I have a hard time saying I love you or showing any emotions

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MissVelvetDress_75

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what a confession, huh?

well i can't do it. i can't say it to anyone in my family except my nephews and nieces. i also have a hard time saying it to friends and those i care for. if i hear it from them i just laugh and brush it off. i find it hard to return.

i visited with my aunt last night, an aunt that i have not seen since i was a small child. she is my mother's sister. i went to my parents house yesterday after work to see her. when i walked in the door she gave me a big hug and freaked out on me because she had not seen me since i was a child. and here i walk into my parents house in a business suit and all grown up. i sat down on the couch and was hit with a bitch and vent session by my aunt. she started to pour her emotions out towards my sister , my mother and to me. i sat there and listen to every word that came out of her mouth. i watched her body language and was in complete shock. i saw something that i did not realize until last night. i come from a long line of stubborn women, who are cold and who can't express their emotions without making fun of themselves (this goes as far back to my great-grandmother). i listened to my aunt make fun of her daughter for "falling in love" with her current boyfriend. i looked at my sister and laughed because i knew exactly what she meant by her comments. i listened to my aunt continue with her issues and soon realize in her fit of anger and sadness that she in a flash turned to tears. at that time i was laughing with her until i noticed the actual tears rolling down her face. i didn't know what to do. i froze. i froze and paniced like a jack ass. my mother walked in and looked at her sister and thought she was kidding as well. thank goodness my sister consoled her with a hug. my sister is a little more open hearted than me, but at that moment i realized i needed to change something, because i can't handle being this way anymore.

i can't cry, i can't say i love you because i feel it is weak. i can't be mad or angry without hearing family or close friends telling me that i can't behave that way because i am suppose to be some solid strong woman who doesn't allow for things to get in my way. i am expected to be the shoulder for all to cry on but i can't get it in return. well god forbid that i actually want to be emotional and not have to explain myself. :down:

a friend of mine of 15 years on the phone the other day told me "iris i love you girl, you know i am always here for you and miss seeing you." i sat silently on the otherside of the phone and said "yeah well uh thanks, i have to go now."

:mad: :banghead: i hate this. :down:
 
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If you've never had a good example set for you, it's gonna be hard for you to do it on your own. So many times you don't have to say anything, just your hand on theirs and a caring look can convey alot. I'm praying for you sweetie :hug:
 
Aw :hug:

I don't have a problem telling My Mum, Dad, Silbings I love them because we don't speak to any of my 25 uncles/ aunts and all my cousins and they really are the only family I have

I dont think theres anything wrong with not telling your friends you love them back/ not crying/ be mad/ angry - your just a very strong lady :) When people say they love me I freak out and stop speaking to them for ages :slant:

I get mad/ angry ALL the time - its not a prety sight and then I cry at really stupid things on tv like a stupid film/ when I get my exam results - Im an eejit :D
 
Oh I live with my brother and sister still - and my sister and brother are both sick and Id feel really bad if anything ever happened to them so I like to let them know I love them

Sometimes I curse at my brother though and when my sister had her diabetes illness with her blood sugar in the forties I shouted at her one night when she was lying on the sofa and said she couldnt breathe and I thought she was making it up, and the next morning when she collapsed she was lying outside my room and had been calling for me but my Dad heard her calling my name and they got her to the hospital, i stayed sleeping- I only woke up when my Mum started yelling through the house - I feel so guilty - I didnt here her calling me :( It was nice to think she came to me before she collapsed though I was very touched

When my Dad came home later that day though he started crying when he told us about the injections she needed because her heart was beating at 170 and she couldnt breathe and it was all very dramatic and he cried on the phone to my uncle and granny and I laughed - I felt like a bitch - its just when I get nervous/ scared I laugh - I cant help it - even my brother cried - I only cried when I got to the hospital

Our friend had a brain tumour and he needed it removed last year - he developed eplipsey from it and I never felt really upset about it until last night and the tumour has reproductive cells and will def come back and he will radiotherapy - I felt like I was about to cry infront of him but he was very brave about it - and there was me worrying about being a poor student

I have some issues, Im a cow :slant:
 
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i can relate, i have problems opening up to people too. It's a little easier for me to express warm feeling to my friends, but I'm still not very good about it. I feel usually feel awkward if they hug me and the only time where I ever iniate a hug is if they're really upset, and even then I don't know how to comfort them. I hate crying in front of others and it only happens if I'm so upset that I can't contain it, which isn't often. I get terribly embarressed to have people see me cry. A few of my friends have seen me cry, but I don't think my best friend has ever seen me cry. I once dated a guy who was very much like me and I think it's what ultumately ended our relationship. We got along really well, but we never told each other how we felt or when something bothered us. He was the only person I ever loved (romantically speaking), and I'm pretty sure he loved me too, but neither of us could ever say it. I think both of us have matured some in that respect, and i think things could have been different, but now it's far to late to find out.
 
You aren't alone in feeling this way Iris :hug:

I will avoid crying in front of someone at all costs and I rarely tell anyone but my husband and kids that I love them. I just wasn't raised in a demonstrative family...my mother and especially my grandmother never said "I love you" so with them for an example, I never learned to express myself in that way.

For me, its a control issue too...I hate being out of control or seen as weak in any way, especially with my emotions.
 
I know exactly what you mean :hug: I never tell someone I love them unless they tell me first and then its just like yeah me too. I wish I could express myself better sometimes. I don't know what it is, maybe it's i'm scared of letting people know too much about me because it will make me feel weaker...

Although when I'm at University I find it easier to tell family and friends that I love them on the phone, esp my Nan cos she always ends the call with love you,

I guess that it can be better to say these words less, then when you do say them they mean something!...rather than people who say it every 5mins and it just doesn't mean anything anymore.

:heart:
 
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i don't know if it's cos i can't or not, i just don't.

in denial or incapable? i don't know.

i hate hugs, crying, and 'discussing feelings'.
 
Bono's American Wife said:


For me, its a control issue too...I hate being out of control or seen as weak in any way, especially with my emotions.

exactly the same with me. I can tell my family ie parents and sisters that I love them but I have a hard time expressing it to my brother and to anyone else(anyone else being other family members and friends)
 
I kind of know what you mean, Iris. :hug:


My parents were/are somewhat open and free with their emotions, but a lot of the time when we tell each other "I love you", or anything like that, it's made out to be a joke. I'm not so much like that with my dad anymore, but my mom and I do that often. On the other hand, she cries somewhat freely, so in a way I have strived to do just the opposite, going the road of stoic daughter when things get rough. I'm not made of stone, not in the slightest, but I do get the, "you're a strong person" bit often for not showing my emotions a whole lot, at least with family.

It's definitely a feeling of not wanting to lose control, or in my case, not wanting to look "weak". :sigh:
 
Telling someone that you love them brings a hell of alot of responsibility with it. And that's frightening. I used to be quite care free with friends and tell them I love them, but that was just as a friend. I've since learned not to say it unless I know someone better, as it can mean a lot more to people than I thought and a friend was hurt. :(

Relationships need to be worked at. And saying you love someone means you have to be prepared to work things out when something goes wrong. So it's frightening, and that can make it very difficult to say the words.
 
I never was the kind of person who would (rather than could) express my feelings to a lot of people surrounding me
I never had a problem with sharing my feelings with my girlfriend though
thing is that since our relationship ended I am getting better in sharing my feelings with my friends and expressing how much they mean to me (the exact reaons for this I'm not even 100% about myself)

point to this somewhat incoherent post is that I don't doubt that the ability to 'share feelings' is in all of us and that maybe we just need to experience certain things in our life to give it the place we want it to have
 
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hehe, I wasn't implying that you should go through what I went through though
and I'm not saying that everyone has the same "ability" to share their feelings (I mean, compared to most people I'm still very much an introvert so who am I to talk anyway)

what I am trying to say (yes! there is a point to this) is that somewhere in your life you will probably come to a point that you're at least comfortable yourself with how you're able to express your feelings to those surrounding you

at least I think you will
 
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