I'm confused about myself.

[cell]

I wonder if its easy for me to express myself more...in person with friends and/or family or...online here or chatting with someone like say..msn or aim....I'm confused about myself.

It could go either way. I find myself trying not to be so shy online and in person. It takes a few good friends to bring me out of my shell once in a while, and also when I'm getting to know some cool people I meet on here or in real life. I could be talkative if you get enough Jell-O shots w/tequila in me.

I think the hardest part for me, is I'm afraid that people will think I'm boring as hell once they get to meet me or whatever. Yes, some people will say its stupid but hey...I have my reasons and experiences. I suck at conversations. Big time. I don't know what to say when im talking to anyone anymore. Choose my favorite topic, and I'm sure I'll suck at it too. Last night, my sister came over and was talking to my mom. I walked in and sat on the couch next to them, trying to be present, alive, be a member of the family...yada yada yada...maybe trying to fit in...wierd feeling that I have is that I feel like I dont fit in, in my own family. I was wearing make-up that day, and its rare that I do if I'm home...she kept talking to my mom, and then looked over and she couldnt believe it. "Your wearing makeup!!" I just looked at her, did this really big fake smile and gave her 2 and she laughed, not knowing if I was being a butt or whatever...I guess you had to be there. I didnt know what to say. And I'm supposed to be good at acting or speech. I'm considered "the smart one" in the family. And I can't get a job. Go figure. Today was not such a good day...

 

[Sicy]

I cant wait to meet you .. we will have drinks and talk about interference people

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

i love meeting new people and can't wait to meet you and all the other people in here too in vegas. we will all have a good time and conversation will not be hard for anyone.

 

[cell]

im thinking it wont be hard to talk to any of you guys either, thanks

 

[ABEL]

icelle...I'm kinda the same way...I'm always a little shy and quiet at first too

I'm looking forward to meeting everyone in Vegas too...even tho I'm shy and quiet at first, I think when we meet in Vegas, it will be like how it's been with every other interferencer that I've met...that we're already good friends and it will be like we've known eachother for ever

*uses this opportunity for a group hug*

 

[Cajun]

I love talking to you Icelle

 

[ABEL]

icelle and cajun

 

[daisybean]

I suck at any type of conversation too....

My mind just blanks out and I can't think of anything to say. Even on AIM I sometimes get that blank -ness

I'm considered "the smart one" in the family

I hate it when parents do that. My parents did that, one sister was the "smart one", my other sister was the "nice one," and I was the "why can't you be more like your sister" one.

 

[jkayet]

I could have pretty much written your post. I'm so much the same way - I mean, around some people I'm not shy at all and I can talk and be fairly open (it takes a lot for me to be really open though). But around other people or in certain situations, I freeze up and just can't talk and can't share anything personal at all...I feel SO boring and I'm sure I seem it. Some of my friends are when I'm like that because I'm so open and talkative around them, but it just happens sometimes... And getting me to share personal stuff can sometimes be like pulling teeth...yet for some reason I think of myself as really open... Guess it just depends on the person and situation.
Anyway, I'm sure you are the farthest thing from boring. I almost think it's good when people can't just open up all the time...being fake just in order to fit in is tiring. I figure the people that matter will see past the part of me that I think is boring...

 

[dizzy]

I could be talkative if you get enough Jell-O shots w/tequila in me.

Same with me, although it could be any kind of alcohol.

Can't wait to meet Interferencers in person.

 

[meegannie]

yet for some reason I think of myself as really open...

Just like you don't sound like an American. You didn't really start talking to me until last July!!!

 

[TripThruUreWires]

from what i can tell, you're not boring in the least icelle.
i highly doubt you are in "real life" either.
don't let this get you down; don't beat yourself up over it.
you've got much to offer, in terms of life experience, among other things. just remember that in every situation or conversation you encounter. don't let other people intimidate you. i've met a lot of individuals who can talk just about anyone's head off, and perhaps even come off as "interesting", but in reality, they lead quite a typical, normal, average, and quite frankly, mundane life. just because you don't have much to say or may not feel like "opening up" around certain people doesn't make you boring in the least--it just makes you highly selective. there's nothing wrong with the that.

also, don't stress so much about not having a job at the present moment. there are many, many highly intelligent, highly educated individuals out there who cannot seem to land a job in this current job market. you'll find one soon enough icelle. no worries. i pray you'll have better days ahead.

 

[tiny dancer]

I think that you are a kind and very special person icelle just from reading your posts. I only wish that I was going to Vegas, so I could meet you!

 

[Sicy]

Re: Re: I'm confused about myself.

Can't wait to meet Interferencers in person.

Come to Vegas.

 

[BAW]

oh Icelle

You are not boring here and I bet you're not boring in real life either. I'm not so great with conversation either but I just accept that some people are talkers and some are listeners But hey, give us both a couple of Jello shots and we'll be the life of the party

Its kind of ironic that the 2 of us are going to be taking a 4 hour car ride together...I'm probably quieter than you until I warm up and get to know someone. But, that 4 hours will give us time to get know each other and bond a little before we meet everyone and its always easier if you're with someone, so we'll do it together

 

[tiny dancer]

Re: Re: Re: I'm confused about myself.

Come to Vegas.

I wish I could Sicy, but the timing is not good and also money wise.

 

[dizzy]

Re: Re: Re: I'm confused about myself.

Come to Vegas.

I wish I could too, but eh, the usual money sh*t. Oh, I am going to NYC next month too, to see Bono being interviewed on Conversations NYC!!! I was wishing a lot of Interferencers would go.

 

[jkayet]

Just like you don't sound like an American. You didn't really start talking to me until last July!!!

hey, i'm not the one that said i don't sound american...
Yeah...uhh...maybe being an only child made me think talking to myself suffices for open, sharing discussions... Wait, no, i think i know...since i'm quiet, people would always tell me all their problems, right? And even though I just sympathized - not sharing my personal experiences - i still thought it made me open?? Ah, whatever. That's far too much self-analysis for one day.

Dizzy, NYC sounds way fun!! I wish I could go!

 

[cass]

I know how you feel icelle...I like this place cause I can rave on, but except to a few people who I've known for ages, I hardly speak. I don't see anyone except hub and kids for weeks on end. I am definitely an outsider in my own family, and I feel like an outsider here too really. So you're one up there girl. You get to go to Vegas.
I don't have a job either and I feel rather worthless in that regard. I dread having to look for work, a "real" job. I don't think I'll cope with that at all. So what you said is so familiar, my sister and mum say things like"would you look at what she's wearing" when I'm standing right there....when I was little, mum always said not to call her she "cause she's the cat's mother" and it's rude. I don't understand that either, but there seems to be two sets of rules or rules I don't even know about. Hub says I am very difficult to understand, so really, I feel misunderstood and un-loved by just about everyone to be honest....except my kids and my dogs. You have beautiful Daisy-a-day...and Vegas.
Loosen up girl and get into that jello
jello? with tequila? that's a newy to me.

 

[beegee]

hi icelle! here i am! lookit, i'm using smilies just for you! it must be the jello shots...i started without you! hurry up and get to vegas. you're the person i can't wait to meet!

 

[cell]

you gots to wait for me...

haha...i was just thinking about the jello-shots...gotta get them jello-shots with bg84...or the tequila shots...damn forget the shots lets just take the bottle and run

 

[beegee]

that's my girl! you don't seem confused at all!

take the bottle and run...

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

You guys all rule. I wish I were going to Vegas.


Have some lemon drops for moi, 'k?

 

[beegee]

i woke up this morning very excited about this show.

i just wish that every one of you were going...

 

[cell]

vegas is all i can think of at times. i wish interlanders who can't make it could go too.

 

[beegee]

yeah, one of them in particular...