Im finding it hard to change to a new 'era'/age of me.

[mad1]

here we go, Im turning 28.......and surely a whole ton of you have been down this road, where, after so many years of your life being so similar, so much the same, you can just.....'feel...a new something about to happen but you dont know what it is. Like, you're suddenly having visions of what your life was over the past 10 years flash before you, like you were gonna die or something..........but its not that.......its like....another step up in life and sometimes you just dont wanna take that big fukin step, or rather, are afraid to.

I seem to feel this right now......I hope I haven't confused any of you so far......but its the 'letting go' that seems kinda hard...........

Now I kinda understand when pple say, 'I took a trip down memory lane, I went back to that place again to re-live childhood memories' - it kinda is nice, isn't it? just remembering you as you were in that place, but all those years ago.

I don't exactly know whats in store. I do know that I have wasted so many years. I did nothing extremely constructive with my life, and yes, like many would tell me, and have told me, I really do regret that now. Turning 28 feels like my life is a bit more restrictive. But suddenly, Im thinking about the job Im in thats really getting me nowhere, and somewhere else someone is earning tons more than me, yet somewhere else someone my age isnt in a job. I need to sort my room out......get rid of junk, but yet so much of it I want to keep. Im already thinking about what to do with a car in two years.....buy a second-hand maybe? The list goes on........right down to whether there is even a man for me.
I just think my life has been so stale so long............I am deep down urging myself to move on forwards and let go of all this stale life thats still haunting me..............being a loner can actually haunt you....because ur life isnt so wonderful, and you often wonder if, after years of pple taking the piss out of you or making fun of you, etc, if it will improve or just dissolve into nothing. what the hell, Id rather be honest with you guys. LOL, I was telling Sally about this guy whom I really am convinced just was taking the piss outta me instead of probably fancying me......and even recently there were two occasions we passed each other, so it was good he saw how I looked close up...maybe to even put him off. OMG will I even get married? Will I maybe have kids? But Im not maternal minded, and already Im finding love a very silly 'teenage' thing that doesn't work for adults without embarrassment of how you both act all silly. (oh please dont shout at me for those comments......its just how I feel right now, I havent really 'discovered' it, so its easy to start to view things differently as you get older, plus, things have happened..).

Oh dear .........I think the change will happen early next year....I think Im truly about to move ia new era of life.......its exciting but scary! One day Im bitter, the other Im smiling......put it this way......my life is going on hold right now, as I try to work out my new direction. I just need to learn to relax and be more de-stressed over life.............Im feeling all right now.



I bet some of you will be feeling diff now.........
BTW, Im well aware a lot of pple here might be riding a similar moment...with loneliness or changes............
............so Groups all round!


but I feel better sharing this, and thats what I luv about Interference!

 

[Angela Harlem]

Aww you're so sweet maddie. I find these kinds of changes exciting so I cant really relate at all. Plus, for as long as I have been able to make decisions I have found I make too many. I change my mind constantly on what I want, where I want to be, what I really want to do. And this seems to roughly fit an annual cycle. Around this time every year til about the end of January, I get itchy feet. I usually make some ridiculous career change right about now (which I am currently doing lol) and spend the following year heading in some new direction which usually ends up not the right one for me. Its a different kind of approach to life as what you have but its not better or worse. Outwardly, I look very unstable and I am. About the only constant I have is my family. I actually think I need them, as with everything else constantly changing I need at least one safe area that I can rely on.
Um...Anyway I am clearly no help, which is not what you wanted...You wanted to let it all out so I will shut up
Take it easy maddie. Its a big life you have, fill it and dont be afraid to do just that

 

[najeena]

Just go with the flow, Hon- it's a lot easier than paddling upstream.

 

[Angel]

I hear ya. I just turned 29 and moved across the country from everyone and everything I know. I am still trying to find my way. My only advice for you is don't be scared... and definately don't be scared to find happiness. It will happen, because I feel you are open to it.
Don't worry so much about your job and what other people your age have done or the amount of money you are making. I tend to do that too often and it gets me no where. You just need to figure out what you want and it will all fall into place. I am just trying to be patient right now career wise and feel my time is going to come. I won't always be the poorest kid on the block.

Anyway... I don't think I offered up any advice and I am not sure that was what you wanted anyway. Just wanted to say I hear ya girl.

 

[diamond]

i think maddie is purdy

db3

 

[flaming june]

Aww Maddie... I can totally relate! *joins group hug*

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

It'll be ok, maddie.

 

[jkayet]

I totally get it. I have some differences, I'm a bit younger (25, close to 26) and I tend to keep myself busy to not think about it. I mean, I do TONS of things that seemingly should get me great places, but really get me nowhere. I guess I feel it more now because I'm back to where I began currently...after trying to get somewhere. Anyway, but pretty soon I"m going to have to make a decision as well, and while I'm used to change now, it's getting very tiring. Also, now that I'm just sitting here (not busy with work or more education like in years past), I'm wondering even more about marriage and kids too...so overall, i totally know what you mean, even though my circumstances are quite different.
I know change is hard, but I think that in the end, it'll keep happening as much as it needs to until we are where we should be.