this was the girl that was possessed.



So? Is it?

 

[Angela Harlem]

She was, but she crabwalked down the stairs and got sold at some fish markets. no one's seen her since.

 

[For Honor]

threads like this just end up making more cautious about people ............

 

[Angela Harlem]

Forgive me for not believing at all, that a non tangible entity or spirit can possess someone's mind or body or soul. While we're on it, excuse also my contempt toward men who refuse to accept responsibilty for their own roles in mistakes and call women horrid names.

 

[Diemen]

Memory is a funny thing, ain't it Angie?

Even if I had no prior knowledge of shart and his girlfriend and past troubles, there are certain things in this thread that tip me off that she's not the only one with some issues.

The next day she apologized profusely. I believed her. I visited her a couple weeks later and she did it again. I know I'm making myself sound like the victim here, which I guess is kind of a cop-out. I dunno, I just never assumed she'd go so low as to do it twice!

SHE did it again? Forced you to undress completely against your will and forced you to get hard and do her, did she?

And you never assumed she'd go so low as to do it twice, eh? Boy, how disgusted you must have been. Why, you must've walked right out of the room then and there, right?

Wait, no? You slept with her anyway? Oh. Okay then. Your righteous indignation is most appropriate.






But you're right. It is a cop out.

 

[theblazer]

Yup, sounds like college to me.

She resorted to going out to parties. I know that wouldn't normally sound too extreme for a college student, but she's basically a goodie two-shoes christian Asian girl in a conservative christian college.

Come on man, this happens to the majority of "Christian" high school students who go away to college. "What, booze, horny people my age, more booze, no parents?" They don't usually ask "What Would Jesus Do?" in those cases.

 

[meegannie]

She was, but she crabwalked down the stairs and got sold at some fish markets. no one's seen her since.

 

[shart1780]

Of course no one forced me to have sex. My point is she'd spend a day or so pretty much leading me to believe she wanted to be with me (in her actions and her words). I once spent three days there where she was all over me, talking about our future, saying she loved me... etc. etc. then when I left she'd call me up and tell me it meant nothing!!!

I know I can't blame this all on her of course. Get fooled once, shame on you. Get fooled twice, shame on me etc. etc...

I haven't gone over there in a while and I'm not going to anytime soon.

 

[For Honor]

Nobody likes it when their heart is being fucked with. And everything breaks down when people begin lieing to each other. That is a horrible situation.

====

Yup, sounds like college to me.



Come on man, this happens to the majority of "Christian" high school students who go away to college. "What, booze, horny people my age, more booze, no parents?" They don't usually ask "What Would Jesus Do?" in those cases.

That's one of the things that I'm really not looking forward to in college. Everyone talks about how great it is, but not one person I know has defied this scenerio, or at least a similar version of it.

I mean, last week, I was talking to a good friend from HS, who was talking all serious about how she didn't want to get into a relatoinship, that there were tons of great guys, but she didn't want one. She used solid logic, and she seemed content with her current state of friends and stuff. And she's a solid girl, very well grounded and stuff. She actually lectured ME about realtionships in college, and what was going on, and what she did and did not want to be a part of. But yeah...... she definitely was a good Christian girl, from a conservative family.

This week, I talk to her (mind you, we're good friends, and I really don't have any intentions of anything more than that, especially because she's in S Carolina now, and I'm in NY), and she subtely drops that she's got a "bf" now, etc....
Honeslty, I'm happy for her.



But in terms of this thread......
Kids are such loads of bullshit. Yes, my generation. I am not good friends with anyone my age or younger, mostly because I can't stand this sort of thing. It's so tiring, boring, and reptitive. (and I know it's not really "my generation", it's all young people who go through these stages and such). No doubt, I'm sure I'll fall into some stupid trap, too, because I haven't learned my lessons yet, but... as I said, I do not know anyone who has not falllen into this sort of catagory, or similar.


Unfortunately, shart, this sort of thing is common. I hope it doesn't make you a bitter, isolated person though. I think sometimes people forget how couragous one needs to be to seek love, the truer, lasting kinds that is. Everybody is destined to make mistakes, too, and such a thing should also be remembered...........

 

[BVS]

I agree 100% with Diemen and Angela.

But to add to that, I've seen your posts in here and you have a very dangerous self righteousness about you. In future relationships(because this one is done) you may want to really look at that.

 

[girlhappy]

It is just easy to say move on and let go.,...but if anyone counts how hard it is when you love someone? Question is, of course, is this love?

 

[U2Girl1978]

She was, but she crabwalked down the stairs and got sold at some fish markets. no one's seen her since.

 

[lady luck]

It is just easy to say move on and let go.,...but if anyone counts how hard it is when you love someone? Question is, of course, is this love?

I'm not an expertise, I can't say if this is love or not.

But I am sure that if a person tells me that having sex with me means nothing I'll step out of that relation and I'll say good-bye forever to that person.
Hard, yes, but no one has the right to traet me as a way to pass time or just to satisfy sexual desires.

That's not what I ask from a relation -- and that's not what I want to be asked for.

 

[Liesje]

That's one of the things that I'm really not looking forward to in college. Everyone talks about how great it is, but not one person I know has defied this scenerio, or at least a similar version of it.

I have (and feel free to stereotype me as a good Christian girl from a conservative community attending a good Christian college)

Don't worry about the "majority", etc. If YOU don't want to, DONT DO IT. Honestly, for me it wasn't hard at all. I made conscious choices about my limits (drugs, drinking, sex, blowing off school work) BEFORE I was in pressure situations. It's like making a grocery list BEFORE you go shopping b/c if you don't, it takes you 10 times longer and you end up with nothing you needed and a ton of junk you don't want an will regret later. I also made conscious choices about the people I chose to become good friends with, not perfect people by any means, but people who respect me and respect themselves and have enough dignity and motivation to care about the direction of their lives outside of the context of the next huge party. As long as you sort yourself out beforehand - you're goals, your personal limitations, where exactly you draw the line - it's not hard at all.

My parents sacrificed so much for my elementary and high school education and many of those sacrifices were also lessons on independence, responsibility, accountability, and self-respect. I'll be damned if I'm going to throw that all away just b/c it's not "cool".

As for college, I also firmly believe in "you get what you pay for". I pay for my own college education and ALL of the expenses (books, rent, transportation, food, furniture). I'm not going to let myself get wrapped up in all the drama of promiscuity, binge drinking, etc when I'm paying over $20,000 a year to get a good degree.

 

[redkat]

I have (and feel free to stereotype me as a good Christian girl from a conservative community attending a good Christian college)

Don't worry about the "majority", etc. If YOU don't want to, DONT DO IT. Honestly, for me it wasn't hard at all. I made conscious choices about my limits (drugs, drinking, sex, blowing off school work) BEFORE I was in pressure situations.

I agree with you

I was a good Catholic girl from a Catholic school and I made a decision to "live it up" when I went away.

I totally did and yea got myself in a bit of trouble. I'm sure I could have avoided some of it if I tried.

 

[For Honor]

I have (and feel free to stereotype me as a good Christian girl from a conservative community attending a good Christian college)

Don't worry about the "majority", etc. If YOU don't want to, DONT DO IT. Honestly, for me it wasn't hard at all. I made conscious choices about my limits (drugs, drinking, sex, blowing off school work) BEFORE I was in pressure situations. It's like making a grocery list BEFORE you go shopping b/c if you don't, it takes you 10 times longer and you end up with nothing you needed and a ton of junk you don't want an will regret later. I also made conscious choices about the people I chose to become good friends with, not perfect people by any means, but people who respect me and respect themselves and have enough dignity and motivation to care about the direction of their lives outside of the context of the next huge party. As long as you sort yourself out beforehand - you're goals, your personal limitations, where exactly you draw the line - it's not hard at all.

My parents sacrificed so much for my elementary and high school education and many of those sacrifices were also lessons on independence, responsibility, accountability, and self-respect. I'll be damned if I'm going to throw that all away just b/c it's not "cool".

As for college, I also firmly believe in "you get what you pay for". I pay for my own college education and ALL of the expenses (books, rent, transportation, food, furniture). I'm not going to let myself get wrapped up in all the drama of promiscuity, binge drinking, etc when I'm paying over $20,000 a year to get a good degree.

Well, I'm glad for that.

Don't worry about the "majority", etc. If YOU don't want to, DONT DO IT.

^ I'm pretty sure I've got that down..........

It is good to know that someone else did it that way, stayed true to what they wanted. My "fear" isn't so much that I won't be able to do it, just that I'd be the only one who saw things that way. But I guess that's part of the adventure of life.... heh.

It is an interesting reminder... of how much I am looking forward to college, regardless of anything.

 

[shart1780]

Things just went down to Hell for us. Here's an update:

Yesterday I sent her a letter. It wasn't spiteful, it wasn't mean, there was no name calling, it wasn't to make her feel guilty at all. In it I basically told her that I love her, and that if she ever needs me I'm here. I told her I don't understand what she's going through, but I'll try to trust that she'll end up doing what's right. Blah blah blah.

So today I call her up (because of course she would never contact me first) and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Did you get my letter...? (feeling retarded that I have to ask)
Her: No...
Me: But I sent it yesterday... I hope it didn't get lost in the mail!
Her: Hahaha just kidding I got it. (laughs at a TV show she's watching)
Me: Well...? (feeling even more stupid)
Her: Well what? (laughs some more)
Me: Well what did you think of it...? (feeling more stupid than I ever have by now)
Her: Nothing really.
Me: What the heck do you mean nothing? That's really how I feel. Writing that meant alot to me.
Her: Robbie, I'm honestly getting kind of tired of all this sappy, cheesy stuff from you.
Me: What the heck? It's not cheesy, it's how I feel.
Her: Well what do you expect me to say?
Me: You just don't seem to care at all.
Her: Stop trying to make me feel guilty. I'm not even doing anything wrong
Me: How the heck can you be so inconsiderate? I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. I was trying to show you that I honestly still care..
Her: Well now I know. now please stop doing this stuf.. It's getting annoying.


etc etc etc... she then got pissed at me and told me to leave her alone. She said she never wanted to talk to me again because I'm causing too much drama and that she doesn't have time to deal with it. She then told me that she was going to hang up all my calls. Then she hung up.

I've learned a valuable lesson tonight. She was a grade A bitch. I'm done with her for good. I'm angry now, but I probably won't be for too long. I've got a long road ahead of me when I'm over my anger!

 

[anitram]

I don't understand why you're upset.

I mean, you're clearly continuing to pursue somebody who has made it patently obvious they have no interest in you. I don't want to be rude, but she doesn't want to be with you anymore, she's open about it and yet you choose to continue to needle at the situation by sending her letters and calling her.

Why is she a bitch here? Maybe you need to get over it and accept the way she feels. There are boundaries, you know.

 

[shart1780]

Just two days ago she told me that she didn't want me going out with other girls because it would make her feel bad. Last night at 1:30 she calls me and wants to talk to me about things regarding our relationship. About a week ago she told me she wants to go to Disneyland with me ALONE for a few days.

Don't think that she's been trying to get rid of me for months, that's now how it is. She's been leading me on continuously for a looong time.

 

[For Honor]

^ I agree with anitram........


But at the same time, pouring your heart outinto a letter, and having a minimal response like "oh, that'snice", or whatever, that is kind of harsh


====

Look, man, especially when it comes to young people, the more you chase her, the farther away she'll go. That's the blessing of being young, apparently.

People can be very, very simple at times - they want what they don't have. She's got you writting her love letters, calling her all the time, doing everything, yet she's not having to work for you at all. IT's sad, it's pathetic, but that's how the game works.

She's got you beat, man. Time to move on....

 

[For Honor]

 

[For Honor]

Just two days ago she told me that she didn't want me going out with other girls because it would make her feel bad. Last night at 1:30 she calls me and wants to talk to me about things regarding our relationship. About a week ago she told me she wants to go to Disneyland with me ALONE for a few days.

Don't think that she's been trying to get rid of me for months, that's now how it is. She's been leading me on continuously for a looong time.

Hey, when is her birthday? ....heh...


, I don't know. Something seems awry. Why do you think, realistically, she's acting this way?

 

[Angela Harlem]

Shart, time to climb off the cross mate. Build a bridge with the wood. Or a frame for your memories of the good times. Maybe a spice rack. Anything. Get over her and stop blaming her for all the faults in a messed up relationship. You've been done. Keep on throwing it back on her if it makes you feel better. Methinks you have a chronic case of transference, but you're not going to listen to this so I'm not wasting my time explaining. Hope you dont waste too much of yours wallowing in self pity and ex-loathing.

 

[theblazer]

Things just went down to Hell for us. Here's an update:


I've learned a valuable lesson tonight. She was a grade A bitch.

Man, you've got it all backwards and inside-out.

You both sound like DRAMA.

 

[shart1780]

It's fine now.

I told her that unless she wants to work things out then I can't have any sort of relationship with her, as it causes me too much pain.

She said she's not interested and I bid her farewell.

 

[indra]

She said she's not interested and I bid her farewell.

I think that is best for both of you.

 

[u2bonogirl]

after reading all of this I came to one conclusion.
Both of you arent ready to be committed to anybody yet. Looks like thats been solved so

One thing I will tell you from a Christian perspective, is that real humility can be easily determined from false humility and the next girl that you have will probably be able to see through it if you try to pull any of the false on her. It seems that in your heart through all of this you really did feel like you were above her, and she probably felt some of that.
That doesnt make her cheating on you right, of course that was wrong. But you blaming her for sleeping with you is way off base.
You are in control of your body and she didnt rape you. There had to be consent.
Sex couldnt patch your broken relationship, it could only temporarily glue it back together if anything. So if you both thought that it would help you were sadly mistaken.

My opinion on this is that you probably need to do some growing up emotionally and in your faith if youre serious about it before you invest in another relationship again.

 

[sulawesigirl4]

Walk on. Learn from the mistakes and put this behind you.

 

[martha]

Didn't several of us tell you this girl needed some serious counselling a while back?


Sure, she's treating you like shit. That means it's time to cut her loose, and move on. And really move on, not just say you will and then contact her a bunch more times.