I hate myself.

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Laura M

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[rant]


I really have a self esteem problem- a really bad one!!!! Now its just starting to really depress me, I ended up picking subjects at school which i regret now and I have to do public exams for 3 years in a row- im getting exam results on Thursday and im dreading it cus i dont wanna fail them- i have never failed an exam and if i got a C or less id be devestated!

I have friends but i hardly get to see them now because its summer and we have summer jobs and me and my best friend were fighting for ages and i havent spoken to her in a while. I really miss her :( :sad: but I spoke to her before she went to Wexford so ses coming back tomorrow and we are going out for some dinner and drinks for a friends 18th birthday which im looking forward to

Then there is this really nice guy who is just so nice to me- I have been mean to him and nasty to him and i am always putting myself down and this I think really annoys him cus he never shuts up about how pretty i am which i cant accept and really have a go at him and he STILL wants to go out with me which im really thankful for because hes a lovely person but i cant understand why he'd want to go out with someone like me and keep thinking he could do so much better which he tells me is stupid.

I know im not a nasty person and i am nice but now i am finding myself being mean to ppl because i hate myself and its really frustrating :banghead:

i think this all started when i got bullied for about a year in school-it was awful and i really couldnt cope i was really pathetic and i have never had confidence in myself ever since, but lately i dunno just things seem to be really getting me down.

Does anyone ever feel like this??!!??

I just feel really pathetic and ugly and fat and I have problems telling ppl about this- i have never told anyone which i know is bad but i dont want my friends feeling sorry for me.

Its just got really bad and last week i just did something silly which i knew i shouldnt have but grrrr things jsut really annoy me sometimes :banghead: :sad:

I dunno why im saying this- maybe cus i dont really know you and i dont have to look anyone in the face and tell them

I just am saying it anyway...*sigh*

:( :sad: :scream:
 
(((((((((Lara))))))))))))

I know how you feel.......

I also have a hard time when someone is trying to complment me... I don't know why, but sometimes I feel undeserving of it for some reason or another.

I think you should give this guy a chance....he's seems like he would be good for you....

I'm sure you did just fine on your exams.


Instead of focusing on the things that you don't like about yourself, find things that you like about yourself and concentrate on those. Then the things you don't like you can work on changing

YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON LARA!!!!!!!!! Don't believe that you are not, and don't let anyone tell you different either!!!!!

i think this all started when i got bullied for about a year in school-

Bullys suck :reject::madspit: But don't let what they said get to you....most likely they were picking on you because they have low esteem themselves and need to be cruel to make themselves feel better. Besides Karma will catch up with them...what goes around comes around.


******hugs*******
 
daisybean said:


I also have a hard time when someone is trying to complment me... I don't know why, but sometimes I feel undeserving of it for some reason or another.

I think you should give this guy a chance....he's seems like he would be good for you....




Instead of focusing on the things that you don't like about yourself, find things that you like about yourself and concentrate on those. Then the things you don't like you can work on changing




This guy would be great for me i think and i think ive blown it with him and hes not speaking to me and hes going away tomorrow to Galway for a week and id like to know hes speaking to me before he goes :( He never shuts up with the compliments he tells me im "beautiful" *snort* and sends me 2 texts ever morning jsut to say "Good Morning"

My friend told him the biggest insult is when someone tells me im pretty and shes right! :huh: :sad:

theres nothing about myself that i do like and thats really getting me down!! I no theres something i should feel good about but im just average and boring- the only thing i do is write articles for a newspaper sometimes and go to some free concerts and movies and thats pretty pathetic :tsk:

And the bullies and karma on our last day of school i said i hoped Queen Bully would break her leg becus she had jsut been horrible and i used to sit on my own at lunchtime and used to get detentions all the time so i didnt have to be on my own -and she did (thats pretty horrible when i think about it)- my best friend brough this up recently and i think god was being nice to me that day :eek:

Thanks daisy :sad: ((((daisy))))
 
Lara Mullen said:


This guy would be great for me i think and i think ive blown it with him and hes not speaking to me and hes going away tomorrow to Galway for a week and id like to know hes speaking to me before he goes :( He never shuts up with the compliments he tells me im "beautiful" *snort* and sends me 2 texts ever morning jsut to say "Good Morning"


Call him before he leaves!!!!!!! Tell him that when he compliments you it makes you uneasy and uncomfortable....he may just understand. It seems like he is crazy about you, so just tell him the truth, tell him how you feel.

theres nothing about myself that i do like and thats really getting me down!! I no theres something i should feel good about but im just average and boring- the only thing i do is write articles for a newspaper sometimes and go to some free concerts and movies and thats pretty pathetic :tsk:

First off, being able to write is not "average" or "boring." Writing in a journalist style is hard to do (I took a couple of journalism classes in college). Being able to write in a way that a wide variety of people will be able to understand is not the easiest thing to do. Take pride in the fact that people are reading what you are writing...the mere fact that a newspaper picked you to write for them says a lot about you.
You said in your first post that you are a nice person.....that should be something to feel good about...Don't be so hard on yourself....often times we are our own worst enemies.....I am willing to bet that the way people see you is completely the opposite of the way you see yourself...listen to your friends and this guy they are probably right.
 
Lara: Yes, I know exactly what you mean. And when I have time to type up my lifes story Ill divulge a little of the information. It wont however be a basis to my bitterness lol that will have to be a seperate manuscript altogether, but yes I do know what youre talking about and I will talk a little more about it later. I promise.
 
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lara)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

:( :( :(

I don't know what to say now............... :sad: I want you to be the happy girlie I know and who is happy with her life! :scream:

I know what you mean, though........there are every now and then times when you think there's no way, but you do know that it's just a time and that it will pass. *tries to smile*

com'on, simply try to see everything a bit more positive - that's hard I know, but it is possible......

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lara))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
Awww..... Lara, don't be so hard on yourself!! :(

Having said that, I know how you feel because I'm the same way! I absolutely cannot take compliments or ever believe that anyone likes me so I get very :madspit: or :no: when people say nice things to me.

I have pretty bad depression on top of that (because of that?), and I always feel like I'm annoying people by talking about it.

You really should listen to everyone else here, though. You're a great girl and deserve to be happy and proud of your accomplishments.

Hang in there, I hope you feel better soon, and if you ever want to PM me, feel free. :)
 
Lara Mullen said:
[B
Does anyone ever feel like this??!!??

I just feel really pathetic and ugly and fat and I have problems telling ppl about this- i have never told anyone which i know is bad but i dont want my friends feeling sorry for me.

[/B]

That summed me up until very recently.
(((Lara)))
I think my problems are because I am always compared to my sister, who is very intelligent, pretty and confident. People always commented why couldn't I be more like her and it really got me down.
I was also bullied a lot at school and it got to the point where I believed that everything they said must be true.
It wasn't until recently that I decided that actually I didnt think I was a bad person. My self esteem is still very low and I always make excuses and stuff not to go out because I convince myself that everyone is talking and laughing about me.
It finally got to the point where I thought f*** everyone, I dont think Im that terrible a person. Im now living my life for me and nobody else.
I must be inproving as I actually allowed my photo to be taken the other day, for the first time in ages.
You will get through it. :yes:
 
Don't do that do yourself. Like you said, you KNOW you're a nice person - and IMO your friends and this guy describe you a lot better than some bullie does.

You can still make peace with your friend when you see her tomorrow, right?

I really don't think that the line "i don't deserve to be loved" applies. Ever. To anyone.
If anything, people with low self esteem would deserve it more than anyone else.

Talking to your friends can be helpful, i have been facing some self doubt and i talked to a friend about it and it really felt amazing and comforting to get support from her. It is healing. :)
Real friends help you, and they won't be feeling sorry for you.

Average? Writing articles for a newspaper is a pretty cool and interesting job, i think. :)
There is no such thing as "boring" - everyone has something special about them.

I am often pretty weird about compliments too, but lately i learned to accept them for what they are. :)
 
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((((Lara)))))

I really can't beat any of the other great advice already in this thread, but I wanted to say that we all go through periods where we feel like that. You're a great girl, and you'll make it through. Stay strong. *hugs*
 
just my .02

It seems theres is an overwhelming ammount of low self esteemed women these days...*confesses* We all just need to turn off our TVs and stop comparing ourselves to those women who have millions of $s to spend on personal trainers and gourmet chefs and boob jobs. Cuz I myself am sick of being stressed out about that stuff all the time.

WHO WILL JOIN ME IN A MASS STIKE AGAINST ALL THAT IS SUPERFICIAL??? This plauge of depressed women must end.

((((Lara))))) :heart: We love you just the way you are and I think you're a very cool gal just keep your chin up!!!

Now sit in front of a mirror and repeat after me..."I'm good enough.....I'm smart enough....and doggone it, people like me!!" :cute:
 
*hugs* i totally know how you're feeling...i'll pm you later. just find something about yourself that you at least sort of like, and enjoy that.......

hey alirose~ *raises hand* i will! maybe that'll help......
 
((((((hugs))))))) I know how you feel, I get picked on alot at school, blah. It really gets to me sometimes but I tried t learn to ignore them, which does help a times, just not always. Bah. :reject:

Same thing here with the guy, I know this one guy and he is so nice but I always find a way to put him down and I really feel bad about it.:banghead:

Hope you feel better:D

-BiP
 
I know how you feel. I've got the worst self-esteem this side of the Detroit river. :tongue:

It's so hard some days, to click on the tv and see all the perfect people staring back at you. What makes it even harder is the fact that all the pressure is on us women. Twice this past week I turned on Mtv2 to see videos by bands where at least one member was overweight. These guys had their shirts off and were surrounded by bikini models. You think if a slightly overweight female had done the same thing (of course with a shirt on, lol) she would have been able to without ridicule? I think not. :rolleyes:

To follow what Miss Ali Rose said, repeat "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!" over and over again until you feel better! :)
 
LarryMullen's_POPAngel said:
I know how you feel. I've got the worst self-esteem this side of the Detroit river. :tongue:

It's so hard some days, to click on the tv and see all the perfect people staring back at you.


Which side of the river are you on? Im sure I could put up some competition for that... lol...


In response to mtv and overweight men surrounded by models in bikinis... *koffFATJOEkoff* 'nuff said.

And yes, it is hard to turn on the tv and see perfect people, i find the same with the internet, and hell even walking down the street, there are just so many goddamn happy people/couples and it always gets to me because I havent really been happy for more than one short session every couplea weeks for a very long time. But I dont want to steal anyones thunder here. Lara you seem well taken care of, off I go :)

*sneaks back to shadows*
 
lara mullen if your half as cute as calvin, youd be so adorable.

seriously i love your minotaur mechenisms or whatever its called, calvin and hobbes rule.

it always makes me smile when i see you post.

just to see the picture.

oh and what you actually say is pretty cool too.

:sexywink:
 
i got my hair cut today and a journalist guy from the tv spoke to me and i feel good


<- in love with her new hair

it sounds dorkey but i feel great today *snigger*


thanks everyone :)
 
{{{Lara}}}

Really, I know exactly how you feel. I tend to feel that I'm never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc. I'm 22 and for almost 12 years of my life, I was verbally abused by my mother's dickwad boyfriend. To deal with it, I would eat, which made me pretty chunky in junior high. Then in school, I would get picked on for my weight. I finally got it together and lost the weight. Throughout college, I've put some more on, and I've been really upset about it. I think lately I've tended to feel "unworthy" and unattractive, and it's just stupid. I know things like that shouldn't matter, but there's always something in the back of my head that makes me feel like I don't measure up to people. I went to therapy a couple years ago, and I'm thinking of doing it again. Anyway, since I'm babbling, I just wanted to say that if you ever need to talk, drop me a line.

:)
 
might drop u a ling sometime

Thanks LL but remember u always got that prof ;) he'd make u happy!!! :love: :yes: :heart: :D
 
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