MissVelvetDress_75
Blue Crack Addict
what a confession, huh?
well i can't do it. i can't say it to anyone in my family except my nephews and nieces. i also have a hard time saying it to friends and those i care for. if i hear it from them i just laugh and brush it off. i find it hard to return.
i visited with my aunt last night, an aunt that i have not seen since i was a small child. she is my mother's sister. i went to my parents house yesterday after work to see her. when i walked in the door she gave me a big hug and freaked out on me because she had not seen me since i was a child. and here i walk into my parents house in a business suit and all grown up. i sat down on the couch and was hit with a bitch and vent session by my aunt. she started to pour her emotions out towards my sister , my mother and to me. i sat there and listen to every word that came out of her mouth. i watched her body language and was in complete shock. i saw something that i did not realize until last night. i come from a long line of stubborn women, who are cold and who can't express their emotions without making fun of themselves (this goes as far back to my great-grandmother). i listened to my aunt make fun of her daughter for "falling in love" with her current boyfriend. i looked at my sister and laughed because i knew exactly what she meant by her comments. i listened to my aunt continue with her issues and soon realize in her fit of anger and sadness that she in a flash turned to tears. at that time i was laughing with her until i noticed the actual tears rolling down her face. i didn't know what to do. i froze. i froze and paniced like a jack ass. my mother walked in and looked at her sister and thought she was kidding as well. thank goodness my sister consoled her with a hug. my sister is a little more open hearted than me, but at that moment i realized i needed to change something, because i can't handle being this way anymore.
i can't cry, i can't say i love you because i feel it is weak. i can't be mad or angry without hearing family or close friends telling me that i can't behave that way because i am suppose to be some solid strong woman who doesn't allow for things to get in my way. i am expected to be the shoulder for all to cry on but i can't get it in return. well god forbid that i actually want to be emotional and not have to explain myself.
a friend of mine of 15 years on the phone the other day told me "iris i love you girl, you know i am always here for you and miss seeing you." i sat silently on the otherside of the phone and said "yeah well uh thanks, i have to go now."
i hate this.
well i can't do it. i can't say it to anyone in my family except my nephews and nieces. i also have a hard time saying it to friends and those i care for. if i hear it from them i just laugh and brush it off. i find it hard to return.
i visited with my aunt last night, an aunt that i have not seen since i was a small child. she is my mother's sister. i went to my parents house yesterday after work to see her. when i walked in the door she gave me a big hug and freaked out on me because she had not seen me since i was a child. and here i walk into my parents house in a business suit and all grown up. i sat down on the couch and was hit with a bitch and vent session by my aunt. she started to pour her emotions out towards my sister , my mother and to me. i sat there and listen to every word that came out of her mouth. i watched her body language and was in complete shock. i saw something that i did not realize until last night. i come from a long line of stubborn women, who are cold and who can't express their emotions without making fun of themselves (this goes as far back to my great-grandmother). i listened to my aunt make fun of her daughter for "falling in love" with her current boyfriend. i looked at my sister and laughed because i knew exactly what she meant by her comments. i listened to my aunt continue with her issues and soon realize in her fit of anger and sadness that she in a flash turned to tears. at that time i was laughing with her until i noticed the actual tears rolling down her face. i didn't know what to do. i froze. i froze and paniced like a jack ass. my mother walked in and looked at her sister and thought she was kidding as well. thank goodness my sister consoled her with a hug. my sister is a little more open hearted than me, but at that moment i realized i needed to change something, because i can't handle being this way anymore.
i can't cry, i can't say i love you because i feel it is weak. i can't be mad or angry without hearing family or close friends telling me that i can't behave that way because i am suppose to be some solid strong woman who doesn't allow for things to get in my way. i am expected to be the shoulder for all to cry on but i can't get it in return. well god forbid that i actually want to be emotional and not have to explain myself.
a friend of mine of 15 years on the phone the other day told me "iris i love you girl, you know i am always here for you and miss seeing you." i sat silently on the otherside of the phone and said "yeah well uh thanks, i have to go now."
i hate this.
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