I'm a psycho ex-girlfriend

[AttnKleinkind]

So, my girlfriend and I broke up about two months ago, and just recently she's started talking to this new girl via Facebook of all things. They've met, and are going on a date later this week. I'm definitely not over her, and it's incredibly painful to hear about them talking, or any sort of interaction they have. And I find myself getting really worked up over petty, trivial things. I mean, my ex has told me that she doesn't even really like her, but she's just sort of seeing where things go because the opportunity arose.

I just...I know it's ridiculous to get insanely jealous over the fact that they talked over the internet...I mean, I know in my logical mind that it's not that big of a deal. It's not like she's sleeping with anyone yet. Even though I know this, and that I'm making a huge deal out of, it still really really hurts to see that she's making steps toward moving on. And I've sort of gone past the whole "incapacitated by pain" phase and am now in a more angry/crazy psycho bitch phase. And it's terrible, and I hate that I'm doing this, but just some of the thoughts I'm having about this other girl are ridiculous! And I never ever ever thought that I'd be a crazy ex-girlfriend overcome with jealousy, but here I am. And it feels so incredibly pathetic. I mean, my ex and I ended on good terms, we don't want to lose touch and we still care about each other (we were friends a long time before we went out) but I find myself sort of putting a strain on things when we talk, because I make such a huge deal out of every little thing. I know it's natural to be hurt and whatnot, but is there any way to sort of avoid this whole overreactive pettiness?

 

[blueeyedgirl]

2 months is not a long time, and anger is one of the major stages of grieving. So don't beat yourself up. It's OK to be angry, but maybe take your anger out on something safe, rather than do the silly things we sometimes do to our exes when we're in a rage (no, not that I've ever done that myself ) Take care of yourself

 

[yolland]

Sorry to hear about that. "Happens to all of us at some point," but that sure doesn't make it feel any better when you're stuck there. What always helped me most at those times was focusing on other friendships--go out of your way to spend more time with friends you already have (ideally of both sexes I think, regardless of your own sexual orientation), and also, put some effort into making new friends...maybe there's a few people currently on the outer fringe of your social circle who you've always thought seemed pretty cool and might be interesting to know better; now's a good time to pursue that. Yeah, it's not the same thing as having an intimate romantic relationship, and maybe none of them will wind up becoming lifelong close friends; but still, over time, that can really help you build back up a sense of yourself as someone desirable and fun to be around--a lack of which probably has a lot to do with your current feelings of jealousy and resentment, "not being good enough" etc. I wouldn't suggest spending too much time hanging around with or thinking about your ex for right now--if a continued healthy friendship with her is in the cards, it'll happen, but at the same time there's nothing that needs to be "proven" there, and you shouldn't feel like there is.

 

[zuropa_fit]

Yeah, I was one of those once. It happens to the best of us. I was fortunate to be out of the state when the worst of it was happening though. If you can get out of town, do it. If you can't, do what yolland said, focus on other relationships - even your family. Try not to sleep with the next thing that comes along, you know, just to prove you're over her or something. (not that I've ever done that myself ) Best of luck and a big for you.

 

[Carek1230]

These Facebook, MySpace internet sites are soooooo evil especially in these kinds of circumstances. I've managed to stay away from them. I don't waste time on that petty stuff. Just give yourself mourning time & be good to yourself. You will bounce back & get over it.

 

[Bonochick]

You have my sympathies. I think the feelings are normal, and you shouldn't feel bad about it...just try not to let the thoughts consume you and rip you apart too much.

 

[indra]

At least you realise you are acting and feeling this way and that is a big part of controlling and dealing with it. Perhaps you should avoid contact with your ex for a while as you work through your feelings. Being around her right now just seems to be aggravating your wounds and they won't be able to heal until that stops.

Good luck.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

It will be temporary because you still have feelings for her, when you do every little thing seems so big. I agree with yolland about focusing on yourself and things and people who will build you up and not the reverse.

 

[AttnKleinkind]

It is really good to hear that I'm not the only one who's felt like this. I just recently realized practically all of my close friends have either a) never been in a serious/any relationship or b) have only been in relationships where they're really happy to get out of it because the guy was a huge jerk, so no one truly could see where I was coming from. I mean, they're still there for me and everything, but...I dunno, you can just sort of tell from their advice that they can't fully empathize.

Anyways, I really appreciate all the advice...this is my first major breakup, so, yeah. I'm really going to try and invest myself in my other friendships and whatnot. But what's really best to hear is that this is normal, and I'm not alone in feeling these things!

 

[AttnKleinkind]

I have another question that pertains to this whole issue...

So I mentioned that it's been two months since we broke up. We went out for about a year and a half. Does two months seem like a really short time to anyone else? I mean, shouldn't it be harder for her to be moving on? I kind of feel like that's a signifier of how much she cared about me, if it's just so easy to just be with someone else... but is that just me?

(oh and I know blueeyedgirl said she didn't think it was a long time, but I was just wondering about other opinions)

 

[Carek1230]

That's a difficult question to answer because everyone is different and every relationship is different. Whenever a relationship breaks up there's ALWAYS one person in the couple who hurts so much more deeply than the other (usually the one who gets dumped) and that same person usually takes much longer to get over the hurt and pain. This is natural. Everyone heals in their own ways too, so I think it depends on how deeply you are/were hurt and what kind of person you are---if you can detach relatively quickly and easily and heal in order to move on or if you hold on to memories and sort of live in the past, daydreaming of getting back together, or over analyzing every little thing that happened in the relationship wondering how if things had been done differently would you be today (moot point and waste of time IMO). I know this doesn't really help, it just depends on your emotions, mental state and probably on whether you are an easily forgiving person or not.