I have trouble letting go my GF's sexual past...

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theu2fly said:
She has told me she has had sex with one guy, but it didn't mean anything -- and I still keep thinking about it. I just can't see her doing that kind of thing, and I don't know why she did it. What's wrong with me?

I can't see some guy other than me doing something as private and meaningful to her.

That was in her past, get over it! what's wrong with you, you ask? after skimming through your other thread I find you're trying to claim ownership of something (or in this case someone) to which you have no right to claim. Relationships are a bond, a partnership, a connection that 2 people share. No one controls the other. Do you treat your friends the same way? Look through their stuff, check their emails etc? She should be your best friend, not your slave. I'm wondering what's happened in your past that's making you react in such a way?

Usually, when problems arise, take a look at yourself first and then rationally, rather then reactively, take steps to learn from those experiences. I myself am not the best communicator so it's on me, and no one else, to take the steps to rectify it. Mistrust and insecurities are the sure way to lose someone. I hope this and any of the other great advice provided doesn't fall on deaf ears. You're on the road to lonely-ville my friend. :no: My 2 cents
 
theu2fly said:
She has told me she has had sex with one guy, but it didn't mean anything -- .
It didn't. Neither one of us wanted anything to do with the other the next morning, we just needed to have 8 hours of wild monkey sex, exploring every page of the Kama Sutra for a little stress relief.

There doesn't that make you feel better about her?



You could consider becoming a monk.
 
Listen. Seeing as though everyone just doesn´t want to empathize with your situation, here´s my take...

You´re possessive person.

Are you a virgin yourself? If you´re not then really there´s nothing to Zoo Confess about here, it´s just you being selfish.

If you are, then you can do two things. One, would be to find yourself a partner who is a virgin just like yourself and that way you won´t have any gripes about that ...

or...

Learn to forgive and love your partner for who she is. Try to control your emotions and your jealousy because jealous is made up of two things: insecurity and downright foolishness. Insecurity can be treated and once you take the time to trust your partner and understand that she truly cares for you then some of it might go away. You can try talking about these things and explain that you can´t help being jealous. It´s something that just happens.

I think you´re setting the bar way too high for her and that´s your fault. Realize that you´re not perfect and she made her mistakes and she can´t change them. It´s up to you to "forgive" her or not.
 
BrownEyedBoy said:
Listen. Seeing as though everyone just doesn´t want to empathize with your situation, here´s my take...

You´re possessive person.

Are you a virgin yourself? If you´re not then really there´s nothing to Zoo Confess about here, it´s just you being selfish.

If you are, then you can do two things. One, would be to find yourself a partner who is a virgin just like yourself and that way you won´t have any gripes about that ...

or...

Learn to forgive and love your partner for who she is. Try to control your emotions and your jealousy because jealous is made up of two things: insecurity and downright foolishness. Insecurity can be treated and once you take the time to trust your partner and understand that she truly cares for you then some of it might go away. You can try talking about these things and explain that you can´t help being jealous. It´s something that just happens.

I think you´re setting the bar way too high for her and that´s your fault. Realize that you´re not perfect and she made her mistakes and she can´t change them. It´s up to you to "forgive" her or not.

:yes: Good Post!
 
BrownEyedBoy said:



You make it sound like it´s a choice.ç

He can´t help it. It´s just the way he is. He is AWARE he has problems so instead of being redundant and calling him out on it why don´t you suggest a solution?

Because I would sure love to hear one seeing as though no one has even tried to help.

It is a choice, to a certain degree. Only he can decide to take a path that will lead to self-examination, and hopefully overcoming these behaviours. This poster has several other threads pointing out the "shortcomings" of his girlfriend, and his reactions to them. And many of these are presented in a way where it sounds as though the problem is with the girlfriend, not from within. He's sought advice in the past, and hasn't seemed to heed any of it, so why should this time be different?

Frankly, I'm more concerned about the girlfriend, at this point. I hope she has the strength and self esteem to stand up for herself and walk away, should this behaviour continue. I'm afraid that if something's not done, it will escalate.
 
VintagePunk said:
Frankly, I'm more concerned about the girlfriend, at this point. I hope she has the strength and self esteem to stand up for herself and walk away, should this behaviour continue. I'm afraid that if something's not done, it will escalate.

From the description of her family in another thread, I doubt she'll walk. The whole crew are victims of either drugs, alcohol, or other people. It sounds like a family pattern.
 
oh dear. you say she's the one that comes from a fucked up family, but you wouldn't know it looking at some of your behavior patterns. this should be a mutual relationship, you don't own her. if you can't deal with the fact that she's not a virgin (or that she smokes, etc) then leave her alone and find someone that lives up to your ridiculous standards.
 
VertigoGal said:
oh dear. you say she's the one that comes from a fucked up family, but you wouldn't know it looking at some of your behavior patterns.

I agree the last several threads speak otherwise.
 
I understand why so many people here are upset by this, but my one piece of advice for you would be this- do some work on yourself before you get involved in any sort of relationships with women. I'm not saying this to be mean or cruel to you, I just think that's the best thing you could do for yourself.

People have pasts, and part of loving them and of being in mature relationships with them is to accept them regardless of those pasts, and to just merely focus on your present together. That is the optimum healthy relationship. If you are always focused on her past that will never be possible, and it will never be a relationship of equality either. It's controlling and unequal. And not really a relationship either. Not one that most women would ever want, in my experience. I don't know how old you are, if you're young perhaps experience will teach you these things-but you can also learn by making an effort yourself if you wish. There's a reason what you said has resulted in these comments, just think about that :)

If she "comes from a f'ed up family" then what would truly be MEANINGFUL to her is some understanding and compassion from you-and that has nothing to do with sex.
 
Girls always say you are my second
But seriosly i don't see a problem with that. I could marry girl like Samantha from sex and the city if I find she is the right person
 
It sounds like you view your girlfriend as a possession rather than a companion. On top of that you don't trust her, and you feel that she's somehow wronged you by something she did before she met you

What your girlfriend did before she met you isn't something that you can control or change. It almost has nothing to do with you because she's not doing it now, and you weren't around when she was doing it. Unless you can get over feeling like you have to control everything and know all that happens in your girlfriend's life, I would say that you are just not ready to be in a relationship. Period.

People make mistakes, they regret things. Maybe one day you will look back and regret how you've handled things in this relationship. But by then it will be something you can't change, just like your girlfriend and her past. Would you want people constantly freaking out about something from your past that you're not proud of?
Maybe like....snooping through your girlfriend's stuff? :yikes:
 
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