I think my mom intentionally sabotages our relationship.

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meegannie

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Oct 31, 2001
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Norwich, England
I am so :rant: right now. A few months ago, my mom mentioned coming out here to stay for a week or so in the fall. We've never really gotten along really well, basically because I lose my patience with her sometimes because she's so frustrating and I was raised by my dad, so there's a little bit of bitterness there I guess. I love her, but we've never had a close mother-daughter relationship, especially because so many times in my life I felt like I was the more mature one. Anyway, I talked her down to coming here for just a weekend, since I have to work everyday and can't take any time off since I'm using all my vacation days in November. So that's what we agreed on a couple of months ago.

Today she emails me and just slips in "...oh, by the way, I'm not leaving until Wednesday." Which means she'll be here a whole week. :scream: I have a small apartment, have NO furniture in the living room (it's just a big empty room), and my room doesn't have much space either, so either both of us would have to sleep in the bed or one of us would have to sleep on the floor and get stepped all over every morning. Also, I don't have extra keys or anything, so she'll have to leave at the same time I do and stay out all day until I'm home from work, or sit in my apartment all day by herself. It's just REALLY infuriating and I think I will go insane.

Okay. Sorry to rant. :sad:
 
Oh poor meg!

I would hate it if my mother would do that. I couldn?t possibly imagine staying with her for a week.

Your space, I assume its your first flat, remembers me so much of my place when I got it... there was only the grand piano inside, and my hifi, it was kind of simple, but had a certain charme. A crappy kitchen, and all floors were carpets, you have to imagine that, even in the kitchen :yuck:

When I look back on those days, hmmmm.... I didn?t care about comfort then... everything was ok without a TV... now its all full of studio equipment and a sofa and video recorder and computers, some floors are different, even though the flat still is in a miserable state... my god, I was so thoughtless, one time I nearly put the house on fire... I was still working as a deejay...

Okey, enough of that, I grew up kind of got more mature and everything got grey :D

But I remember, one time my mother had guests, and foolishly thought she could VISIT me and show them the flat - sans announcement. Well, she won?t do that again.

I can?t really tell you what you should do, I have always been close to my mum... but she understands that I prefer to visit them, and that I like to do that sometimes. We call often, maybe once in a week or two I see my parents, and I feel very well about that. If you are not that close to your mum, maybe she wants to get closer to you instead of sabotaging the relationship. Maybe she wants to spend some time with her daughter... mind you, if you don?t like that, just tell her to lay off a little. Mothers usually love their children a lot, so it might be quite difficult for her to let you go your way. But I don?t know if she was by your side for the last eighteen years. Sure, if she wasn?t, she can?t just step up and say now it would be the right time for me to get closer to my daughter, I mean she has to have your o.k.

However.... just my two cents.
 
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i love my mom to death. she and i get along very well, but that doesn't mean we want to spend every waking moment together by any means.

at the beginning of august, when i thought about being 6-ish hours away from home, i'd seriously get tears in my eyes. but as the month progressed, i was so ready to leave. i miss her and all now, but i don't think i could handle one week of intensive visiting. hell, she even complains when my grandma comes out for a week (meh, who doesn't?).


point being: that sucks. try not to lose your patience with her, and if (when) you do, tell her nicely that you're being irritated and you don't like it.


just try and keep busy and the week will pass quickly.
 
Thanks for the replies. :) I think the big problem here is that mom is mentally ill. I don't mean :coocoo: like me ;), but she has some serious problems and I'm uncomfortable with the idea of her wandering around by herself and I'm also afraid that if I say I'm getting frustrated with her, it'll really hurt her feelings and I don't know what she would do. It's just a no-win situation. :( :help:
 
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you could stay in this igloo if you feel so inclined
 
:hug: I'm sorry! Like I said, we can certainly work out chatting on the phone during that time if you want to. Remember, those days may seem like eternity, but they will pass and the Nov that lies after them will be :up: :hug:
 
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